True, but it happens to most people not named Jessica Simpson sometimes, not everyday (or every episode, as the case may be). Also, I'd guess that most of us don't do it deliberately because guys find it sooooo irresistable nor do we intend to make a career/public persona out of being a dumbass.

ITA. And in the first post, I really wasn't trying to be bitchy... I didn't get the sense you were being condescending to all young parents; but I just wanted to put it out there that not all 20-year-old brunette Christian mommies suck as much as Tina. Hehe.

EW. I forgot about the Juicy pants.

... Oh my gah, y'all-- I just had a revelation.

TINA IS THE THIRD OLDER SISTER!

It's why she doesn't dress her age, know any correct information on her "daughters", particularly care about raising or teaching them, discusses sex with Jess at length, and why CreepyPa is still sleeping with her. Any Simpson sister will do. [/fake conspiracy theory]

BTW: Did anyone else hear Kaysei or Jessica say something like "woodchucks are the ones that see their shadow"? It's funny, nowhere on my calendar is "Woodchuck's Day" listed.

My Jessica moment is with that song "Papa was a Rolling Stone" in it they sing "and when he died, all he left us was alone".

Until about a year ago - I thought they were singing "a loan" - like all papa left them was in debt - it made sense to me; then I had the ephinany in my car and I LMAO when I HEARD "alone" v "a loan".

I love it. And in a strange way, its totally plausible. Im imagining some type of Flowers in the Attic scenario where the girls were raised thinking Tina was their mother, and they have lied this whole time about her age (that's why she acts and dresses younger).

Oh Maggigault, I havent laughed so hard in a while.

Don't feel silly. Here's mine: we were having a discussion a couple of years ago about what caused the Great Depression. I piped up with "buying margarine!" Everyone sort of looked at me. Then one person spoke up: "Uh, that's buying on margin."

It happens to the best of us. It also happens to the worst of us, as witnessed by Jessucka and KCey.

Ha! Thats great maggie! I'm a natural blonde so my moments come more often, but my worst was when my cousin who is named Erin brought home her boyfriend who is named Aaron. It didnt dawn on me that they had the same name for at least 2 hours and when the epiphany did finally occur it was in the middle of a family dinner and everyone made fun of me for the rest of the night.
Like everyone said, it happens to the best of us!

I think we've all had those moments, and they could never be recreated which is what Jessucka tries to do every damn episode.

kallaloo I always thought it was "intensive" as well. My aunt, who would give Jessucka a run for her money, has many of those moments. She thought the supermarket chain IGA was supposed to be pronounced like a word, "the igga store". Also discussing the election in 2000 at a family dinner, she pipes in "well isn't it the electrical college who decides?". So fo course we all said that of course, the future electricians of America decide who becomes president. She has had many more, and she wonders why we all think she's a dingbat!

I love the "Tina is really the third sister" theory!

Can you imagine THAT as the big series finale shocker (a la Chinatown): "She's my mother, my sister, my mother, my sister!"

I guess, being almost 42 (and that's almost 45, which is nearly 50!), that I have to defend Tina a little bit for dressing young. She's in LA, surrounded by the followers of the Cult of Youth, and she mostly looks ok for being a 43-year-old middle-class woman from a small town in Texas. Look at Pa Simpson. He also dresses closer to 25 than 45. I'm just grateful that we haven't been exposed to Tina discussing facelifts and breast lifts with Jessica or Ashlee.

However, this does not mean that Tina falling on her drunken ass at Jessica's birthday party is no longer my favorite Newlyweds moment.

Ohh I want to share my moment too! I was driving through wine country in Northern Cali and I called the vineyard a grapery once. It just sort of slipped out. It was a year and a half ago though, and I haven't had any Jessica moments since. She has enough for a whole tv show.

Oh god! That was the best!! still LMAO!

Hmmm... Favorite Newlyweds moment.

"I'm almost 23, which is almost 25, which is almost mid-twenties!"- Jessica
"Ballerino"- Jessica
"Baby, you're kidding... Right?"- Nick to everything Jessica says
"My washer in Texas would have cleaned it!"- KaighSeigh
"Shut it."- Nick to KAY-TO-DA-CEE
"Ever heard of eviction? Shut it."- Nick to CayCi

What else?

omg, I had a similar moment as well. My freshman advisors' son was named Aaron, but I always spelt it in my head as Aaron and always wondered why they gave their son such a girly name. Then one day, months later, I was writing an email to her and had an epiphany that it was spelt Aaron.

I don't really mind those moments, in teh beginning, chicken/tuna thingie. I liked the newlyweds in the beginning. But I agree that it seems so forced now on the show. When Cacee was doing that woodchuck thingie, I wanted to smack her annoying, mooching face cuz she was so obviously trying to have a Jessica moment. ugh.

I'll maaaaybe give her a pass on the clothes. My 50 year old mother is taking my 18 year old sister to college this weekend. In an attempt to curb her impending "empty nest syndrome", she has spent much of this year "bonding while shopping" with my sister. Needless to say, she has a few Abercrombie outfits I might have to save herself from wearing.

My main problem is her apparent desperation to act young and hip. Let's talk tea bagging with our daughter in a store with cameras on us! I've clearly never taught my daughters anything like responsibility, respect, patience, sharing, timeliness, boundaries, accountability, and more!

I need so see some parenting! damnit! parenting! (is the O.C. back yet?)

My Jessica moment(s):
It never really make the connection with words and their origin. The highlights-

Scarecrow: It actually scares crows
Suburban: Sort of urban, but not really
cigarettes: cigars for girls
pitchfork: they really do pitch it when they use it
and last but not least, I'll stand next to oboe_88 loud and proud....
Kanga and Roo from Winnie the Poo

Only if Nick is the one slapping her back and forth as she says it! Actually I would rather see him take a swing at Joe.

My Jessica Moment: I was in evolution class in college and we were watching a video which showed an average day in the life of a Neatherthal. The film was so realistic, for about half a second I actually thought to myself, "Are these actors or is this real?" Then I remembered if they had just invented the wheel and tools, they probably hadn't gotten around to inventing the video camera yet. I don't think I have ever felt so stupid.

The part about having Jessica moments is interesting... because then it makes me wonder, if actually, Jessica isn't a total moron. But, I just can't make that jump of logic.

My Jessica moment happened a few years ago when I was looking at some baby pictures my cousin had of her newborn. She said "this one was taken at 3 in the morning" and without thinking, I said "you woke up Jacob to take his picture at 3 in the morning!?" and after it popped out of mouth, I realized that I had sounded like a total dumbass.

The Tina as the oldest sibling is hilarious. I think that she really likes being a MILF (or thinking that she is). The juicy pants are just too much and I wonder if anyone makes fun of her behind the cameras.



Too bad Jessica would be distracted by a butterfly to respond to the statement.

I can't either. And part of the reason is something you said further down in your post:

The reason I think Jessucka really is stupid is she doesn't seem to ever make it to that realization stage.

Precisely!
She says something stupid (which, at this point, we can prettymuch tell which ones are for real and which are contrived)...then she just goes on and on instead of realizing what she said.

Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig difference, IMO.

OMG, I love this one! I'm not making fun of you, pmstranski, I just think this is hilarious!

When my son was little we used to listen to a Tom Petty tape that included the song "Into the Great Wide Open." We'd sing along to it and he'd always sing, "Into the gray Y open..." because at that time he was going to the YMCA for swimming and other athletics so he thought the song was about the Y -- I still tease him about it today (he's 21 now) whenever we hear that song.

On topic: the "chicken of the sea" moment may have been real, but so many of Jessica's "moments" since then seem forced and phony. Now it's reached the "enough already" stage.

I DID THE SAME THING! Only, my situation was a bit different. I was about 10 years old on vacation. My father and I stopped at the IGA store, and I wondered out loud to him "Why the heck is this store called IGA?" Of course, pronouncing it "igga." My loving father replies, "Wow, I don't know. You should ask someone at the store and find out." So my dumb ass asks the bag boy why the store is called igga, and he just looked at me in complete disdain and disgust. My dad laughed his ass off for like 2 days.

For the record, all of your Jessica moments have made me laugh so hard my stomach hurts. Seriously, you guys came up with some funny shit.

My sister had about 14 Jessica moments in a row yesterday, as we patiently waited at Midway airport to pick our mother up. She looks at a sign saying "City of Chicago, Richard Daley, mayor." We live in Lansing, about 20 minutes south. She says to me "Why doesn't Lansing's sign have Daley's name on it?" and I looked at her and went "Uh, because Daley is the MAYOR. Of Chicago!"

She says "Wait. So doesn't mayor mean for the whole state?" When I screamed at the top of my lungs that she is thinking of the GOVERNOR, she tells me that they are same thing. Sweet jesus.

She goes on later to insist that the word "broad" is pronounced "brode." Like as in the word "road" with a "b" before it. I said "THAT'S NOT EVEN A WORD!" (tm Monica Gellar). She says, "Yes it is. Like a "brode" of geese."

At that point I was crying and in pain. How the hell she mistook the word "gaggle" for the mispronounced word "brode" I will never know.

Damn, y'all, people bought half a million dollars of that Dessert shit? I weep for humanity.

Now that was one of the most enjoyable episodes yet. Why? 90% Nick and Drew, 10% Jessucka, and 0% Ma/Pa Simp.

I've had some blond moments and can't recall them at the moment (dang this CRS disease) but the best one I've ever heard: several of us old classmates had gotten together to catch up on old times, and Dobie Gray's "Drift Away" came on the radio. Pal Michael starts hollering "GIMME THE BEACH BOYS AND FREEEEEE MY SOUUUUUL" and he and I argue the rest of the night as to whether it's "beat, boys" or "Beach Boys." I won. Hee.

Another one was my ab class instructor saying "I couldn't find Delaware on the map. What state is it in?" He was too pretty to fault, though.

And, I am so lusting over the canoeing/rafting in Fiji. That looks so fine, and the guide is killing me--his every word appears to terrify Nick and Drew. And Nick, dude, run away with the hot black-haired gal from the kava ceremony!

That montage at the end...perfect.

BWAH!!!! I love the incest love montage of Drew and Nick while "I'll Never Love This Way Again" (forever ruined by Teh Flow3r Jasmine Trias) played at the end.

Nick on the surfboard was just about the funniest moment ever on the show.

The guide was totally screwing with them. They stopped eating people longer than 10 years ago. But they did indeed practice cannibalism.

Was that montage at the end supposed to suggest Nick and Drew were a better couple than Nick and Jessica? Because they are. What was KCee's purpose on all those trips? Like usual, she didn't seem to be doing any assisting. Hell, Jess had to help her drag luggage up the stairs. Girl is certainly not worth 50K a year.

It's like, yeah, Tootsie Roll, go get your own schtick, m'kay? That annoyed the hell out of me, too. There is nothing more obnoxious than an unfunny person thinking they are a laugh riot. Or a not-so-cute bimbo thinking she's adorable.

I half expected the guide to later change it to "they stopped a couple of months ago" and then to "we passed a law against it last week. No worries!"

M'KaySee is totally trying to Single White Female Jessucka, isn't she? Or should that be Single Whiney Female.

Yeah, the guide was totally screwing with them. Which is why I lurved him! That was the only time I wished Jessica was there. Otherwise I was thrilled that Nick and Drew got some alone/bonding time. It's the first time this season I've seen Nick smile like that.

I laughed at Nick being in a celebrity surfing competition when he was so clueless at it. But his "Did I win" was pretty funny.

Casey is such a waste. I bet she begged Jess to let her be on the show, so she can be a star. Girl is useless. I liked how Jessica had to drag her bag up the stairs.

So how inappropriate would it be for me to call the guy at the concert Clay Asian? Very? Okay then. And way to turn a fairly & sweet innocent love song into something dirty, Jess. A fucking lap dance? Of ALL the songs she had to choose from?

Speaking of all the songs, this girl has 3 (and a half) albums, but can't fill an hour? at a zoo? My head just exploded.

But that's how she performs "I Wanna Love You Forever". She sits a guy in a chair and then just writhes around all around him. She did the same thing at the USO show they showed during the first season (you know, the one where Nick sang that song and then ripped his shirt open in front of a bunch of perplexed male soldiers).

I thought that Asian guy was a complete dork. Talk about Tooly McTool.

I am still laughing at the end. Got to Tivo that one.

Just because i can't recall one of my many blonde moments right now, I'll say this: if it wasn't for the last few posts, I wouldn't know that Kanga and her kid Roo made 'kangaroo' when put together or that the name 'scarecrow' has meaning because they scare crows.

I couldn't even watch him. I had to turn away from the TV, that was so awkward. His facial expressions were too weird for words.

Why the hell did that QVC lady bolt out of there the second the spot was over? I mean, she grabbed her bag and ran out of the room.

That rafting guy was hysterical.

WOOOH that Jessica/Asain guy action was HOT. She seemed pretty -ahem- comfortable around him...looks like Nick is gonna be free sooner than I thought. He's definitly got some competition. (sarcasm)

When Jessica told the Asian guy, "I hope my breath doesn't smell," I thought for a split second that he would yell into her mic that her breath smelled like shit!

What?! Cacee actually did some assiting in tonights epi!! The end with Nick and Drew cracked me up!

Omg, this was the best episode this season. I LOVED the ending. The show should ALWAYS focus on Nick

Okay, how many of you have had this Blonde moment:

8th grade.. or high school, pick one. You're about to watch a film on the topic of "Euthanasia" and half your class is asking each other why there are no Asians in the film, and "what are all those old people in this for"?

Random thought of the night: Who says sponsorship doesn't work. I'm such a Miller Lite-headette now!

So true, blackwing. It started out as a cute moment with Jessica making the comment about not touching her butt. Then that dorky I've-never-had-a-girlfriend tool sits in the chair and the rest was very uncomfortable to watch. Personally, I'd be embarassed if I was getting essentially a lap dance in front of an entire audience.

"Guess I've got some powerful boobies." One of the best lines of the night. I couldn't really tell what happened, but it looked to me that the dress just moved a bit. I didn't see a blurred out Janet Jackson moment.

Cacee's running through the week's busy itinerary with Nick was so annoying. She was so proud of all the travelling they'd have to be doing, the helicopters, back and forth to NY...it's as if she actually felt like she had a meaning in life. Never mind that without Jessica, she'd be sitting at home buying stuff of QVC herself.


I thought that was strange also. I figured she either really had to go to the bathroom, or she had to make it to another set for another promotion.

I loved watching Nick trying to surf also. For someone that looks like a jock, he certainly doesn't seem very athletic. We've already seen him suck on the golf course. And granted he did say he never surfed in his life before and was able to catch one wave. If I knew I was going to be in a celebrity surfing contest, I may have considered taking at least a few lessons back home first.

Half a million dollars in 15 minutes isn't really all that suprising when one blush costs $33, one 1.7 oz fragrance is $45, and two teeny tubes of lipgloss holding the same amount as a tube of lipstick are "Introductory Priced" at $35. There's no way, people. As a QVC watcher, I was hoping for a teensy bit more behind-the-scenes stuff, but oh well. I think I was actually watching QVC when Simp had her debut, and quickly changed the channel.

I was cringing during the Simp/Asian dude near-lap-dance. Get a new schtick, girlie.

I thought I'd come out of lurking to add something as well:

I came home last night to my roommate making a dog house for his new puppy. He was a little flustered because the angles and the size of the beams were just a little off. This is what I told him (side note--he watches Newlyweds with me every Wednesday) "You know what you need? Nick and Drew Lachey and a few Miller Lites." We laughed. Guess you had to be there.

OT: The montage was great, probably the best few minutes this whole season. I usually don't get crushes on celebrities but I'm really starting to dig Nick. Being from the midwest myself, I'm a sucker for a hearty, down-home boy like him!

I LOVED when someone asked him where he was from and he said, "Ohio". He'll always think of Ohio as home, and I love that about him. He never seems to fit the LA mold.


I was physically uncomfortable watching that. That guy wasn't ever going to get laid before that, but poor dude doesn't stand a chance now.

And the part about Jess telling an entire audience of people that her breath stunk twice, was right in par with Ashlee telling people she's on her period or couldn't find clean underwear. Too much info ladies!!!

In conclusion- I want to move to Fiji and surf all day. Nick should have sent Drew back with a Dear Jane letter and just stayed. Jess would have never found him. Jessica find Fiji on a map? I dare her to try!

This will probably only mean anything to the folks who are older like me, but the guy who got the lap dance from Jessica looked exactly like Ed Grimley! Anyone remember that character that Martin Short used to do on SNL? The whole time they were showing him, I was yelling "OMG, it is Ed Grimley!" I was half expecting him to say something like "She has a really decent ass, I must say".

Also, I was at Hooters the other night with my husband and our nephew (what? It was the nephews birthday and he wanted to go there!) and I got into a big conversation with two of the waitresses about the whole Jessica dogging on Hooters girls thing. It is official that all Hooters girls now hate her and love Nick.

Oh, the golf swing. And watching him shoot a basketball (from the hip) at that amusement park in Cincinatti. You can tell he wants to be an athlete, but I think he's better suited for the arts. And he's not really even very good at those.

I'm sure he's a nice guy, though. And he sure does love his brother! I loved it when he threw his arm around Drew in the helicopter during the Love Montage.

Does any grown woman who can afford to spend this on cosmetics buy this kind of crap? I mean, I spend $45 on perfume, but it's grown up perfume, not fruity, kid stuff.

And Jess's dress on QVC was a crime against good taste. She needs to fire her stylist.

Did anyone else notice that during that ceremony, Nick was supposed to hollow clap once, drink, return the cup, then hollow clap twice, and he didn't do it right?

Well, they shouldn't, but many do. Dessert seems to be doing pretty well. I think the appeal is that its edible, and therefore sexy. I shop at Sephora online addictively and they always include 3 free samples with every purchase. So I got the juicy and dreamy flavors to sample and they actually tasted good. Before you all think I'm insane, (and I felt a little weird myself, licking my perfume) I never would buy her stuff and I was just a little curious.

I loved the montage at the end as well...very cute. Though it had me wondering if it was not some kind of foreshadowing of Nick's future... as in a life without Jessica is coming soon...? I just can't give papa Simpson credit for actually being creative with the montage, so my thought is that he is hoping that Nick will not be in Jessica's future. Heck, I am surprised that they even showed Nick in the episode, since he and Jess were not together in it--Jess is usually the spotlight. But I thought it was better episode than usual because Nick was without Jessica.

Have they showed any moments with Jess and Nick being romantic or sweet with each other this season? I don't remember any. There is definitely something up. No amount of editing can hide romantic love when it is present in a relationship. Plus, if they are truly still happy with each other, why would Nick and Jess want to be involved with something that fueled rumors of trouble in their relationship? Jessica seems too intent on proving how perfect their marriage is, so the whole thing doesn't make any sense to me at all.

You want her to fire her mom? Besides, I think the tacky clothes are all Jessica's choices anyway.

Word. This was also my blonde moment, but unfortunately for me, the entire class (actually in 8th grade as well) got that it was "euthanasia" not "youth in asia". We were talking about sins of humanity and all that jazz, I remember. Then I opened up my religion workbook and was like, "OOHHhhh...".

My other blonde moment was about 2 months ago, as a matter of fact. I was whining about having to put gas in my car because I had no money, and even if I did, I was not going to put more than $10 into the car because I am stubborn about gas prices. I didn't have $10 in cash, so my boyfriend told me to use my debit card. I say to him, "Aren't you listening? I don't want to fill the tank because it would cost more than $10!" He's looking at me like, "And...?". I said, all self-righteously, "If you use debit card to put gas in the car, you have to fill the tank up all the way, otherwise, how will the machine know you're done pumping??" My boyfriend puts his head in his hands and looks at my mother, who is staring at me increduously. He says, "You don't have to fill it all the way up! when you're done putting in the dollar amount you want to pay you just HANG the pump back up. When you hang the pump back up in its holder the machine knows you're done, and prints out your receipt." I just stared at him, then at my mother, and felt like an ass. I was like, "But how does it KNOW? What if someone comes along after me and can just pump as much gas as they want because the machine doesn't think I'm done yet?" They both just stared at me, marveling at my stupidity.

On-Topic: Pa Simp's editing: Last night's episode confirmed to me even more than Pa Simp is a real asshole. Doing that stupid montage of Nick and Drew, like, what is Pa Simp's problem? Does he have to be condescending and immasculating of Nick EVERY chance that he gets? And the surfing part of the episode where he plays the music from that "Jum-bone" commercial when Nick is trying to surf but keeps falling? It's as if Pa Simp has to constantly reaffirm to Jessica that he is the best man in her life and Nick is nothing more than an accessory, and look what an ass he looks like!

I was actually surprised that KeighSeigh was that put-together and on top of their trip. I'm sure she was just bragging about it all, but as Jess's personal assistant, she seemed to know what they were doing. Of course, I found it hysterical that Jess said, "Case, tell Nick what our plans are", as if, as Jessica's personal assistant, KeighSeigh is also responsible for having conversations with Nick so Jess doesn't have to. I need to get me a personal assistant like that!

If Pa Simp is responsible for greenlighting everything that goes into the show, then he's also responsible for that montage from a week or so ago that showed him and Nick becoming the best of friends (accompanied by some song that was something about "My Buddy"). I thought that one was funny too.

I thought the QVC woman tore out of the set because she had to take a massive dump. She has this look on her face that to me defines the urgency of needing a toilet. If she was just going to another set, you'd think she could have stopped and said goodbye, or said she had to get to her next gig.

I will admit I thought they were cute and sweet with each other at the Kentucky Derby - when her horse won and he told her "You're the Smarty Jones".

Of course, she then had to ruin it by making fun of how she always is better than him at picking winners in sports, thereby emasculating him.