jcpdiesel21 suggests:turtle dove mentions:I think we have a match. In fact I suggest The Hair needs its own thread. Talk about it here.

edited because if you give someone credit you should spell their name correctly.

Oh, thank God, thank God. The hair does need its own forum.

I have never seen worse hair than I did last night. I almost had nightmares. I can't even look at Trump, his hair is so distracting. It makes my skin crawl. A fucking billionaire and he has shop-teacher hair.* Give it up, man. EVERYONE KNOWS YOU'RE BALDING!! BE A MAN!! LET YOUR SCALP BREATHE!

Carolyn had an absolutely horrible 'do, too. So outdated! And the dude that got kicked off? Total brillo, man.

I don't have the energy to subject myself to much more of such terrible hair.

*In 8th grade, I had a shop teacher named Mr. Bakewell. He had a comb-over from HELL!! I know many of you won't care, but there is no other way for me to describe it. You all have a Mr. Bakewell somewhere in your pasts.

It's worse than that spray on hair in a can shit. How can someone with that much scratch have a head that looks that bad. Just proves again that money can't buy taste.

With all those butt-kissers and right-hand men he has around, you'd think someone would tell him how horrible his head looks.

Personally, I think it looks like cotton candy made out of poo.

How cool. My suggestion inspires a forum. :) Thanks, mongo.

During last night's episode, I was completely fascinated by Donald's hair. I kept on wondering how he gets it that way and how long it takes to create the "look". It looks all fluffy, like cotton candy.

That's probably the problem. None of those people would have the guts to be that honest.

So, is he bald on top with long hair in the back that he combs forward and then folds back? I gotta know how he does it.

Yeah. After seeing how he nailed Jason last night, it's obvious he don't take too kindly to people who doesn't ass-kiss 100%. He deserves to be fugly.

The amazing thing is how it stays secure on his head. What kind of industrial hairspray is he using? That was a helicopter wind he was walking into about ten minutes into the show, and he had hardly any movement at all, except for the very front. When I'm waiting for a subway and it pulls into the station, my hair flies around like crazy. It would probably get caught in the helicoptor blades and get chopped off like Romano's arm. How does it stay on his head???

The Hair is a force that is not disturbed by mere forces of nature.

Do his eyebrows count as part of this thread? Because while the hair is a bit distracting, I'm even more taken aback by those eyebrows. Dude, you can buy a hair trimmer at your local convenience store that can take care of that for you. And I've always wonder if The Hair should actually be called The Piece. Because natural hair just doesn't do what his does.

I think he has curly hair that he blow dries straight and then combs over his bald spot. He really needs to be told about the great advances we have made in de-frizzing product technology.
It reminds me a bit of Mickey Dolenz in the later years of the Monkees. You know, if Mickey were blonde.

OH MY GOD- I'm so glad that "the hair" has it's own thread.

Donald- you have what, a zillion dollars? Buy yourself a stylist and fix that shit- 'cuz you ain't foolin' no one honey! When they showed that picture of Donald and Don King I wept for the hair denial in that shot.

I, too, am thrilled this thread (hair?) exists, because when The Donald's on-screen, I can't look at anything else.

My theory is he grew it really long in front so he could craft that pouf at his forehead, then sculpt it over the bald spot, finishing with a little ducktail in the back. If this is true, I believe it qualifies as art.

And you have to figure whatever spray adhesive is holding that sculpture in place is probably also holding together his buildings.

BWAH!!!!



To achieve his "look," I believe The Donald uses approximately 8 cans of Aquanet per day. I also believe that the combover parts are put in sponge rollers at night and covered with a silk scarf while he sleeps in his hyperbaric chamber. Upon awakening, his toupée is glued firmly into place at the crown of his head, where the balding is most severe. (Notice it's startling, albeit brief, appearance while he is standing in front of a mirror during the Protegé tour of his apt.) The rollers are removed and an underling combs and sprays, combs and sprays, then sprays some more until the curls from the bottom are combed up to meet the curls from the forehead area. This also helps to achieve the duck-tail look he is sporting in the back. The toupée serves as a nice structural support for said curls to form the trademark bouffant. A layer of blonde, followed by burgundy hair-in-a-can is sprayed over the final shape, before being secured with a final layer of Aquanet.

Hmmm, never occured to me that it might be curly then blown straight. It has such a wig-like look, since the back stands so far away from his neck.

I wonder what he could do other than shear it very close to his head? That or shaving entirely seem to be the only viable options. I wager his ego could not take that, however.

I do remember reading that Marla, his former wife, used to tease him about his hair, and that plus his weight were the two things that she said made him angry.

He can't NOT be aware of how bad his hair looks. People have been making fun of it for years. Even if his lackeys won't tell him, he has to have seen hosts making fun of it on TV. I think he just pretends not to be aware of how horrible his hair looks. That's my theory, anyway.

Mr. fuzzykitten found it amusing that every time The Hair was onscreen, I had to comment on how gawdawful it looks.

How does he keep getting these unbearably attractive women with THAT HAIR?! He's not THAT rich (seriously, he's always on the verge of bankruptcy and if the interest rates start soaring, he's toast) so how is it possible that someone who looks like Donald Trump has a girlfriend who could be a model?

The Hair was on Regis & Kelly this morning, and it called Kelly out on making fun of it.

I think that at this point, The Hair has been commented on so much that it figures it'd be too big a deal to change now, IMO. At least now The Hair knows what people think of it. If it were to get an update, it'd be all insecure & wondering "What will people think now?".

The Toupee gets its own thread? Hell, it deserves to get its own confessional scene in each episode!

I'd love to see someone, upon getting "fired", rip that thing off his head and walk off with it. I'll bet some of the ladies might have that in them.

I would hope, for the love of all that is good and holy, that if someone bought a toupee, it wouldn't look like that!! I'm sure he's sporting real hair.

I believe that it's his real hair. What I would really like to see is how it looks when he steps out of the shower. It must be short on the right side, and 11 inches long on the left side, with a giant spread of scalp in between. I don't know the details of the procedure, but I think there is some kind of permanent-ish transplant that can be done with either real human hair or synthetic hair that looks real. With his money, he could have it done, no problem, so he must be keeping the wraparound for some reason that will only ever make sense to him.

I'll bet he looks really hot when he first wakes up in the morning, too. How would you like to look over and see that hair thing lying on the pillow next to yours? EEEEEEK! His wife must need trauma counseling.

Normally, I would take the position that the hair should be discussed in The Donald thread. However, I know that Bob Guiney's laugh has its own thread over at The Bachelor, so using that as precedent, and given the fact that the hair really is a separate character, you can havce a hair thread as far as I'm concerned.

The hair DEFINITELY needs its own thread!

I find it fascinating and hypnotic. Perhaps he hypnotizes other businesspeople with his hair and that is why he refuses to change it. Maybe the supernatural power of The Hair is the real reason for Trump's success

EXACTLY! I think The Hair is a sentient being, separate from the carrier which is The Donald. The Hair was impressed by the popularity of Ace Ventura, and attempted to mimic that style as closely as it could, given its limited attachment to The Donald's scalp.

Green, you nearly OMANK. Because this visual image really made my stomach roll, and I almost lost my lunch on my keyboard. oy.

yay. The Hair thread of love is approved by TPTB!

I'm in agreement: The Hair is alive, aware, and was the moving force behind Trump's return to power and money. After all, Poor Trump can't take care of it in the manner that Rich Trump can. Hell, it even understands that The Donald is going to die someday. Which is why it phoned Burnett and set up this show: The Apprentice is just the means to find a new host-scalp.

Now I'm picturing a scene from the past involving Donald, the Devil, and a contract with a hairpiece rider.

Hm. Alien symbiote. I like it. Much better than my "Jak & Daxter" theory.

In any case, I'll just go phone Patrick Stewart now and warn him, poor guy.

A hair thread! Yippee!!

Someone in the episode thread (don't remember who, sorry!) said his hair looked like spun sugar. True that!

The Donald's hair has always mystified me, given his gazillions of dollars. Can't he hire a better barber, or for God's sake call the Hair Club for Men? It's so distracting that you can't even focus on what's going on in the show. The colors, the directions, the lengths . . . there's a lot going on there. I thought it was a really bad toupee, but it's obvious now that it's a truly awful combover. Damn, TrophyGirlMelania has to sleep with THAT hair every nite? I'd so have nightmares. But what am I talking about? I'm so sure she's with him for love!

Hey, maybe MB can give The Hair its own show! Something like 'When Bad Hair Happens to Egotistical Blowhards'.

Whoopie. Finally, I start a thread, it grows legs and gets Miss Alli's blessing.[topic]
I am convinced the origin of The Hair is his own follicles. No toupee can look that bad, and change color so brilliantly depending upon time of day and source of lighting. I have seen it in person, too. I grabbed it and pulled hard enough that no epoxy in the world could have held. It is a distraction during business negotiations and often overrules The Donald, especially if donnie interrupts when The Hair is talking.

I think this entry from gawker.com captures it pretty well. It's a "leaked memo" from Donald Trump's face to Donald Trump's toupee.

My favorite quote is in the update.

I for one do not care about Trump;s hairpiece or whatever the hell that is. He is one of the richest men in the world, he's living in a goddam castle, he is banging one of the hottest chicks on the planet nightly, if I had a life like that, I wouldn't care what I looked like either.

Patrick Stewart? The Hair doesn't just want scalp, The Hair wants power ! The Hair would only leave The Donald for The Shrub, or maybe Reddy Kilowatt.

I worked for a man that had the oddest hair ever, and I realized that Trump has a similar 'do, at least in the theory behind it.

My ex-boss grew out the hair at the very top of his head, which was his hairline, and combed it forward and slightly to the sides. It was like a fountain effect, with these odd finger curls of long hair. Just astounding. People stared.

I think Trump has the same thing going on, but his is swept forward and to the side, instead of the fountain manuever.

It's held into place with a ton of product. I know, because walking with my boss in the wind was an adventure in trying to note the aerodynamics of the Hair without getting caught. When I did catch a glimpse, it wafted in the wind like a stiff curtain.

I predict The Hair thread will have more posts in it than The Donald thread by the series finale. I think I've already posted in The Donald thread when it should have been in here. I'll be more careful next time.

I was at the theater once and The Donald and The Hair were sitting a couple of rows in front of me. It was all I could do to keep from staring at his head for the length of the production. If the audience hadn't been in the dark, I probably would have, and it was a great show we were seeing. He had his daughter on one side of him, and his girlfriend on the other side. It was fun hearing people whispering at intermission, trying to figure out which was which.

The Hair seemed to enjoy the show, but unfortunately didn't give a standing ovation at the end.

...and spawned straight out of Satan's uterus.

Donald's problem, as evidenced by his god-awful apartment, is that he absolutely believes that he has the best taste in the world. There is no situation in which any other person could tell him that his clothes, his decor, or his hair were less than perfect without Donald resolutely denying that this could be possible. So he will only hire people to take care of these things who will only do exactly what Donald tells them without ever stating an opinion that is remotely contrary to his.

There's bad taste. And then there's delusion that borders hallucination.

Does anyone remember that Simpson's "Treehouse of Horror" episode where Snake's hair abandons him for whatever reason and takes up residence on Homer's scalp, turning him homicidal? Well... now we know the inspiration for that!

I wonder if we put The Hair on someone else's head, it would make them financially rich, but hopelessly shallow?

Seriously? What's her alternative? The hot guy at the Dairy Queen? How on earth would this woman live in this kind of luxury (Tacky, yes, but still luxurious) without being the toy of some rich, ugly dude? It happens every day... no, ten times a day... no, a hundred times a day.

I think you are giving the old ugly rich men too much credit. Maybe 1/2 times a day. Luckily for the women.

AliaJames, I was just thinking of that one! IIRC Snake was executed and Homer received the hair as a transplant. So, somewhere out there, some state executed a criminal with a bit of business knowledge and very ... bad ... taste.

Yes, how can he not know what people think. Maybe it's a manifestation of oppositional complex. He's a male version of Tammy Faye Baker, who after a well-received makeunder in [womens' mag], is back to her old tricks.

The thing itself is hideous enough, but I just don't understand why it is positioned that way; it's as if the glue was wet and his driver "stopped short" (tm Mr. Costanza), lurching forward on his scalp like a bag of groceries from Ranch Mink Supermarket.

Well, the lesson here is obvious: It's another monster created by contant teasing.

The Hair™ can be stopped if you fill a SuperSoaker® full of gamma-irradiated Crystal Pepsi®. Of course, that wily villain got it taken off the market in 1993.

Do you think he lets Girlfriend touch it during S-E-X?

He probably gives her extra allowance not to touch The Hair,aka the eight wonder of the modern world. I can only imagine what a conversation between The Donald's girlfriend and Howard Stern's girlfriend would be like.

I think he goes to one of those grandma beauty shops and gets The Hair coiffed twice a week. Has a hairdresser ever confessed to beign the creator of The Hair?He carefully keeps it dries between appointments. I also think he's had scalp reduction surgery and I would bid on e-bay for a chance to touch The Hair.

I firmly believe it is his real hair. As I wrote in The Donald thread, I've been watching his head with a keen eye for many years. He, like all the other comb-over deluded, believes that as long as his head is covered with his hair, he's still virile. No matter that it's only growing out of one side and is wrapped and flipped to hell and back, he's The Donald.

His girlfriend neither farts nor defecates, his hair looks good, a visit to his garish penthouse is a dream come true for any young ambitious ass-kisser. The Donald is blissfully shallow and deluded and I can't take my eyes off of him. The Hair has cast its spell.

Edited to correct a glaring typo or two.

It's as if his hair idol is Sy Sperling from the HairClub for Men.

Mmmmm...Crystal Pepsi. That was one refreshing carbonated beverage.

*ahem*

Topic! No, I'm sure the girlfriend doesn't get to touch it, ever. And if she's smart, she won't want to.