I just barfed. I swear I barfed.

Jeez. The variety show was just released on DVD. If it sells poorly I will laugh and laugh.

Then there's this:
Customers who bought this DVD also bought:

Jessica Simpson - Dream Chaser DVD
13 Going on 30 (Special Edition) DVD ~ Jennifer Garner
DVDs from The Simple Life Series.
Britney Spears - In the Zone (DVD with Bonus CD) DVD

It's official, her fans have no grasp on reality either.

Me either.

When I think about it, she's a pretty boring person all the way around, so it's probably no different in the sex department. Factor that with the way she doesn't seem to be overly attracted to Nick. As a straight female myself, I'm amazed at how infrequently she reaches for him at all. Me, when I see those shoulders, I just want to reach out and touch. But I digress. Anyway, when Nick hugs her, she looks a little like my cat who just barely tolerates being held and jumps away as soon as you loosen your grip.

Nick, on the other hand, seems quite affectionate. He definitely likes to touch her face. But he's also a more touchy person with everyone. That reflects a sensual nature that translates well in the bedroom.

Which reminds me: It sucks that Jessica's favorite memory with Nick has to do with farting. I know she was put on the spot by that question, but dammit, girl, try harder. Loved their embarrassment, especially Drew hiding in his hoodie. Love those boys. Big noses and all.

Jerry, when I see anything on Nick I want to reach out and grab. Oh, do I ever.

Ahem.

Although I don't know Jessicka or Nick or really know anything about their relationship, I've acted like Jessicka does towards Nick to my ex-fiance months before we broke off our engagement. He was cute, nice, extremely romantic but I just didn't reach out for him or "make the moves" on him. Guys tire of that, and mine did. Watching this show takes me back to this time period and I've caught myself saying "Oh, I acted JUST like that around Mr. Ex-Run4Fun." Now that I look back, I was acting that way because I was figuring out that we just weren't right for eachother. I'm not saying that J/N are in the same boat but come on, give him something to work with!

My doG, if I got to lay in bed everyday with that man, he'd be worn out so fast....oh nevermind. Too much information!

[I]ETA--Correct tense

Mine was listening to Snoop Dog in his mom's basement with waaaay too much Cool Water Cologne in the air.


Yeah, what was up with that? Of all the amazing places around the world they have been, that's the best she could come up with? Boundries Jess, everything in your head does NOT need to be shared. Is she trying to be Jenny McCarthy? Get your own shtick hon.

Hee! She totally is like that! I never made the comparison before.

ITA. Also, if you rebuff a man so many times, eventually he will tire of trying. And, frankly, look elsewhere. There is gossip about right now about a steamy kiss between Alyssa Milano and Nick. As in, what was happening on Charmed has perhaps continued off the set. If it's true, could you blame him? Milano is very sexy and a real maneater, you know? What's more she has more than two functioning brain cells. I'll search for a link about this story.

Oh dear...

Has anyone else heard the news that Jessica and Nick are ending the show? Before you get all giddy and excited...MTV is in the works for making Newlyweds 2 with, you guessed it, Britney Spears and her drug-dealer...er...fiance. So as much fun as it's been to hate Jessica, I can only start to love her for the few episodes left before Britney begins her famewhore of doooooom.

GangstaBlang- Keep the Jessica hate alive! This was discussed a few pages back. While Newlyweds is ending, it looks like the Britney show is just a rumor and MTV has denied it.





So true! She is a complete idiot!

Edited for clarity

Thanks! There goes my concentration at work this afternoon!!!

Nick, call me!!!

Mine too! The Downward Spiral to be exact.

Is this Newlyweds 2 thing true or just a rumor? I hope for all of our sakes it is just a rumor.

I just want to say I would LOVE Nick to leave Jessica. It would teach Jessucka such a lesson in how to treat a great guy. She would finally realise that not everyone kisses her booty and Nick WILL leave if hes not treate corectly.

Teach Jessica a lesson? Puh-leeze. She would not learn anything from the experience; she would just blame and badmouth Nick and her parents would totally back her up on it.

I would totally watch Newlyweds 2 - Britney and Kevin. It would be just like this Newlyweds, like a trainwreck, and I can't help but watch.

I'm with you on this! I would be so happy if I heard it were true. Seeing Britney and her "backup dancer" would be so funny to watch. Maybe even more entertaining than Nick and Jessica. She's definitely on the downward spiral and I want to witness it first-hand.

A radio dj made a mistake and my sis & her husband ended up getting engaged to "Zombie" by The Cranberries.



I didn't think I was going to watch this one and I did. I bet the same thing would happen if they did a Britney version. For me anyway.

Thank you for making me spill Coke all over my desk. How romantic is that!?

Oh, yeah, considering he made a vow to Jessica. I hope that Alyssa rumor is false, because I don't want another reason to dislike Nick.

Yesterday in the Washington Post gossip section there was a blurb about Nick and Alyssa. Apparently, he told her immdiately upon meeting her that he had a poster of her over his bed as a kid and a huge crush on her. They went on to say things got pretty steamy. Did anyone else see that?

While I think Nick will eventually go looking for love and companionship from a mature, intelligent woman, I don't think he'd be so stupid as to do it so publicly. Don't they have future specials lined up? But anyway, I love the rumors because, given Jessica's infantile jealousy over the back-up dancer auditions, making that point in his career all about her, this must be making her crazy. And she can't show up on the set because she's off on her pathetic mall tour. Maybe he'll get some when he gets home.

Really?!? [singing]It's beginning to look a lot like Chriiiiiiistmass![/singing]



Ugh! Not the Cooter Tat! She's as bad, maybe even worse than Jessucka!

Yes...

Okay, so its off the current topic and kinda off in the general Jessica bashing theme, but I was watching the episode where she is rehearsing for her tour, the finale, Im pretty sure. And I was reminded taht Jessica seems to actually take her singing career seriously, and acted pretty professional on the rehearsal. Maybe its that we've seen her sister be three hours late for meetings, then complain that she keeps getting cofused and give no sort of feedback at rehearsal other than she is on her period. Compared to Asslee, Jessica seemed to actually have a decent work ethic and you could tell she's worked hard to be where she is.

There, I said it. I still hate her. But I dislike her because she's dumb and glorifies being a bimbo, her music career is just meh.

So, I was just reading my latest US Weekly (I subscribe...you can stop laughing any time...) They mentioned, not once, but twice, that CreepyPa Simpson emailed them to say that Jess and Nick would be doing another season. One of those times, they also said he said that Asslee would be doing a second season as well.

I take a lot of what's printed in US with a grain of salt, but if this is true, I have mixed feelings. I didn't care for Asslee's show, and I like watching N & J (Mostly N), but they're starting to make me sad. I would watch Britney and that goober she's "marrying". Train wreck describes it perfectly - that girl has been on a trashy-ass downward spiral for a while now, and I can only pray that her reality show would be the end. On the other hand, I can barely watch her speak without cringing, whereas I find Jess to be bland enough to tolerate for half an hour, so who knows.... Perhaps they could go head to head - battle of the blonde reality pop has-beens, anyone? (Which reminds me - why don't they do Battle of the Network Stars anymore? Or Circus of the Stars? THAT I would watch...)

Hollers

I am also a proud subscriber of US Weekly, and In Touch, and People. They are not the most quality reading materials, I know, but they are entertaining to read. I have noticed that Jessica is quite the darling over at US Weekly. She is always in that magazine and they tend to praise the yucky clothes her mommy picks out.

I think they take out all the romantic stuff because then it would be boring. I don't want to watch people talk lovey dovey to eachother, I don't want to watch people cuddle and make out. I want to something entertaining. So that's just my guess.

Newlyweds 2? Gawd, when will Britany relize she's over, and no one cares to see her trashy act anymore! I personaly am sick of her and I think she should retire before she makes a huger ass of herself. (Not that she isn't already an ass!)

Nick & Alyssa kissing? I don't doubt it. I bet it was for the show. Not because they wanted to make out. But for the episode he's filming. Use some common sense!

I read that about Nick and Alyssa too but I took it this way. He said he immediately admitted to her about having a crush on her when they were younger(I'm assuming Who's the Boss Days?) and having posters of her. He wanted her to hear it from him rather than other people like school kid ridicule type goofiness. Then they talked about how they had steamy kissing scenes and the question was asked wouldn't Jess get jealous and he said she shouldn't she had her own career and scenes he didn't really like in things but it was just a job so it didn't bother him. I didn't take it as a "there might be more going on" type thing, just an interview question about love scenes and stuff. Then again I'm old (30) and I don't read a lot into stuff like that.

Didn't she tell this story to talk about the time when she realized that they were so in love with each other? That Nick could let out a huge fart without worrying about it because they were secure in their relationship? I didn't see anything wrong with this memory. What's she supposed to say? Talk about some amazing trip halfway around the world that most of her fans would never be able to afford? I think if she had done that, she would have come across as spoiled and a brat. I liked her answer much better.

I agree with what you are saying, but I think there are other ways of expressing that point of a relationship where everything is comfortable. You dont have to resort to bodily functions, just like I dont want to hear about how Nick poops or pees. TMI, not anyone's business. She could have talked about hanging out with him without make up; about opening up her feelings; about spending a day together not doing anythign or saying anything, but knowing your loved one is right there; about a time when she was sick and he took care of her (or viceversa); about their first Christmas. There are many anecdotes that would have worked better and would not have made Nick look less appealing. Personally, I dont like flatulence. It happens, my boyfriend has done, so have I, but we all do undesirable things that no one has to know about.

I was thinking the same thing.

It never crossed my mind that a favorite memory should involve exotic travel because that wouldn't really be about Nick. She was in the right area in choosing a small moment between them, but missed the mark when she divulged something that embarrassed Nick.

Considering that she's one of those "let it all hang out" types, I shouldn't be surprised that she was delighted when Nick finally abandoned his manners and cut one. *sigh*

Say it with me Jessica: Money can't buy class.

I didn't take it that there might be more going on either. But Jessica was having an emotional meltdown when Nick was auditioning dancers, so I think it's a hoot that the gossips are implying that there's more going on. If she can't accept him dancing with other women, I can't imagine she's going to be comfortable having him kiss other women. He can say it's just a job and she's okay with it, but we've seen otherwise. Unless she's acquired about ten years of emotional maturity in the last couple of months, it's going to make her very insecure, and he'll be forced to endure endless pouting and whining.

Does anyone know how the Simpson sisters are doing internationally? I'm very curious to know how their records sales are, specifically in Great Britain.

What I think is really boring and got old fast is the intense discussion about the origins and details of the food they are eating at every restaurant meal with Jessica trying to act knowledgable and dumb at the same time, perhaps always searching for that tuna/chicken magic.  I'd rather watch them make out.  I hope for Nick's sake this was all an act and doesn't happen when the cameras are off.  Endless boring, meaningless conversations like that can test anyone's love. 



What's really sad is that Jessica spent her whole career trying to chase Britney's success, and now the tables have turned and Britney has sunk to the level of imitating Jessica Simpson.

It's a sad day indeed when anyone has to sink to the level of Jessica.

I have been a lurker for a while but have come to this board often and just wanted to say that you are all fantastic. I enjoy this board so much.

Just a few points that I wanted to make.

I have watched all three seasons of Newlyweds and to see the difference in how Jessica treats Nick to how she treated him in the first season, there is a big difference. I remember when she had to go and promote the CD in the first season and Nick stayed home and judged the bikini contest. She was on the cellaphone calling him and then got upset why he wasn't calling her to talk to her and she asked if he had missed her. Now, it seems like she doesn't even care that she doesn't see him much. She has her mother, CeCe and her fame has came back and it's now like Nick who? He can go off with Drew where they want to go.

From what I can gather, I do think it was because when the show first started, both of their career's had stalled and they were mostly together all the time and had each other and so when she had to go occasionally to do promo work else where, she would miss him so much. Now, that her career has taken off again and she is constantly on the move and now she has others telling her that they love her and doing everything for her. Jessica doesn't need Nick as much in her life anymore. I don't see her missing Nick or even calling to see how he is.

One thing that I do admire for Jessica is that she would do things for Nick because he enjoyed them. The camping trip in the first season, now this is clearly a girl who has never gone camping in her life but she went for him. When they went away with Drew and Leah and she swam with the dophilns (sp?) she went on that sky flying thing that was attached to the boat (dont' know what they are called). Jessica said herself, that she was afraid to do those things but for Nick, she would do it. Nick on the other hand, didn't seem to do that for Jessica and the main point was the skiing espiode. He just went once, fell down and that was it. Wouldn't give it another try.

Is Nick rude to CeCe? he sure is. I don't blame the guy because she annoys me so much as well but that comment about the cheque for the mortage was so rude and no one deserves that, no matter who they are. Do I think that CeCe has a thing for Nick, no doubt about it. I remember that scene from when they were playing the Three Company's theme song. The scene of CeCe giving Nick a back rub, even Jessica's father was watching from the door, thinking what is going on here??

The parents have changed from the first season. You hardly saw them but now you see them in every single espiode. I remember the very first show and the talk about the movers. Jessica's father said to the mother, it's their life and they can't interfer. What the hell has happened to that guy?? He has done a complete turn around from that espiode and is so involved in Jessica's life now.

I do miss the first season of Newlyweds because that is when they mostly forcused on Nick and Jessica together but this season for me, has been the worst. Nick and Jessica have hardly been together and it's all been CeCe everywhere Jessica goes.

Maybe this is out of place in the middle of all this serious discussion but there goes..........

I remember a few years ago before Newlyweds started, there were all these rumors about Jessica that apparently originated in high school. People were saying that Jessica was a Lesbian and wasn't interested in males. In school, people talk constantly......mostly out of their ass. However, all the times Nick has mentioned not getting laid has started me wondering. Plus, Jessica's insistance that her first time was "amazing" just reeks of a lie to me.

I know it's sadistic to wish discomfort on a family but I just can't help it. I don't care if it makes me a bitch or not. I keep waiting for the entire foundation of this family to just cumble mostly because I can't stand Ma and PaSimpson. I don't really like any of them except Drew and Leah who are hardly ever shown. I don't even like Nick (which puts me in the minority). So, watching the whole thing just fail spectacuallry would bring me some amusement.

In my little dream scenario, Ashlee Simpson rises to stardom and Hollywood power.........JLo style. She's everywhere. She completely eclipses her older sister who is seething with jealousy. So, Ashlee becomes the family cash cow and Ma and Pa Simpson's favorite. Just to be realistic though, Jessica's boobs still hold a very special spot in PaSimpson's heart.

Jessica Simpson feeling neglected and dried up, does some soul searching and discoves that the only things she's ever really loved in life are Mexican food, Cacee and her dog. So, she quits showbusiness, leaves Nick, marries CaCee and opens a mexican restaurant that caters to LA types and their overly pampered dogs.

Just as the movie deals are coming in, Ashlee decides to give it all up and retire to an organic food farm in Idaho after watching how much happier her sister is without all the cameras. She becomes a hippi and refuses to allow her 5 children to even watch TV.

After an extended period of living on his brothers couch, Nick finally gets it together and goes back to school earning a degree in sports medicine.

Ma and PaSimpson are left alone with each other with no cash cow. MaSimpson has no daughters to live vicariously through and PaSimpson has no young boobs to stare at.

and I live happily ever after.

I am so glad that this show is ending. I was getting a headache watching Jessucka and her ASSistant Cacee trying to carry on a conversation.

I heard about the whole Newlyweds 2 with Britney and Cletus, but MTV has made a statement that they are not in talks with her and her white trash fiance.

I have a question, with Nick buying Dominoe's for the pathetic workers, is that a breach of contract for Jessucka with PizzaHut? I was wondering if it is the same as, if you work for Coca-Cola, you can be fired for buying or drinking Pepsi..sounds funny, but its true.

Has anyone else heard the story about Jessucka not getting along with ASSley, b/c of her selling more albums in a month than Jessucka has since March?

BBC Radio One which gets about 7 million listeners a day has Ashlee on their C playlist. Jessica has probably done about the same on radio one's playlists in the past. Jessica has been on the main charts show and a saturday charts show but that was a few months ago. So neither of them are that hot in britain. Ashlee's song might get into the top forty - don't think she'll get into the top ten.

Because I like doing Google searches, neither Simpson sister appears on the official UK Top 75 Singles list. Nor do they appear on the Top 75 Albums list. They also aren't charting in Germany, Italy, Spain, Sweden, Finland, Norway, and Denmark. I think that's enough. Britney's Everytime however is all over Europe. As is Anastacia, who doesn't get much attention in the States. And O-Zone, whom I've never heard of. Wait, I found Take My Breath Away at #47 in France. But her album doesn't appear in the top 200. Checking Australia, Pieces of Me is #9, Take My Breath Away is #21. Jess' album is #30 but no Ashlee on the album chart. Did they release the single ahead of the album? Lastly, I'm checking Japan because I think Ashlee could do very well there. Her psuedo-punk attitude and age will fit right in with the Idol music culture. Hey, I was right. Pieces of Me is 27 with a bullet after two weeks.

Now if anyone wants to investigate further, be my guest.

Has anyone heard their pre-marriage breakup was just a publicity stunt? I was looking at Jessica Fametracker thread (not as funny as Britney, but just as snarky) and there was a link to this report, although it's Page Six so the accuracy is always in doubt.

This? Hilarious. Who cares if it's true? It's funny.

Thanks for the info guys. I didn't think the Simpsons would be making an impact internationally and I'm glad I was right.

Just to chime in on the Nick/Alyssa thing, Nick was on ET on Vh1 or MTV (same thing) and he said that he told her that he crushed on her in school and from there they just jumped right into their scenes. He said that they had like 8 lines and then they were making out and he said that it got kind of heavy real quick or something like that. When asked how Jessica would feel about the love/kissing scenes, he said that since she did That 70's Show he had to deal with her kissing Ashton Kutcher so now they're even.

I subscribe too, and I was just coming to post here about Pa Simpson saying twice that they were going to return. I'd bet some money that they are going to come back. What else would they do? Spend time with each other OUT of the spot light? Work on developing a strong and stable marriage? Please. There's no money in that!

I think it's quite sad that they've turned into caricatures of themselves. Justin Timberlake did an over the top sketch of them for SNL, and it's frightening how accurate it's turned out to be.

It's also frightening that he looked prettier and less manish than she does. Shudder.

There is a big part of me that really, really LOVES that.

What. Ever. She couldn't handle his backup dancers.

ITA, Ashley02.

Article talking about how Britney might do Newlyweds next. Great snarky line about how Britney has had many number one albums, unlike Jessica.

I don't know why the article says "after three years" for Nick and Jessica. They will hit their second anniversary in October.

Sam Goody will now carry her shit Dessert products. The article names a bunch of them, and one of her products is called "Slip and Slide." Holy crap!?

Call me hyper cynical, but when Jessica was playing QA with the audience, I swore she was going to say the best memory was the first kiss and then start singing her version of the Berlin song, which is the soundtrack to her kissing session.

Going off topic a little, when you have hit the fame level of Brittney, why don't you just quit when you are on top? She's made million of dollars, just gracefully leave and let someone else take your place?

I am soooo waiting for a "Movies that Rock" about Brittney (or Jessica). And not that lame one that Brittney and her mom wrote that a poor-man's version of "Fame". I'm wanting one that is really trashy, kind of like that Jackson's mini series.

I totally forgot to TiVo the finale last week. Guess I don't have to worry too much about missing it...I'm sure it will be on a couple hundred more times this week. For some unknown reason, I dreamed last night that Nick was making an "appearance" at my local Linens 'N Things. I was all excited to get a chance to tell him how I thought he was way too good for Jessica, and that he was the main reason most people watch the show, etc. When I got there he was walking all around the store, giving full-on-the-mouth kisses to any of his fans that wanted them. I was too embarassed and married to really make out with him (dammit!), so I just hugged him a lot instead. I couldn't remember all the things I had wanted to tell him, so I ended up just repeating "You're really cute!" in his ear until one of his people forced me to detach myself from him. Oh, and there was a person there whose job was to follow Nick around with a cd player blasting his music, but they were actually playing a Justin Timberlake song. Awww. Poor Nick.

I guess the real question is, was it really only a dream, or a premonition?

I was watching MTV the other day and they said that Drew is now going to be in Rent. He is playing the same role Joey Fatone played. I guess even Nicks brother and sister in law are gaining fame from Newlyweds.

Jessica was on The View this morning singing Angels. She also mentioned that Nick was at home shooting Charmed and kissing Alyssa Milano. Big news though, Cacee moved out!