No problem whatsoever. I came to look for new fanfic (in the mood) and saw you had posted. Made me :D


That sounds cool... I'm glad it wasn't just the fangirl in me.


Again, no problem whatsoever... I'm a bit nitpicky about the fanfic I read (I'm not very patient) but it kept me flicking (or should I say clicking) to the next page. The humor was still there too which I appreciated.

Just don't forget to post the next episode you write!

I agree with this, and I'm glad that you're changing things. Piz's whole break-up speech seemed a little stilted to me, although I can certainly imagine Veronica walking out on him and slamming the door. It just simply doesn't seem right to me that Piz would talk to Veronica and almost lecture her considering he's always come across as a bit of a puppy dog who's completely in awe of her. (In my opinion, anyway. But, hey, props for getting a character to call him 'Jizz'!) I think even if they did break up, they would remain friends but I suppose family troubles are a pretty good way of getting rid of Piz if you don't want him sticking around. I'm sure if you showed the changing dynamic of their relationship a little more you could get the scene down perfectly.

Oh, it's not a criticism per se, but I personally would have liked to have seen Logan away for a little bit longer. I think it would add to the emotional impact if Logan was away for a little bit longer, to build up any feelings Veronica still has towards him, and then something happened to him. Still, quite a dramatic ending! And heck, it gives Logan a plotline which was somewhat missing from season three.

On the whole, I thought you did a pretty good job, balancing lighthearted and witty dialogue with more pensive and emotional scenes. Your VM voice-overs, in particular, were pretty good and not superfluous. Good continuity, too and sets up the possibility of a major mystery element with a secondary mystery too, which is good as I doubt many fanfic writers could make standalones compelling unless they were doing a one-shot.

Thank you so much, acrimonia. I appreciate it so much that you took the time to read.



I hadn't thought of this, but now you've suggested it I'm going to toy with the idea. I like the idea of having more build-up to the story, but my only concern would be finding a good hook then for the premiere. I'm now considering making the "Where is Keith?" story a two-parter, and then introducing the Logan story in perhaps the third episode. I'll have a fiddle, and see what I come up with.



Thank you, it means a lot :)!

That sounds really good. It would be great to have the tension build a little more with Keith being missing. He's spent days away from Veronica and not come back on time on occasion so a slightly more lengthy time to be missing would, I think, make it more gripping.

Free Cake{Tried to PM you my opinions but I couldn't do it so I thought maybe you had the feature turned off...or I am incompetent...either is possible :)

I thought that was a REALLY good episode! I enjoyed the voices and the teasing. I think you captured a lot from the relationships on the show. Far far better from anything I could write, so I don’t want you to take any suggestions of mine as criticism. I am just listing some things I noticed and you can take it for what its worth (or not as the case may be HEE)

With regard to suggestions, I agree with what has been said about the Piz breakup conversation. Particularly, I had trouble with the phrase “willy-nilly”. I don’t know why since I know ppl who use that phrase, but it was jarring to me. Also, I agree that the Azura reveal didn’t work for me. I like the idea of V being surprised by her, but something about her popping out in V’s house felt off to me.

Pg 3: The spidey sense VO sounded awkward to me, perhaps because V referred to her spidey sense before, and it seemed like an awkward way to say she didn’t have one.

I suspect you are from England from some of the terms you used that are not commonly used in the US. That may be exactly what you were going for, but just in case it isn’t I listed some that kinda took me out of the story:.
Page 4: Answer-phone rather than answering machine
Page 20: “half-eight this morning” instead of 8:30
Page 28: sitting on the car bonnet rather than the hood
Page 42: get on is more commonly “get along” here

Pg 22 I think the word is spelled “floozy”

Free Cake- I read your story too and really enjoyed it! I especially enjoy fanfics written as scripts. I read through the other comments you recieved and I think everyone else stole most of my suggestions. I also think the Piz stuff was a bit out of character. And I felt like the Cliff conversation near the beginning seemed almost too lighthearted considering how concerned she was for her dad. Also, I too was a bit taken back by some of the terms you used. I am a native Southern Californian (but I also have British mother) so I actually chuckled at a few of the terms that would not be used in SoCal. I would suggest using "cell" or "cell phone" instead of "mobile." And I can't imagine she would be getting "tea" for the FBI agents or her father. Definitely coffee! We're a coffee-addicted nation!! I think Courtney892 mentioned the others. Keep up the good work. I can't wait to read the next script!

I'm very into virtual series, and really treating it like an actual TV series, outside of the scripts. Basically, which characters are regulars or would be in the opening credits, and have you 'cast' people to play the new characters?

Free Cake

I loved your 4x1. The dialogue was snappy and awesome, in my opinion you got all the character interactions right, Mac and Weevil, Veronica and Wallace, Veronica and her father, Veronica and Vinny (Some really awesome banter there btw) I also really liked Wallace's new roommate, though his calling Piz "Jizz" might have a lot to do with that, and I really like that Veronica thought he recognized her from her video but it was her newspaper work. I also really liked Molly F. coming back, there's some great continuation here and the dialogue with Liam was great, chilling and creepy. You've weaved all of that messy backstory in perfectly. I really liked the bring back of the chasing the storm part too. Really great.

There were a few typos I noticed that could be caught and fixed easily. And while yeah- I agree that Piz breaking up with Veronica seemed a bit out of the blue, I really liked the call back to 2x1 in their break up. I would like to see more of why Putz wants to break up with her after having chased her for a year. Seeing her look at Logan at the end of 3x20 would definitely be a cause, but I think there needs to be more. A straw that would break the Jizz's back.

I also really liked your inclusion of Charlie, but stretching out the Logan storyline, like others have suggested, might be a good idea. You could give more flashbacks to flesh out L/V's relationship maybe if you want to keep Logan in the episodes somehow, since we didn't get to see many happy times between them in S3 and it would be a good way to reveal more about their relationship, but then I'm a huge L/V shipper, so don't mind me! But on that subject, I didn't really understand why she came to visit him in this episode. Did she just want to catch up and prove they could be friends?

Well hope you don't mind me chiming in, I really enjoyed this and am looking forward to future episodes.

Will you be posting them on LJ when you are finished?

FreeCake, I thought it was awesome as well, and I agree with everyone's suggestions. I particularly liked the chasing the storm voiceover. That's always been one of my favorite voiceovers (my all-time fave goes to Everwood with Irv's VO about some hearts being purer than others), and I really liked your take on it.

One more British-ism I had to point out: Americans don't tend to say "whilst" unless we're being purposefully old-fashioned. We say "while."

FreeCake,

I'm a huge fan of Veronica Mars. In fact, a virtual series I'm writing has a VM influence. I did enjoy your pilot, and I do think you have a good handle on the characters. My major problem was the British slang intertwined in the script. It just stuck out like a sore thumb. I also have an issue with the Piz/Veronica breakup, cause I totally get the reasons why you are doing it, but if Veronica Mars WAS picked up for a S4, I don't think Chris Lowell left. It was because it wasn't that he looked for work elsewhere.

I also wish you would have kept Logan and Veronica distant, because Veronica did say she wanted nothing to do with him, and I honestly think she liked Piz, and it felt to me that you were saying she never was, or at least didn't feel the same way. Also, I was really hoping you would have kept some tension between Keith and Veronica. I know that he loves her and nothing would change that, but Keith wouldn't have been overthrown if Veronica hadn't been reckless, I mean, I love her, but the huge thing I love about her is that she makes mistakes, and she has to deal with the consequences...I don't know, i love their relationship, but it's been such a cornerstone in the show, that if it were dented, it might make things a bit more interested. Anyways, I did love it, and I'm interested in seeing where this goes. If you need any help or someone to bounce ideas off of, give me a buzz.

IIRC, Chris Lowell did get the GA job before the status of S4 was certain. So both JG and CL would have been gone next year had VM continued. Maybe they could come back occasionally, or to wrap up their storylines in the premiere episode, but they would not have returned as regulars this fall.

Say I have an Idea for a fic but I can't/don't know how to write , however I wan't to post my idea somewhere here, where can I do that?

orale, how about The Story From Here thread?

But isn't it just for a season for ideas?

It's for the story after season 3. If you want to post ideas about a time before then, maybe you should ask CB if you can create a thread for just ideas for fanfic.

No it's for a story 15 years into the future.

The you can use "The Story From Here" thread. Just state that it's 15 years after season 3.

Oh ok thanks

Does anyone know where i can find the story rebirth??

thanks.

joannwithane, the WIP Rebirth by runiechica can be found here.

invida, thanks so much.
I've been looking for it all morning.

Thanks for all the comments, means a lot everyone :)!

I'm gonna work on the British "slang", something I can't help myself, and so I'm gonna look for an editor.

In regards to the Logan story, I just want to tell people that he's not dead. He survives the shot, but the story is a lot more intense than looking for "Who shot Logan but didn't kill him?"



I'm actually trying to portray that tension... a lot of Veronica's fears this episode were about her thinking that maybe her mistakes had lead to Keith bailing on her. Irrational, because as viewers we know he wouldn't, but she couldn't help but think it after her mother leaving etc. I'm going to flesh that out, but yeah. Their relationship is far from normal. Thank you for the criticism, however, it's greatly appreciated.

Thanks everyone! I'll post in the next week with the revised premiere and maybe even the second episode. I'm hoping to have the site up within the next few weeks.



In my version, my regulars are Veronica, Logan, Keith, Wallace, Mac, Weevil, Dick and Vinnie.

Free Cake, excellent work on the script. Personally, while I did notice the use of British 'slang', it did not bother me as much as it seemed to for some. That could be because I myself am not from America and have no problem with people using their own form of "language" as long as it is readable.

Are you on LJ? I think you should consider posting the scripts in LJ communities. Most, if not all, readers/watchers are there. Plus, you could try posting your writing at the community vm_betas if you wish to get an editor/beta. The most common VM Fic community to post your work at would be veronicamarsfic.

Looking forward to upcoming episodes from you. :D

Speaking of LJ communities, would it maybe be a good idea just to make a season 4 one for everyone to post their scripts/stories. I know I wouldn't mind having someplace like that to live in. And the community could set episode deadlines, like Tuesdays at 9 or something.

I'll seriously consider setting up a livejournal community. I'll probably need a little help designing it, but I would be more than happy to moderate. I can do the banners, and stuff, but I've never actually created a livejournal layout... I'll consider. Sounds like a great idea though, snarktastic.

I totally agree that a community would be great. For anyone who's interested, I'm gonna be posting my episodes now at my new/old LJ (I set it up a couple of years ago but haven't used it hah), at neon-genocidal.

I also think that creating a "season 4" LJ community is a great idea. I don't write fic myself, but I'd definitely be around to read.

I've updated me LJ with the final draft of the premiere.

http://neon-genocidal.livejournal.com

Feel free to spread the link around! Thanks :)!

Okay, I'm going crazy trying to find a fic I read recently. It wasn't posted recently, but it was either in my lj memories or I found it somewhere else, and now I don't know where it is. It's a future fic, Logan and Veronica live together and Logan is trying to find the right time to propose. But then Duncan comes back with Lilly. Veronica keeps trying to throw Logan and Duncan together because she thinks Logan is still upset about the way Duncan left and she wants them to be friends again, but really he's upset because he knows Duncan is still in love with Veronica and wants her back. Anyone know off hand what this is?

looking for a fic I read a long time ago, probably at something-happens.com's fanfic board(http://p092.ezboard.com/blvvm)....

It was a season 1 fic posted the summer after season 1. Somehow Logan and Veronica had hooked up or were on the verge of it. The part I remember is after Veronica had begun avoiding Logan at school and he's sitting at the lunch tables with Duncan wearing sunglasses and Duncan questions it--why I don;t know cause it is sunny and too damn bright most days in San Diego. Duncan puts on the sunglasses Logan gives him and they watch for veronica--although Duncan doesn't really know what they're doing. Then Veronica appears ducking behind vehicles making her way to a school bus to avoid Logan, who is telling Duncan he wants Veronica. Duncan is somewhat shocked but ok with the idea and Logan corners Veronica on the bus and happiness ensues.

Does anyone know the author or title?
I cna't remember if it was part of a larger fic or just that bit....

Holly96, I don't know the fic you're looking for, but it sounds really interesting. If you do find out, would you mind posting it here?

Will do! I know I really liked it, but it's one that I can never remember what it is, which is annoying.

Does anyone have any great post-season 2 or college fic recs? I'm really, really bored.

My favorite college fic series has always been sexycereal's L/V Wedding Series. It's You Are My June Wedding, I Will Be Your August Honeymoon, October And The Rest Of Your Life, and Our December Anniversary. It's an oldie but a goodie and the first one that comes to mind, although I'm sure people can come up with a lot of other great ones.

Holly96, I think the story you're looking for can be found in the vm fic archive. I can't remember the name, but the author is Maged.

Aha, thank you! I found it there (it's called "A Moment Like This") then went back and found it where I had originally read it.

For anyone interested, it's here at the vm-fic archive or here at fanfiction.net. There are 3 chapters so far, and it's Ch. 2 that I was remembering.

Hi, I'm looking for a story were veronica is a surrogate mother pregnant with Trina's baby. Logan and Veronica met up, he finds out and isn't too happy.

Anyone know of it??
thanks in advance.

Hey anyone has any good future fics?
thanks in advance.

Is it 'May it Be', joannewithane?

Thanks Hears the Bells It is.

two of my faves:
Kid Things by sowell
Logan aks Veronica to help him track Trina down.
or, Paradise Island also by sowell
Duncan returns and asks for Veronica to run away with him. Not everyone's happy about it.

They're long, and probably recommended all over the place, but damn worth it.

Also,
New York City by orange_crushed
very cute yet believable story of a happy L/V future

That's what I can think of for now!

Thanks

Arklghasdhf help meh!
I cannot for the life of me find a specific story. The details I remember are that Veronica travels to a hotel for a case, somewhere where it's winter and snowy. She ends up seeing Logan there, and Logan saves her from being dumped in a lake tied in her car. They run Logan's car into a tree, and end up hiking to a nearby cabin.
Does this sound familiar at all?

Hears the Bells, I think the one you want is "Locus Ceruleus" by StarCrossedSparrow.

Oh my goodness, thank you kimikochan, you are a saint! *bookmarks*

Okay, I am a real newbie in regards to Veronica Mars. Just started watching it at the end of June. But, here is my first attempt at a fic. Be kind.

In and Out of My Life

Can someone help me locate a VM fic that was inspired by "The Time Traveller's Wife"? I just re-read the book and remembered skimming through something of that sort on lj several months ago. The fic was quite lengthy with an L/V pairing.

kokokins-
I think you might be looking for this:

Like a Rolling Stone by annie_oakley on lj.

http://community.livejournal.com/vm_library/26898.html

That's it, pirategirl. Gracias!

Ok, I am in serious V/L withdrawal. I have been turning to Fanfic, but it isn't getting it done for me.

I am wondering if anyone ever tried to piece together an entirely canon or practically canon story from the fanfic. Like favorite pre-series stories followed by season 1 and then summer...I know Molasses and Taffy would definitely come after Season 2 in my imaginary canon.

I was thinking a pretty interesting history could be put together that way, and I am just bored enough to try it HAHAHA