I cant believe Agassi can still move like that...

Well he didn't move like that at Davis Cup, I was there to witness that mess in person. But the other day he looked fantastic, should be interesting today.

I'm sorry. What I meant to say was "brag, brag, brag."

I can't believe Nalbandian's out and they never showed him once. Scratch that, I believe it about the second part.

I was able to see his match and here is my secret: ESPN Deportes. This is the Spanish ESPN for the US market, they show a lot of the Latin players. I'll bet you can get this channel in NY.

BTW Agassi just pulled out of his match with an injury. Too bad, he was playing so well.

Damn it! I was all excited about getting home to see Agassi's match. Grr argh! Given the small draw (isn't it only 64 players?), there probably won't be a match substituted. Harumph. From the tournament site:
Hey, is this the first time Kim & Lleyton have been in the same competition since forever? /catty remark

And The Hate continues:

One last thing, The Detroit News actually has a feature story about Roger Federer today written by one of their sports columnists. I am not making that up. This is the first feature story I have seen about tennis (and it's not about Agassi or Roddick!) in that publication.
OK, I think I am done now. Hopefully someone else will post so I'll be able to stop editing this one. Hee. Oh, one last thing: Go Lindsay! Woo hoo! Double bagel! Ouch! You go, girl! Now if she can only hold it together in the final. *sigh*

Amazing article, JuanitaSmi. And the bi-line is from Indian Wells, so they sent him there to report. Has he written other articles on the tournament this week? Is the News the rival to the Free Press?

(Yay, Lindsay just took the second set. Phew!)

I can't say I'm impressed with the dude's accuracy or writing ability.

I would hardly say this is a hallmark of Lovely Roger's game.

Ah, a good sentence gone bad for want of a verb.

Lambastes his strokes?
It's been a while since I've read the sports pages. I forget what I've been missing.

But whatever his deficiencies, it still is cool that they sent him. I wonder what the hell happened. :-)

I am frantically looking for this channel here in the Chicago market- to no avail as of yet. Anyone have any info?

I haven't read that article, Juanita, but the last part you cited deserves a rousing AMEN. I'm hoping there are lots of Argentine tennis fans here in Chicago right now clamoring to watch Canas take on Roger....

Oh, and what a women's match: I haven't been so into the women's draw since Kimmy's loss in the USOpen final 18 months ago (was it?)....

Maybe the ESPN website can let you know what cable company carries Deportes. I just finished watching Fed/Canas and they are showing Roddick/Hewitt now.

Thanks, khyber -- I finally gave up and just followed the online scoreboard - and it was over pretty quickly...

But I'm looking through the website as we speak, because the Hewitt/Roddick looks pretty good.

I'm pretty sure we don't have it here in Chicago, because I've been up and down the (600-channel) dial a few times and haven't come across it. But I do find it peculiar, since we are nearly bilingual as a city in my neck of the woods...

*runs off to write ESPN/Comcast yet another letter*

I just scrolled through all 999 channels on Time Warner Digital Cable here in NYC and don't see ESPN Deportes. Wow, would I love that, too.

For anyone awake, and home, and with ESPN2 (my hotel doesn't)--they will be showing the Roddick/Hewitt match starting at 2:30am EST. Have fun you lucky duckies.

You know, I actually do not know what to make of the ESPN programming situation yesterday - why the delay on Andy? I mean, my obvious first question is why no Roger, but I think I'm giving up that fight. But the top three players in the world are all playing in semifinals at an event they've covered all week, and they don't have time for either?

I'm really glad that I taped the Rod-Hewitt match, because it says a lot for tennis I think - and for the event as well - that it was so tight.

I went to this event last year, and had such a great time - I was really disappointed not to be able to go again, but consoled myself early on with the notion that I'd get to see a lot of the matches on ESPN. My recollection is that ESPN did a better job, because my husband was able to tell me when I got home all that he had been able to watch from here.

Anyway, I feel the odd notion to confess, Juanita - as loathesome as I find Hewitt on court, I am almost always astounded by his decorum and graciousness in the press room? I swear the boy must be bipolar.......

Wow, I'm pretty stunned that neither NY or Chicago have Deportes. I'm not even in LA, I'm in Orange County, but there is a huge Mexican population here. At my local elementary school about 85-90% of the kids only speak Spanish at home so the TV here has tons of Spanish stations.

I went onto the ESPN Deportes site and you can search by zip code to see if it is broadcast in your area:
http://espndeportes.espn.go.com/network?id=dep

Its on the left hand side under television ,there is a box to type in zipcode (postal code).

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ESPN?!! They're covering this event fairly okay and then they TOTALLY FAIL TO COVER THE MEN's SEMI-FINALS!!! Oh, wait. Forgive me. They did show one of the semi-s on TAPE DELAY in the middle of the FUCKING NIGHT! You'd have thought the match had been played in Hong Kong. Funny. It was played in the far off land of California.

But, you know, that's okay. You had pool, fishing, and cheerleading to cover. And they're only the SEMI-FINALS!!! It's not like they matter or anything?!! WTF IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, YOU MORONS?!!!

And it's not as if all the high seeds were knocked out and the highest seed left was the #3 player from Upper Volta. (Yes, I know it's Burkina Fasso, but Upper Volta's funnier right now. Jeez!)

(Pause. Count to ten.)

(Quick check. Blood pressure back to normal range.)

So, did anyone see the Hewitt-Roddick match? It was really a corker. Sometimes I forget why these guys are considered top players, but this match reminded me.

Is anyone here old enough (like me) to remember Billie Jean King when she was a player? I was only a kid, but if I recall correctly, she was really, really animated on court and always pumping herself up. I remember my mother "approved" of her and thought she was quite funny. And anything my mother approved of, I approved of. (That's how it worked when I was a little girl.)

Anyway, I'm wondering if what Hewitt does on court is much different than what Billie Jean, the legend, did. I've kind of never really had a big problem with him yelling "Come on!", even if it's after an opponent's error. I mean, I think there's some gamesmanship involved, but I think the better part of it is to get himself pumped up, and ... I don't have such a big problem with that.

Or do I have it wrong? Is that what makes him so revolting and so unpopular among other players? I've never heard any concrete follow up to his, uh, remarks about the black linesperson in the Blake match at the US Open a few years ago. Are there any widely held opinions about him on that front? Does that have anything to do with his unpopularity? (I hope that's gone by the wayside and is a total non-factor, but ... )

Just so y'all know where I'm coming from, I'm not a fan of his at all, but the "Come on" stuff kind of amuses me. The racist comment? Not so much.

I'm all about Roger. Speaking of him, have you guys checked out the site for the Pacific Life tournament? There are head shots of the players. Roger's is seriously hot. Smoking. I literally spent several minutes just staring at it. And, just so you know, that's a really unusual thing for me to do. I can't remember the last time I stared at a photo of a person for more than a second or two. But this one really held my interest. (I think I heard he did a spread in Vogue, and maybe it came from that.)

But it's not just Roger's gorgeous one that's of entertainment. The other guys look as if they used their driver's license photos. They're hilarious! And poor Roddick, who I think is really quite handsome in terms of looks, feature for feature really better looking than Roger (you know, the nose problem), but his photo -- talk about a nose problem! You've got to check it out. And Roddick's looks as if it's from a fancy photo shoot too, but ... wow. Well, it's not flattering. I can't help but feel it must have been chosen as a joke.

I dont particularly like Hewitt so I giggled when the announcer said that Roddick couldnt deliver what the audience wanted, which was him in the final. Hee.

I feel kinda bad now.

My hate for Lleyton is well documented on this thread. The thumbnail version of it: US Open vs. Blake, childish fight with ATP over match press interviews, on-court behavior, etc.

With that said, I recognize Hewitt's talent. It's what makes hating him so fun: seeing him fight to win and then ... lose. And OopsSorry, I disagree with his behavior in the press room, I have listened to many post-match interviews (God bless the internet) and if anything, he lobs the questions. He is very deft at moving forward even when he behaves like a putz on the court.

re: Jerry Green's column
Yes, The Detroit News is the other daily in Detroit, in competition with the Free Press. Though through a Joint Operating Agreement, their business ops are combined. Whatever.

Honestly, I can't recall many tennis stories in either Detroit paper. JoAnn Barnas has covered, I think, the Canada Open a few times. She does a lot of Olympic coverage. This was why I was geeked to see Jerry Green do a column all about Roger and not with a Detroit dateline. I half wondered if NASCAR was in Calif this week and that was why he was able to go the PacLife. I haven't seen any other tennis stories this week from Indian Wells. And this is why we inundate Wertheim with emails about the lack of coverage tennis gets in the mainstream press.

Same here. My mom loved her--and hated Jimmy Connors, so I always did--and King was playing 35 and overs (with Casal) my first year at the US Open in '91 so I got to see her play. When I showed my mom the pictures, she was all excited about the King pictures (and the Courier pictures because he looked like Phil Simms) but wouldn't even bother with the Connors ones. As for King on the court, I must admit I do not remember her being Hewitt bad. . . and she has always been such a great ambassador for the sport itself. I do wish her Team Tennis had taken off more. Tennis in a team environment is great fun.

The Nasdaq is next! I like that tournament. Tennis Channel will have one day (next Saturday) and ESPN and ESPN2 will air stuff starting that Sunday with CBS airing the finals. I love this time of the year.

Addendum re: Hewitt to OopsSorry:

Cliffy and PeeMac were just talking about Lleyton's post-match interview. They noted that it is the Aussie in him that won't make excuses (I had an injury, I played late last night, etc.) for his loss. He'll just take it on the chin and move on. So anyway, looks like Cliff and PeeMac agree with you.

And another thing, the ESPN guys just said that Andre would play in Miami, which begs the question: WTH happened with the toe? I didn't get to see him at all this week. /whine

Now, I am ALL for ESPN bashing but I have to say that they really didn't have much choice. The women's NCAA Tournament was on all day and unfortunately it pulls in higher ratings than tennis. Therefore, tennis gets shoved until the wee hours of the morning.

Hee, Juanita. I heard that, too, and was happy to think I wasn't crazy for seeing the good in him - however staged or cultural or....

But I appreciate your comment about the lobbing of questions. I guess for me in particular it's the oddly (because on court I don't see a shred of this) humble way he talks about other players' strengths. It may be calculated, but the disparity in comportments in the two arenas has me stumped.

But I'll pay closer attention today to his interview about losing! *grins*

See you all for Miami! *dashes off to check photo mentioned by Harry24...*

Thanks for that, khyber, but unfortunately all it did was take me to Zap2It where I could scroll through my channels again. We have a whole tier of Spanish channels on my digital cable system and so I agree that it's freaky that we don't get this. But now I can feel the jealousy that Juanita feels for me over the Tennis Channel.

I was pissed off over the ESPN scheduling as well but I understand their reasons. I TiVo'd the match and luckily added padding of a couple of hours. What a thriller! I'm glad if they had to show it taped they didn't pull the old "due to time constraints, we now jump ahead to the third set."

As for Hewitt, I don't like him either but I've begun to see every semi as "the contest to see who will be crushed by Federer" anyway.

Hewitt's post-match interview at PacLife.He's not as gracious as PeeMac and Cliffy made him out to be. But he's more so than I would've made him out to be. Ain't it the truth though. Ain't it the truth. He's just so beautiful to watch. It's becoming cliche to say it but: balletic, fluid, graceful. All that and more. The guy is just damn good and he's not in his head the way some of the other greats were (John McEnroe, even my guy). He's just all. about. the tennis. And? It's good.

Has Roddick gotten as bad as Hewitt? I remember reading he had a disastrous final against Roger at the tail end of last season somewhere in the southern hemisphere. The score was like love and one or something. But up until then he's played Roger some really tough, entertaining matches: the Wimbledon semi and final the last two years, the final of the Canadian tournament last year, for example. I was hoping Roddick would win for that reason. Because Hewitt is just hopeless.

It's kind of weird. Of the top four, Roddick absolutely cannot beat Hewitt or Federer, and Hewitt absolutely cannot beat Federer. Like no chance. And I'll bet neither Hewitt nor Roddick can beat Safin if Safin brings his brain that day. So the only really satisfying rivalry in this "great" top four is Federer vs. Safin with brain.

And, btw, it really is irritating of you guys to be so reasonable about ESPN and its coverage of the women's NCAA basketball tournament. :-)

I was really enjoying that Hewitt-Roddick match until ESPN showed the goddamn final score in the bottom scroll during the third set tiebreak. Way to ruin the match, assholes. I used to have this contraption that I rigged up on my tv to cover up that scroll because ESPN used to wreck matches this way all the time. I guess I'm gonna have to dig it out again. They cannot be trusted! I'm convinced ESPN hates tennis and hates tennis fans, and that they do that shit on purpose.

I think it's cute how Federer apparently watches the coverage on tv too. When they were interviewing him after the final today and were talking about that amazingly ridiculous 45-shot point, Federer made reference to some point from some match a while ago that ESPN had featured as the point of the day.

Ain't that the truth. Ivanisevic was the same way--and just as beautiful, so there you go.

I was flying, so I didn't see it, how was the final coverage yesterday?

The coverage of the final was decent. Roger made pretty quick work of Lleyton so it wasn't all that long of a broadcast. They cut to tape from the Roddick-Hewitt semi-final for the last 20 minutes or so after the match ended. Cliffy called that match "the most competitive of this week." Tell that to the folks upthread who had to watch it on tape delay, Cliff.

I don't remember if they even showed the trophy presentation although they usually do.

Typical PeeMac gushing over Roger. Cliff was more understated in his praise but is also awed by FedererExpress. Interesting that everyone is wondering how long his reign will last. "Will it go 6 years like Pete?" is the prevailing question. Build 'em up and knock 'em down. Aren't sports great?

There were some really great rallies (one phenomenal point that Lleyton won). The crowd got on its feet for that one.

Honestly? It was just nice to be watching tennis on a Sunday. :-)

I guess NASDAQ doesn't start until Wednesday. (?)

ETA: Man what was going on at Indian Wells that all these players had problems with their toes? I realize foot injuries are not uncommon but "toe injuries" are all the rage. Hewitt out of NASDAQ due to toe injury.

I was shocked that with the 20 minutes left over, they didn't show the trophy ceremony. So we missed both the men's and the women's. Do you guys think this will be the new norm? I seem to recall that they showed ceremonies when time still allowed. Personally, I don't know why I love the closure of the ceremonies, but I honestly do... so I was disappointed.

And the toe epidemic is indeed a bit odd - something particular to the surface? temperature? random coincidence? Andre will be back in Miami, though, right?

And I know it's hard for the commentators to come up with stuff sometimes, but I wish they'd take Roger's cue and lay off the heavy expectations - he so much as told them in his post-match interview that his own expectations are much different than theirs ... and very patiently seemed to allude to his desire that they do the same. (I think - I should go back and rewatch the tape.)

Edited for double posting.... Sorry.

My TiVo picked up that ESPN Classic will be showing "Tennis Masters Cup Uncovered II: Facing Federer" on Saturday at 11am EST. Here is a description of the DVD of the special. Of course, The Tennis Channel has/is air(ed/ing) the special, so Castallack can probably tell us if it is worth the time.

Shockingly, the only thing I really watch on TTC is actual tennis matches so I haven't seen it. I did set my TiVo for the Nalbandian interview special but they showed something else which which they seem to do fairly often.

I'm so excited that CBS will be doing the finals, because that should mean widescreen HD. Watching some of their US Open coverage like that last year was a revelation.

I read in the paper the next day some quotes from an interview with Davenport regarding her eventual retirement that after a final when she talks to the crowd it hits her that this may be the last time she speaks in front of them. Especially at Indian Wells, a tournament to which she owes so many of her career breakthroughs. In fact, she was afraid her voice was going to crack while she was talking. It made no sense not to show the ceremony.

Just when I was beginning to feel bad about the whining....

Chicago-area tennis fans, the deal for TTC is in the works - ATP released a statement about Comcast and TTC talking out a deal. I spoke with Comcast today, and they aren't sure about what kind of plan TTC will be under - and of course there's no date being mentioned, but Hip Hip Hooray!

Yet another reason why I need to leave Motown and head to Chi-town. The Tennis Channel...aaaah.

I am kind of surprised about the trophy presentation. I am such a geek/fan that I always watch the trophy presentation (probably even when LH wins). I made the remark about not being sure if they showed the trophy presentation because I was, at that point, half paying attention to the TV while I cooked dinner. I thought it was possible but that is so weird for them not to show. Um, would they not show the winner's circle in NASCAR (used for comparison because it's a weekly win).

LT: thanks for the head's up on Facing Federer. I definitely want to see that and will set a reminder for it on ESPNClassic.

Yes, thanks! I didn't check that channel and had just ordered the DVD when I read your post. But it's always fun to watch it on TV! Then I won't have to take a day off work when the pressie arrives....

You should just come on down, Juanita! We can't boast any important tournament or anything, but we should have TTC within the year.... And I'm going to start raising hell at ESPN about the ceremonies. [chi-town drawl] That sh** just ain't right...[/ctd]

And you know. . . Cincinnati and/or Indianapolis are kinda in between Detroit, NYC and Chicago (and many other places that people on this board might live). . . just saying. Then we could all heckle PMac in person.

And I just can't understand why ESPN doesn't show the ceremonies. Some of the inept American press whines that many tennis players don't have any personality (which I think a lot of us on this board would agree is not true). One way that you really can see the personalites and wit of the players is in the trophy ceremonies. Marat's Aussie Open speech reminded me again why I like him so.

It is looking like th NASDAQ 100 is going to get a good many of hours from a mix of channels. Tivo will be working overtime. I know it is not likely - but I would like to see Coria do well- I felt so bad for him last year when he started to pass kidney stones during the final. That really started to set off his myriad of health problems. And he really does seem like a sweet, grounded, focused guy when you listen to his interviews. Unfortunatley he doesn't speak English in his interviews- even though he can understand it. I think in part because he does care about what he says and wants to be able to say it precisely. Okay- this is not the place to go my why I like Coria spiel (and I believe him with what he says about the doping incident a few years back).

Good luck to all of you in Comcast cities- hope TTC deal goes through!

I was going to go to the Cinci Master's a few years ago but then those plans fell through. I was kinda happy about that when Andre ended up pulling out in the 11th hour. I would like to see him play before he retires.

If anyone wants to see that 45-point rally between Hewitt and Federer during Indian Wells, you can watch it on the ATP site.

TV Guide reports that ABC Family Channel has inked a deal for a short-run reality show featuring the lives of Venus and Serena. Quoting the site:
Another story here.

I watched the Masters Cup show last night. It was an odd recap of the year-end tournament, not really about Federer except that he won, but some really choice backstage (locker) moments. All of the guys (the eight that played) came off as really likable, fun people--even Hewitt and especially Henman. What a bright, entertaining guy he is! Loved his efficient pool playing while talking to the camera. We even got a shot of Safin's right cheek (not face) when he and Coria are getting massages. For this non-Roddick fan the scene of him running back to his locker room to get an extra pair of dress shoes for Moya showed me he ain't so bad. Hewitt's hand-made sign pinned up on his locker-room wall before the final with Federer telling him to start a new chapter and attack was adorable.

Oh yeah, I watched Facing Federer too!

I even thought Andy with his nephew was cute (although strange timing to ask Uncle Andy to babysit) but it worked. I agree the players all seemed great. I will refrain from maligning LH's name in this instance. ;-)

It oddly felt like an NFL Film or a Wimbledon Film. Just me? OK, then.

I thought it was good that they had the photographer talking about Federer. "He's always a nice guy." The photog came off as someone who follows the tour (he made light banter with Rog re: the haircut, which was revealed at the Master's, 'member?).

I have to say I was pretty ready to come in here last night around 8:30 and malign ESPN for its wacky choices - only giving us the second+ set of Federer, etc. But then he did us all a favor and had a little breakdown so he took nearly all of the coverage! I've repented for my subconscious wishes toward that effect, and promise to keep those under control.... I blame it on the return of the red attire. Ahem.

And Phew! And now I want to commend them for sticking with the coverage - for giving us some Venus as well as Serena - and for genuinely conveying some excitement last night about whatever was going on down there in Miami. Though I have to say it seemed Cliffy was driving MaryJo a bit batty....

I also agree that Facing Fed was full of really nice moments with all of the players, and I have to say I really find Andy's sincere sadness over not doing well pretty compelling. I mean, I could throttle him when he starts that cocky court swagger when things are going his way, but it's also good to see him doing some reflecting. And the nephew moments were precious.

But that camera guy actually kind of creeped me out! I don't know....

And I'm booking in Cinci with you guys, though I'll probably be in labor that week.... I'd intended to go to Toronto this past year but didn't make it, so am thinking that might be an option as well - 2 years from now when it returns, that is.

Andy Roddick got Punk'd on the way to his Tonight Show appearance. It will air on MTV Sunday night April 3rd at 10pm EST. Here are some pictures of it.

I also enjoyed Facing Federer. It's nice to see the guys interacting off the court. Tim Henman seems adorable.

I know they won’t but I really wish that tonight ESPN would show the Nadal/Johannson quarter match tonight after the Clijsters/Dementieva match. I think Rafa has a good chance to make it into the final (although Tojo and then Ferrer could be tough). He is a kid that is really coming into his own and has such enthusiasm on the court that he is imo a blast to watch. Pat McEnroe is quite familiar with him from the Davis Cup and it could be fun to hear him commentate for a full Nadal match.

Because it is hard for me to talk about tennis without commenting on the physical attributes of the players (I have set up a house in the shallow end of the pool) I must say that I was reminded again yesterday how cute Gaston Gaudio is and that he has some great legs. That was an entertaining first set between Agassi and Gaudio yesterday- too bad that the level wasn’t maintained in the second set.

And I have to agree on those who enjoyed the players personalities in Facing Federer. I have always liked Henman but never knew that he was such an endearing little goofball.

The second set of Venus and Serena's quarterfinal at this year's Nasdaq 100 was, in a word, [i]awesome.[i/] I was sitting at home on the edge of my seat and screamed for joy when Venus won. Amazing tiebreak too.

That said, the cameramen on Sharapova are definitly squicky. Every single point they just gaze and gaze and gaze on her. Henin Hardenne serving, watch Maria prepare for the return. Maria serving, always show a closeup of her motion. It's sick and creepy, but at the same time if it brings tennis back into the limelight should I be mad? Argh, the things you're willing to compromise when you love an unpopular sport.

Enjoyed the Williams second set as well. So glad to see Venus win her first against Serena in a while.

They are now showing a tape of the Ancic-Federer match from yesterday. Federer was a bit out of form (and sick). And more frustrated than you normally see him. He threw his racquet down and yelled at himself- and dork that I am- I rewatched that raquet throwdown around five times because you never really see that anymore. As Cliff said- Feds used to do that alot when he was around 15 but has not really done it much for a long time. Poor cutie just looked so frustrated with Ancic.

If anyone hears of Facing Federer being on ESPN classic again, please post it here. I went forward through Saturday on my on screen guide but didn't see it.

Yo, Chesty (giggle), what was the deal with Lovely Roger being sick the other day? Cliffy and PM didn't mention anything about it during his match with Henman today.

My, my, my the tennis was beautiful the first set. Henman was playing gloriously. Lovely Roger seemed not to be moving like his normal liquid self, but didn't seem to be significantly off his game at all. He was playing very, very well, so he was definitely a level above Tory Tim even at his very best. It was wonderful seeing two all-court players.

I hope AA continues to play well tonight and doesn't get too tired out. I think if he has a really sharp, high energy day he can at least play an entertaining match against LR. And you know he will continue to fight and think, think, think 'til the very end.

I thought the Williams sisters played their most entertaining match ever. Or am I mis-remembering? Or perhaps my perception has just changed in the long time since I've seen them play each other. But it seemed less angst filled and more just all out competitive. Perhaps this was simply because Venus was able to step out of the protective older sister role and get hungry. Anyway, I thought it was a very entertaining, good tennis match, not a drama that would end in sadness either way.

Sharapova is beginning to bum me out. She's looking really, really good and so confident. Did anyone else see the big-time close-up of her Frightening Father screaming directly at her in Russian? Coaching much? I don't speak any Russian, but he addressed her clearly with "Masha", which would be the Russian version of Maria. Is there anywhere one can find if players have been warned for stuff like this?

It was cool to see Venus hang with her as close as she did, especially when she was able to bring it back in the second set. That's hard, especially when she's rebuilding her confidence and Sharapova is oozing the stuff.

Man, Venus's serve is back big time, baby! In fact, it looks better than it did before. The motion looks easier. She looks more like a smooth professional tennis player and less like a little kid just hitting it as hard as she can, if that makes any sense. And, am I crazy, or does her second serve look solid as well?

FINAL THOUGHT: I think Mary Jo Fernandez brings a lot to the broadcast, but her voice is practically unbearable. It's so flat and caught in her throat. She should seriously work with a voice coach if she's going to do more TV.

Edited because "throught" instead of "throat"? Good grief.