I used to watch this show whenever it was on when I was 8(it usually was on before I went to school). Now I started watching it again for the hell of it. I don't know if it's just me but i'm getting this weird "dirty old man" vibe from Maury. Look how many shows he's been doing with the sexy moms, sexy kids and the geek to plastic. IMO he IS a dirty old man though. All though the paternety episodes still draw me in because MOST (not all) of the women are pathetic.

My favorite part of the paternity updates is when Maury says something like this: "Latasha has tested every man living in her town, and every man from the next two towns over. We're sorry to report that she has ran out of men to test."


Then who did she sleep with Maury? Invisible men from an alternative dimension?

I hate when Maury has the paternity tests and when the women is proven right and she (rightfully, IMO) gets upset saying "I TOLD you! I've been telling you!" and Maury pulls her aside and tells her to "act like a lady". GRRRR!. When a guy is proven not to be the father and he jusmps around calling the girl every bitch and ho in the book, he never tells them to act like a gentleman.

What ever happened to sending bad ass kids off to boot camp. I miss the days of boot camp. Now they get mentoring (and occasionally yelled at by D West, which cracks me up). But you know, a whoopin goes a long way. I just never understand how a kid could run the house. My mom would never put up with that, and I have no intentions of putting up with that shit from my kids.

Word, Amberosia. I know kids have unique personalities and all that but not way would my mom ever put up with some stuff :-) I think it is good for kids to recognize that other people have needs too. I was over at a friend's one time and she bluntly told her naggy 4-year-old that even if I wasn't there, she still would not be playing with him right now so he'd better go find something to do. I've been around this kid since and he is polite, well-behaved and a total sweetheart who knows his mother loves him and is not scarred in any way by being told to have his own life too, even if he is 4. Contrast that with the mothers of those 100-pound two-year-olds on this show who always say "but that's what he LIKES to eat!" Who is in charge here?

See, stuff like that is more often a case of a person not being able to handle a little crying. They can't stand for their kid to cry, but guess what: Kids cry. It's what they do. Now, I love my son dearly, but even though he's only 1 he has learned the wonders of croccodile tears. It used to really get me, but then I noticed his behaviour taking a downward spiral and learned to buck up. It now takes more than a few tears and some whining to break me. Yeah, he might genuinely desire another cookie, but if he just ate 3, then he has had more than enough. End of story.

The only parents I really have sympathy for are the occasional hanicapped ones with the psychopath children. Like the lady in the wheelchair whose son would smack her and hit her. That's bad. But these younger, healthier women who cry because they're kids steal, drink, smoke and call mom outside her name at age 10 get no pity from me. What kind of wuss are you that you are under your prepubescent child's thumb, like they are the parent. That's just BS.

You know, I haven't seen this show in forever. It's been about a good year since I watched this show. So, this morning I just happened to be up around the time "Maury" was on. I decided to check it out, just to see what topic it was. Can you guys guess what topic it was? Yup....paternity tests. They should just rename this show "The Paternity Test Show" because that's all they do. I'm getting sick of it. Whatever happend to the 4 year old girls who want to be strippers?

That was Sally, but she got cancelled.

To be honest, I mostly only watch Maury for the paternity tests. And the out of control kids. That's about it. I don't care if to guess boys from girls, nor watch deformed people, nor wives scared of their husbands. I don't really like the lie detector tests much either (except that one guy who got "Kidnapped" 3 times. Did you hear? His girlfriend had the baby and he's MIA again. She said hopefully he'll stay kidnapped this time. But this was after an update when he confessed that he had been lying on the show and they were supposedly working through his cheating issues. Jagoff.).

I get perverse enjoyment on the paternity tests shows when the women are wrong.

He got "kidnapped?" That's the best he could come up with?

Sometimes I also find myself thinking the name of the show should be changed to Paternity Test. Not that I have a problem with that.

Yes! I am with you on that 100%. Too bad Maury doesn't tell them that it's their fault that the kids are like that. And it's funny that most of those kids don't have a father in their life.





I've been thinking for a while now that they should call it "The Maury Povich Paternity Test Hour".

Me too. Every time it happens I say "YOU'S A HOOO!!, where I got from a long-ago post and it cracks me up. It never ceases to amaze me that these women come on the show and claim that the man was the only one they've slept with and then come back on the show with eighteen more men.



WORD! Anything else, CLICK!!!

I'm starting to hate the lie detector test shows because the accused are always willing to take them to "prove" they're not cheating, but when it doesn't go in their favor, the test is always bogus.

I have to admit, though, I do tend to be on the woman's side. Simply because I've had enough friends who have been through the same BS. It is particularly hurtful when you look at the kid and there is no shadow of a doubt that this is their kid. I remember in particular my friend Arianna in HS. I knew she gave her virginity to this guy, becuase I remember how freaked out she was about it. Girls talks, duh. But anyway, she got pregnant and he instantly went AWOL. When the baby was born and she brought her to school....it was insane. She looked exactly like her dad, just lighter. So he says that the baby was too white to be his. My friend was white, and he was half and half. How dark do you expect a newborn to be? It was all very stupid. So, innyway, I side with the women...until....

DUNDUN DUN! She proves herself a ho. When the guy says "That's why you got 4 baby daddies now" and her response is "So?" That's never a good sign. What really cracks me up is how some women still have the nerve to be as indignant with the 6th guy as they are with the 1st. But my all time favorite stupid bitch was the one who came on to test a guy for her baby. She was proven right. A couple months later she's back because someone else is testing her man for paternity. She was so sure her man wasn't this other girl's baby's daddy. It was funny, in a sad sort of way. If I'm not mistaken her words were "I know that's not my man's baby because he has dominant genes." Shut up, bitch. You don't know what that means. The other girl looked at her and said "I can't beleive you're acting like this when you were in my place last time." Word, girlfriend. Word. K, done ranting now.

I'm telling you! I really think they LOVE being on televison THAT much, that they will actually endure the humiliation of being on there with 50 different possible fathers, think about it, in order for you to believe in your heart that so many different men are the father you had to have slept with 10-400 different men in a three week time peiod! My coochie can't take that man!

Wednesday they had Shawn on there, this older white woman who already tested three men, each time she says "Maury, I believe my search has come to an end"....and each damn time, those men say "I don't mind being a father, but not of her kid, she's crazy!"..........lordy!

*snort* And that testing-nine-different-guys thing always bothered me too. No, you're not a whore, you just slept with a lifetime of men in a week. Not a whore at all.

You know what's even better? When the dad's in the audience, and he stands up all, "I beat her ass, but nothin' works."

This is why I watch the repeat offenders.

Thank you! I mean if I had became pregnant in my younger stupid days, at least I would know exactly who my baby father was, for 95% of the time I had slept with one guy at one time and there was triple protection used.

So I can't judge none of these mamas for being a ho, it's just after so many men and you don't know who the father is is really sad.

Not only that, but if i'm not mistaken, the show pays for the paternity test and these tramps get a free trip to New York. Does anyone know if the shows pay them for being on television?

Just saw THE best paternity test "excuses". Okay this guy was with this chick for 17 years and had 5 kids he was denying, his excuse... when he was a kid he had a headache and acidently took an entire bottle of his moms birth control pills and she told him he would be sterile for the rest of his life and the idiot believed it. Of course he was the father of all 5.

See, he's an idiot, but his babies' mother is even dumber. Hello, why do you keep having children with this man who denies them?!

I believe they just get free transportation and hotel accommodations.

One of my favorite paternity test shows was a woman who said a man had to be the father of her son because thay both had the same little penis.

Did he end up being the father? In my experience with this show, it's probably a big, fat "no".

I actually forgot to add into that one reply that IIRC he only started denying them after the last one was born. I had a popsicle in my hand and tried to get the reply over and done with=)

Yes, jw7579, he did in fact turn out to be the father.

Hee. Hee-hee. Hi, I'm eleven.

And they'll both probably never live down that "small penis" comment. What a great time for a father/son bonding moment.

What an awesome "I'm Afraid of....water, trees and air" episode today. I've been waiting for a new one for awhile, especially after seeing the one where the woman was petrified of chalk. It's funny that SNL could never really parody these shows considering the source material is already as funny as it could be.

Besides the paternity test episodes, those fear episodes are my favorites. What where the fears in this one?

I remember that one with the chalk. I can't believe that she fell for that story.

(For those who didn't see that episode, this woman was afraid of chalk because her grandfather told her when she was younger that it was made of dead people's bones after they had been turned to dust.)

Hmm the fears were: bugs, frogs, snakes, ventriloquist dolls, birds (mainly pigeons,) mice, and maybe I'm mixing it up with another episode, but I think one was puppies.

Maury also showed a clip of a woman from 2000 who was deathly afraid of olives. Maury asked her "are you afraid of green olives or black olives?" and she screamed "Either! Either!!!"

Oh, that episode was so wierd. She was afraid of the olives because they reminded her of her grandfather's eyeballs after he died. If I remember right, I think they had her eat some at the end of show, after she was all "cured."

Well, damn, Gramps.

I just wanted to announce the heads up: Maury is finally going to air an "my 8-year-old beats me up" episode tomorrow. I've been in serious withdrawals from that topic since Sally was canceled.

He aired it and it was awesome.

That one mother was so proud that her 10 year old boozehound delinquent, although he sets fires and gets them kicked out of apartments, doesn't call her a bitch to her face because "Mama would knock me out." Well, gee, I guess he's okay then.

I certainly don't believe in spanking, but some of these little brats are extreme. If my kid called me a whore, he'd be pissing teeth for fucking weeks.

So ... wait. He sets fires. He gets them evicted. He calls her a bitch behind her back, and that's okay? Even worse than the people with out-of-control kids are the ones who are in deep denial about it. Just stop breeding, people. Please.

Marry me, FfrauleinN.

This reminds me of one of my all-time favorite things ever said on television. It was on Maury, and a situation just like this (or maybe the same incident).

Girl accuses playa of being playa, playa denies.

She says "He came home once smelling of dirty sex, and he said he'd been eating chicken."

Then she said, (here it comes, folks:) "Chicken don't smell like pussy!"

At least, I think that's what she said. It was bleeped, but I read her lips. No pun intended.

That should be the subtitle of this thread. Hee.

Does anyone know if Hideya (sp?), that little girl with AIDS who "married" her best friend on the show, is she still alive?

And what the hell happened to "The 68-Pound Anorexic?" Maury sold her to Entertainment Tonight and I haven't seen her in months.

Another classic episode today. It was a lie-detector one and the reactions were hilarious. May I just pose the question that if you, in your own words, are 100% sure that your significant other is cheating, why do you collapse like a folding umbrella in a hurricane once the results come back saying that he is indeed lying? Greatest moment from today's episode: a couple was on and she suspected her husband of cheating on her. When asked why, she said it was because she found a pubic hair in his mouth. Maury asked how she knew it wasn't hers and her response was the classy "'Cause I ain't got none."

Today's episode featured the return of Marisol the Whore. And would you believe that she couldn't find the father for another one of her little bastards? For some reason I really enjoy it when the men turn out not to be the father. In fact, I sing a little song that's a parody of the Pancho's Mexican Buffet jingle. "Suffer bitch! Suffer bitch! That's price you pay for being a whore!"

Get out! There's a fucking word for it? I have the same thing whenever I go to a little stationery boutique that I (otherwise) love, because they are always blowing balloons up with the helium cannister, and inevitably, one (or more) of them will pop. It's even worse when I know a loud, sharp noise is probably coming because I'm on edge, tense and jumpy 'til it happens and even after. There's a word for that? God, I think I feel like a freak knowing there's a medical term for it, and I thought that I was fairly well-adjusted 'til now.

*sob* Next thing I'll be blowing up to six-hundred pounds and be on Maury demanding to know who my baby daddy be. And I'm a health-nut lesbian! *sob*

Okay, I'm over it now. Sorry.

Me too! Maybe we should form some kind of support group (or go on Maury and exploit ourselves). I do call boomersbiodaddy "my baby-daddy" since he's not my ex-husband or anything and his current wife and his damn mom want a DNA test. Let's go to the Maury show -- I'll drive (but seriously, if that car backfires, I'll hit the floor).

Wait, Marisol was back? On a new episode, or was Maury just running clips again? 'Cause if it was new, I can't believe I missed it.

It was a new episode. Not all outlets run the episodes in order. It featured her walking around New York City from house to house, knocking on doors and looking in windows trying to find the father of her fourth little bastard. Yep, you read that right. She was going from house to house. I keep thinking of this song... How did it go again, wait, that's right! "You's a ho! HO!"

Oh, shit. I would I died laughing.

Damn, Marisol is up to four little bastards now? God I feel sorry for those kids.

Holy shit. Door-to-door "who my baby daddy." Leave it to Marisol. I want to see this now.

Damn, MariWhore was on again? She must be a sex addict who has black out sex or some shit. She's DISGUSTING.

You'd have thought she'd at least heard of birth control by now, or that men that owned a tv would stop sleeping with her, since obviously she's pretty fertile.
Did anyone see the episode last week with the "crazy out of control hair" and the little girl that was crying because her mother had MS and couldn't brush her hair? That part was sad, but damn, the girl looked like she had liberty spikes ontop of a birds nest. She's ten, my question is, why couldn't she wield the brush herself? I know, I'm heartless.