Yeah. And Paris Hilton can do that video a hell of a lot better than Jessica. Besides, Paris is smarter than brain-damaged Jessica.

Well, I don't know about that. I mean neither one of them is really in the running for president of Mensa.

I completely agree Baylor. The concept of "less is more" escapes her entirely.

I almost lost it when she kissed Willie Nelson on the LIPS. Subtlety Jess. A coy little peck on the cheek would have been much more sexy and much less skanky.

Finally, the bikini scene was actually funny. She's become a caricature of herself. With the "I'm actually having sex as I sing this" voice and the skimpy clothes rolling around with a hose. Sad really that she thinks she has to amp up the sex just to get people to still pay attention to her. Oh and Jess, real boobs aren't that round and perky in a triangle bikini top with no support.

Am I imagining that she mentions her "Double D's" in this song? ICK.

I don't particuarly like Willie Nelson, but I didn't realize he was in the video because he plays Uncle Jessie in that lame Dukes of Hazzard movie that's about to come out soon. That scene now just skeeves me out!

Ah!! I figured it out. I've been racking my brain trying to remember where I've seen that music video before....

Mariah Carey Heartbreaker the Remix

I have an idea about all this Nick/Jessica/Bam/Johnny Knoxville stuff and I wonder if you guys agree.

First off, I don't know how much faith I have in anything Jen has to say. Let's face it, she's the ex-fiance so of course she has an axe to grind. However, I don't completely discount what she has to say. Some of the actions by all parties involved do lend validity to her story. That being said, I would come closer to thinking Jess and Knoxville had a fling than her and Bam.

As far a Nick's concerned, I don't think he's going anywhere unless she leaves or kicks him out. His career is pretty much gone and he has grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle with the little lady. He leaves and all that is gone. He is hardly gonna be renting Ferraris and taking Mexico getaways with his own moolah. Jess is on a roll and probably will be for at least a little while longer. That's going to insure that he will be able to enjoy all the little perks that go with her fame. I'm not real adept on divorce law, so I hope that someone who is will address the issue. I think if he leaves he isn't going to be entitled to much, but if she goes he would get more out of the deal. Again, I'm not real sure on that.

Lastly, I know that a lot of people think that many of us here on the internet are butting in and speculating on things that aren't any of our business. My view on that is that they were the ones who had an MTV camera crew in their home for the last few years and opened themselves up to the viewing public. It's insane for them to think that people aren't now going to speculate on the state of their marriage.

They probably told her to play that scene just like she would with CreepyPa too. Ewww.

From my limited knowledge of CA family law, CA is a community property state so whatever money is earned during the marriage is to be split 50/50 unless (1) there is a prenup or (2) an agreement that they signed after they married that states how the money earned during the marriage will be divvied up, i.e., how much he/she will walk away with regardless of what she/he earned during the marriage. He could even be entitled to alimony under the right circumstances if there is no kind of agreement and he isn't too proud to take it.

That 50/50 split also applies to any property (over $100,000 I think) acquired during the course of the marriage. That would include their jewelry, cars, Vegas condo, etc. I think Nick will be entitled to quite a bit when they divorce.

I also think it's funny that no matter how skinny she gets, her legs still look short and squatty. Ha!

Okay, just saw the Making the Video of Boots.

My god. The song is dead. She killed it and Pa Simpson urinated on the corpse. Jimmy Jam, the producer of this dreck, found a way to let Jessica get her crappy glory notes in and also a little bit of a crap-rap, too.

The video is essentially "Jessica Simpson is a skanky cocktail waitress that gives everyone lap dances... and then she washes a car." It could be subtitled "Jessica's Vagina."

Willy Nelson sings 3-4 lines in the song. During the making, after his parts were wrapped, the director got up and said, "Give a big hand for Willie Nelson!" Everyone clapped. Then he said "Give a BIGGER hand for Jessica Simpson!" Asshat.

Of course, Pa Simpson was there to watch his daughter give lap dances to a bunch of extras and wash the General Lee with erect nipples and a wedgie.

That would not surprise me in the least.

And bragging about it to anyone who would listen to him.

Thanks, Hailey. I wasn't sure how that worked in CA, or any state for that matter. Kind of makes you wonder why he doesn't just hit the road and take what he can get, unless he can't get concrete proof of infidelity. Rumors will only get you so far.

Just when you thought Papa Joe couldn't get any crazier...

Now that, is funny.



Edited to add: Double post....D'OH!

No, I'm pretty sure I heard that, too!

Excuse me, I'm going to go throw up soon. She really needs to hurry up and get off my TV and out of my favorite magazines! I'm sick of looking at her ugly mug!

Well, I don't think that wearing cowboy boots (or whatever kind of boots she was wearing) with shorts is helping her either. Those shorty short daisy dukes made her look like she had major saddle bags. The whole thing was desperate and unflattering. I think we just viewed CPS wet dream.

What? You mean this isn't a normal Saturday night in the Simpson home?

In most states and I think CA is one of them, adultery is not to be considered. IOW, he is not going to get more just b/c he was cheated on.

I think Nick could live fine if they divorced and he walked away with what he came with and 1/2 of the money from Newlyweds, those specials and Charmed. I never saw the guy buy anything and he could always hock the stuff Jess got for him. Get the cash and rid of the memories at the same time.

First line of the article torgo linked to:



Okay, so that had me laughing hysterically. That's the best typo I've seen in weeks.

I love how this article calls Ashlee the "simpleton sister." Bwah!

I had the unfortunate experience of seeing the Boots video for the 1st time this a.m on MTV - just after VH1 aired the Pussycat Dolls video - which made me remember something from the 1st season.

Didn't Jessica boohoo to Nick's manager that she didn't like the sexy Pussycat Dolls hanging all over her hubby in his video and wasnt' the dancing subsequently toned down because after all "Nick is married now"?

But it's okay for Jessica to do a soft-core video like Boots? ooookay. and btw, she is trying way too hard in that video imo to look sexy - that last shot when she looks at the camera - she just looks mean! Not sexy. And she's picked up Mariah Carey disease - that incessant mugging for the camera "don't I look sexy here? See how pretty I am? I'm pretty right? Say I'm pretty!"

oy vey.

Excellent point kacesq. I had forgotten all about that. I think it had less to do with "Nick is married now" and more to do with "what will shut Jessica the fuck up the quickest?"

With this video, she's really running out of rungs on the sexual ladder. How much more can she amp it up? That tiny pink bikini while rolling around soaking wet on a car is really only 3 inches away from naked porn. I'm curious how far she's going to try to take this sex kitten thing before she runs out of options.

Perhaps I've become way too cynical, but I thought that was intentional and not a typo at all.

And what gets me is the whole stripper dancing is so two years ago. Xtina did Dirty, what, like three years ago. Then Lennie did American Woman with what's her face dancing like a stripper and Beyonce did that stripper dance video all like two years ago. They've all moved on. Clothing, styles, everything is getting more conservative. Stripper dancing was a trend in music, but it's over. That just makes it come off as all that much more desperate.

I was in the drug store today and I saw a tabloid/magazine (Life & Style??) with Nick and Jess on the cover with a headline claiming their marriage is fine and they're trying to have a baby. So one minutes she's whining that the tabloids won't leave her alone, and the next she's announcing to them that she's going to work on a family because her marriage is fine, really, it is, really. She just can't have it both ways.

But wait! That's Daisy Duke in that video...not Jessica! Heh.

I just love how over-exaggerated her strut is in the beginning of the video, like:

"Oh shit, Pa, I think I dislocated my uterus. Help me get up....no - around the waist please, I SAID THE WAIST, DAD! God Damn it, you always DO that!"

To which Joe would reply:

"Oh, now shush Jess, just hold still and the Lord and me are going to put your uterus back in line. Take a deep breath..."

Yeah. ITA with the whole "Guess what bitch? The Ho Train has left the station, and you're just running down the track after it!" school of thought. And while I would totally take her to bed, she is looking extremely desperate and decidedly untalented. Poor Willie Nelson, he has been tainted by her Tammy Faye-like mascara stain.

Did anyone watch the Making of the Video with this? I only saw the final product. I'm sure PaPerv had a few skeevy sound bites, but was Nick even there? It seems like an opportunity for them to "show how much they love and support each other!" Feh.

I must have glazed over the whole "pap princess" thing, but man is that not hilarious? Hehehe.

I, too, had forgotten about Jess' little hissy fit over being uncomfortable with Nick's video. What a hypocrite. I don't know much about Nick, but he gets my sympathy vote. Putting up with the Pap Princess and her family requires the patience of a saint I would think.

My invitation for Nick to make gay porno in my bedroom still stands, heh heh.

LMAO! That is so true about MC. I can't stand it.



I'm with you on this.



Too funny!

No, the funniest part in the video are:

-The fact that Jessica can't dance and only did a few steps with the other girls.
-They did this thing where they stuck out their legand kind of bent over. She looked so weird, kind of like a camel or something.
-The very end when she's washing the car. It CRACKS me up! She's scrubbing really fast and hard and has the "I'm sexy" pout.

Need someone to hold the camera?

I'm checking out the Making the Video for Boots and man, oh man. Seems like Jessica's following Britney's model of how to trash your career in no time flat. Because I'm so sure Jessica'll be in demand in Hollywood after her turn in the video as a lap dancing, soft porn actress. The cooterfunk shorts and the string bikini just complete the transformation IMO. And total word to the exaggerated mugging for the camera in that shucks-I'm-so-cute kind of way. To quote Stee, the awesome recapper who lessened the pain of Boobney & Kevin - VOMIT!

She couldn't figure out whether to copy the Beyonce booty shake, or the Shakira pelvic thrust, and incorporated . . . both?!! WTF?

Oh, and I'll bet that CPS was on that set every day. Y'know, just to make sure everything went smoothly. Heh.

Note to Willie Nelson: FIRE YOUR AGENT. Right now. No, really.

PaSimpson was there for every scene sitting right next to the director. At one point you could see him giving the director a high 5 after Jessica did a "sexy" dance. MaSimpson was there too as well as Nick in the background, but PaSimpson was front and center and totally part of the action.

Nick was standing behind Jessica holding her dog, looking like he was on sedatives or something. I think Drew might have been standing next to him.

The double D comment was a line from the movie where Daisy Duke is a waitress and a customer notices that her initials are Double D. I saw the DOH trailer this weekend and there wasn't much response in the theater to the parts that were supposed to be funny. DOH looks pretty bad from what I've seen.

I caught the Making the Video but wasn't paying enough attention to even notice that Nick was hanging around in the background. The part I thought was hilarious was Jess starts talking about how her music has evolved and that playing Daisy Duke has empowered her as a woman and spouting off about feminine power. Meanwhile, on split screen at the same time they're showing her writhing in soapsuds on top of the General Lee. The editors obviously hate her.

As for the song and video, ugh. She now sounds just like Britney with the breathy baby-voice and the fake catches. The song is crap, her outfit is crap, her voice is crap, and her dancing is below crap. Who told her a shake-and-bake tan with raccoon makeup was a good look? I'd like to shoot that person, please.

I caught some of "making the video" last night. I was like ,"is this the same cute girl who was on the camping trip" She looked so much better then. CPS needs to get her back to that look. She looks beyond skank. Britney Spears looked more wholesome on Chaotic for gah's sake.

Oh yeah! Whenever I catch a glimpse of this video while flipping around the channels, I think I'm watching one of those professional aerobics competitions on ESPN- the ones where the women are jumping around in little bitty suits, glistening with that horrid tan in a can stuff. Yuck!

Shoot me, that makes me feel bad for Nick. I know he married and had that 5-year plan and all, but really - standing around holding your wife's pooch while Daddy Dearest sits next to the Director.

I just hate Ma and Pa Simpson. They really should let their children live their own lives, but then they'd have to get jobs.

She's the color of Tang, y'all. Seriously.

I also caught the DOH trailer at the movies yesterday. The parts that don't involve Sucka? Look awesome (car chases get me every time). Any time she was on the screen made me ill. Her "southern accent" is so awful I can't even laugh at it. I'm from Louisiana. I know what southern sounds like. You're from TEXAS Sucka. You should know too.

I agree. Have some pride dude, and stay home to watch TV.


That's awesome! Leave something to the imagination dear.

I love how this video comes from the same dame who said strippers were bad and so were hooters girls

how is this different?

OK, somebody check my Reality Math. Does anyone remember a VH1 show on the guy who is the "brains" behind the Girls Gone Wild videos? (I don't think it aired too many times; I caught it late one night- it would be about the time they start airing the commercials for that horrible junk.) Anyhow, there was a portion of the show where Mr. GGW was going to some sort of media/sports event, and who was on hand with him? None other than Nick and Jess. This was very early in their marriage, I don't even think the first season of Newlyweds had aired. Anyhoo, Jess seemed embarassed to be on the scene, and generally gave off a dumb as rocks vibe. I think back to that clip, then look at this piece of trash video. It just doesn't add up, no matter how many ways the math is worked. CPS is de debbil, that's all I can figure.

I remember that, she was drunk...they had been drinking on a private jet down the Diego for the Super Bowl parties.
I didnt think she seemed embarrassed
I think shes a dumbwhore...

I watched Makign the Video lat night. She seemed really strung out or something when you look at her eyes and the way she talked. It was really slow and like disconnected.

That she had cameltoe only completes the picture.

I watched Making the Video and I thought it was so gross and creepy the way they showed them making the entire car-washing scene and then at the end they showed her Dad sitting back in his chair watching the whole thing like he was at a strip club.

How in the world was she able to film that scene with her Dad in the room??? That's not right. Not right at all.

Jesus, does he really have to be there for EVERYTHING?

I'm so sick of Jessica Simpson. I'm done. I'm so sick of celebrities who will do anything to stay in the spotlight. Oh wait! Please don't go! Here...I'll dance around like a dirty low-rate stripper even though the first time you met me I was an innocent Christian virgin. See? Now will you stay a little longer?

I thought the same thing! Except I was thinking "horse", but I can see camel, too. Either way, it's very odd looking.

I also think the part where she's on the bar is incredibly akward. You can tell she's thinking "Ok, that's my cue...step, step, grind...c'mon, me, look sexy!"

And what the HELL are the words?! I ~know~ it's English, so why can't I understand more than three lines? Are ANY of the lyrics the same as the original? Are there people who think she sounds good singing/speaking like that? Ugh. And don't even get me started on the way she's apparently talking ~to~ the boots...

I never thought Jessica was very pretty, since she has a total manface, but she always looked well groomed and attractive. Aside from the face, she always looked soft and feminine. Now she looks like she's been rode hard and put away wet. What is she, 24? She is looking mighty hard lately.

And ITA with everyone, the video is atrocious.

Edited.

Seriously, how the hell does he have the time to stand around and hold the dog? Doesn't he have a show and a solo CD coming out? I'm guessing his deals fell through.

No doubt. She's been on a lot of magazine covers lately containing articles on her awesome thinness. I think she looks way to thin, and it's not attractive at all. I think it's sickening that 1.) she had to get so unnaturally thin to appear in a film, 2.) that the magazines are acting like she looks great and we should all want to look just like her and 3.) that Jessica will do anything, including becoming unhealthy, in order to stay in the public eye. I think she was much better looking before.

Carrot-orange skin, raccoon Tammy Faye eyes and bad choreography are all detractors for her, but by far the most frightening thing in that video is the worst case of butthole-mouth I think I've ever seen. Even my 11 year old son agreed that it was time for some father-son eye bleaching.