Well, I thought this might be a good fun way of stirring up discussion while TA2 is being prepared.

You might be an Apprentice Addict if...

...you search around for The O-Jays' "For the Love of Money" MP3s on the Internet.

...you wear your best suit to work, as if you're preparing to go to The Boardroom.

I'm sure there's more out there, so let's hear it!

If you get more excited about Thursday nights than Friday nights.

If you seriously consider buying one of Trump's books.

If you watch the show and take bets with your business partner while the teams are completing tasks as to what screw-ups are fatal and what ones are survivable.

If you care more about Kwame's ability to find a new gig than your own (briefly, I admit).

If you check your favorite threads before brushing your teeth in the morning!

. . . you realize that in failing to deal with an unpleasant issue you are being a little too "Kwame" and realize that you need to "Bill" it up, if only for a short time.

If you actually buy one of Trump's books

If after not being able to find The Ojay's version of "For the Love of Money," you get the "New Jack City" soundtrack version instead.

If the Apprentice players are on your TiVo wishlist

If you begin to wear business professional attire in a business casual office

You only confess your addiction to other TWoPers because you know nobody else will understand.



LOL...my sister and I do this all the time now!

Her: "Quit being a fucking Kwame and get a backbone"
Me: "Quit going all Bill and take your medication"
Anybody else in the room: "What the hell ya'll talkin' bout?"

FuzzyLogic, how about wearing business attire in your home office?

You might be an Apprentice Addict if...

...you refer to someone who has been fucked as having been "Omarosaed".

...you have dreams of fighting with Amy for Troy's romantic affections.

...you have nightmares that you got Nick's affections instead.

...you realize you have to go back to watching CSI on Thursdays and it makes you weep with sorrow.

You're re-working the brackets trying to figure out how better final teams could have been chosen.

"okay.... if they would have won this challenge, then the other team would have had to fire someone.... therefore, that person would still be there and the other would be gone.... blah, blah, blah...."

If you know all the apprentice cadidates firts and last names!

You've stared into the mirror after beating your (very long, very thick, very brittle, very frizzy) hair into submission and thought, "If I can tame this, imagine what I could do with The Hair!"

cdredhead, you could watch nothing during that timeslot. Nah ... not really an option.

You randomly end conversations with people by telling them that they're fired.

You have a little Apprentice Dance to the theme song.

LOL...that's new. But I understand. So I don't know what that says about me.

I am so guilty here. I just got "The Art of the Deal" and "How to Get Rich".



Whoa. There's another version? (Starts looking around for such an MP3...)



Well, it's rather the reverse for me (fighting for Amy's affections), and Nick is involved for obvious reasons. (G)



No not really...If The Apprentice is not on Thursday, I'd rather not watch TV on Thursday until its return.



What about to college classes? Regularly? (Forgive me..went to prep schools, and enjoy wearing my black suit waaaaaaaay too much.)

If you committed a crime and blamed it on creative editing.

If you introduce yourself to people and finish by saying you voted for "The. President. Of. The. United. States."

If your reply to missing a turn while driving is "I've moved past that"

When your morning conversation with your husband goes something like this:

RedBliss: *sings* Apprentice Music of Intensity (aka, Bill's Theme)
MrRedBliss: Isn't it over, RedBliss? Don't you think it's over?
RedBliss: Isn't that like calling the kettle black?

If you actually read some Newlyweds recaps to find out more about the JS concert.

You actually wrote to Clairol and Larry King and Miss Thang's reps.

If you plan to hang around Trump Towers all summer to get a glimpse of the Apprentice 2 candidates... When does the filming start?

You actually cannot wait for the DT SNL rebroadcast just to watch it.

You wish you could meet Dramarosa in real life so that you could dump your actual old fax machine on her head.

You refer to Trump as DT, Dramarosa as O, Bill/Kwame as BK, etc., because life is too short to actually refer to full or even partial names.

You get all buggy when you find out your new neighbors' children's names are Amy and Nick (well, he goes by "Nicholas," but still . . .)

Your waiter doesn't get back to you quickly enough so you grab the manager's arm and say, "If I don't get some catered service pretty quick, I'm going to call the President!"


BTW...I love this new thread! Being a Southern Belle living on a ranch in Arkansas, everyone I know sends me "Redneck" jokes. Of course, I AM an official Redneck because....directions to my house include "turn off the paved road"...

You STILL spend time thinking about shots of Amy's curly or straight hair, and why it doesn't stay the same style all the time.

A very very small part of you wishes that Rosie O'Donnell were still on the air so that you could hear her take on TA. But you don't admit that to anyone else except to fellow TWOPers. And even then you're worried that you'll be flamed!

You yell at the TV when someone misspells an Apprentice's name. "No, it's Rancic, not Rancik! Can't you people get anything right?!"

Edited because proper grammar is so useful!

Blondie, coming from a whole family of rednecks or--oh Lord--redneck-wannabees, hee!

You wonder if the streets of Youngstown really are that rough, and if Ereka were thrown out there, would she do any worse than just getting flat out lost? Would she be hailed as a hero?

When you hear a colorful catch phrase, you picture Troy say it.

Wonder how Omarosa would, as a connoiseur, judge the drinking fountain water you're drinking.

Calm yourself while you see bad or disturbing art by remembering--at least it doesn't feature frogs and their concubines.

You actually considered visiting a Planet Hollywood since that episode.

You think up ways to sell lemonade on the street for the hell of it. And you actually believe one might work.

djmama...just be proud!

I also *blush* know 5 guys called "Bubba" and one called "BigUn". I'm a transplant from Dallas but my husband grew up around here.

Gotta say, tho, I now love living in the country & at least the ppl here are very un-Omarosa....honest, modest, caring & helpful.

You feel empowered and confident in simply telling people you want to avoid that "I'm not gonna have that conversation.".

You start wondering.... "hmmmm, I drink alot of water... could I be considered a connoiseur??"

Have become overly comfortable and unaffected dropping the F-bomb!!

The phrase "I'm as happy as a puppy with two peters!" becomes a part of your daily conversation.

When someone asks you what you want, you write them a note that says, "I want what you want" as an answer.

You get headaches daily trying to find a way to work "looking up the ass of a dead dog with fleas" into your conversations...and can't.

... you see The Donald at a basketball game and successfully start a "You are fired (clap clap clap clap clap)" cheer that eventually spreads through the entire student section.

... at that same game, which happens to be the biggest home game of the season, since you're playing your arch rivals, you spend the first few minutes of the game paying more attention to trying to take a good picture of The Donald than you do to the players on the court.

Both of these are completely true... I'm a huge basketball fan, so when I started doing the second one, my friends thought I'd completely lost it.

Instead of getting stressed out you try to "be the hat!".

Nearly a week later you're still trying to figure out what happened in the final episode.

You're already wondering if Bill does get his own show, who should they bring back to help him??

-You watched the final ep AGAIN on Friday night and still jumped up on the bed and yelled "Yeah!" when Bill was hired.

-You felt sad during the ending credits of said repeat, wondering, what the hell am I going to look forward to now??

-You felt sad reading the last page of Miss Alli's final episode recap, wondering, what the hell am I going to look forward to now???

-You told your coworkers that if they dare to bring Omagolly back on the next TA, you will boycott everything Trump and Burnett for the rest of your life!

-You really believe in your management skills, now that TD has proven you right about Bill!

Pathetic!!!

Your friend shows you a goofy little website, and you tell her that it's "wackier than a Troy country catchphrase."

A woman walks into your office with a skirt Barely longer than her jacket and you immediately think, "She's an Amy!"

I really did this yesterday!

...after reading "The Art of the Deal," you go back to the bookstore to get "The Art of the Comeback."

...You seriously plan to read all of Trump's books by the end of the summer

...You calculate how much money you need to make a year in order to afford an apartment at Trump Tower (Way too damn much!)

On a two-day business trip to New York, you find yourself playing "spot the Apprentice sites."

(...and report excitedly to your husband how you can actually see the Planet Hollywood from your hotel room window)

(all these are true)

If, when your sweet little brother gets to go to New York for his first time on his birthday, you keep on yelling at him to play "Spot the Apprentice sites."

If you would rather get a free hit on Omarosa than a new car (selling the car is not an option).

If you would rather be allowed by law to kick DT where the sun doesn't shine than get five antique Rolls Royces (selling them would not be an option).

If you start reccomending comics which poke fun at the Trump to other TwoPers. (Read "Bloom County" y'all!)

Thursday at 9:30, Scrubs, a show you love, comes on, and you're disappointed, and like, "Wait, that's still on the air?"

If you saw a dead dog with fleas, you would totally look up its ass.

You would pay upwards of $100 for a Kwame Jackson autographed ball.

You actually look for shows with any mention of TA in the previews.

You forego watching all the shows you were previously addicted to watch the shows that mention TA in the previews.

You buy an extra TV in case the one you now watch TA on breaks during the boardroom scene or an argument between Omarosa and Heidi.

You buy a case of Trump Ice to see how you would try to sell it.

You see an ad in a magazine which says, "Troy makeover," and think it somehow involves TA's Troy.

You see a commercial for the upcoming movie Troy and are upset when you realize its not a biography.

You watch the commercial and realize Troy is way hotter than Brad Pitt anyway.

Blondie, I did it! I found a way to incorporate this into a conversation. We have 6 family members coming to stay with us in a couple of days...in the mean time, we have a 2-month old baby, a rescued dog that needs lots of tender care, and a house that needs a thorough "mother-in-law-is-coming-to-visit" cleaning...

cdredhead: This house will never get cleaned.
mr. redhead: Nope.
cdredhead: We're looking up the ass of a dead dog with fleas.
mr. redhead: Yep. But the dog had two peters so he died happy.

Thanks for reminding me, Peacecat! I'll have to reread that.

I guess Melania is the 'Trump Frump' these days eh?



Or a painful leg-wax, whichever.

Here are three more:

1) you agonize when the 'Letters to the Apprentice' topic on TwoP hasn't had a post for X days and vow always to help the fire burn

2) you are in a hurry, but stay OUT of a supermarket line to read the tabloids, which have the same info about the Apprentices you could have read on the internet two weeks ago, but with nice big glossy photos.

3) you're a lifetime Purdue fan, and you have a moment of weakness where you think Gene Keady's comb-over might not totally kick Donald Trump's combover's butt. Well, if hairs had posteriors instead of the other way around, that is.

Snerk! But good job, redheads!

Here's my moment of Apprentice addiction:

When Papa Tiger tells me he's applied for a job at a Trump casino (in Palm Springs), and I totally geek out for a moment just because it's a Trump casino.

You start referring to your pets by their "Apprentice names:"

Cat #1: Sweet, shy, easily distracted by birds = Jessie

Cat #2: Happy, friendly, overweight = Bowie

Golden Retriever: Blonde, smart, fun, but sometimes way too overzealous trying to get love and attention = Amy

OMG, bettyfinn! That was too funny! Just 'cuz you said it, I had to rename my pets also...

Dog #1: sleek, black, very intelligent = Kwame
Dog #2: dumb-as-a-post, goofy, horny = Nick
Dog #3: incessant whining over nothing, a bitch = Omarosa


You might be an Apprentice Addict if...

- You hear the theme song on the car radio and start to chair dance while driving in rush hour traffic.

- You say "I was chair dancing to the Trump song" as a defense to the cop who pulls you over.

(The cop might be an Apprentice Addict if...he lets you get away with it.)

Okay, y'all...this renaming your pets thing is contagious!

Gorgeous male chocolate Lab with a great personality...everybody loves him - was Ben, now Kwame.

Sleek, smart Catahoula who KNOWS he's better at his job (moving cattle) than anyone else could be, almost too smart & handsome for his own good - was Jake, now Boyfriend Bill.

"Addict if..." you're not only renaming your pets with Apprentice names but also your friends' pets.

Yes - our cats have Apprentice personalities too!

Cat #1 gets really put out when you pay more attention to the other cat in the house = Katrina

I suppose that makes Cat #2 Amy, but really Cat #2 is a Sam . . . Very small, but always doing the weirdest/craziest things, somehow endearing.

Oh my, by that criteria, bettyfinn, my golden retriever is Sam -- weird, different, and definitely crazy as a bedbug, but in a kind of perversely charming way.

My yellow lab = Troy -- brimming with enthusiasm and always ready to play/work

And my cat = Omarosa -- just give her a topic, she can bitch about it.

...You try to figure out which "Apprentice" hopefuls would make great guest stars in the Law & Order franchise next season, and also wonder if the Ereka-Omarosa feud will be "ripped from the headlines" and become an episode in such "franchise" next season (both of which I actually see happening next year, BTW).

Speaking of which, I recently completed a regular (original) Law & Order story suggestion on the Alhena Forums site (where we discuss all three versions of "L & O") that you can see by clicking this link. This story is "ripped" in part from the recent Tyco mistrial where I have characters that I think would be perfect for Katrina and Ereka to play.