A Haiku, in honor of the finale:

Kwame Jackson lost
Omarosa dashed his hopes
Heidi didn't help.

The whispy front strands
Covering all the bald spots
A yoooge New York site

Boyfriend Bill has won
Miss Alli is ecstatic
Despite ankle porn

ETA:
Beez knows how to spell
Despite what you have just read
Fucking hell typing

Bill has won quickly
Those weeks of shaking badly
Have reaped benefits

There once was a young man named Bill,
Who impressed Donald Trump with his skill,
Though a bit highly strung,
He rose rung by rung,
He’d smile as he went for the kill.

Then there’s Kwame, a smooth, charming guy,
Who is not very hard on the eye,
He maneuvered with style,
And low-radar guile,
And it almost came down to a tie.

In the end, it was Bill who prevailed,
Kwame’s calm manner finally failed,
Omarosa is crazy,
Deluded and lazy,
And faced with her madness, K quailed.

But I think Kwame’s going to be fine,
He’ll get offers to work (and to dine!)
He is my kind of boss,
The world’s gain is Trump’s loss,
Kwame Jackson is just so divine.

And of course, Bill will get into gear,
And he’ll work really hard through the year,
I wish him great luck,
‘Cause the guy has some pluck,
And that job will be trying, I fear.

So I toast Donald Trump and The Hair,
For having a show with some flair,
George and Carolyn rocked,
Omarosa was mocked,
I just hope Season Two can compare!

Blocked Writer, that is brilliant. I think you will have to change your screen name for false advertising reasons.

Thank you, Hawkwild. When I first saw the name of this thread, I thought it would have to be poetry to and about "The Hair." That would have really given me writer's block, because The Hair scares me!

Die Omarosa -
Take your beauty queen crown and
Shove it up your ass.

A Haiku by Amy Henry on Her Favorite Topic:

Who am I? Amy!
Amelia Henry -- love!
Miss Henry. Amy.

Ah, Omarosa hate haiku. Now i can die happy :)

Backstab your good friend
She won't breathe a word of it.
Pigeons are funny.
-----
My husband and I
Is he talking to me still?
My husband and I-
-----
A dead dog with fleas
Was happy with two peters
Pretty as a peach.

Kudos to blocked writer. That was brilliant.

Mine is for the rappers who were having trouble coming up with a word to rhyme with Omarosa...

Strong, black Omarosa
Needs a dose ‘a
Re - al - ity
She lied on tv
She thinks she’s a
Some - bo - dy
She’s just a former
Beau - ty queen
Who needs a
Lo - bo - tomy
And to be bitch-slapped
by Kwa - me
Let the brutha
Eat the mutha fucka
Up

kattam6175: Oh, my God! I was just about to go to bed. Now I am laughing so hard at your rap, I have to catch my breath. "Needs a dose 'a" is my favorite line! Thanks, now I can go to sleep happy. (And laughing!)

Trump-ku

Shut up, George, shut up
Don't do that again, Donald
Caroline hates you


A new spinoff show
For Sam and Omarosa
Looney and the Beast


Questionable taste
Jessica a yooge talent?
Lose her again, please

Ode to Omarosa (to a Billy Joel beat)

Gooooood – Byyyyye Oma
Why don’t you just go home?
Our fascination with your fabrications
Is quickly growing old

Ooooommaaaaroooosa
How did you get this way?
Did your mother drop you, and then forget to
Drive you to the E.R. right away?

Soooo looooong Oooomaaaa
Your fame has come and gone
When DT fired you, which was long overdue
The world broke into song

Take a hint, or buy a clue
Can’t you see we’re on to you?
The party’s over, you missed the boat
If you run for Congress, you’ll get no vote

Get your mug off my t.v. screen
I don’t care to watch you preen
You’re hardly one to talk of class
When all you do is act the Ass…..?

Wait, isn’t that your name?
Heh, fancy that

Darling Kwame-poo
Wherefore wouldst thou deign to tame
(the) Omarosa shrew?

He suffers no fools
Sits at The Donald's right hand
Bup bup bup bup bup

Trump or Monkey? Hmmm.
It will forever remain
A big mystery.

A Haiku Trio:

Apprentice is on
Plug in answering machine
No interruptions!


A challenge she wrecks
For grandson of man called "X"
Upon her a hex!


Realitee-vee
Now better than The West Wing
Wrong Sam has returned

Roses are red, violets are blue
Pigeons are funny
Heidi's face is too

There once was a guy named Sam
You could say he was a bit of a ham
He idolized Trump
Fell asleep like a chump
And failed at his lemonade scam

There once was a woman named Tammy
Whose "duped" comment sure was a whammy
Carson Daly was dissed
Her team sure was pissed
She came off even crazier than Sammy

There once was a blow-hard named Nick
Who was cocky and smarmy and slick
He insulted the Pope
Charisma? Uh...nope
His ego made everyone sick

Where is Sam's money?
The Hair has big plans for it:
Send Troy to Wharton!

Yeah, I know it doesn't rhyme. Shut up.

Katrina thought she was so great
With her "sex appeal", "passion", she'd rate.
She flirted and whined
Drove us out of our minds
To her we can only say "HATE".


Amy Henry was cute, sexy, pert
Just ask her! With Nick she'd fake-flirt
Thought she was smart as well
(A rental car - the hell?)
And she wore an insanely short skirt.

Okay, I wrote in another thread that I wasn't going to post anymore, but I can't resist ...

Hire me, Mr. Trump
Here's two-fifty K for you
Thank you, Samsonite

I'm not a sex toy
I have brains and deep thoughts too
Watch my skirt ride up

My little sister
and my wife and mom are tops
(I miss you, Kwame!)

Mrs. O. M-S
Leans in to kiss her hubby
Stay strong, my brutha

Heidi wore make-up like a drag queen
Never led, and annoyed the whole team
Had a mouth like a trucker,
Every third word was "fucker"
If she says "feisty" once more, I'll scream.

You know what's hard? Fitting the word "Omarosa" into a limmerick is hard.

Yes! A poem with Heidi and 'feisty' in it!

Can't rhyme Omarosa, but...

A bossy Apprentice from Youngstown
Was catty, combative and low-down
She looked like a chump
When fired by Trump--
Omarosa, that fame-whore and ass-clown.

ETA:

Omarosa's nice.
That's what you want to hear, right?
No? ...Please don't fire me!

Sorry, I must remove this....

From Hai®ku (tm: Neko, in "The Hair" thread) to Ogden Nash . . .
Keep up the good work folks!

Donald's Hair, O Donald's Hair,
how frothy thou art;
you lie in wait
across His forehead
in juicy anticipation.

[with thanks to Dr. Seuss]

One fish two fish
You flirt - I dish
Big fish small fish
I win - you wish

Amy is a big bright star
Nick is trying to get far
In the boardroom she says shish
I won't support you little fish

His tail now on a dish
He says, Thanks - just wait you fish
I know I will go far
And I'll become a big bright star

Not two minutes go by
The big big fish is out to pry
Why, you are one cold cold fish
I will eat you on a dish
I will serve you to the cats
I will send you to the rats
No substance no swish
Out you go - you cold little fish

She smiles - You just wish!
I'll be back, you big big fish
You will flirt and I will dish
And you'll crush, you big big fish

As for now - empty dish

There once was a young man named Troy
A real gosh-darn TV cowboy
Had charm, talent, class
Kicked Katrina's ass
And Kwame was so his boy-toy.

Kwame was what the others were not
His thighs shoulders and arms were so hot
He was cultured and bright
At his "X" speech, I cried
But why get screwed by Miss "kettle-pot"?

"The N-Word"
by Ereka Vetrini

I did not say it on the plane
I would not say it on a train

I wouldn't say it with a shriek
I would not say it to Bill, the geek

I would not say it to Sam I Am
I do not think he'd give a damn

I wouldn't say it to Nick or Amy
Lest they think me slick and shamey

I would not say it to Miss Heidi
You better not call me "Whitey"

I wouldn't say it to Carolyn
Don't accuse me ever again

I would not say it to The Hair
I WOULD NOT SAY IT ANYWHERE!!

Oma's thought processes while viewing herself in mirror before attending the finale (which may explain why she was late)

I do look gorgeous in this dress
With furry condoms on my wrist
And by the way, for those who care
I’m not sporting underwear

You call me names to bring me down
But you can’t slam my evening gown
No one has such taste in dress
That’s why I'll get all the press

Free verse could be worse:

Wash it,
Dry it
Try to fly, it
won't

I am loving this thread! I had a trying day, and now I can't stop laughing. Thanks!

Empty Thursday night.
Woe is me! What shall I do?
Watch The Swan? Hell no!

Sorry, I must remove this....

With apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning

A Sonnet by Amy

How do men love me? Let me count the ways.
They love me to the depth (of my neckline) and breadth (of my bustline) and
height
My hemline can reach, when I'm feeling (out of sight)
For the hooks of my Wonderbra in empty space.
They love me at the level of everyday's
Television feed, by aerial or cable sight.
Sam loves me needily, as he grimaces tight.
Bill loves me "girly," tho' he wants a Raise.
Troy loves me with a sassin' better used
To fill his briefs; Kwame with an MBA's grace.
Nick loves me with a love he seemed to lose
When I failed to praise,--But TD loves me with the machinations,
Wiles, and years of a yooge life!--and if God (and MB) choose,
He shall but love me better after syndication!

"Eat my brutha up":
Omarosa's only truth.
Bitch is just crazy!

That Bill, just so cute
Even with the ankle porn.
I do so love geeks.

Oh Kwame, Kwame,
March those boxers over here,
You skirt-chasing fool!

Shut up, Ereka.
How can you even talk when
Your foot's in your mouth?

Poor Nick, so damn hard
To be smooth with the ladies
When your dad's named Moose.

Go away, Amy.
Not everybody loves you.
Even Nick agrees.

Oh Troy, you rogue, you.
You're just pretty as a peach
With those nice, smooth legs.

This is way more fun that it should be. I am loving everybody's contributions.

---
Serving the Hair
(The final eight)

Sharp wit,
Geeky flair,
Bill - apprentice to the Hair

Harvard grad and
Wall Street’s heir,
Kwame - vanity of the Hair

Killer instincts,
Legs so bare,
Amy - temptress of the Hair

Smarmy, slick and
Oh so fair,
Nick - the altar boy of Hair

Cowboy hat and
Country air,
Troy – the hustler for the Hair

Jealousy
She couldn’t bear,
Kat – the vengeance of the Hair

Philly gal with
Vulgar shmair,
Heidi – badmouth of the Hair

Bigger lies than
One could dare,
Omarossa – to the Hair

[And a bonus:]

Crazy manners,
Scary stare,
Sam – the wild side of the Hair

Rest of us
just don’t compare,
We are minions to the Hair

There once was a girl, Ereka
Against Nick launched a failed coup-d'etat
To save BFF Kat
But no one wanted that
And displayed many fashion faux-pas

With apologies to Edgar Allen Poe:

Once upon an evening dreary,
Channel surfing, feeling weary,
I flipped to a TV show that I had never seen before.
There was drama, and back-stabbing,
Scheming, yelling, verbal jabbing,
Almost ending in hair grabbing,
All of this, and so much more.

Fascinating and perplexing,
Riveting and sometimes vexing,
There were teams and tasks to see who’d come out with the biggest score.
Suddenly, my heart beat faster,
Had I stumbled on disaster?
Would someone be hit with plaster?
Which one would be shown the door?

Who would soon be dubbed “Apprentice?”
And which one’s non compos mentis?
Who would win the weekly challenge, who would struggle with their chore?
Thursday nights became enthralling,
Some behavior was appalling,
Even though some folks were galling,
Never did this contest bore!

Kudos, blocked writer! That is truly genius. My fave part: rhyming "apprentice" with "non compos mentis." More, please!

Always on target
Our heroine of business
Don't. Cross. Carolyn!

Guidance, discipline
George will tell it to you straight
That is, when he's there.

"You can go in now"
We know she's laughing inside
Let it out, Robin!

Bernie and Mark--meh
Can't substitute the real thing
George, please don't leave us!

No holding a candle to blockedwriter, of course.

Awesome blockedwriter! Your latest poem will be posted on my refridgerator!

blocked_writer, your "Raven" take-off was so fun and well done -- I don't think Poe needs an apology, maybe just a thanks!

Maybe the fun you're having with this stuff will help get rid of any block in your more serious work. Recreation = re-creation? Thank you!

Sorry, I must remove this....

Thanks so much for all the compliments, it means a lot. This thread is doing wonders for my self-esteem. And it's a great source of laughs, I love all the poems! Keep them coming, I need all the laughter I can get.

My husband liked the following poem, but said it needs a little work. But I can't think of anything else to do with it, so here it is:


What is up with Donald's hair?
Did he lose at Truth or Dare?
Was he strapped down in a chair?
Stylists far and wide despair.

Is it just a macho thing?
So The Hair can scare Don King?
Do you think he'll always cling,
To a style so worrying?

Truth be told, The Hair's a sight,
Striped and sprayed, it looks a fright,
I wish Trump would see the light,
Recognize, that do's a blight!

Sorry, I must remove this....

Flea Bailey and blocked writer, those were just genius. Some of the best writing on the web is available here at TWoP!