Thanks anyway oboe 88.

I caught an old episode of That 70's Show yesterday with Jessica on it. My sister came in the room to watch and said "Did you ever notice how painful it is to watch Jessica Simpson try to act?" To me, she hit it right on the head. It was hard to watch. If you haven't seen it, she plays this character who dates Kelso, and she is supposed to be a parallel to Jackie's character: ditzy, self-absorbed, and a bit dumb, only on a higher level. I figured Jessica would do a good job at this because, well, no acting would be required. She was horrible. Just awful. Every line of hers involved weird face contortions, a over pitched voice, and massive eyerolling. In the end of the episode, she is trying to console Eric over the loss of his grandfather, and decides to sing part of Carly Simon's "I Haven't Got Time For The Pain." That girl tried so damn hard to sing in a so-bad-it's-cute-and-funny way a la Cameron Diaz in My Best Friend's Wedding. It was kind of like those moments when you're watching someone do something so horrendously obnoxious and unfunny that time seems to stop and all you can do is stare and feel embarrassed. That's how bad it was.

In other Jessica news, this week's US Weekly has a little article on how her pilot did not get picked up. She totally cops out and pulls the infantile "I didn't really want to do the show anyway" bullshit. I know some of you fellow crazy TWoPers and Jessica Simpson haters will be able to post that article on here soon!

Oh God, I had almost forgotten she was on that show. Thanks a lot. :)

That was before she was "Newlyweds" famous and the only thing I remember is wondering who the hell this awful actress was. I'd forgotten she even had a singing career, at the time.

straight from the horse's mouth...Jessica on prom:

"Us Weekly spoke with several celebrities including Mandy Moore and Jessica Simpson about their personal prom stories. Moore said, "I didn't go to prom. I went to homecoming, and some girl cussed me out [because I was famous]. Thanks for ruining prom!" And Simpson added, "I went to prom three years in a row, always with older guys. Even if I didn't like them, I'd make them like me just so that I'd get invited." PopDirt.com"

Jessica and her blinding horse teeth are on the cover of Self Magazine, with her interview being all about how she keeps slim without dieting and exercise. I only got to read half of it on the checkout line but she said everyone was so jealous of her boobs and talent her parents took her out of public school for homeschooling her senior year. Who the hell goes homeschool in their senior year? Supposedly she did get her diploma.

Way to be all about respecting yourself and not needing male approval for every fucking move you make, dumbass. She was so high and mighty about her virginity and her whole "respect yourself" attitude and then she busts out a line like that. Jesus H. Christ.

Her mom said on some VH-1 show that Jessica follows a low-carb diet because industry types said she needed to be slimmer, and I think it was Jessica herself who has said she takes yoga classes. Low-carb and yoga. Aren't they diet and exercise?


Not sure that's really about needing male approval or not respecting yourself. I think it's about using people for your own wants.

Yeah, I remember that she did that for awhile but said she stopped after she dropped two cup sizes in her bra. Now I think she works out, I'm pretty sure she and Nick have a home gym.

And you're probably right about it being more about using people, but it still irks me because she preaches about not giving sex and shit away to guys, and then shes forcing guys to go to prom, being all slutty and whatnot in Maxim, etc. I just think she does whatever will get her the most attention, regardless of personal ethic or morals or whatever.

I read a article were she says, she can't wait to wear those Daisy Dukes shorts....How christian of her.

As I said, I only got halfway through the article. Maybe she said something about yoga but the magazine was going on about no dieting and exercise.

Was I imagining things or is Newlyweds going for a 3rd season? MTV will probably package it with Ashlee's show. Hey, does Ashlee appear on 7th Heaven with the new black hair? All the commercials she is in for her new show has Ashlee sporting blond hair.

Am I going to watch? Maybe......

Oh yeah. Season 3 starts sometime this month.

I read US Weekly today and besides a quote from Jessica about how thankful she is people talk about her without also mentioning Britney and Christina (whatever, considering that half the time people are talking about her dimwittedness), there was an analysis of celeb signatures. Jess's indicated that she thought everything revolved around her. How true! Maybe there is something in that handwriting-telling-your-personality-stuff.....

I have a friend that does the exact same thing. Except she doesn't seem to realize that maybe the only reason she has huge boobs is because she is about 5'3" and 200 lbs. Seriously. She will always be like, I would get to wear cute stuff if I had small boobs like you. I have a full C small D, and I am slim. I think the only reason she brings up the boob thing is because she can always one up people with that, and she thinks she is lucky because of it. When deep down I am like "See how big they are after you get out of morbid obesity fatso."

Jessica brings up her boobs constantly because she is fishing for attention, just like my friend. And because she knows she has a body most people pay for, so she wants to draw as much attention as humanly possible to that fact.

So...we're all in agreement that Jessica sucks right?

Let's name our least favorite part about her. Yes, you can only pick one. That is the challenge of the game. I am going to be really shallow right now (in honor of Jessica) and talk about her physical appearance.

I can't stand her mouth. As most of you have previously read, I think she has elastic lips that make her look like a braying mule when she sings, I mean when she strains and spanks the air. Also, her teeth are way bucky.

Your turn!! Don't feel bad, I started it so put the bitch guilt on me if you must.

I wonder if this is real?

ETA: contains mature content

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. THAT is some funny shit. Her lips are gross and I hate her manly jaw bone.

ETA: That website has got to be a fake. I find it hard to believe Princess Jessica would suck dick. "You want me to put THAT in my MOUTH?! Ew, Nick, ew!"

who knows? She's gotta please her man and keep the compliments rolling.

The photo of her kissing Nick, shows his right arm, with tattoos. The photo of her giving oral shows no face, but the man's right arm has no tattoos. Something's rotten, if this is supposed to be Nick & Jessica, as the site seems to be suggesting. But I didn't watch the video, so that's as far as I took my investigation. :D

Yea! There's going to be a season 3! I'm thrilled I'll have one more season to feel sorry for Nick and hope he divorces that twit.

One of Perv!Daddy's "friends" must have lifted his private out-take cassettes.

The video doesn't seem to work, but that blow job picture has to be fake. It doesn't reall even look like her. If it is, it looks as if they took a still of her singing holding a microphone and just replaced the microphone with a dick.

Drew Lachey will be appearing as Mark in the Broadway production of Rent come September.

Copying BostonPugGirl, I will say her bucky weird teeth. They make me wish bad veneers were never invented.

Also, I think the BJ is fake on that website.

*hahahahaha* It seems too easy to think of a nasty comment for that, so I'll just let it slide!



I hate her bone structure, as bizarre as that sounds. Mostly her face, I just hate how square and mannish she can look if not photographed just right.

And I don't feel bad in the least criticizing her. We're all supermodels here, right? :)

I have to agree with you on the lips. Whenever she starts to sing I have to change the channel so I can't back you up there. But when she's doing those awful commercials, the way her lips move when she talks freaks me out. She's trying way too hard to be endearingly stupid, and she over-enunciates and smiles while she's talking. Her lips aren't moving with the rest of her mouth, and her "bucky" teeth are going in the other direction. And she wears really shiny lip gloss, which just accentuates the problem. Mule-like is a good description. I think she might actually be trying to be sexy and pouty, but it's not quite working. I have to look away every time.

Can I just pick her whole face as what I dislike most about her physical appearance? From her donkey lips, bucky teeth, weird ass nose, man-jaw, to her eyes. There's something about her eyes that really bother me. They're so empty and almost scary.

Hee. I'm twelve. I suddenly pictured their wedding night when she finally reveals the reason she stayed a virgin until marriage - she was afraid no one would marry her if they knew about her ass nose.

And also could imagine her saying, "Whew! My ass nose is telling me that I need to go drop some kids off at the pool!"

I hate everything about her too much to choose just one.

Hot off the press: Jessica to Motorock: Bitch Better Have My Money

Her brain and her total refusal to even attempt to use it. I know that she's got one. How else could she speak?

Dumb isn't cute and it isn't sexy. It's just dumb.

My least favorite part of Jessucka has to be her mouth. I can't stand her bucky teeth and her mouth contortions when she sings. She looks possessed when she sings and like she is going to deep throat the mike.

Has anyone checked out these pictures. This claims that she has had more work done than just a breast lift. She looks pretty fake in the first picture. I also saw some pictures somewhere showing some face work she had done, Here they are.but In my opinion she still is not attractive. Not exactly ugly, but kinda mannish.

I'm slightly embarrassed to say that The Dukes of Hazzard for one of my favorite shows when I was little (I rode my tricycle of the back steps at age 5 to be like the Dukes, cut my head pretty good with that stunt) I wouldn't go near that crappy remake with a 100 ft. pole. Jessucka is a horrible, horrible actress, I hope her 15 min. is up soon, so I don't have to look at or hear her ever again.

her nose doesn't look done to me. She NEEDS to get it done.

I don't think she has had anything done to her face. It looks like she just lost her baby fat.

I'm definitely on the side of saying she's had something done. I know a couple of people who had nose jobs and the change was subtle. The difference in Jessica's nose is similar to one girl, I know.( I also believe she had her breasts lifted.)

This cracked me up. I used to kiss John Schneider on my Dukes of Hazard poster every night before bed. I loved that show. I agree though, the remake is sure to be a piece of crap. Seriously, who's going to play Boss Hogg? Roscoe? Uncle Jesse? It's bad enough that their considering a blonde to play Daisy. Not to mention a shitty acting blonde.

Her whole face looks a little slimmer to me, but if Jessica did have anything done to her nose, it looks worse than before. Now it looks like a beak.

I while back when the "Take My Breath Away" video came out I had mentioned in the Music Video thread that I thought she had had boob enhancement of some sort. If you watch the video, it looks as if she isnt used to their placement because she keeps trying to put her hand on her stomach the way she usually does, but she keeps hitting her boobs by mistake. I feel much better knowing that there really is something fishy going on in her boob area and it wasnt just me noticing her ginormous chest.

AMEN!!!!!

(It really is not said often enough, and I don't want to sound like I'm some sort of man-hating, rabid feminist, but I am A feminist and think that the longer little girls look up to people like Jessica, the more women's lib is going to back slide.)

I just saw that breathmint commerical...she is pathetic.

Ok, I'll say it. She was WAY cuter in the old pictures. But I tend to feel that way about a lot of women's visages when they were on the cusp of fame--Faith Hill, Nicole Kidman, etc., all much, much nicer looking before Fakeywood got a hold of them.

Yech.

I remember reading somewhere that men are supposedly turned on by buck teethed women. They likely purposely did her teeth that big and bucky for that reason alone.

When she does that I'm-supposed-to-act-sexy-now look, it just reminds me of a mouth-breather, dumbass HUH? kind of look. Almost expect to see drool.

OT: One of the newer VS models always has this look where she has her head down and then looks up. It's supposed to look sexy, but it just makes her look like her eyes are about to roll back into her skull as she performs some evil ritual and snorts smoke out her nostrils./OT

I don't like Jessica's bum-chin or square jaw, but there really is something odd about those eyes of hers, and I might've pinpointed what it could be. She looks like she is naturally a brunette with those brown eyes, and I think that her skin tone suggests that too. Some people with brown eyes can get away with blonde (Brittney looks slightly better than that as a blonde), but not Jessica. If she IS a natural blonde, she would be better off dying her hair.

I just saw this whole horrendous infomercial for ProActiv that Jessica is in. I thought Britney had the whole ProActiv endorsement a while ago? Anyway, they showed this picture of Jessica "with acne." First of all, most of her face was shadowed by bad lighting and second of all there was like one bump on her chin. It was the clearest "before" picture I've ever seen. She is shown a bunch of times demonstrating "how easy it is to use ProActiv." She is applying toner and lotion to her face all face and careful, when we all know everyone does a slathering type motion.

Anyway, I am sick of her. She is way overexposed and I wonder how many more things ScaryPaSimpson will force her to whore.

How many fucking commercials is she in now? Pizza Hut, breath mints, zit cream...

According to Hits Daily Double, Jessica's tour is expected to do pretty badly.



ETA: You may have to register to read the full article, but what I posted above was the only mention of Jessica (it's near the middle of the article).

I too think her tour will do badly! Yet she booked some pretty big venues in some places. What was she thinking? I checked out Ticketmaster to see how her concert was selling in San Antonio not too long ago. They were still selling Level 1 seating! She's nuts if she thinks she can sell out the SBC Center! Not even Britney, Christina, or Evanescence tried to do that this last time.

I ordered Proactiv after watching that infomercial. I knew Jessica Simpson, Vanessa Williams and Elle McPherson would not lie to me... and they didn't. That stuff works great.

Anyway, count me among those voting for Jessica's mouth as her worst feature.

I should vote "brain", because I agree that dumb isn't cute. And I detest Jessica for her behavior, not her looks. Judging as a straight female, I think she's an attractive girl, with a great figure. *sigh* Dumb as a box of rocks, and a helpless, whining, spoiled brat, too. I'm telling you, Nick. Run.

OK, Jessucka was on "The Kidd Kraddick Show" this morning (it's a radio show). They talked about her sitcom, and how she decided not to do it because she wants to focus more on her movie career, and didn't want to be tied down to a sitcom for 5 to 7 years!!! What the fuck? Who would let her do a sitcom for longer than a mid-season replacement?
And they asked her if she was taking acting lessons, and the DJ said ,"I don't think you need them, or anything, because you're really good already!" Dude, I know they have to ass-kiss, but people go to hell for saying things like that!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. 5-7 years? I knew the girl was delusional but oh my God. Even optomistic sitcom stars know better than to predict that kind of longevity before they are even picked up. And I read somewhere,Time, I think, that ABC or whoever decided not to pick up the show because they were looking for less female viewership with girly shows and trying to pick up the male audience which has been tuning out lately with more cop and shoot-em-up shows. So, as I'm sure we all guessed anyway, it was the network and not Jess who decided not to do the show.

Thank God. As a female, I never thought I'd thank a network for catering to male interests, but I couldn't be more pleased in this situation.

Yeah..she is so delusional.

Speaking of Nicole Kidman from few posts above. I saw her on Letterman and some other apperances lately, can we just say...BOTOX! And a bad outcome it is. Or maybe she just ages badly naturally.

Okay back to the topic. Is the third season taped the same time as the second? When was that, I forgot?

The first two seasons were their first year, remember their anniversary with mom and dad this past season?
So the next two seasons will probably be their 2nd year.

Technically, they arent "Newlyweds" after 2 years, but this is MTV and they will milk it as long as they can.

To add to that delusion, she was going for a show on ABC, the home of the canceled show. She would have been lucky if it lasted a whole season. Only the truly great shows last the entire season, then get cancelled (and My So Called Life, I'm sure this wasnt), most fall into the pit pf pulled shows after about 2-3 episodes. Shes a fucking moron.

I think it is gap-toothed women that men like. You see, it gives them this fantasy of when she goes down on him, and he can stick his you-know-what in the gap. Please don't ask me why I know this, I am simply repeating what I heard. Also, in the book "Where the Heart Is," there is a scene with a scuzzy guy who picks up a female hitchhiker. He is totally turned on by the fact that her front two teeth are missing, and has fantasies of oral sex.

So there you go. Sorry to get off topic.

EW has this to say about her show:


So instead of a sitcom they will inflict a bunch more of those horrid variety shows on viewers.