Remember in the first season, when we saw Jessica at her very poorly attended book signing? After putting on the cutesy/gracious act for a miniscule number of her "fans" (a creepy older guy and a bunch of little girls, I recall) and seeing the last one leave, she tapped the table and said, "Buy the book. People!" in a sort of commanding + exasperated + condescending tone. From that moment I knew her whole "my wonderful fans" act was a total fake. You can see it when they show her signing an autograph on the show, too. Of course, famous people sometimes have to act gracious when they don't feel it, but we got a clear glimpse of it at the book signing. She has no respect for her fans; she just wants their money. And she also looks down on "non-celebrities" as a lower life form.

The thing about Nick hanging around backstage and being intimidated by bigger guys is interesting. I wonder what his high-school days were like. As in, did he get picked on or was he a popular kid? And I'm not surprised that he's smaller than you'd think. So many celebs are actually somewhat petite. The camera adds pounds and makes them look "normal" size.

Whatever happened to Drew Lachey and his wife hanging around the house all the time and the two couples always going out together? I guess Cacee took their place.

Heee, Nicky as petite. Reminds me of the Addams Family opening credits describing harpsichord-playing Lurch as "petite".

He's what? ...Tom Cruise-size? He certainly doesn't tower over Jess.


I was going to wait 'til tonight, but....
What is with Jess and Casey riding in the 35-ft-long limo in the promo's? I could understand a car service....but that thing's a leviathan. I doubt it can even get into Nick and Jess' driveway and trun-around. Nick even had trouble with the Ferrari due to the steep-slope at the bottom of the driveway.

And what sense does it make to put yourself AND your "personal assistant" out of commission at the same time? Just proves not only that Casey's a leach, but also that even Jess knows that Casey's of no assistance. I'll bet it was Perv!Daddy's idea....just for the drama-value.

That was my thought as well. She just really doesn't have any active braincells at all.



I couldn't agree more. This poor guy is seriously living in hell, and while I think he's been in denial for a while, he can no longer convince himself otherwise. I think this marriage is over; all that's left is for him to admit it. I can't really feel sorry for him though; he married a dumb-ass and he's paying the price. He's like the Al Bundy for the millenium.

Good call. In addition, Jessica is really small, so he looks bigger by comparison. Mr. Hailey is 6'4" and I look quite petite when I'm with him. It always amazes me when I find out how short celebrities are. I'm 5'8", and it floors me to think people like Tom Cruise/Elija Wood are about my size. Remember when he gave that award to Uma Thurman at the MTV Movie Awards and she towered over him? Quite funny to watch him squirm.

Back to the show... Gold star to JoePerry for the recap. Thanks for taking one for the team!

I don't think anyone mentioned this. I was reading US Weekly (you do too!), and it had a "preview for this season's Newleyweds". It mentioned they have a houseguest from hell when CeCee overstays her welcome. Wonder where who said it? Is there some fall out in the coming episodes? Did her dad release that statement to get people to watch? I NEED answers! :o)

ETA-

Whatever happened to Drew Lachey and his wife hanging around the house all the time and the two couples always going out together?

Drew got a job on Broadway doing Rent. Not sure if that's where he is, but I know he was gone for awhile. I too feel bad. Drew seemed to be Nick's only sanity.

Coming out of luking mode to post some info that some of you have been wondering about.

I'm a casting associate for TV and I've met both Ma and Pa Simpson. Met Mrs. Simpson when Jessica was trying to get on The New Mickey Mouse Club and Mr. Simpson at another time. I can say that both parents are not pushy showbiz parents - they were very nice people that happen to have two daughters who really, really want to be in show biz.

That being said, I've watched Newlyweds only because I remember what Jessica Simpson was like as a girl. Her attitude has done a complete 180 degree turn from sweet and nice to self-absorbed and nasty.

And man, that family is hella dysfunctional. I've been in casting for 15 years and I can tell you that when a parent or family has a child in show biz, the power dynamic of the family changes to where the child has more power and control than the parent and it makes for some really sick behavior. Not all families with child actors or singers go through this, but in my experience it happens very frequently.

I watched the latest episode where Nick and Jessica go on a "relaxing" Easter vacation to Palm Springs and I couldn't f'ing believe Jessica brought her entire family and entourage with her! Does Nick get a say in anything!?!

And having your parents or other family members involved in your show biz career is just begging to ruin any semblence of a family relationship you ever had. I just cannot get over what a disaster-in-the-making this entire show is turning out to be. Mr. Simpson as Executive Producer? Jessica not being able to go anywhere without her mom to abuse..um sorry, for support? Hiring a dimwitted friend to be her personal assistant and the girl can't even recognize when a paparazzi is taking pictures of reflective surfaces to get Jessica's cell phone number? Why the hell did they think the photog was inside the cell phone store?

Oy.

E! News just reported that the new JS article in Vanity Fair reveals Jessica has an I.Q. of 160. Hmmm...

It was even funnier when Cruise realized the height difference and immediately took one step up on the stage to appear taller than her. One second later, he realized that didn't do the trick and went up ANOTHER step behind her. He's pathetic.



Oh, HolyMaryMotherOfGod. I can deal with celebrities shaving years off their age, but not adding double-digit points to the IQ score. JS is a sub-moron. Period. End of discussion.

They probably meant 60 (which would make her a moron), and they just made a typo.

Sure! 1 + 6 + 0 . . . equals 7! That sounds about right.



Drew got a visit from the Ghosts of Celebrities past one night, saw his future (or lack thereof) as a hanger-on, woke up, and got the hell out of dodge and away from his dumb ass sister-in-law. I'd say he's the smart one. Let's see if Nick follows suit.

Horseshit. Pure, unadulterated, stinky, lumpy, horseshit.

Wow. I didn't know Anna Nicole Smith had a new job as I.Q. Test Administrator.

Exactly. If her IQ is 160, then mine is about 3,000. One of the other entertainment magazine shows on at 7:30 said this information came from none other than Tina Simpson. So yeah, horseshit.

I'm not surprised. Stupid people are very seldom nice people. The Forrest Gump stereotype of the loveable idiot doesn't happen often in real life. "Niceness", which really means good manners and consideration for others, requires a certain level of intelligence and imagination. Lacking these qualities, really stupid people are usually selfish, suspicious and mean. To people like Jessica, being nice is an act you put on to get what you want. If there's no payback, there's point in being nice.

Less than 10 minutes into the week's ep and Jess has already pissed me off. How many bottles of water does she need? It's the frickin' USO, not some large arena.


Excellent point.

I'll make the obvious joke about the blind leading the blind...

Totally missed that at the end of last week's episode she whined "I don't want this lifestyle anymore." Well there's a simple solution, just stop. Then you'll have to deal without the $1400 sheets and maids and a million dollar home, but if you really want out do it and don't whine.

I'm going to have to rewatch this episode because I got a call from work and missed about half. Eee.

How can you have been raised in the United States and never have heard of General Robert E. Lee? I guess maybe if you had a court-appointed tutor for only 3 hours every day...

What the hell was up with Nick on that boat with ass-crack girl? Was there any explanation of why he was there?

Thank god Nick isn't willing to let Jessica procreate, or worse, impose herself on some poor orphan. "Not right now"=we'll be divorced this time next year.

Ah dagnyshrugged, people with 160 IQs do not need to burden themselves with the unimportant information of the mundane. They focus their enormous brain power on more important things - like memorizing how their Louis Vuitton bag looks like in case they go blind from their Lazik surgery and figuring out if they're eating chicken or tuna.

bwahhhhh! I totally laughed out loud at work over that one. I love how the LV bag is so much more precious than say, her dear husband.

BTW, is it me, or does anyone else find those murikami bags totally hideous. The fake-bag sellers on the corner had them all last summer and I thought they were absolutely gross.

Stupid Question: Why oh why did Jessica and her freeloading assistant go to a friggin restaurant when they couldn't friggin see? So they could tell the waitress that? *frustrated sigh*

Even More Stupid Question: Why am I still watching this show?

I found the beginning shot with Nick and Cacee hiliarious.

The "how did I get here?" look on Nick's face while Cacee was blathering on was priceless.

Does this remind anyone else of the King of the Hill episode where Peggy took an online IQ test and it told her she was a genius? Turns out it's just a ploy to sell crappy books and seminars, so it tells everyone they're a genius. I have a feeling that's the test Jessica took. Or maybe she took the one for first graders that's all pictures and shapes? Yay! Jessica is 60% smarter than the average first grader! Rock science, hear she comes!

Usually I can be somewhat patient with Jessica's dumb act - no skin off my nose if she wants to show everyone how dumb she is every week. But I got really, really annoyed at her complaining about the room and hospitality room at the USO show. It's a friggin' charity show, idiot! You do it out of the kindness of your heart! Good grief! I'm sure Gary Sinise* (or Sinisey as Ma Simpson says) doesn't complain because he's only got THREE BOTTLES OF WATER. And way to encourage the attitude, Mom. My mom would've popped me upside the head.

*I should note that Gary is one of my favorite people in Hollywood so I might be a little biased.

I hate them too, schoolzout. They make my eyes bleed.

I can't stand to watch the show this season, so would someone mind giving me a quick rundown of the lack of Robert E. Lee knowledge? TIA.

I havent met her, but one of my college friends went to high school with her. Apparently Jessica was a stuck up bitch that thought she was better than everyone else because she was christian and going to heaven, and everyone different from her was not worthy of any attention.

I just don't understand why Jessica and all of her hanger oners were giving Wayne Newton such evil looks, sure he's a bit creepy, but Wayne Newton is a fucking institution, she should be glad she got a wet kiss from him.

That boat chick was hot, and I'm a straight woman.

Who was that guitar player that was bugging the shit out of Jessica in the "green room" at the USO show?

Typical that Jessica would confuse General Robert E. Lee with the General Lee. She really is Daisy Duke.

Either her eye doctor is the worst doctor in the world or Jessica and Casey didn't listen to his instructions. They should have gone straight home and slept for the rest of the day. Keeping your eyes closed for the whole day is key to having your eyes heal. Going to Red Robin was the dumbest thing, ever. And did the limo just leave them there? How were they supposed to get home?

Did anyone see the little kid repel when Wayne Newton went to pat his head? I don't blame him - Wayne Newton's hair was mighty scary.

Hey now, she does have an IQ of 160 and all, so I bet her blinded-by-science ass could have figured it out.

160 as reported by Tina Simpson. Oy.

Jessica has an IQ of 160. She remembered that Chicken of the Sea was tuna and they gave her bonus points


Just as an aside, forgot where I saw this little tidbit, but apparently Jessica has a urinary tract infection from too much sex with Nick. What the witless will do to get their names in the paper.

edited to add some little note that I forgot where I saw it

How much do Lasik surgeries cost? Who paid for Casey's? The way I see it, if Casey paid for her own surgery, why didn't she use that money to, I don't know, maybe you know, rent an apartment? If Jessica paid for it, is that part of being her PA because I don't see Nick agreeing to pay for Casey's surgery when that money could be better spent getting Casey out of the house and into her own place.

It wouldn't surprise me if the "show" paid for Casey's surgery in an attempt to insure wacky hijinks.

Does Mama Simpson think the SATs are an IQ test? I could see Jessica not being able to proper fill out her name and and address and not scoring 200 on the SATs.

I call complete bullshit on Jessucka's IQ being 160. 160 is like the 99.9 percentile. Do you think that Jessica Simpson is really more intelligent than 99.9% of the population? If her mother was going to lie about something like that she should have picked a more realistic number.

Not to blow my horn or anything, I so don't normally share this, but for this I'll make an exception. I have been invited to join Mensa before (I didn't because I'm not into pretentious people) with an IQ of 133, so I'll be damned if I believe Jessica Simpson is smarter than me. (I'm really not that smart, B's and C's will get you through college and you have more time to party)
;-)

Going out of their way to be a dick to someone just for the hell of it doesn't sound all that amusing.

Jessica, I hate you for so many reasons already, but tonight I added these to the list... not knowing General Robert E. Lee, and whining about the USO concert accomodations.

Please, please Nick, don't have children with this worthless twit.

I'm glad you mentioned this. When KC told Jessica that they probably shouldn't lay out, I wondered why they would even consider it. But then I'm not a doctor, so maybe it's not as dangerous as I think.

A 160 is beyond 99.9, the two most-used IQ tests top out at like 158. She'd have to break the ceiling and (excuse me, I had to pick up my ass after I laughed it off) that's... no.

Among other things, there's a general knowledge section, asking things like 'what is the holy book of the moslem religion?' and a large vocabulary section, so... no.

I couldn't believe they went out to eat. I mean, ok, you're hungry, but, you know, like, call for takeout, swing by and pick it up and go HOME. I did think she was pretty brave at the office, going first, and non-whiny.

She actually didn't seem that whiny to me at the USO, just.. clueless and dopey. I have to say, to the extent that she whines incredibly annoyingly at Nick, she does seem to act with some restraint in professional situations with other people. Well, except for that whole hairdresser crisis... and the bathroom floor photo shoot thing and... I...

Not knowing who Lee was and having lived in the South is even worse than just plain old not knowing.

If her I.Q. is 160, then my ass has an I.Q. of 200.

Wayne Newton may be the second scariest looking person in entertainment. Michael Jackson is #1.



I'm betting that the doctor did it for nothing. So what if the last 4 digits of his phone number were fuzzed out - it was still advertising. You saw his name, his prefix and his nasty stuffed pig. You can find him and have Jessica's surgeon fix your vision!

This makes sense. There is no way Tina could even read the test results, so I'm sure she really thinks it said Jessica's score was 160, and I'm also sure she read it wrong! Let's see the evidence.



Suddenly Outkast's song pops into my head "I know you like to think that your sh** don't stank."



TMI, but at least Nick is getting some.

BTW, Chicago Tribune had a review of Jessica's concert - apparently she played a little over an hour & she sucked. Also, Ashlee opened for her & she sucked too.

I agree. I am sure that the Doctor jumped at the chance for the free publicity.

Let's give Tina the benefit of the doubt about the 160 IQ. Maybe she thinks that IQ is measured in something like dog years. One IQ point actually equals 7, sounds about right.

Are there general skills and requirements to be a celebrity assistant? What is it you're supposed to do anyway? Casey just seems to be a paid and pampered best friend/hanger on. Where did she come from? I missed the 1st episode this season so maybe it was explained there. I'm guessing she was one of the kids that lived with the Simpsons and grew up with Jessica, and that situation is another whole thing I don't understand. Were all these kids that lived with them runaways or something? Maybe Casey actually does some work, but it's edited out. I just don't know what kind of work there would be left for her to do since Pa Simpson as manager handles all Jessica's affairs.

There are other ways to get urinary tract infections, so even though for Nick's sake I hope that's the cause (because sex really is the only reason for anyone to be married to Jessica), I still think it was probably brought on by something else.

I'm going to file Jessica's 160 IQ in the same file with Brittany Spears' genius IQ information. The media can tell me 1,000 times that these women are geniuses, but I will never, ever believe it.

Yes, I recently took an IQ test (from a friend who is learning to administer it for her PhD in Psych). I was asked questions such as "in what years did the Civil War begin and end" and "who wrote Faust." She might have been able to answer "how many weeks are there in a year," but "in what year did WW2 end" would surely have stumped her. Smart people have intellectual curiosity, and she doesn't seem all that interested in expanding her knowledge base.

Has anyone else noticed that there seem to be a lot of scenes this season of Jessica "eating?" And when I say eating, I mean, a full plate of food on front of her and then her moaning "I'm so full." She never appears to actually ingest anything. "See how strong I am? I am NOT touching the Baja Fresh. I'm not!"

After she poked herself in the eye with the fork, she probably got all distracted and forgot to actually eat the food that she was going after in the first place.

Sort of along the same lines as the mayor of NY telling Jlo to shove it when she expected tax payers to pay for $60k worth of shit so she’d run with the Olympic torch. USO isn’t sponsored by Pepsi.


It was more the blush that got me. Why did he look like a drag queen from the neck up?

My new favorite thing is to find people on this show who have that look of I hate my life. Nick was up first, followed by every person back stage at the USO show, and most of her extended family.

My favorite part of the show was the following:
JESS (at the doctors): I can’t open my eyes
DR (shortly): You’re not trying.

Ha! You tell her doc.

In conclusion, I am never getting Lasik eye surgery. That scared the hell out of my. I’ll give Jess credit, I would have been out the door as soon as the snapping and popping as the “calibration” started. And were they pealing a layer of eye off?!?

I read somewhere that Jessica got a certificate for free Lasik in a gift bag from VH1's Diva's Live. I have no idea who paid for Casey's though. I had it done and it was $4400. And my doctor sent me straight home to bed after I had it done. In fact, I slept for 10 hours straight! I couldn't believe that they went out to eat after either. But I do agree that they were brave. It is a nerve racking procedure. Here is an interesting article on Jessica's doctor. I am wondering if this is the reason his phone number was blurred.

Yes, it does!! This was hilarious. Heeee!

Knowing Jessica's lack of cleanliness, I'm sure we can guess what that something else is. I'm not saying she has bad hygiene but she probably thinks it's icky and is too lazy to really clean in certian areas.

Wayne Newton is so plastic! Hie hair looked like a helmet and he just didn't look human. No wonder everyone was afraid of him.

The tidbit about Simp's IQ was part of a larger segment on the show I had on in the background. The IQ bit outraged me, so I forgot to post the other bit. Apparently, Simp waiting until her wedding night to have sex wasn't so much a "religious thing" as a "tradition thing" which was "influenced" by religion. So, then, it's "traditional" to stand up on a stage and sing songs about how your god wants you to wait, and if you have sex you disrespect yourself and any guy that would want sex has no respect for you? What tradition does this come from again? Methinks the Simp family is getting raked over the coals for their blatant hypocrisy, and are backpedaling as fast as they can away from the whole "religion thing."

I am jealous though. I want LASIK very very badly.

No, not really. It depends on the type of celebrity you work for - and the duties of a "personal assistant" vary from person to person. From my experience, it's pretty common for celebrities to hire friends or family members as assistants during tours or filming or whatever.



Casey and Jessica are childhood friends - she's definitely not a runaway. A friend of mine from college is from the same town as them and was pretty friendly with another of Jessica's friends that's around once in awhile - Stephanie I think her name is? Anyway.



Managers and assistants have very, very different duties. One of my good friends works for a B-list celebrity and you couldn't pay me enough to do the shit she has to do - like get hotel rooms for said celebrity's family or arrange where gift baskets should be delievered after events and stuff - but that's what she's paid for.

Well, I would certainly like to see some of it. She could have diffused that whole argument a couple of weeks ago if she had just gotten up off her lazy ass and looked up the movie times. Instead, she just got up and stood behind Jessica with her eyebrows on top of her head like she wasn't sure what was going to happen next. (The look on her face made me think she though Nick was going to blow.)