The apocalypse is nigh. The variety show ratings are in, and they're (shudder) good.


Just kill me now. Please.

Just when you think mankind can't sink any lower...this happens. I didn't watch the show because I was afraid that my tv would melt and that any remaining viable eggs that I've got would be genetically altered (and not in a good way).

Over at E! Online (I only go there to see the Fashion Police. I swear!) there's some suspicion concerning how involved Jessica is with Dessert. Also, there's this little section that debates which is more annoying - stars who are too private or those who are media whores. They show Jessica and Nick's picture. I thought that was funny.

If stee doesn't mind, could someone post a link to this or point me in the right direction?

From www.popdirt.com not sure if it's valid, but there you go.

Oh, this review from the Washington Post is too good. A sample:

D.C., that article made my whole month. BWAH. Thanks for the link!

mightymos, I believe that is valid. I remember seeing Nick and Jess in US Weekly or People or something last week and the magazine ran that little story along with the picture. What a bitch. Nick is way too good for her.

ETA: I'll bet that those really good ratings are just a perverse fascination, like watching a car crash. After the initial shock, it'll tank.

I think you're right.

I didn't mind them so much when they were D-List celebrities, but the mediawhoredom is making me crazy. I can't blame them too much though, the bubble will burst soon. They need to take all of the opportunities they can get because the money won't be around much longer.

A braying mule???!!! That's an insult to mules!!!

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Oh God, please let that be true. I have an unhealthy obsession with seeing Jessica Simpson fall into obscurity. Every time I see her crazy eyes, lantern jaw and chicklet teeth I want to puke. I guess blond hair and big boobs really can take you far.

I don't hate Nick so much. But Jessica must go away.

Oh God. The Nick & Jessucka variety hour is coming back!

More 'Nick & Jessica' in Demand on ABC

What have I done to deserve this? I'm not a bad person, per say. Ugh. Time to lie and tell the TiVo that I don't get ABC anymore.

Think happy thoughts. By December they could be over.


I give these both snowballs chances in Hell.

I almost jumped out of my seat when I was flipping through stations and Jessica was on two different channels at the same time. On MTV she was doing her epileptic version of TMBA, and then I hit some informercial or something for an acne cream. Jess was testifying how wonderful it was and they showed a 'before' picture with a closeup of her pimply face. Ech.

Indeed.

How is this working?! HOW?!?! Kenny Rogers and the Muppets? Who in the hell at ABC came up with that combo and thought "hit"? I guess I am not as clever as TPTB at ABC, I would have laughed whoever pitched that shit to me right out the door.

I watched the show, it was very bland. People watched it simply because it's new...but they will get tried of it very quickly. Way too much singing, corny jokes, and Jessica in plunging necklines. Poor Nick looks stuck in a bad situation.They don't have the charisma to carry a show of that type.

There are a lot of bland folks out there in America who no doubt found the variety show "good, clean fun".



So now Jessica is hawking an acne product? There's another company (Proactive?) that snagged Britney Spears as their testimonial formerly pimply, young, blond, big-boobed female singer-celeb.

I still think Nick has a career as a general sports announcer or something along that line. Maybe he'll take over on Idol when Ryan Seacrest blows up (any day now).

Seems weird to me. I would think that they would want to be perceived as "perfect blonde pop stars" not pimple-faces. Creepy Pa Simpson will ho her out for every cent he can get apparently.

I wish Nick would endorse something. Dear Creepy Pa Simpson: Please ho Nick out for something that requires him to be shirtless. Woodchopping on a hot summer day perhaps?

Great idea sahoffm1!

HO OUT NICK! HO OUT NICK!

Excedrin would be perfect. We know he must have the biggest headache ever by now.

Maybe Jessica can start doing Hooked on Phonics ads.

Assuming she knows what the word means and doesn't say something like Phona-ma-icks.

Does anyone remember the Newlywed's episode where both Nick and Jessica were supposed to record Take My Breath Away? What happened? Why isn't Nick on this single?

I believe that there are two versions, one with Nick and one without. The one without him must be the one that made it on the single. (Figures.)

I remember there being something about not being able to get clearance from Nick's record company. But I may have just pulled that out of my ass.

No, that happens all the time, you're probably right. Although you'd think that Nick's label would be ready to do anything with the way his record sales went last time. Maybe it was Jessica's label that didn't want Nick.

Jessica's record company is smart. They realize that her broader appeal comes from her reality show with Nick. They wanted him on the record. Nick's company won't see the profits from the song, so they're not going to let their talent work for someone else while he's under contract.

A friend told me last night that she was listening to a local radio station (San Diego) and someone called in who worked at a plastic surgeon's office. The caller said that they all of the office employees were sent home early, supposedly, because Jessica was coming in to get some "secret surgury."

This is just what I heard from my friend, who heard it on the radio, but it was fun to speculate what Jessica may be getting done. My friend thought lipo, because from the looks of Newlyweds, she doesn't seem to excersise and still eats pizza and drinks Miller Lite. I thought that was a good theory, but this is definitely speculative.

I would just like to say that as of right now, the new Jump album, "Between the Dim and the Dark," which came out today, is at #91 on Amazon.com while some album of Jessica's is at #90. ha ha.

See results here.

Sounds like a description of Jessica's intelligence level.

Sorry, sorry....I know that was easy, but it was just begging to be said!

I can't believe that Nick's record label would not allow him to do the duet. They could have "loaned" him out, maybe, for a rate or a cut of the profits. Or they could have just realized that, if Nick is on a successful single, perhaps his fans will then go out and purchase his SoulO CD. I mean, all this publicity has helped Jessica's sales. Her label even re-released her CD, and yet Nick seems to be getting zero support from his record label. It's not a great CD and the video for "Shut Up" was dull, but perhaps he could have gotten a song remixed for the dance clubs or something to capitalize on his Newlyweds fame. I'm just baffled that the label seemed to give up even though he was getting more and more famous right after the CD was released.

I noticed yesterday when I finally saw the "With You" video is that it was all shot in their house. What an inexpensive video location that was compared to the return in big sales! I give her and her people props for that video idea.

Yeah, but Jessica's record company wouldn't want that. They'd be willing to pay him but not a competitor. The music industry is cutthroat there is no "loaning" except in extreme circumstances.

As to why Nick's company doesn't capitalize on the success of the show. They're not stupid. They tried to do that, but when his record didn't revive sales when her album rose from the dead, there is no reason to put more money down the drain with his.

Under your plan, Nick's record company would be making money for its competitor and losing money for itself.

And it was also a tribute to her title as the Empress Emeritus of Slobs!Chalk it up to his "boy band" past.

jjfc, I know, I know (sigh). I just have so much Nick love that I want success for him. (I even bought his CD -- and then gave it to my 12-year-old cousin.) I'm actually wondering how much he could owe his record company and when he can possibly get out of the contract. Probably the best thing for him would be to get dropped, if he hasn't already. Even before the release of the SoulO CD, he wasn't getting much support and I think they had already written him off.

In Jessica news, I heard this morning that she will be part of the USO "welcome home" show for the troops returning to Ft. Hood in Texas.

More reasons to hate her.

The reasons why Nick was removed from Take My Breath Away is explained in full along with the other reasons why his record company missed the boat on promoting his CD is in the April 2004 Details Magazine.

Is there a link to that?



I thought I read that they enjoyed working out together. We don't see Nick hitting the gym on the show either, and he's still pretty cut after that pizza and beer. I think they have a workout room in the house.

No link that I know of.

Basically, his record company (Universal) felt that the show was enough promotion for the CD. They say that no one responded to the record and there was only so much they could do. Now all of a sudden they want to do more so they pursue a duet record with Columbia. Columbia shot it down because they want to focus on her solo career. Universal says that they (Columbia) feel Jessica is the bigger star.

The President of Univesal is quoted throughout the article saying alot of positives things about Nick. It is ironic because it seemed like he couldn't get any of these motherfuckers on the phone when he wanted more money to shoot his music video.

It sounds like the f'd up big time and when they decided to capitalize on the success of the show that ship had sailed. Her CD sales were in the toilet too and now she is double platinum. One record company did their job and the other didn't.

So now as a result of this Nick is thinking about putting music on pause to focus on acting. Apparantely he is getting a lot of offers for movies and tv instead.



I remember seeing a work out room in the first season.

I don't believe the plastic surgery thing because I believe nothing that I hear on the radio. But - if ever there was someone in need of a nose job......

This is from Popdirt:

Jessica Simpson's father Joe spoke with Us Weekly about her new ABC sitcom hiting the air this fall, revealing his daughter is looking to get Donald Trump, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, and California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to appear on the program as themselves to be interviewed by Jessica's TV reporter character. "We're friends with Donald Rumsfeld and with Schwarzenegger," Joe said. "It will be tongue-in-cheek interviews." Joe also hyped Jessica's cover of the Robbie Williams hit 'Angels'. "That's our Grammy," father Simpson predicted. "We're gonna take it all the way home."


---Jessica and a grammy? I don't think so! He's so delusional. I also doubt these people consider themselves "family friends" to the Simpsons. Once again Joe is getting delusional.

She doesn't deserve to clean Robbie Williams' toilet. Grammy? No way.

"We're friends with Rumsfield and Schwartzenegger?"

Fuck off, Joe. Seriously. I didn't think I could hate you more. I cannot wait until Nick leaves your daughter and she goes bankrupt, taking you along with her.

Ted Casablana's column this week had something about Jessica smoking. Great way to be a role model, Jess. Actually, I wonder if she knows that that will age her face even faster than her incessent suntanning will.

Friends with Donald Rumsfield? WTF?


Great. Now her already grating voice will eventually sound even worse.

I'm sure that y'all can see Ma and Pa Simpson having Maria Shriver, The Arnold and The Secretary of Defense over for potluck...

Family friends...in your dreams, bud!

Honest to God, Joe is such a gold-digging asshole. Friends with the Governor? And Rumsfeld? I'm sure.

I remember when there was all that "Chicken or Tuna?" publicity going on for them and Chicken of the Sea was starting negotiations to do an ad campaign with Jessica. Joe actually went on the record with some bluster about how said negotiations were going slower than planned and if "Chicken of the Sea" was going to drag its feet about working with Jesucka, there were other tuna companies that were interested. Um, excuse me? WTF is the point of what she said if they work with anyone except "Chicken of the Sea"?!?And talk about shooting yourself in the foot, Jessica hasn't worked with any tuna company since. I think that Joe thinks of himself as this fabulous manager who was playing "hardball" in the press. When in fact most of Jessica's career missteps were probably due to his incompetence and overall creepiness.

From today's Reliable Source, the gossip column of the Washington Post:


I think the "Ohhh" says it all.

AAAAAAAA ha haaa. Oh how the not-that-mighty are starting to trip.

She has totally ruined my ability to listen to Berlin's Take My Breath Away. Beatch.

Honestly, if Joe wasn't so concerned about name dropping and fame-whoring his daughter in our faces Jessica would probably go a lot farther.

I don't think it will take long for people to get pissed off by the constant grabbing for attention on the part of Pa Simp and the Simpsons will become outcasts. I can't begin to imagine the look on Donald Rumsfeld's face when he heard that he was in negotiations to guest star on Jess's new show. I bet it was hilarious.

How long before Nick says kissing Jessica is like "kissing an ashtray"?

You mean it's not already?

I just saw a new Jessucka Pizza Hut ad. It was for "buffalo chicken" pizza. Asslee was also in this masterpiece. She brings a "buffalo chicken" pizza to Asslee and two guys in a park. Asslee makes fun of her about the buffalo thing and Jessucka says some shit about how she knows Buffalos don't have wings. Then...wait for it... CG buffalos with wings appear in the park! I shit you not. The last shot is of Jessucka hunched over in front of one of them doing a varient of the "I feel like Chicken Tonight" dance screeching "Flap 'em again!"