Maybe Tina is confusing her daughter with another ditzy blond. Jayne Mansfield was supposed to have a 160 IQ.

IQ tests don't measure intelligence, they measure familiarity with cultural norms. The determination of a baseline of 100 as average intelligence comes from the completely fucked-up Yerkes Army tests with soldiers and testers who didn't know what they were doing. I highly recommend reading Stephen Jay Gould's The Mismeasure of Man for the real story behind IQs.

Was that the first time we ever saw Jessica in glasses? I didn't know she wore contacts. I highly doubt she was almost legally blind.


I used to rant about this on the first, long gone, Newlyweds thread. One of the things that ticks me off the most about her is how she carries on like she's the only woman in the history of the world who waited for marraige before having sex. You aren't, you stupid little twit. And most women don't need to have a promise ring from their father who talks about 'filling her up'.

Re the UTI, didn't her father say they were celebrating the fact she could now have sex until she was blue in the face? This is pretty close.

And that's just your ass. Seriously, I'm still laughing this morning about the IQ thing. Watching all the Simpson women sitting around slack-jawed discussing such deep topics as the movie "Run, Forrest, Run" and the fact that Gary Sineesee really does have legs, my god. So that's what a Mensa meeting is like, huh, Tina?

Amen! I don't normally watch this show, but caught a glimpse last night. Why Nick continues in this relationship is beyond me. If it's for the cash, brother, there's other ways to get it. And I know there's a woman out there who will look out for YOU, and not her damn LV purse. The PA/friend gal is strictly being added in this season for drama/flair. Since it wouldn't be right for Miss Pretty Princess to be Total Beyotch or Psycho Gal, the PA can fill in this position. Run, Nick, run!

Say it with me Jessica, "Wipe front to back".

I did notice this. I think that it's either a ploy to prove that she does eat because she has lost a lot of weight. Or it is her bragging that she can eat whatever she wants. That is what she said in the Self Magazine that she was in ... She is careful not to eat too much, and can eat whatver she wants.

I wish that I jad the will power. Sorry.

I can't get behind the "Free Nick" crusade. Jessica goes around saying that she "plays" dumb because guys like it only leads me to conclude that Nick likes it and that's why she keeps doing it and that's why he keeps her around. If she is in fact a dummy, then she's always been a dummy and I imagine they probably haven't had many meaningful conversations in the past. Nick got what he deserved.

Are her parents so happy that she's having sex now that they have to tell the world all of their personal business. Even if the UTI was caused by too much sex, #1 I wouldn't have told my mom and #2 even if I did, I wouldn't allow her to tell any and everybody about it.

And Jessica's reply:

"Wipe?"

AARRG, and I had a nice lunch planned, too.

UTIs can also be caused by a reaction to condom lubrication. If they use them, Nick should try switching brands. She should also pee right after sex.

A public service message brought to you by the letter P and the number 69. Just in case a mamber of Jess' camp lurks here.

ETA LegallyRed2 I have the same prescription in one eye, weaker in the other, and I am also legally blind. My husband did a 5k where you could volunteer to run with a blind person, and on the chart that explains the classes of blindness, I was on the low end. I would not get LASIK because not everyone can be corrected to 20/20, some scrips can only be slightly improved. I'm not paying all that money to end up still having to wear glasses or lenses.

I don't doubt it because I have been told I am almost legally blind and my eye measurements are -5.25. I have not worn a pair of glasses, even at night, since 1999. I don't think it's that uncommon, personally because they used to tell my ex-husband the same thing - only he wasn't almost legally blind, he IS legally blind. It scared the Bejesus out of me when they would tell me that, but like I said, I don't think it's all that uncommon.

This is hysterical. Thanks for the laugh!

I doubt thats the cause. In the episode from last season where Nick and Jess went skiing with Leah and Drew, there was this whole bit after they saw a Trojan's commercial about how Jessica didn't know anything about condoms because she used birth control after they were married and started having sex.

Here is the Chicago Tribune review of Jessica/Ashlee in concert referenced by luvbadTV. Not too complimentary, but no surprise to regular readers of this forum.

Am I the only one who thinks that she couldn't read the letters on the eye chart because she doesn't know her alphabet?? I know all the boys in preschool thought it was hot to play dumb...

I can't make fun of her for being scared...I too and almost legally blind and I refuse to get lasik, I don't do unecessary surgery. On that note...I can read the BIG E and the fingers they hold up. I'm also pretty sure that Jessica was able to see the finger I held up last time I was in her presence.

Sorry, my memory is fuzzy, were you the one who saw her and flipped her off? I vaguely remember someone on the board saw Jessica and flipped her off or something.

There are several ways of getting a UTI, although sex is the easiest way to get one. Several pages back, when someone first wrote about her uti, I explained my uti nightmare from senior year of high school. I worked at a grocery store and never had any time to go pee. If you hold it in, especially for hours at a time, you can get one. You can also get it from not peeing after sex because bacteria is pushed into the urethra.

OK, I'm not a prude, but let me just say:

Ew.

Hey everyone, I'm a lurker and decided to finally join in. :) I've been reading Zitney's fametracker thread, and it's almost funny how Jessica is mentioned from time to time on it, when they are compared. You should all read through it when you have an hour or five. Comedy gold.

That being said, was it just me or was there no footage from last night's episode of Nick and Jessica being alone at all? I was originally going to say "having a conversation" but then I remembered he was at dinner with her at the very beginning and he called to remind her of her surgery. Also he ushered the girls out the next morning to the limo. I just think that's... really sad.

I read that link about Jessica's eye surgeon, and that's pretty freaky. If I were her I'd be scared shtless right about now. Right after I read that article I remembered in the episode where he goes "Okay, everything looks great, Jess." and she goes "Do you SWEAR?" and he goes "I swear!" Obviously his word isn't the greatest, kind of like Tina Simpson's...

Welcome, awrittensin!

It sounds from your post like you'll fit in real well around here! :)

The Return of Drew! Hooray!



Word!

The look on Nick's face when he was looking at the boat chick assured me he was thinking: I am a married man. I am a married man. I am a MARRIED man.

WHAT did he say to Drew at the end of the boat segment? It was one phrase but I couldn't get it though I rewound several times.

When KaaayCeeeeee and Jesucka were debating what a "double" was in baseball, I was literally screaming at my tv about how scripted and fake that was. Especially since KC (I am sure she changes the spelling regularly as well) knew immediately what it was and then started to "doubt" her answer and play allong with Simp. Girls, please. That ain't cute and it's not going to get you a contract with Major League Baseball's advertising agency.

*heehee* The poor guy! It was so obvious! I don't blame him though. Speaking as another straight woman, she was smokin'.

Yes I have flipped her off, papasimp too, among other various encounters.

Oh yeah Nick and the fisherwoman, holy hell she was hot. I'd do her, and I'm straight.

Nick was shamelessly flirting I loved it. He's been fishing so many times, but suddenly he didn't know how to reel in the fish?? "Tell me what to do, what do I do" that really meant, "maybe if you touch my dick a little I will remember how to reel in this fish." I love how Drew just sat back and was amused. He probably hired the girl.

From the article linked above

What? Angels is a cover.

Did anyone else notice that Nick was NOT wearing a wedding ring last night? I noticed in the restaurant with Drew, so I doubt he put it on for the boat.

And who the hell was that girl anyway? Aren't boat guides supposed to be wizened old retired fishermen who prattle on about dead reckoning?


ITA, and yes - how did they get home? We never got that answered, did we?

[BTW, Jess - it's time to dye those roots again!!!]

The limo brought them back home. I don't know if it was the same one, but it could have been that the driver waited outside of the restaurant for them to finish.

Huh. I just got checked a month ago and one eye is up to -5.00. The optomitrist didn't say anything about getting close to legally blind. Would love to get something done but I haven't got a few thousand dollars for it, the idea of my eyes getting messed with is scary, and I have large pupils which tend to cause problems. Maybe in a few years, they keep improving.

The editors certainly wanted us to take note of hot fishing girl. They went for a slo-mo close up.

I figured the limo dropped them off and the driver parked it or maybe had another client. It was back later because it dropped them off at the house. I think there's a quick shot of them getting in after they've had their burgers, too.

And for the people who wondered why Jessica hired a big stretch limo instead of something smaller, if you noticed the liscense tag of the limo (which was not fuzzed out), it read something like "See Clear". Thus, I suppose it belongs to the LASIK doctor. In Los Angeles, it would be typical for him to advertise that he offered limo service to and from the appointment.

I noticed that right away too. It certainly seems like she is depending on recycled material more and more.

That is a definite sign her career has jumped the shark.

I asked my eye doctor about this during my last appointment. He gave me a long explanation but what I got out of it was this: there is legally blind, which means you cant see very far without prescription lenses and then there is legally blind, which means you qualify for disability. Apparently being legally blind is a broad term that applies to a lot of people but is really only an important term once your eyesight gets past a certain point (mine is at -6.75 in both eyes and I am not there yet).

Maybe Jessica's mom was getting her eyesight confused with her IQ.

I'm sure that was it.

binkbink, I thought exactly the same thing. I'm the owner of a southern public school education and Lee is a friggin' god along with Stonewall Jackson. She almost HAD to be playing dumb here because if she really is that dumb... whew!

The license said "ICANSEE" so I came to the same conclusion that it was sent by the LASIK doctor.

My eye doctor told me that the condition that created "legally blind" was that your vision couldn't be corrected beyond a certain point. I'm blind as a bat without my contacts, but my vision is corrected to better than 20/20 with my lenses; therefor, according to him, I'm not "legally blind". I think "legally blind" has just become synonymous with "really myopic" in everyday conversation.

Is it bad that I wished Jessucka a slow and painful recovery because she didn't follow her doctor's post-op care instructions? And because of her ridiculous what-if-I-never-see-my-LV-bag again comment? Sign me up for the "Free Nick!" campaign.

I finally got around to reading her "proposal" for her book on having a happy marriage, and it disgusted me. The whole part about realizing she couldn't save the world was revolting. She is probably in a better position now, at the height of her "fame", to provide financial assistance to those in need. What is she doing? Buying $1400 sheets and Louis Vuitton bags. She might not be able to save the world, but she could sponsor alot of hungry children for that amount.

From the American Foundation for the Blind:

"Legal blindness refers to clinically measured visual acuity of 20/200 in the better eye with best correction, or visual field of 20 degrees or less. "

Was it just me that was actually SURPRISED that Tina Simpson knew who Robert E. Lee was? (After that whole Dukes of Hazzard crap, which also seemed a little staged and 'Jessica is Daisy Duke didn't you hear?! OMG!!11!11LOL' for me)

I was a little confused by boat girl's presence in the episode, that almost looked a little 'arranged' to me, also. With those tight white pants and obligatory lower back tattoo with her ass crack hanging out. ITA with the expression on Nick's face (I'm a MARRIED man!!) Bwahahh.


ETA: btw, is Jessica Daisy Duke or what? I keep reading all of these conflicting articles. I'm not too sure now that Zitney's been wearing the same nasty-ass Daisy Dukes with the pockets hanging out for at LEAST a month. Ew.

Jess and Tina were the biggest bitches at the USO. When they realized that there wasn't any "craft service" (aka free food) and only 3 bottles of water, Jessica said "I wouldn't have come this early." So, they only show up to get free turkey sandwiches and Diet Coke?

How many restaurants are getting product placement this season already? Baja Fresh, Tony Roma's, Red Robin, PF Chang's--we see them eating at 2 or 3 restaurants every episode! I guess Jessica and CaCee ruined every frying pan in the house.

I just threw up a little in my mouth... again.


Word, infinite.

I was sitting in a public building a few years ago during Black History Month and naturally, a picture of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was prominently displayed on the wall. A lady walked by with her toddler son who pointed to the picture and said in his little baby voice, "Dr. King". I marveled at how young this little tyke had been taught about Dr. King, who is an American Icon, but still... the little boy was probably two years old and he already knew.

ANYWAY, Dr. MLK Jr. is a revered figure in American history and the heritage of African Americans, so much so that even a toddler knew him by sight. Similarly (but not the same, of course), Robert E. Lee is a Southern icon and it seems impossible that Jessica wouldn't know his name by the time she reached adulthood. She is so fucking stupid that sometimes it's not even entertaining. The LV bags comment = amusing. American history ignorance = infuriating.

What I don't understand is how Jessica can keep her figure when she eats out all the freakin' time. She's not naturally thin, because when she first started she was heavier. I wonder if there is an eating disorder involved.

Same concert. Different review: the Chicago Sun-Times take on Jessica's July 6 show.

Good point, LegallyRed2. I was wondering the same thing while watching them eat Chinese take-out last week. Their portions were huge. Granted, it was still in the container, so I don't know how much she actually ate. But they don't seem to eat very healthy.


I'm not sure this is what you're referring to, but after the fellas watch that girl climb up the ladder of the boat, Nick used a funny voice and I believe my closed captioning says he said "Bravo". Heh. Married not Blind, isn't that what Nick would say?

I doubt it. An eating disorder takes effort and careful thought (Monitoring what you eat or throwing it up, hiding your illness etc.) and Jessica strikes me as way to lazy to go through that much trouble. Plus, she looks healthy, not all anemic and bony. I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that she does work out and she and Nick have a gym in their house.

Ah, Jerry, "Bravo" it probably is!

"Married But Not [Legally] Blind", the second in our line of Nick-wear products.

Drew was so totally snickering at Nick's impossible-to-hide reaction to boat babe. I heart Nick and Drew. I wish the show focused on them and sort of pushed Jessica's adventures off to the side.

Now the question is: How did Jealous Jess react when she saw that boat footage last night? Poor Nick probably slept on the couch...

eww! Do you think they actually WATCH the show when it airs? How self-centered can you be?!

I'm torn on the eating disorder thing. I agree, that it does take some level of though to monitor what you eat or throw up (not like it's a good thing). I wonder if Jessucka takes some of those pills to burn the fat or something. I have heard to death about how she was told to lose weight for some video, was down to about 100lbs and they asked her to lose more weight too. I also read that she didn't like Atkins because it made her lose boob! She doesn't seem like the type to exercise. Maybe PapaSimpson makes her do it? (or, she gets her exercise and UTI's from Nick?!)

sigh... why am I watching this?!

Hee. Not to defend Jessica or anything, but I don't think I've ever been to a Chinese restaurant where the portions weren't big enough to feed you for about 3 days. I don't think she has an eating disorder, either - I think she might have just a tad when she was pressured to look like Britney... on the VH1 Driven ep on Jess they said that she went on the Atkins diet and lost an insane amount of weight for the Irresistable video (I can't remember the exact weight she went down to, maybe 110 or something? maybe less.) and all the execs or whoever had to say about it was "That's great, next time can you have a six pack?" That's enough to screw anyone up. Not to say she doesn't have any of that insecurity left over, but she's not looking Brittany Murphy or Mary Kate scary. *shudders*

Bulimics throw up; anorexics dont eat. It seems that Jessica doesn't eat. Everyone else's plates are empty or show signs that someone ate something off of them. Her plates are full of food and look untouched. Check out her plate (chinese takeout) as Nick wolfed down fried rice. He goes back for seconds and her plate isn't missing so much as a single wonton. KaCee's plate at least looks like it's missing an eggroll. And out to eat, when they got the YOOGE strawberry shortcake, Jessica says she was waiting for dessert, that's why she didn't eat any of her food. Riiiiiight. Going to a fattening chain doesn't make you fat unless you eat what they are selling.

And Jessica (and her mom and her sister) like to remind everyone that she weighed 102 pounds. They try to play it off like it was killing her, but they also kind of seem proud of it.

I always wondered why the press never jumped on Brittany Murphy for her calculated move from being the serious oscar winning potential, slightly chubby brunette in Clueless and Girl Interrupted to the blonde bubbly girl-without-a-care waif in many forgettable movies. It's obvious she took the style over substance route and the press just seemed to go along with it -- no questions asked.

But, I guess seeing how invasive the press can be, she's lucky to have gotten away with it. I never believed that celebrities deserved whatever they got. I think paparazzi should be punched square in the genitals at any given opportunity.

I don't know. I am the laziest person on Earth and I was anorexic when I was a teenager and still kind of fall into the same patterns sometimes when I am feeling particularly stressed out.

I think Jessica has a great body, don't get me wrong. But there have been sometimes when I am watching the show that I feel like she might be bingeing only to set herself up for a purge later on. I know that she used to be very worried about her weight and I know she used to look a lot more normal-weight than she does now, yet when I watch the show, she always seems to be eating out, not eating necessarily healthy foods and always seems pre-occupied with food. It's just something I have noticed. Something's not right.

They probably get the episodes ahead of time, and honestly - as self centered as it would seem to be to watch them - it sort of makes sense to watch them, if for anything else, to see how they've been edited - I really think if this had happened to me when I was her age - I'd definetly be popping the popcorn and watching - kind of like f*cked up home movies... I can totally picture KC and Jess sitting around and watching the episodes - if not along side the entire Simpson clan whilst Nick chills in the background...

Now, if they watched the shows over and over and over - I'd be a little concerned... heck, they've got a free catalog of home movies MTV style... perhaps if they survive as a couple they can watch them in another ten years...

I seriously think we'd all watch ourselves on tv for shits and giggles, if the shoes were on our feet....

Can anybody help me out on finding what the houseguest from hell's real name is? There has to be a place where I can find how her mother wrote it.

The TV guide calls her CaCee. The style section in the newspaper calls her Casey. I feel embarassed that I want to know this so badly but I do. I just have a pathological need to know if her mother actually wrote down CaCee on the birth certificate.