Boner talk with your parents. SICK SICK SICK. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE? Ugh.

Nick's true feelings are coming out! Did you see how irritated/mad he was when they were walking from their dinner and thier woodchuck/beaver talk. He was trying to talk to her and she kept turning around and talking to her dad and he says "I can't even have a conversation with you..."

Wait...did i hear Jessica say even when her father was preaching in church he loved talking about some girls butt? And is KSee married? during the babysitting episode when she was in the salon talking about her bad mustache waxing experience, didn't she say she "Couldn't wait to get home to her husband."? and if so...What the Hell is she doing with Jessica 24/7?

I've recently come to truly appreciate Nick's classic blank stares when the entire Simpson family is discussing what tennis rackets are made of or beaver tails. I'm not sure how much longer he'll be able to just sit there, trying to ignore the stupidity of everyone around him. I'm sure whenever this happens he's trying to rationalize to himself that it was worth marrying Jessica because she's so damn hot.

Nick just seemed so angry at that second dinner. Not just afterward when he got frustrated, but (deservedly) during the oyster/hard-on conversation. Who talks like that at the dinner table with their parents?

I absolutely loved the montage to the theme from The Courtship of Eddie's Father. All of it set to scenes of them actively ignoring each other. I do find it rude that Joe spent the entire golf outing on the phone. He's not that important. That's a big pet peeve of mine.

I don't know about the marriage part, but she did say something about how she was doing so well even though her heart had been trampled on.

They led off the episode with Jessica and Nick expressing delight at getting away for a vacation. I'm having trouble understanding what they're taking a vacation from? They spent time in the sun, eating out, and generally doing the same fun things they do when they're at home.

I do enjoy the recurring theme that Nick isn't good at anything. I'm glad Nick didn't get to keep his fish.

I'm really questioning if Pa Simp gets say over what is shown. Why would he ok two episodes(Ashlee's too) that portray him so terribly?

I don't think they know - or care - that they look like a-holes. As long as they are getting paid, I don't think it matters to them.

I had that same thought. That, and... didn't they just go on vacation? And again with the family and CraZee along. When does Nick get a break from these people?

Mr D and I went on vacation with my parents last year, but they live 500 miles away, so it was a treat to spend time with them. I can't imagine never being able to get away from my family. But Mr D said watching Nick and CreepyPa "bond" while playing golf really made him appreciate my dad.

Yeah, that episode was just a mess. I know we have discussed this before, but Nick looks miserable, and I don't think it has anything to with the editing just making him look that way. He is stuck with Jess's family everywhere they go, and it appears he gets little alone time. When Jess isn't around, he has to spend all of his time with her father? How about just letting the poor guy hang out on the beach or something.

And Jess doesn't even seem interested in him. He comes to talk to her after being a part all day, and she doesn't even seem happy to see him. As for her mom and Casey--they seem to be everywhere. And Jess seems to prefer to be with them rather than Nick. The poor guy has to spend so much time with her family AND be virtually ignored by Jessica?

It is becoming more and more clear that he has no interest in doing this show. He looks very impatient and unhappy in front of the cameras. I will be very surprised if they make it as a married couple very long after the show ends. They can spout off in magazines all they want about how happy they are, but they clearly are not happy. Even Jess doesn't seem all that happy with Nick anymore--at least she used to try to make some efforts.

It was sort of a vacation, because they were there because Jessica was doing the Elle photo shoot with the closed set so we couldn't watch. Everybody else just tagged along on her business trip. Actually it was a working vacation for them too, because they were filming Jessica's reality show for her.

I love all the scenery....paid to go on vacation...

walks to window
I'd like to place my bets on the "where will Nick be in 18 months" race please.
$2 to win on alcohol rehab. (Step away from the Miller Lite)
and
$2 to win on having murdered Jess. (Every man has his breaking point!)
Thank you!

Also, did I hear that right? Has m'KayCee been living with them for three months? That girl has no desire to look for a place of her own. All aboard the Simpson gravy train!

The Justin Timberlake conversation actually hurt me. Jess, remember your husband who tried desperately to have a soleO career after his boyband days? Remember how that crashed a burned? Maybe talking about how hot Justin is in front of a table of people and cameras is a bit insensitive. She's so the girl that tells a table full of people that "Nick has a small penis" then giggles, pats Nick's arm and says, "but baby, you know I love your tiny weenie" cluelessly.

I also firmly believe that if this marriage was just two normal people, they would have been divorced shortly after their first anniversary.

I don't know why I even care, but the beginning credits make me sad. When they show the clips from their wedding and the beginning of their marriage, you can see how happy and in love they were. Everything seems forced now -- in the one episode where they were alone at dinner (talking about MaSimp's dog or something) they didn't even seem happy to be together. They were obviously straining to have a conversation.

They never seem to do anything without a camera crew/Simp family/CaCee around - at least when they hung out with Drew and Leah it was 2 couples hanging out together. That's better than what is going on now. The show isn't even about their marriage anymore - its about Jessica and CaCee getting eye surgery, Jessica running from the paparazzi, Easter with the Simpson family, etc.

Remember in the first season when they would show the two of them sitting around drinking beer and discussing what dvd to watch? I mean, its not like they seemed THAT together then either, but definetly seemed happier. I just feel so bad for them - I don't think they are going to make it once this show is over. Nick is just getting sucked further and further in to her crazy family, CaCee is there to STAY, and Jessica doesn't even pay any attention to him. I highly doubt they are having much sex. It just makes me sad, I don't know why.

I know that was a typo but it kind of fits when you read this right after



Yep, I'd say Nick is just a few months away from an inpatient stay at the Betty Ford clinic.

Word on the downward spiral that is Nick and Jessucka's relationship. When she got back from the photo shoot and the boys were fishing, she didn't even ask how Nick's day was or anything like that, just "Where can I lay out?"

Papa Simp needs a bra... and a girdle.

bleeech!

Ick, WORD.

Word. But at the same time I dont put it past Jessica to be beaming while thinking "This is televised, dont I look great on this dress? Oh, He looks like Prince charming, my friends in Texas are so jealous. Oh the pretty flowers, ahhh flowers everywhere."

Yeah, and 135 of those points belonged to Nick.


I think that's a fairly accurate synopsis. When Pa Simp doesn't realize what a jackass he's being to Nick, and when Ma Simp thinks she can get away with wearing pants that say "Juicy" on the ass, you know something's off. The mall's open but nobody's shopping. It's especially bad when you realize that Pa Simp is doing the editing. I can only imagine what a douche he looks like in the editing that he cuts out.


I agree for the most part, although I thought that the Kentucky Derby episode was pretty sweet, Nick fawning all over her, congratulating her for her win. And gee, I wonder why they were so happy. Could it be that Ma and Pa Simp and CeiughSeiugh were hundreds of miles away? And they were with two normal couples?


Yeah, and maybe not even for alcohol. Shit, the Betty Ford Clinic would be a nice vacation away from Jessica. It's better than going on vacation with her family.

Too funny..didn't even realize I did that, but you are right, the word may fit Nick in the future.

I'm from PA, so when Caysleeze was talking about how the chipmunk sees his shadow once a year, I wanted to slap her once for the people of PA and again for Punxsutawney Phil - the groundhog, you idiot.

Jessica is obviously supposed to be the smart one in the family, that is why she spouts off nonsense with such conviction. Yeah accorns are just bark. Please stick to putting on dresses and big hats. I absolutely hated her and her need to talk about all her ex-boyfriends this episode. You. Must. Get. Off. My. TV.

I love this show but hated last night's episode. Overall I think a number of things on it are staged.

Best part was when Joe said that Nick referred to him as a whale. While I agree with the bad job of editing I get the feeling that there is alot of cool breeze in general between him and Nick. Could it be that Joe has made it known over and over that he did not want Jessica to get married. Would he be happier if she was hell bent on marrying Kevin Federline. Jeez get over it man.

I loathe CaCee. She acts like Nick is her husband. I refuse to waste anymore keystrokes on this bitch.

But even then she looked away when he hugged her. She always looks away from him when he gets close.

I can't wait to see what happens when he starts working with the Charmed girls.

I also noticed the Nick sucks at all things theme. Now we know what Joe watches when he's masturbating.

That, and I think since she's their bread and butter, her family has had to become a bunch of yes-men. Yes, honey, you're right, oysters give you huge boners!

Will we get to see what happens when Nick starts Charmed? I keep hearing that this is the last season of Newlyweds- did Nick even start filming yet? I don't think its going to make it onto the show if the show is almost done, but I reeeaaallly want to see how that whole thing plays out (pretty pathetic, I know). Somehow I cannot see Jessica being cool with him hanging around those girls all day, and being on television when she's not.

Jessica's post-Newlyweds life should be interesting, considering that her sister is now a more successful singer, her husband is going to be on TV with several hot girls and her parents are probably going to be all over Ashlee now that she is a platinum selling artist. Really, it seems that everyone has a post-MTV plan except Jess. And shes such a little famewhore, I give her 2.5 seconds before she throws a major tantrum/publicity stunt.

My money's on "Jessica's Awesome Adoption Show: How To Use A Helpless, Innocent Child To Prop Up Your Failed Marriage, Without Any Yucky Stretch Marks!"

And to top it off, she said to him, "I love it when I'm right and you're wrong." Is this how you talk to the man you love? You rub things in his face on national television? After this ep and the Mexico trip, I was thisclose to going to rescue Nick my damn self.


It seemed like she was just fishing for her own 'chicken or tuna' moment to launch her career.


You mean after she goes on every talk/late nite show she can, talking about how she's so glad to have the cameras out of her life, right?

It seems like every other episode the producers/editors do that, they float a perceived idiotic remark by to see if it'll catch fire. And its so obvious and tiresome. I'm sure by now the girls do it on purpose.

Oh totally. This season alone we've had "ballerino", "koalaby", that weird baseball discussion with KrayCee, the dolphin thing, the acorn thing, and the oyster hard-on thing. I'm sure there are many more that I'm missing. And you know what? Not. funny. at. all.

ColdGreg, you're so right. Its just...not. funny. anymore. Its so obvious that both Jessica and CaCee are trying too hard to come off as stupid. Even MaSimp tries to get in on the action. Honestly, the ditzy-blond act was already getting old back when the whole "I don't eat buffalo" thing happened. At this point, even if Jessica did genuinely say something that was funny-stupid NOT ON PURPOSE, it still wouldn't be funny. Chicken of the Sea was a one-hit wonder, Jess, get over it.

I believe Nick's actual quote was something like "I try to have a conversation with you and I can't...a butterfly will go by and distract you." He He, I think the cracks are really starting to show.

I love Nick, I really do. HOWEVER, he knew what she was like before he married her!! Thats the thing I don't get. I can understand that maybe she used to treat him a lot better, and now that she is treating him like shit he is having regrets. But as far as Jessica being immature, selfish, childish, easily distracted, intellectually-challenged, and incestuously attached to her family goes, he had to have known that. I feel bad for him, but that will only last for so long.

I really wonder how Jessica will handle things. I'm sure that all the Simpsons are floored by Ashlee's success. I always got the impression that they were all humoring Ashlee while she took her quest to become a singer (a little too) seriously. I don't think any of them thought Ashlee had a real shot. They probably shit in their pants when she hit #1 and nearly outsold Jessica in week. While I'm sure she's all smiles in public, I bet Nick has had to put up with a lot of temper tantrums and pouting all week.



You are so right! She even tried to claim that she loves sushi but doesn't eat fish. Unlike the chicken vs. tuna comment this barely made a ripple in the media. Her 15 minutes are fading fast.

She looks horrible in the picture posted in the article. My favorite quote:



and this?



SHUT.UP



Wow, she's so committed to being an actress. I bet she just realized that Daisy Duke wasn't ditzy or a blonde. With her 7th Heaven experience and #1 albulm I wouldn't be surprised if Ashlee started getting a lot of offers. I'm not a big Ashlee fan but I would love for her to become a major music/TV/film star. I know it would make Jessica crazy and make ma and pa Simpson question putting all of their focus (and dreams of $$) on Jessica.

I pointed this out as a bad sign way back in Season 1. Is she doing it for the camera angle or because she feels so little intimacy with him? Surrounded as he is by Jessica's family, Nick probably can't even get a little flirting in on the side to keep his libido alive. I think when he starts going out every day to work on the set of Charmed, his life will change for the better just because he'll have less time with the Simpson clan and Casey.

As to whether they'll stay together, I don't know. I have a cousin who is married to a woman somewhat like Jessica. He adored her when they married, and although he later learned that he can't have a conversation with her and she shows him little affection (and she, as Jessica seems to, doesn't want kids when he really does), they stay together. I think one of the reasons is that he likes the fact that she is still trim and beautiful, even as they move into middle age. He likes that he has something other men envy. Could be the same for Nick.

Edited to shorten post and add:


Who is "we"? Jessica, Nick, and CASEY?

*hahahaha* Oh my God.
Thanks for that horrific mental image, juliaz3. :)

Oh my god. I think I just popped a blood vessel laughing.



ITA! The only thing is that Jessica is now known across the country for being a brainless, selfish, worthless piece of shit. We all know she's hot, but I don't think there will be much "Dude you left her??? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND??" if he were to leave her. More like "What the fuck took you so long?"

I want to give Nick the biggest hug, and I want to give KC (just two keystrokes thank you) the biggest slap in the face. Did you hear her when she was saying about she was reading (she reads?) about how dangerous ATVs are and how worried she was for Nick. At least someone was worried for him, but still. He's your best friends husband you damn mooch, get off him!!

Ok so who was the guy that went fishing with CreepyPa and Nick? Never seen him before, or maybe never paid attention.

I also agree with everyone saying that the producers are obviously trying to get another "moment." I was telling my husband yesterday they are just trying to hard though. I mean, since she had her biggest moments confusing animals, let's just stick with that topic and throw in some new ones.

[small voice] I do remember hearing that oysters are a known aphrodesiac[/small voice] Did I just defend Jessica?

I know that all of Jessica's answers in interviews are well-rehearsed and probably fed to her by her father, but this is just unfathomable in its idiocy. The poor little people envying the fabulous celebrities and their perfects lives. And thank heavens for Jessica's being on our level; I feel so much better about myself. Could she actually believe this drivel that comes out of her own mouth? She seems to be losing brain cells by the hour.

I thought the oyster/aphrodesiac thing was a pretty well know "fact". Which is why her little funny comment stunt didn't work out very well. The only thing she had to add was saying "hard on" in front of her Dad and lord knows that's probably not the first time that's happened.


Heh. Yes, Jessica. I like you so much better now that I know you're on my level. Not. Bitch has got to work up to my level.

Kudos to poor Nicky for not just shoving Perv!Daddy Joe off the boat and leaving him to the sharks. The Mexican paperwork is sooo tedious in these matters. Perv!Daddy's "attempt to bond" was just so creepy and false-sounding. They've been married for over two years and NOW you feel you need to make a connection? Get off the phone, dude! Oh, and Dude, even when you're out it's still uncool to ogle the studly in-laws.....yeech!

I think that episode summed up many of Nick's problems with the Clan Simpson. At dinner, Nick looked like he was just DYING to have an intelligent conversation with somone...anyone...and he's just surrounding by yapping puppies. It's not just Jess, it's Perv!Daddy, Casey and Hanger-on-Guy Paves. Trust me, been there at some social functions, and the entire table is babbling air-headed twits.

To preserve his sanity, Nick needs to find an intellectually stimulating social outlet, even if he is stuck with Clan Simpson the rest of the time....start a graduate degree, join a businessmen's luncheon group, something!

And Nick, take some golf lessons. A PGA Teaching Pro would be happy to help you lose that Reverse-C swing. Your weight-shift is just wrong.

I think when the show ends Jessica will start talking about a new album she's going to be working on and how well her career is going. They better rush it out because if she lets too much time go by no one will care. There's 10 episodes in the season, this was episode 5, 6?

I feel kind of bad for Nick, but the fact remains he did choose to marry her. He wanted the woman-child who would look up to him as the big, strong man and hand him her virginity wrapped in a nice shiny bow. After four years of dating he should have know how vapid and shallow she is, and how much her family would be around. His declaration that he had a 5 year plan to get her unspoiled shows he was deluding himself into thinking things would change after the marraige. Hopefully he will wise up and get out with some shreds of his dignity intact.

I haven't seen last night's episode yet, but this gives me a thrill of hope that I will see PervDad's new secret gay lover!

In Nick's defense, didn't they break up for a while and have a post-September 11th revelation of how much they meant to each other? I think they weren't engaged very long, either. I know from personal experience that it was really easy to get swept up in wanting someone near you during that time, never mind if they were right for you.

Yes, supercb611, they did break up before Sept 11. Jessica, however, has said that it was her idea. She needed to see what else was out there, wanted to date around, etc. She also said that other guys she dated during their break-up weren't as understanding of her need to hold onto her virginity. There is also a clip of Nick on Driven saying that she basically needed that time to grow up and realize what she wanted. So its not like they broke up because they weren't sure they were compatible...it was just typical Jessica thinking about herself, and when she didn't find anyone better, she went running back to Nick, where he was waiting with open arms. This doesn't make him a bad person, as he obviously does love her, but its not like he made the decision to break up.

I dont think he knew what to expect for this one reason:We see how much time they spend apart now when they arent that successful, back in the day when they were just dating and both had pretty successful music careers (Nick's by far more than Jess', but still they were both doing pretty well) I'm guessing the times they spent together and alone were very few and far between. So I can completely understand him not knowing what it and she would be like and when he did marry her and did realize how things were and how she is he has become very unhappy with her and himself.

I pretty much think he has done nothing but try to love his wife, I just think she wants him to love her from afar and not in the same bed as her.

From the "fish" article...OH, really? It's just that easy is it? Gah. This waste of skin is so fucking stupid!! Seriously, FREE NICK!

And I love that she blathers on and on about not liking fish, etc...has she forgotten her whole Chicken of the Sea moment? It's TUNA, ya fucktard! Is tuna no longer fish? Did I miss that memo?

On the producers/writers trying to get Jessica to say dumb catch-phrases, I don’t doubt that. But I honestly believe that most of the stupid things she says, she believes. In fact, my best friend says things like Jessica all the time. When I told my best friend that I was going to start work as a freelance producer, she listens understandingly to my plans. The next day, she told me that she was going to be a freelance “mystery shopper.” And that once she went to school for it and did some mystery shopping professionally, she was going to charge $200 a day. I was like, wha??? But when I tried to explain it to her, it was like talking to a brick wall. She’s not stupid; she just takes little ideas and gets stuck on them. And sometimes she actually has a point in what she’s thinking; she just doesn’t articulate it well.

I see the same thing with Jessica. In the episode before this she was telling people that Mahi mahi was dolphin. She was not WRONG per se, but the way she said it sounded dumb because she took a little fact that she knew and proceeded to expound on it in child-like language. In this episode, she was insisting that an acorn has wood on the top. Asked what the heck she was talking about she tried to explain using what seems to be a 4th grade vocabulary. I think she completely believed what she said. Stuff like Eskimos walking on beaver tails, eh that might be staged. Or she might know it’s not true but thinks it’s cute to say that. I agree with everyone who says it’s not cute whether she believes it or not though. It’s insulting what MTV is trying to show us is interesting conversation.

I think we've got a good candidate to spend a week or two in a "fat" suit. Just to see what its "really" like.

Seriously, Jessica. You .Have. No. Idea.

And give her one of those crying dolls that teens get to teach them about the joys of parenting. And take her cars away. I want to see her reading a bus schedule and riding with some of the locals.


That's a show that I would watch.

A bit late here, but thanks to Hailey for this incisive view of Jessica:



I laughed so loudly when I read this I think I frightened dogs in a five-state radius.

I've been lurking around this thread for some time, and I have to chime in with the recent views that this show is increasingly staged. I hate Jessucka Simpson with the fire of a thousand suns. Her father makes my skin crawl. As far as Nick, you gets whats ya pays for Nick. Free Nick Lachey!!

Thanks for letting me chime in--I know my sentiments aren't original, and they've been expressed already by posters far wittier than I could ever hope to be, but I am so.so.so.very.sick.of.this.fucking.show.

Edited for proper grammar. Smacks self.