Everything was gold, and everything was green
I saw a sea monkey king and a sea monkey queen
Fed me cottage cheese and chicken of the sea
Then they sent me on my way with a kiss on the cheek

Newlyweds has been PH'ed. Here's the new place to talk.

Understandable that this show was PH'd. I was its biggest fan the first season when Jessica was just plain ol' dumb. Somewhere during the second season, fame got the best of her and she became kind of mean and tried to be stupid. It stopped being fun. I don't think they'll be able to famewhore for too much longer. Jessica needs to take Nick's advice and start watching the budget.

The only reason to watch now is to look at Nick's muscles while he reminisces about his days as a teen idol when actually got laid.

Totally understandable. The show got waaay boring, and although it was a snark-fest from beginning to end, it was not an entertaining one.

But I did like checking the forums for Nick and Jessica media appearances and gossip. Anyone with news or views, please bring it on!

Anyone planning on watching the Nick & Jessica Variety Hour? I put a topic in the 'Where Does This Show Go?' thread, but maybe it will be discussed here?

I'd watch it but I'll be busy that night, bleaching my brain.

I saw previews for it and it looked like a typical lame ABC special. Somewhere during it, N&J sing "I Got You Babe". Can they ever be original?

Nope.

The variety show looks too pathetic to even snark on.

Flipping through the channels a few minutes ago, I noticed Nick on Mtv shilling the variety show. He wore his blingrific birthday watch.

Oh dear. It's all slipping away so quickly for these two. Jessica better hold off on those $750 underwear shopping sprees.

Now we're right back where we started. Damn. I was liking the extra space.

I know I'm in the minority here, but I NEVER get tired of watching Jessica be stupid. Some of the more recent episodes weren't up to Season 1, that's true, but I still laughed till I nearly peed with pretty much every episode.

I never watched the show, but came to eagerly anticipate the newest blurb from NewlywedsSuperFan69:) every week. Man, I'll miss that. Such a perfect parody.

In the old forum, someone had recently mentioned that Jessica Simpson was promoting the new "Drex in the Morning" show for Chicago's KISS FM. She's also doing the TV promos--but Nick briefly joins her.

She sure is. The best part about it is when she says "Everything I'm looking for is on KISS FM. Except maybe one thing." and then they show Nick. Because no radio stations, including KISS, are playing his songs. Good job there, Jess.

I'll miss NewlywedsSuperFan69 sooooo much!!!!!!!!!

Can we recap her life instead??

I was flipping through channels last night and saw part of the TRL repeat. The clip from the variety show was just painful. But Mr. T will be doing his own rendition of With You. That's almost worth watching for.

Don't know if these are new or repeats but Friday's Oprah is one of those best of after the show episodes and will have something from Nick and Jessica's appearance.

Arrrrrrrgh! I hate to admit this, but the Variety Special looks kind of cute. I remember the days of those types of shows (yes, I am THAT age) and if I didn't know anything about these two, I would probably have watched it based on the previews.

Shoot me....NOW!

Oh my gaw! What would Jessica have to say about her forum being PH'd?

Just kidding. As I think the show really was pretty boring this season and I think it is time for the show itself to go away.

Though, I too went to the media thread a lot just to see all of the stupid things Jess was doing.

Regarding the Variety Show, I've come to realize that the show is geared toward a target audience of 6-10 year old little girls. Not for adults.

Precisely! I loved Variety Shows when I was little. Can't imagine liking them as an adult (with the exception of the Carol Burnett Show) eek! Did I just reveal more of how old I am?

Here's an interesting and hilarious tidbit about an item at The Smoking Gun:

HA-HA! Poor 'sucka. She wore a T-shirt and didn't get paid $100,000 for it. Awww. Life is hard.

I guess we all know why Mtv blurs out logos.

Same info from DMW_SFU's post about the T-shirt debacle. This story has Creepy Pa Simpson written all over it. This is from TVguide.com:

I love the word "warbling". Tee hee! It fits her singing so well, too!

Jess is also going to be giving sex advice. Pa Simpson will now spend ample amounts of time smuggling Cosmo into the bathroom:

http://www.ncbuy.com/news/2004-04-08/1009335.html

Gah, when are these people going to learn that too much exposure is a bad, bad thing?

The snark practically writes itself.

DrCher makes an excellent point about MTV blurring out logos. Did both the company and Simp really think anybody would actually see the logo? Do other video channels (that actually play some) blur out logos as well?

No kidding, HappyKitty. I never wear a T-shirt unless I'm getting paid at least that!

When the blood flowing from my bleeding eyes carries them away to the hell that they have created in my world.

If you guys are Jessica/Nick starved she is going to be a big part of the Apprentice finale (one of the Apprentices manages her AC concert). There is a terrific clip of her in the previews saying "I was so confused, I didn't know what to do!" And Creepy Pa Simpson was already on corrupting my TV set.

What's next? Nick writing about how to have a successful career as a SoulO artist?

Zing!

I may watch just for the trainwreck value but HappyKitty makes a good point. The NewlywedsSuperFan69s of the world have no idea who Kenny Rogers is. If they know Mr T. it's because of the 1-800 collect commercials he did awhile back. Who does ABC think is the demo for Nick and Jessica? Then again, casting like that is why ABC's in 4th place ratings wise.

What little respect I had for Cosmo just went down the drain. The only thing I ever saw strewn on the floors at casa D&D was Jessica's dirty laundry.

Way to go with the sex advice, Jessica. Teach all those little girls who look up to you that you don't share sex with your husband, use it to control him. Poor Nick.

Jessica is all over the magazine covers lately!

What a skeeze Creepy Pa Simpson must be! I wish I knew people who had worked with Jessica who could give the real dirt on that guy.

I finally saw the Valentine's Day ep. Mr. jennifuh and I were appalled, appalled I tell you, that she tried to pass cute Chef Mario's cooking off as her own. I did it all myself, my ass! I'm sure Nick knows enough to see right through that, but still. Gah, I can't stand her!

The magazines must stop enabling her.

http://www.sweetkisses.net/images/cosmopol...4/images/05.jpg

Good God! Check out the link above. Jessica is talking about how she is not conservative in bed. When will she learn that TMI IS TMI?!

Excuse me, Ms. I'm-waiting-because-I-respect-myself?! Way to go with the mixed messages, so first shes saying "Wait to make him respect you" and now its all "Thank God the men approve"? Whatever. I give up.

Her precious (in other words, warped) ideas aside, she actually sounds like she has half of a brain in that article (emphasis on half). Does something lose it through print or does her publicist feed her good quotes beforehand? Tough one, I know.

and...sometimes you pretend that you're making him wait in order to make him respect you, but in fact, you're just manipulating him so that he wants you more later.

Nick nick nick, you are stupid.

If no one watched season 2 because it was boring why so much dialogue in the Newlyweds forum.

I thought when you were Ph'd it was because there was no interest whatsoever.

Did this have anything to do with stee being outed as a concerned fan of Jessica in the NY Post article that referred to her as being illiterate?

Just asking.

I opened up US magazine this week and saw the ads for the variety show and I remember just thinking "Oh, what the fuck?" I called my mom and she was like, "Are they trying to be Sonny and Cher now?" Can you just see them becoming the new Sonny and Cher and instead of the big nose/Italian jokes Sonny and Cher threw at each other, they'll joke about Jess' big toddies and Nick's failed boy band career?

They'll be divorced in 2 years: tops. They'll fight over the lifetime membership to Sephora.

The KISS fm radio tv spots are absolutely cheesy! She's like "have you had any good DREX (thats the dj's name) lately? ugh, Jessica, go AWAY!

Is this the place to talk about the cheesy Variety Show?

When she was singing with Jewel, she looked like an epileptic fish out of water - thrashing all about - horrible.

And poor Nick, relegated to singing with another has been, Kitt the car from Knight Rider - it's just so sad.

Pardon me while I go stuff my ears with tissue to stop the bleeding. And my eyes - hysterical blindness goes away right?

Which brings us back to That Question: Nick, oh, "Smart Responsible" Nick, what dost thou seest in Dumb Lazy Jessica? Me, I just see a head with nothing but air inside the hair.

Yeah, that was just awful.

I don't know why the show is rated PG when it seems to be directed at little kids? Eh, but then again, I don't really care.

LOL! Oh my god, my thoughts exactly. But... I gotta admit, this show wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be! Definately the cheesiest thing possible, that's for damn sure. But.. it wasn't Caroline Rhea Show bad.

The show is being discussed here:
Nick and Jessica Variety Hour

Proof positive that Jessica is really a Muppet.

I think calling Jessica a Muppet insults all puppets, or "fabricated-Americans."

I also agree with your assessment! Why does she do that in most of her performances? When she watches them later can't she see what a moron she looks like--and why doesn't someone involved with her career say something?

Does the word "fear" ring any bells?