I thought at first Amber Tamblyn from JoA, but the whole "both her shows" thing threw me off. What about Eliza Dushku?

GUESS THIS: PISSY POLLY

First, I must say, this person is someone I ABSOLUTELY ADORE. But I hear she's quite a handful on set these days with her "GET ME OFF THIS DAMN SHOW ALREADY" 'tude.

Miss Polly, as we'll call her, is talented, beautiful and SHOULD have a fabulous movie and award-show career, so I guess she's more than ready to move on (of course, it doesn't help that she LOATHES one of her main co-stars with every fiber of her being).

Thing is, though, we fans would be DEVASTATED should this particular series go away.

(P.S. It is NOT anyone with my own first name. Tsk, tsk if you even thought that.)

I am ... speechless.

Just received a call from PP's production office asking me to change the word order on something we'd sent over because "she's the lead on the show."

I wish I could tell you exactly what this item was, but it would give it away, I think. Let's just say it's something for which anyone else would be grateful for, regardless of the "billing."

It seriously breaks my heart ...

GUESS THIS: MARITAL HISS

This one might SOUND like the former Blind Item "Queen Beyotch," but alas, it is yet another onscreen married couple who cannot STAND one another in real life.

CUT TO: A certain TV Diva waiting outside the restroom at the Shrine Auditorium during the Emmys (I know, I should have told you this WEEKS ago -- but I forgot in all the Lost loveliness that immediately followed!). As the HUBBY (who is, by the way, less tubby than the Queen Beyotch's onscren squeeze) waited for his date outside the ladies room, three fans came up and asked for a photo. He was cold as Vanilla Ice, with only slightly better hair. At that very moment, his oncreen MISSUS exited the bathroom, and the glare HUBBY shot her way was unmistakable, and downright FRIGID. She walked past, and the glare she returned to him was even worse. They exchanged not a word, other than a firm "NO" when the fans asked to snap a photo of the "happy married couple" together. The MISSUS graciously thanked them for watching, then walked away.

And by the way, if I put the word "now," after a previous "by the way," it would give it away...

[sniped]Marital Hiss: I truly thought the hint that he is "now less tubby" would give this one away! Anyhoo, here's another hint: He and the missus are on a funny show I LOVE.

Gah! Why do they have to write these blind items so confusingly. I have a hard enough time understanding what they are talking about . . . much less actually figuring out who they are talking about.

PORN LOVIN’ PAT

Can't resist this one any longer. At one of the events I attended in Hawaii, this star of a former fan favorite brought along a guy who seemed to be some sort of assistant/manager/flack ... That is, until one of my fellow reporters recognized this youngish lad as a former gay porn star and current date for hire.

*How he knew, I didn't ask.

HOLLY HOMEWRECKER

Whoa, momma. Did I get an earful from someone who used to work closely with this gal last night at the Fox party ...

One of our favorite all-time girls next door on television is apparently a man-stealin' ho. (In this case, a much deserved description.) She went a little Single White Female on her previous show, befriending a married couple (one half of whom she co-starred with), then seducing the hubby, Linda Tripp-ing their phone sex and sending it to the wife. (!!) The marriage, over. His career, over. Hers, NOT.
It's NOT: Jennifer Garner. But roughly somewhere along those lines ...

And this plotline, much better than her current show ...

Although that could work, as the person at the Fox party used to work with the star, but there is no mention that the star herself is on the Fox network still.

Well, Pretty Polly is also an alliteration, and so is Lois Lane. Who was Lois Lane. Terri Hatcher. Im just saying.

Meanwhile, sources tell me that [snipped to remove spoiler] is in talks to come on in a meatier role, which makes me (um, how should I say this?) f--king paranoid that it's the end of Luke and Lorelai. Or Lorelai and Luke, depending on how you phrase it.

Weeeee! This is gonna be fun.

But first, a warning: The following blind item is not for those easily offended, nor disgusted by talk of bodily functions (i.e., the kind that happens when you put someone's hand in warm water).

Just heard an unbelievable -- but true! -- story about an executive producer of two of the shows many of you WORSHIP (one currently on the air; one now over).

Apparently, he has a fetish for showers ... of the GOLDEN variety. So much so that he has actually asked a certain well-known actress (who starred on his last series) to shower him with, um, well, you get the idea.

A videotape also has surfaced in which eight working women (the Pretty Woman variety) are simultaneously showering GP with their affections.

His current show is one I actually really like, his past show is one I never watched but others obsessed over and his video is ... priceless.

From Lisa: Please, more hints on Golden Boy. Did anyone guess correctly yet?
Not a single one! For you keeping up on the message board riddles, here's another clue: Golden Boy's first show starred an actress who just joined another show we talk about here all the time. He asked, and word is, she did.

Okay, y'all, I sat on this one a bit because it is SO SCANDALOUS! But I can't hold it in any longer.

On a TV drama I talk about in my column, the leading man was shooting a fight scene with his co-star. We'll call the leading man, oh ... let's go with Tony and the co-star Buddy. Well, in the scene, Tony shoves Buddy, and Buddy insists that he pushed him too hard. Buddy says, "let me show you how you did it" and as he's demonstrating, he "accidently" elbows Tony in the nose and Buddy starts bleeding. And, then, it gets UGLY.

A REAL BRAWL broke out on set, with the two going at each other like wild tigers. My source tells me, "Everyone on set was shocked and didn't know what to do. They were seperated but not until after they had been rolling around for a good few minutes."

And you thought Teddy C. and I had workplace issues.

Let the guessing begin!

(And P.S., there is an Easter Egg in this item. Shhhh ....)

Okay, y'all, I sat on this one a bit because it is SO SCANDALOUS! But I can't hold it in any longer.

On a TV drama I talk about in my column, the leading man was shooting a fight scene with his co-star. We'll call the leading man, oh ... let's go with Tony and the co-star Buddy. Well, in the scene, Tony shoves Buddy, and Buddy insists that he pushed him too hard. Buddy says, "let me show you how you did it" and as he's demonstrating, he "accidently" elbows Tony in the nose and Buddy starts bleeding. And, then, it gets UGLY.

A REAL BRAWL broke out on set, with the two going at each other like wild tigers. My source tells me, "Everyone on set was shocked and didn't know what to do. They were seperated but not until after they had been rolling around for a good few minutes."

And you thought Teddy C. and I had workplace issues.

Okay, I *really have to be careful on this one 'cause it's even more scandalous than Brawling Buddies, but dangit, it's just too jaw-dropping to leave alone.

So, here's the sitch: Dirrrtty Dan used to date someone else we know in Hollywood. They split. He moved on to another girl. Word is, that second girl is pregnant. He's hoping this "problem" will go away and is willing to offer up a few incentives (like, hundreds of thousands of them) to make that happen.

Thoughts?
Guesses?
Lysol?

I need a shower and an STD test after this one.

Chad Michael Murray? Isn't he supposed to be dating some 17 year old extra (making for a very happy set, I'm sure).

Self-Lovin' Sally: I don’t hate Sally because she’s beautiful. I just want to pull her hair (or better yet, her false eyelashes), because she's so insistent on being the belle of the ball. Gag. Let me explain. Whenever Sally hits a soiree, she makes absolutely sure she is the last one to arrive on the red carpet—because only losers and Z-listers show up early, you see. You gotta make reporters wait for you if you're an A-lister, and, oh, Lordy, do we ever wait. On many occasions, Sally has waited in a parked limo right next to the red carpet (how's that for moronic?) until an hour after the last celebrity has gone inside, just to make sure we all know she's the queen bee. Then, when she finally emerges, it's as if Sally has fire ants in her Spanx, because she scurries past reporters, granting only one or two lightning-quick interviews. Meanwhile, if a single hair is out of place, one of her handlers (there are many) will jump in front of her, blocking the camera, to fix it. Mid-interview. As if this were normal. This is divine divadom at its finest, y'all. Take it from a diva who knows!

Wandering Wally: Everyone loves Wally. Everyone! But what they don’t know (at least, I certainly didn’t!) is that Wally also has an interesting, er, hobby that is becoming somewhat well known among his coworkers. He likes the ladies, especially the, uh, working gals, if you know what I mean. So much so that on a recent project, a handler had to be hired to manage (dare I say, schedule?) these lovely ladies for dear ol’ Wally. And let me just tell you if you were to hear his name, your jaw would be crashing through the floor to China right now. Because chances are, he’s one of your TV favorites, too.

TV Tri-Oh! Hope you're sitting down for this one, 'cause it is jui-say, my lovely little tuberinos. It involves a certain celebrity couple—both have been on TV, and both I personally adore. We’ll call ‘em Jack and Janet, ‘cause, well, these two most definitely believe three is company. Sources close to these fun-lovin’ lovers tell me they’ve got a thing for the swing. (And I'm not talkin' 'bout playgrounds, darlings.)

Now, here’s where it gets scandalous. Sources tell me Jack and Janet are actually responsible for the demise of another celebrity couple—we’ll call them Mr. Roper and Chrissy (‘cause she’s far more the bombshell!). Word is, Mr. Roper found out Chrissy had a little playdate with Jack and Janet and did not approve—to say the least. So, he gave her the boot.

"Self-Loving Sally" is totally Longoria. I mean, she talks endlessly in the press about her love for vibrators.

TV Tri-Oh! Hope you're sitting down for this one, 'cause it is jui-say, my lovely little tuberinos. It involves a certain celebrity couple—both have been on TV, and both I personally adore. We’ll call ‘em Jack and Janet, ‘cause, well, these two most definitely believe three is company. Sources close to these fun-lovin’ lovers tell me they’ve got a thing for the swing. (And I'm not talkin' 'bout playgrounds, darlings.)

Now, here’s where it gets scandalous. Sources tell me Jack and Janet are actually responsible for the demise of another celebrity couple—we’ll call them Mr. Roper and Chrissy (‘cause she’s far more the bombshell!). Word is, Mr. Roper found out Chrissy had a little playdate with Jack and Janet and did not approve—to say the least. So, he gave her the boot.