While this isn't the most comical Trek Series, they do have their moments.
It doesn't really have to be just one-liners.

From "Chosen Realm":

"Go ahead, try to blow yourself up. I'll wait."

ETA: (Archer to Digimon in ENT)

From S1, "Unexpected":

"I can see my house from here!"

"Can you imagine being stuck in there for the rest of your life...cooped up...peeing in a bottle....actually, I can imagine something worse."
"What?"
"Being stuck in there with Malcolm."

-Sim and Archer, in front of the sh'pod at the end of Similitude.

Oh, I was just thinking about starting a thread like this, just for this line:

"Doctor, I think we should go back to your quarters."

"I'm flattered, sub-commander, but I think we should keep our relationship strictly professional."

ETA: T'Pol and Phlox, "Two Days and Two Nights," ENT. (Even the title is funny.)

Just so this thread doesn't dissolve into a guessing game, it would be a good idea to state the episode, series, and speakers of the one-liner(s).

From "Message in a Bottle," VOY:

The Doctor to the Mark II EMH: "You know, you should keep a journal; why bore others needlessly?"

From ENT's recently reaired The Forgotten ( pretty much the only funny bit in that ep):

(re Trip's lack of sleep)

Phlox:..and I don't want to see you back at your post before 0500.
Trip: 6 hours?
Phlox: Not a minute less.
Trip: If I'm gone for six hours, there may not be a ship here when I get back! I can give you 2.
Phlox:5.
Trip:3
Phlox:4.
Trip:Done.....and remind me never to buy a car from you.

(Not technically a one-liner, but you need the set-up for the car line.:)

From Two Days and Two Nights, T'Pol and Ensign Scruchieface are trying to waken a hibernating Phlox, who pops up and shouts: "I don't care what it tastes like!"

"It's unfortunate that you'll be leaving these people without experiencing one thing they have to offer."

"Such as alcohol, frozen fish sticks, the constant threat of nuclear annihilation?"

Stron and Mestral, ENT "Carbon Creek"

Friday's Child, Bones, to Kirk.

"I'm a doctor, not an escalator!"

What was the context there?

Kirk, Bones and Spock were escaping to the hills and Kirk was yelling at Bones to help a very pregnant Eleen along faster.

That's my absolute favorite "I'm a doctor, not a...." line.

A point of clarification...are we allowed to have an all-ST quotes thread here? Maybe we should stick to ENT only?

(Emphasis mine.) Doesn't matter to me, just thought it was open to all based on keckler's clarification above.

No, you're right, I apparently glossed right over that. Just didn't want anyone to get in trouble- carry on!

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

"Everybody remember where we parked."

TOS: The Trouble With Tribbles:

Baris: In my opinion,you've taken this whole situation far too lightly!
Kirk: Mr. Baris, I see this situation as very important. It is you I take lightly.

Not only a one-liner, but a one-worder.

From TNG, Deja Q:

When no one believes that Q has lost all his powers, Q asks what he must do to convince them.
Worf's answer: "Die!"

That and

"Captain, I protest! I am not a merry man!"

from "Q-Pid" are my two favorite Worf lines.

Malcolm, from the series opener: "There are two settings, stun and kill. It would be best not to confuse them."

Hee! *adores Malcolm*

More Worf succinctness....drinking tea with that old couple on TNG's "Survivors":

"Good tea. Nice house." Delivery was great!

Worf again, from "Take Me Out To The Holosuite":

"Find him and kill him!"

For the life of me, I can't remember the episode title...but Data asked Worf to take care of his cat...asked him to feed the cat, talk to him, etc...Worf just stared back and said, "I will feed him." Funny.

One of my favs from ENT wasn't actually a line, but a look...when T'Pol told Phlox and Trip to quit talking during the movie. Trip's expression was priceless.

I think he had popcorn coming out of his mouth.

You are Cordially Invited, DS9

Bashir (non-verbatim): "I'm having a vision... of the future. I see it so clearly now. I'm... I'm going to kill Worf."

Dax got the better end of that Bachelor/Bachelorette Party stick.

TNG The Last Outpost

Ferengi commenting on Away Team: Its true! They keep their women clothed.

Yeah, still more of a conversation than a one-liner, but I liked it anyway...

STIV: The Save-the-Whales Episode:

(Kirk, McCoy, and Gillian are sneaking into the OR where Chekhov is being held, and are accosted by two security guards. Gillian, lying on a gurney, moans loudly.)

MCCOY: Out of the way! This woman has immediate postprandial upper-abdominal distention! Do you want an acute case on your hands?

(They get past)

KIRK: What was that you said she had?

MCCOY: Cramps.

Why are you double-posting? Please edit your first post to include what you need to add.

My favorite joke in TFF:

McCoy: "I liked him better before he died!"

I guess it's all in the delivery, because it's doesn't seem as funny in print.

From Voyager: "Bliss"

EMH: "I'm a doctor, not a dragonslayer."

I think what made it really funny was how calmly he said it.

From TNG's Tapestry

Picard: You are not God.
Q: Blasphemy! I should cast you out or smite you or something.

I'm astonished that there are no lines from Garak or Dukat in this thread yet. From DS9's "Ties of Blood and Water".

Sisko: Still calling yourself Gul? I'm surprised you haven't promoted yourself back to Legate by now.
Dukat: I prefer the title 'Gul'; so much more hands-on than Legate. And less pretentious than the other alternatives: President, Emperor, First Minister … Emissary.
Sisko: How about Dominion Puppet?

And another, this time from DS9's "In the Pale Moonlight".

Sisko: Welcome aboard, Senator [Vreenak]. I'm Captain Benjamin Sisko.
Vreenak: So, you're the commander of Deep Space Nine. And the Emissary to the Prophets. Decorated combat officer, widower, father, mentor -- and oh, yes, the man who started the war with the Dominion. Somehow I thought you'd be taller.

From Someone to Watch Over Me on Voyager.

B'Elanna: How the hell do you know when we're having intimate relations?

Seven: There is no one on Deck Nine, Section 12 who doesn't know when you're having intimate relations.

Heh.

TOS "The Mark of Gideon"

Spock: We must acknowledge once and for all that the purpose of diplomacy is to prolong a crisis.

TOS "Empath"

Kirk: "The best defense is a strong offense, and I intend to start offending right now."

From STVI :Undiscovered Country
After the Romulan Ale soaked diplomatic dinner:

Kirk: Chekov, have you registered a neutron radiation surge?
Chekov: Only the size of my head.

(A lot of it may be Walter Koenig's delivery, which just immediately evoked the hungover state that we all know and love.)

From "City on the Edge of Forever", TOS season 1

Kirk: Sometimes I think you're becoming more human every day.

Spock: Captain I hardly think insults are within your purview as my commanding officer.

(It's a good line, but Nimoy's delivery makes it great)

From the same episode, "He knows, Doctor. He knows." It's not funny at all, but it's perhaps the best Trek line ever.

It's certainly one of the most poignant lines in Trek. That and "Let's get the hell off this planet" were extremely moving.

What episode?

I can't believe this one was overlooked in the (highly entertaining!) brand new recap of STIV:TVH

Kirk: "I'm going to take our guest downstairs and have a look at her whales"

"Drone," Season 5, VOY:

DOCTOR: After all, you've got my mobile emitter driving your neocortex so you're bound to make a dazzling impression. That's called a joke.

ONE: Joke. A verbal comment or gesture designed to provoke laughter.

DOCTOR: I see you've got your mother's sense of humor.


And as far as poignant lines go, at the end of the same episode when the Doctor and Seven tell One (the futuristic Borg) to lower his shields for treatment:

SEVEN: You must comply. Please, you are hurting me.

ONE: You will adapt.

Series: DS9
Episode: Improbable Cause

Bashir: (After telling the story of the Boy Who Cries Wolf)...But the point is that if you lie all the time, no one will believe you even if you're telling the truth.

Garak: Are you sure thats the point?

Bashir: What else would it be?

Garak: That you should never tell the same lie twice


Series: DS9
Episode: Rejoined

Kira: What do Klingons dream about?

Worf: Things that would send cold chills down your spine and wake you in the middle of the night. Believe me... it is better that you do not know.

Unforgettable scene. Sniff.

From TNG: Contagion
Riker: "Fate protects fools, little children and ships named Enterprise. "

He doesn't say what to do when the Enterprise is a ship of fools though.

Ha!

Therefore the NX-01 is doomed if there's an episode with children on board.

McCoy's best "I'd a doctor not a..." line comes in "Devil in the Dark" after Kirk asks him to save Horta (a large lump of intelligent silicone)

McCoy: "I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer!"

Worf owns this thread.

"Death to the opposition!" (Take Me Out to the Holosuite)