Who can get enough of those wise-cracking tossle-haired moppets? Dicuss them and their ramifications on plot and the exact torture methods you use in you imagination.

Here's an article that's dated, but it's still valid:

http://www.teevee.org/archive/1998/03/18/

Commercial-wise, I loathe the Welches' (sp?) Grape Juice girl with every fiber of my being. STOP SMACKING YOUR LIPS, SHUT UP, AND DRINK THE DAMN JUICE!

As for actual TV shows, I have the immense misfortune to remember Richie from "Family Matters" (hey, it was the only thing on TV after school). He wasn't cute, he wasn't funny, and his mullet was a crime against nature. I also never really got why he and his mom continued to live in the Winslow house after she bought that restaurant (literally).

I want to see them fight to the death in a cage match. The only problem being the possibility that one of them might make it out alive.

I am utterly terrified of the Caucasian Welch's girl. I used to crouch behind sofa cushions and plug my ears every time she appeared on the screen. That child was simply not human. The Asian girl was SUCH a relief.

I always thought that it was either a younger version of Ellen Muth or Spanky from The Little Rascals dressed in girls' clothes.

Sweet Jesus, now that you mention it, she does look like Spanky.

Then there was the Ritchie of The Dick van Dyke Show. No clever comebacks. No funny catchphrases. He was just a kid.

Now, if you want to talk about TV kids with hair that defies the laws of God & man: http://irev.net/sleestakhunter/rich.jpg

Yeah, I'm thinking seven should have been enough.

The best kid actor out there today, IMHO, is the one on who plays Jake on Two And A Half Men. He keeps it fairly real and actually ends up grounding Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer.

I still have nightmares about the Pepsi girl...something Eisenberg.

And somehow, I still hated him.

Richie on Dick van Dyke was a dumb, dumb little boy. And not particularly cute.

His TV mom looked good in capri pants, though- so it's all good.

Will the Camdens ever tell Ruthie she's adopted? And annoying?

I enjoyed Jake and Nog on DS9. After TNG's Wesley Crusher (who sums up "precocious" perfectly), it was a relief to see a relatively realistic kid alongside what was basically an alien Eddie Haskell.

And while the Adam Riches, Urkels, and Richies of this world are certainly annoying, no one tops "Vicki" of "Small Wonder" IM(H)O as the most annoying child to ever appear on television. As a child, I was not naturally attuned to when acting was bad. She was my first entry into the world of discernment, and for that I must thank the actress. Yes, no matter how much she may be trying to put this painful episode in her life behind her, I must track her down and thank her for opening my eyes. Time to hire the ol' P.I. and start some stalking.

Well, you got me all curious as to what happened to Tiffany 'Viki' Brissette of Small Wonder, statichaos. Check out her bio at IMDB.

She apparently learned discernment, too.

And good call on Jake & Nog. BWAH! 'alien Eddie Haskell'. "That's a lovely uniform you're wearing today, Captain Sisko..."

[German psychoanalyst voice] Innnnnterestink....[/German psychoanalyst voice]. She received a degree in the same subject my parents taught on the universtiy level (psychology), and is now residing in my hometown. Even easier to track her down now, heh, heh....

No way! Talk about coincidence. Be nice to her if you do find her, though. I don't want to be an accessory to stalking...

('accessory to stalking'? Sounds more like what you'd call shoes a paparazzi would wear...)

I think the epitome of precocious would be Arnold Jackson of
Different Strokes. Short, cherub-cheeked, wisecracking brother of
Willis. I used to watch this show primarily because him.

That little Ricky....thing that used to lurk around the Partridge Family's garage and join in their rehearsals. What WAS that, anyway? It was tiny, shrill, and covered in black, stringy hair and it frightened me!

To this very day, sometimes in the dark of night I swear I can still hear his shrill, screechy attempts at singing echoing in my nightmares.

:shuddering:

Not to mention ugly? And evil?

I'm gonna have to disagree, Statichaos. Vicki was bad, but I don't think anyone can beat the sheer child actor sucktitude of Shane "Seven" Sweet of Married... With Children. God, that kid was annoying! (I'm honestly shocked he hasn't been mentioned yet.) Seven pretty much single-handedly destroyed the chemistry and overall feel of the show that season.

I'm thinking Seven should have been eaten by Grandma Wanker after she greased herself into the attic.

Edited to lose the last quote and not make it sound out of context.

I'll disagree back, but must admit that you make a convincing argument. The existence of this little troll was almost made up for the fact that he just...disappeared. They never brought him up again. Ever. It was only after watching the "M:WC" True Hollywood Story that I found out the writers had done that intentionally to frustrate the fans.

For me Vicky (or V.I.C.I.) was worse because her acting was too wooden to convincingly play a freaking robot. Consider that for a while.

A freaking robot

Oh, and may I add: Absolutely anyone and everyone involved with the misbegotten nightmare that was "American Juniors".

I stopped watching The Cosby Show when they brought on that Raven-Whatshername. I think they did that when the actress who played Rudi (another annoyance) got beyond the "isn't she precious" (blech) stage.

Oh, the "seven should have been enough" reference was in response to seeing Adam Rich's picture. Seven should have been enough, not eight.

I want to add my HATE for the child who portrays Linda Cardinelli's character's bratty, loathsome kid. I cringe every time his bad seed countenance appears on my TV screen.

Oh I knew that, TheCustomOfLife. I changed it anyway, but I was aware it was for Adam.

anyway, back on topic: I always liked Michelle Trachtenburg and the little boy who played Pete on Pete & Pete. For little kids I thought they had nice chemistry.

For me, one of the worst recent child actors is whoever played Clara, Dean's little sister on Gilmore Girls. I know she was only in a few episodes, but there are no words to how much she sucked.

I like Delia on Everwood even in her bratty moments. But I think my favorites right now are George Michael and Maeby on Arrested Development. I love them.

Commercial wise: the kid from the Smart and Final commercials can not get off my TV soon enough. Spawn of Satan right there.

It didn't help that her lines seemed like they were written for a three-year old. And yeah, Delia is one of the few child characters I like most of the time. Vivien Cardone is an amazing actress.



I liked Pete once in a while, but I couldn't stand Mona or whatever the hell her name was.

I couldn't agree more, Miss Steph! "Get Smaaaahhrt". The kid severely bugs me.

I would like to take a minute to salute another famous child actor who holds a special place in pop culture: Robbie Rist aka 'Cousin Oliver' of The Brady Bunch. The writers of Married w/Children must have been thinking of him when they created Seven.

Now he does voice work & appears on shows like Star Dates.

Nona. I think they tried too hard to make her quirky. Christ, she was like, nine!

I want to know what's wrong with having a toddler on a show? I remember on "Growing Pains" Chrissy was a baby one day, and the next she was an awful annoying Little Orphan Annie looking girl who talked like a thirty year old.

Same thing with "Family Ties". I hated that kid. (Andy?) He also talked like a thirty year old, but it was obvious he had no idea what he was saying.

If your five year old talked like that wouldn't you seriously begin looking into schools for the gifted, and getting their IQ tested? Everyone just seems to think it's normal.

eta:


I know he sang a song about "My Bicycle", and I'm trying to remember how it went, but all I can think of is the Queen song...

Another annoying brat: Kennedy, who was added to the last season of Blossom probably because NBC realised that there were way too many older people on that show.

Chrissy also became a teenager for one episode, played by Khrystyne Haje from Head of the Class. It was in a dream sequence. Due to the fact that Maggie and Jason got "too old" to raise her, she was a wild teenager...who still managed to get good grades.

It bugged me to no end that on "Good Day Live!" they had Tracy Morgan and the little boys who play his sons on his show on GDL via satellite or whatever. It bugged me that they thought it was cute that they were talking like thugs about "bling-bling" and "havin' honeys" on the side or whatever. And I used to think the older one was a cutie, seeing him appear in Band-Aid commercials and in "Brown Sugar." Disappointed to see that he had a little smart-aleck in him.

Oh, I hate seeing little kids talking and acting like they are grown. It. Is. Not. Cute.

Case in point, one episode of Family Matters with this little girl who had a crush on Richie wrote him a valentine card that said something like, "Roses are red, (something) is black, won't you be my daddy mack."

Just...no.

Okay, normally child stars don't bother me. I can't bring myself to despise many children, seen as it's usually the parents that control their careers. I don't even despise the kid who plays Sam's son on ER, although I have serious questions about that backwards baseball cap and whether or not Wardrobe is still living in 1992.

Anyway, I'm rarely impressed by the kids, either... but holy crap, I adore the kid who played Rocky on Joan of Arcadia, David Dorfman.

I still can't watch those episodes. Hate Raven-Symone. In fact, I can't watch anything with her in it!

The little girl that was annoying in the Welsh's Grape Juice commercials also got to be the annoying Lily on the later seasons of Step By Step

I'm still gobsmacked that "Small Wonder" had a four-year run. I was a kid, and like another poster, not particularly attuned to truly horrid acting, but even I ignored that show after the first episode.



I hated him more as Worf's son Alexander than as the Keatings' youngest sibling.

I know I've just marked myself with a big scarlet G (for geek), but what the hey. It's Friday night and I don't have anything better to do than to show my true dork colors.

Edited to add: Oh, who am I kidding... I still watch TNG. And I still hate Alexander. Stupid Brian Bonsall. And why is it that I can, like, remember his name, but can't remember important things like, oh, say, math?

If we're going for precocious and annoying, that red-haired Harriet on Small Wonder wins over Viki anyday. Harriet was like the poor man's Punky Brewster. I swear that was what they were trying to go for with her, except this girl had parents (mommy was Patty Poole! I mean, Edie McClurg!).

Anyway, they failed miserably.

Oh God, yes. Didn't like him so much in The Ring, but he was incredible on the show.

Precocious child actors are certainly annoying; precocious child dancers are downright grotesque. The most repulsive of these, for me, is a troupe of rictus-grinned tykes known as the "Don Crichton Dancers." They were a staple on The Tim Conway Show circa 1980. Divided evenly into boys and girls, with an average age of ten (probably), they would swan about in a lurid mockery of adult dancing -- ballroom, flamenco, you name it. The girls were made up like hookers and the boys all got painted-on mustaches. There was usually a foul whiff of sexualization to the whole affair, too. It was like "Small Wonder: The Musical."

I tried to find a website with info on the "Don Chrichton Dancers," but without any luck. According to Apple's "Sherlock" program, the closest match was titled "Angola Landmine Victims." Hey, I wish!

The last paragraph above made me laugh and laugh and laugh.

Yeah, I'll save those that come after me a seat on the bus to Hell.

Thanks. It's going to suck if I have to stand.

I can't decide if I hate Danielle from My So-Called Life or not. On one hand, she was wretchedly annoying, but on the other hand, she was playing an annoying little sister and she did have her moments, so it's hard to say.

Danielle was never enough of a character for me to have any feeling for. I did like a few of her snarky comments, but most of the time she was just an interruption.

Well, you've got a point there, but in most cases where they feel the need to shovel in a precocious kid or ten, the show as a whole deserves all the snark and/or outright loathing we can give it anyway.

Besides, today's annoying TV kids are tomorrow's Reality Show/"Where Are They Now?" train wreck entertainment stars!

The worst thing about her was that she had a British accent that completely sucked ass, apparently because Finola Hughes, who played her mother Carol, is British. Kennedy might have been more tolerable without the British accent, but probably not.

There isn't enough word in the universe to agree with that, Arcy! For that reason Friends JTS for me the moment they felt the need to have Ross impregnate Rachel and I refuse to watch it anymore. And if I didn't have such a deep, abiding love for The Shield, I'd come unglued over Mara's getting knocked up by Shane. At least in Nip/Tuck TPTB got the last laugh when what's-her-face's kid (who for nine months she tried to pass off as Julien's) was African-American when he popped out. Bwah!

Michelle Tanner anyone? I think i liked her a lot better in the first two seasons, solely because she didn't have any speech or behavioral abilities.

Finola Hughes's British accent isn't even that pronounced. She can speak an entire sentence before you hit on a twinge of British-y.

The Olsen Twins on "Full House"?
Homeliest TV babies Ev-ah!

What about the "bwuddas" on Full House, Nicky & Alex?

I just looked up Kennedy from "Blossom" on imdb and she's actually represented by the Ford modeling agency now! The hell? She's still a sophomore in high school, and the most recent thing she did was a guest appearance on "Without a Trace", an episode called "No Mas". Does anyone remember who she played?