Bree (to Rex & the Kids): "Cook your own dinner."

Lynette (to her husband): "Next time, quintuplets!"

Edie (to whoever): " Not tonight, I have a headache."

"I love my life."

Julie Mayer: "Ew, Mom, I do not want to hear about your sex life! We need to set up some boundaries.

"I really need to gain some weight."

Susan: You know honey, when I did it with my last husband, afterwards, we floated to the ceiling!



Yes, it's true. I am such a loser that I recall detail from Lois and Clark.

Bree: Who's up for pork and beans tonight?

"Who in the hell would ever want to have sex?"

Susan: I want a gangbang.

Edie: I don't want a gangbang!

The twins: (Sustained silence)

Margret Huber: I don't mean to pry, but...

Carlos Solis: Gabi, you're beautiful inside, and that's what I love about you...

Bree Van De Kamp: Who's up for pizza and beer?

Lynette: Boys, here's a rainy day activity for you: indoor baseball!

Bree: "I don't care if it's a mess, leave it!"
"All I know how to make is PB&J."

Susan: "I don't need a man."


Gabi: "I luv my life"
"Let's go to Wal-Mart."


Edie: "I'm not in the mood."
"I can't wear that..it's too revealing."
" They're real!" LOL

Lynette: "I have too much spare time."
"I want more kids!"

Jenna: Jesus, Mom, TMI much?

Bree's Kids: "Gee, mom, thanks for the Hungry Man dinners."

Edie: "Now, that wouldn't be appropriate."

Mary Alice: "I'm alive! April Fools!"

Lynette: "Yes, let's risk it."

Edie: "I'm a 'one-man' woman"

Bree: "Of course you can wear white after Labor Day. Go for it!"

Any student at their school, to Bree's kids: Wanna trade lunches?

Bongo (to himself, at the vet's office): "At least I'm not stuck on a desert island."

Mrs. Huber- " It's none of my business."

Bree: "Just turn it inside out. I'll wash it later."

"I love my wife."

"Oh look, a nice Asian American/African American family moved in next door..."

"What do you actually *do* to earn all the money to live in this huge house?"

Mary Alice's Voiceover: "So, Susan had a heart-to-heart with Mike, Bree's marraige counselor took her side, Lynette learned how to control her children, and Gabby continued to diddle her teenage gardener. Meanwhile, while they enjoyed their successes, I'm stuck here in these damn clouds having to constantly spell everything out for you morons."

Lynette: This whole stay-at-home-Mom stuff is for the birds. I'm hiring a nanny and getting a new job as a Bounty Hunter!

ETA Yes, I've read all of Janet Evanovich's "Stephanie Plum" novels; why do you ask?

Hellspawn: Yes, mother.

Lynette: Meet my home vasectomy kit.

Lynette: Okay boys, who wants to take the wheel.

Bree: Screw the PTA!

Gaby: Melrose Place? I think my mother used to watch that. I wonder whatever happened to those people?

Mary Alice's Voiceover: [silence]

"I don't feel like having sex with you today John. Let's watch Passions instead."

Edie: "I want my life to be like a Jackie Collins book".

Carlos: "Let's sleep in..I'll blow off work to spend the day with you."

Edie: "I'm all natural."

Bree: "I hired a maid to clean the house."

Mary Alice: I actually miss my husband and son.

Anyone: "I love you just the way you are."

Mike: Don't feel bad, Rex. Bongo cries too after he ejaculates.

Bwah!

Margret Huber: I don't mean to pry...so I won't; have a nice day!

Bree: Rex cries after he ejaculates

Oh wait...never mind.

Bree to Rex (with naughty wink): "How about giving me a new "pearl necklace" to go with the one I'm currently wearing?"

Any of the wives: "Hey, you guys, did you ever notice that except for being totally unhappy in our scary nuclear suburb, we have absolutely nothing in common and no real reason to be friends?"

Gabrielle: Mi esposo es un "stevedore" en la cama.

Bree at the grocery store: "I think I have everything: Cheetos, hot dogs, Cocoa Puffs, Kool-Aid, Twinkies and Natural Hold hair spray."

Edie: I've decided to join a convent.

Lynette: "Oh, well... Boys will be boys."

Andrew Van De Kamp: Mom, that osso buco rocked!

Susan: Thanks Mike for coming by. Would you care for anything?
Mike: How about a Mayer sandwich?
Susan: Oh, uh, sure. So what's in a Mayer sandwich?
Mike: Two Mayers on the sides with a little Delfino in the middle.

Gabby: Mama Solis, I just love having you here! Will you please move in permanently? It would make Carlos and me so very happy! I want you to show me how to become a better housekeeper and cook, and then, I want you there with me in the hospital while I have all my bambinos! We want to name them ALL after you!

Rex: $1500 for a leather bustier?!
Bree: I don't care, it lifts and separates!

Bree: I love scrotums.