No way. Nicole has the same shiny, overstretched, tightness that Kylie Minouge has and Kylie is an admitted Botox addict. (Well, she admitted to using it, not being addicted. But girlfriend has had a lot of work done.)

Anyway, they've signed on for 8 variety shows is what I read in US Weekly. Like they haven't tortured us enough with one. I really can't imagine which way the ratings will go for those. They could be fantastically popular for the tackyness value, or they may just tank like a battleship once people get over the "Newlyweds" hype. (A la the "Osbourne's Christmas Special")

i love how in Self they say "Her weight shot up to 128lbs!". Mind you, that IS a lot to gain in a short amount of time...like 26lbs...but 128lbs is a healthy weight for 5'4. Hell...its a healthy weight for 5'0! I'm 5'0 and weigh about that much and sport mediums/size 6, so I think its okay....

Has anyone else been unlucky enough to see Jessica on VH1 (for a preview of Maxim's hottest women countdown, or whatever that was) where she states, "I'm ticklish... on my groin. And that's it. Tee hee!"

Puke.

New Episodes of Newlyweds Premiere June 16 at 10:00 p.m.

Just in case anyone's still watching.

YES! This is on like everyday! I'm half-tempted to get proactiv cuz my face is always red, I think I have rosacea or something. Anyways, Jessica acts really dumb in this informercial but tries to come off as smart. I can't stand her voice! She tries to cover up her Texas accent, but it doesn't work.

Does anyone else think Jessica is lying about being 5'4? I really think she is more like 5'2 and a half but she says she is 5'4 just to find another way of making herself bigger than she really is.

Check out this Jess interview. You can tell the reporter is trying to get a rise out of her. LOL!

http://www.nola.com/living/t-p/index.ssf?/...32134249030.xml

Yes, the interviewer had the proper amount of disrespect without going over the line.

The writer (Chris Rose) who wrote that article can be really funny. I think he was holding back with Jessica. A couple of years ago, he did a one man show based on The Vagina Monologues - it was called The Asshole Monologues. He also had a fake Real World cast and film crew that he went around town with when The Real World was filming in New Orleans.

I have to go over to NOLA tomorrow...just might have to hunt Chris Rose down and give him a big ol' hug while there.

Good article. Chris Rose was just subtle enough, without being obnoxious.

FYI, speaking of US Weekly, we were all right about Jess using her chest to get attention (was there ever any doubt?). This weeks quotes section will mark the third week in a month that Jess says something about how her chest "held her back". Apparently, in her early days in Texas she wasn't allowed to sing in the front of the church since men would "lust" after her and her chest.

Um, hello? Sweetie, I now know more about your boobs than my own.
And it doesn't seem like they are holding you back all that much anymore.
SO SHOVE IT UP YOU ASS AND SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This sounds exactly like the boss (mentioned here on the boards) that would bring up how "awkward" her chest was to anyone that would listen. Everyone knows you are just doing it for attention. Seriously, its getting to the point where I'm feeling embarrassed for Jessica. I think that whenever she knows she hasn't got anything printed in this week's issue, she throws out some comment about her chest. Its just pathetic.

I agree with you. I think, in general, people in Hollywood add at least 2 inches to their height. Jessica is always wearing those HUGE heels too. Maybe she gets measured while wearing heels.

That surprises me because I thought girls wanted to be shorter because of the "cute" factor. I know for modeling you are supposed to be tall, but does it matter in Hollywood?

I am so loving the commercial with the old people. I love that woman. Jessica's words sound even dumber (if that's possible) coming from her. And I like the husband too.

The actress in that commercial is AWESOME! I am torn in this forum -- Personally, as a big-bosomed woman, I think JS HAS to know what she is getting into! And she has to know how awesome the MTV Newlyweds commercials are! No? :(

As a short person - 5 ft. - I can tell you that I would gladly add a few inches to my height fo anyone would believe me. Tall is prettier.

I have never heard that in my life. I know tall girls, and they feel like it hinders them. Guys are intimidated by them and look at them as "amazons." I'm not saying that I think tall women are any less wonderful than shorter women. I just don't see where height has anything at all to do with how pretty one is.

Little Nicky was showing-off his bod' and pumping iron on VH-1. this morning.

I was late for work......

I think its the "Grass is always greener..." school of thought. Short people always want to be taller, tall people always want to be shorter, poor people want to be rich, rich people want to be richer. I dont think its that far fetched that she would add a few inches, no one is really going to walk up to her with a measuring tape, so why not.

Also, I have debated on whether or not to post this, but in that article she says

I kind of respect her for saying this. Maybe she isnt as delusional as we think?

Word. If I have to hear, "Wow, Lacke. Did you play basketball in high school?" one more time, I'm going to crap my pants.

Topic?


Marry me, binkbink.


Ick. And EW! Men, tell me this isn't true - restore my faith in humanity.

I wrote somewhere above that I have heard of guys having a thing with gap-toothed women, not buck-toothed women. Although, I'm no expert when it comes to bad tooth fetishes, so there very well could be come cult following worshipping the likes of those with buck teeth, such as Jessica Simpson, the chick from Grease (brush 'em brush 'em brush 'em!), all rabbits, Billy the Kid, and the donkey from Hee-Haw.

Yeah, I read your post about the gap-tooth women too. Someone else commented about buck-toothed women. After I cleansed my brain with Oxy-clean, I asked for an explanation. Is there anyone reading that is actually attracted to buck teeth?

I just saw the commercial for the upcoming season. A group of weird dudes re-enacting the restaurant scene about Buffalo wings. Awsome.

Yeah, those commercials are pretty hilarious.
I guess I should get my laughs now, before the actual season starts.

That does sound pretty funny. Are the promos only airing on MTV?

That's where I saw it.



You're probably right. If this season is anything like the Osbournes third season, these commercials will be the high point.

I actually respect her a bit for this one, too...

They are showing all the re-runs from last season again. I saw the one where she's complaining to Nick about how he should want to talk to her. He said, "well you didn't have to leave a message saying you weren't sure you should have married me". She said, "well I wanted you to know I was serious!" I was infuriated all over again. Who says THAT?!?


It's amazing what a good PR staff can coach a muppet to say.

Thank God. PR coached or if she actually feels that way, I was cringing at the idea of her offspring.

If Nicky has even half a brain, he'll hire a nanny immediately. And since Jess' seems the jealous type, maybe a male nanny. Just keep Perv!Daddy away from the entire family.

Like the one on Friends? Freddy Prinz Jr. mmmmmmm.....

Totally one of my most favorite episodes of "Friends"! I have had a crush on Freddie forever!

So I'm watching the "Newlyweds" marathon, and I notice that "Take My Breath Away" was supposed to be a duet?

Interesting. I mean, I hate the solo version that Jess warbles on Top 40 radio (luckily, I have an "off" button), but poor Nick - that he can't cut a duet with his own wife and is cut out of a freaking United Way spot. How do you get rejected by a charity?

oh god....i used to think her voice was good, but after listening to it...its so horrible. Its all broken up and wannabe jazzy and stuff....its terrible. It almost sounds like screaming to me.

I was curious about this show so I watched it. Well, I tried to watch it but it was so dull (as was Jesica) that I just couldn't do it. How does submit a request to the Pope to saint-ify Nick for having to put up with her crap?

I've also seen the light and realized that Jessica can not sing. I don't know what was wrong with me, but I really did use to think that Jessica had a good voice. When she came out and people compared her to Britney, I always said "But she can sing!" Even up until recently, I thought she had a really good voice. I think it all changed when I saw her perform "Take My Breath Away" on the variety special. When she "hits" that high note, it's just SCREAMING. Like, just a really long scream. After hearing that, now every time I hear her sing I say to myself "She really isn't good!" I don't know what was wrong before, but I've finally realized just how terrible Jessica's voice really is.

I lowered my Intelligence Quotient some this weekend by catching some of the Newlywed's shtick. I'd seen them before so I had no good reason for watching them again. The worst was the camping trip. If I was Nick I would have placed food around Jessica's sleeping form and led the bears to her. I don't know how these people put up with her.

That also sealed it for me. I thought she was more of a screamer than singer before, but I caught a re-run of the variety special on VH1(?) last night and it was horrible. She sounds like every teen girl I used to know who joined talent shows "singing" (read: warbling) loudly because they think it equals talent and it really doesn't, especially in Jessica's case. I couldn't stand more than ten seconds of her.

I think she used her voice pretty well when she first came out, but recently, with her Newlyweds fame, it's like she's trying way too hard to be a vocal powerhouse like Aretha Franklin or anyone with talent. Like, "See! Look at me! I can SING!"

That variety show was supposed to be awful, right? Well done!

Yeah, trying to prove that she has talent. And the scary thing is, I think she actually believes she does. Anyway, I caught the tail end of the marathon and was reminded of all the reasons I hate her. And I don't know if anyone else noticed, but it was more obvious than ever to me that Drew hates her and Nick is totally bored and annoyed until there is a chance he'll get laid.

Which Jessica thwarts every. single. time.

I know I'm sharing way, way to much information here, but think I may sue Ice Breakers (just kidding), I bought some of those dame Liquid Ice Mints that Jessuka and Asslee were hawking (WTF! I don't know) and let me just say that I liked them OK until the damn laxative effect kicked in. They have Sucralose in them which can some major GI upset. (They also have Pork Gelatin in them (kinda ewwww), here's hoping no vegan gets ahold of these things accidently,

I'm suing.

I was thinking the same thing yesterday as I watched the marathon and related variety show. I threw up a little in my mouth (Seth Cohen TM) when Jessica tried to sing with Jewel. ACK! Hairballs! Bile resurfacing. I would rather eat my own feces like the puppy in the store, rather than have to watch and listen to her try to garble out a song, arms flailing, head wobbling like a bobble-toy, lips all akimbo... ARGH! Its too too horrible to remember, yet like an accident, how can I forget? I need a hypnotist to help me erase this awful vision that is now seared into my brain...

ETA: Her mouth is so damn big you could park a Hummer in there... I wonder if she provides better "servicing" to Nick with such a YOOGE pie hole?!

Great idea, but the bears would have run off in fear when she opened that gaping mouth of hers to scream. They would have mistaken it for one of those bear traps. We'll have to come up with another way to kill her.

Seriously, she could probably swallow a smaller bear in one gulp. Looking kinda like a Megamouth Shark. Check out the way they (scroll down) feed, it's just like when she sings. Protruding jaw and everything.

Sadly (not), I missed the mythical variety special. What sealed it for me was her version of Angels. Not only is the interpretation concentrated suck, but she actually misses notes. Who misses notes on a studio version? Were they too cheap to whip out the Auto Tuner? My friend and I heard it on the radio and we would just call out "flat" in a mono-tone voice every time she missed a note, except towards the end of the song where we just cringed. It also made the song bareable. Almost.

OMG that was hilarious!

If anyone has seen the issue of People with the 50 (or 100? No it's 50 right?) Most Beautiful People (Jennifer Boring-Ass Aniston on the cover), Jessica and Nick made the cut. Together, not as separate entries. I know this was discussed on this thread before. Anyway, there is a picture of them on a swingset, and even though I looked at the article like a month ago, I cannot get the image of Jessica out of my mind. Her teeth look HORRENDOUS. Because the picture was taken outdoors with natural lighting, you really see what a mouthful of horsey chompers she's got. If anyone has the pic and can scan it, I would sound a lot cooler right now.

Jessica has been named Number 1 in VH1/SELF magazine's "Top 10 Rock Bodies." Nick was Number 9. For some reason, Jess beat out Beyonce and Britney and J-Lo. I'm not big fans of any of them, but I think they have better figures.

Jessica was also named #1 in the Maxim Top 100 chicks. I was kinda left scratchin' my head at that one. Can she just get overexposed right now, and just go away?

Apparently not.

Although there hasn't been *that* much buzz for season 3 outside of MTV. I wonder how well it'll actually do.

(Probably phenomenal and then we'll get even more of her. My luck tends to run that way)