(Does anyone else miss this thread...or is it just me??)
*****

Frohike girly-slaps Shiban. This shouldn't have hurt, but the contact makes Shiban start sobbing uncontrollably.

Shiban: Why does everyone hate me?? I was just trying to have a little fun. Is it really my fault that the whole cat idea sucked? Continues sobbing.

Everyone else looks at each other for a moment.

Everyone: Umm...well...YES.

Byers: Well. It's unanimous then. You suck. And we pretty much all hate you.

Shiban: Fine! I'm going back to spend my time with Carter, in the Land Where Voiceovers Go To Die, where my ideas will be appriciated and woven into twenty-minute-long monologues! We'll have the Communal Plot-Making Bong, and the world will be good again! And you aren't invited!

He covers his eyes with his hands and runs out of the diner, (hopefully) never to be seen again.

At which point, he gets run over by a semi on his way across the street.

Mulder: Meh. Works for me.

Meanwhile, at a strip mall in Arlington....

Doggett is headed to Dunkin' Donuts to get one of those new iced lattes he's heard so much about. He passes by the prosthetics store (Limbs R Us), and inside he sees Krycek trying on arms with.... Skinner!

Krycek: Does this arm make me look fat?
Skinner: Nooooo. No, not at all.

Doggett is shocked.

Doggett: *gasp* Waltah?!?

Rather than go into Limbs R Us, Doggett parks his car in the lot for the shop next door. He hesitates for a moment, and finally pulls out his cell phone.

Doggett: *Dials Skinner's number.*
Skinner: Hello?
Doggett: Waltah?
Skinner: Uhm...Hey John. What's up?

Skinner turns away from Krycek and glances around nervously.

Doggett: We need to talk.
Skinner: *Eyes dart around nervously* What?!? Why?
Doggett: Just...meet me at the House of Pies. Okay?
Skinner: Yeah. Sure...

Doggett hangs up and peels out of the parking lot, headed for the HoP.

Skinner: Krycek...to the Ratmobile! We need to get to the House of Pies at once, John's in trouble!

Skinner darts out the door in an overly dramatic fashion.

Krycek: *Watches Skinner leave* Can't a guy even buy a FREAKING ARM while in the company of a hot, balding man anymore? So much damn DRAMA!

HA!

Skinner arrives at the House of Pies just in time to overhear:

Mulder: Scully, what happened? The last thing I remember we were all at IHOP.
Scully: I don't know how to break this to you Mulder, but that was like 10 months ago. You were dead and we buried you. Again. We've got to stop doing that. The headstones are really starting to pile up.
Mulder: So catch me up, Scully. What's been happening while I was taking my latest dirt nap?
Scully: Wow. Where to start...

Scully: Well, we discovered you had had another lame-ass fatal brain disease, but now it's been mysteriously cured, too.
Mulder: [girlish scream] Yikes!

Scully: Tell me about it. Or, since Skinner's here, he can tell you about it. As usual.

Skinner(excitedly)I know! let's put on a show! we can get teh supersoldiers to be back up dancers.

Blank stares from everyone.

Scully: Exactly how is that going to help?

Skinner: *looks around, goes pink* Um... well, it seemed like a good idea at the time...

Moronica: A show! Yay! I love showbiz! I can do a whale impersonation!

Mulder: Whales are cool. *looks around, annoyed* Who said that??

Scully, *mutters*: Lord, my load is heavy.

Mulder: My head hurts. You know, I'm starting to suspect being dead takes a lot more out of me these days.

Moronica: No, wait! I'll get the ABH to shapeshift into a whale and we can do a duet! Oh!! *slaps Skinner on the arm exitedly* This will be the perfect time to break out that "Greatest Hits of the Deep Ocean" medley I put together last year! Great idea, Skinner!

Skinner: *goes even pinker* Yeah... good idea at the time...

Meanwhile, Krycek frantically tries to screw on his new arm- skin tone Soft Ivory Cream #8- as Skinner, having left the others to try and meet John, careens around a corner in the Ratmobile.

Meanwhile, Doggett sits alone in the HoP while tinkely music plays. He sighs.

Doggett: Sigh.

(Okay, let's give this a try...)

Mulder: I don't know how I feel about this whole showbiz thing. Last time I had to be played by Gary Shandling. Anyone would be a little gunshy after that type of experience.

Skinner: Yes, but that hottie Richard Gere played me. I'd be up for some showbiz action!

Scully: Mulder, if you flirt with any of those young Hollywood ingenues, I may have to drop-kick her... and you.

Mulder AF (to Scully AF): Who do you think should play us?
Scully AF: Not sure. Someone really small, I guess.
Mulder AF: Smaller than you? Is that even possible..?
Scully AF: *eyebrow*

Doggett: *Still sitting alone at the HoP* I guess our relationship really is falling apart. Waltah can't even find the franchise that we built from the ground up, made on lots of man-love and damn good pie. Damn good pie.

Doggett chokes back a few tears. He looks up at the ceiling, trying to compose himself. He then realizes that he's been sitting around brooding in the building next to the HoP

Doggett: Oh....damn.

He picks himself up out of the Booth of Angst, and walks next door to the HoP. Meanwhile, Skinner is still driving around in the Ratmobile, searching for Doggett, when he sees Krycek (with his shiny new arm) attempting to hitch-hike.

Krycek: *Sees Skinner and promptly begins yelling at him* Hey! Baldy! You took my car, bitch!

Krycek: Don't make me unleash the nanobots again!

Skinner: Nanobots, schnanobots. You know you want me...

Krycek: Don't make me do it!

Skinner: Do your worst, fiend!

Krycek: Well, truth to tell, I lost the nanobot remote. I think I've been using it to operate my DVD player.

Skinner: So you're essentially defenseless. You know, I think it's been too long since a certain somebody was handcuffed to a balcony...

Meanwhile, back at the HOP:

Doggett: (Morosely.) Of all the Pies Houses in all the towns in all the world, he had to walk into mine.

Mulder: Alright, I'll go along with this play thing. But only if you, me, and the entire city of Vancouver agrees to relocate to LA.

Doggett: "You go ahead. We'll... meet you there."

Moronica: That's nonsense! I'll go with you, Mulder! We can listen to Whale Songs: Greatest Hits during the drive, while we talk about our feelings!

Scully: Not that I was going to leave to begin with, but that right there? That gives me a concrete reason to stay right where I am.

Mulder: Yeah...ok...moving to LA with Moronica? Nevermind. Forget I even mentioned it.

Doggett: Can't you see I'm depressed enough already, Moronica, without having to hear you talk about your damn FEELINGS?? And, for mentioning whales again, I think you deserve to be shot.

Doggett pulls out his service weapon and shoots Moronica point-blank in the chest. She automatically springs back to life.

Moronica: Hey! What did you do that for?

Doggett: Why, God? Why did you give me a partner that always comes back to life?!?!

Scully: Are you implying something about immortal people??

Mulder: Moronica, I think you've died more times than I have.

Moronica: Yeah, well, at least I don't get a lame-ass ret-con brain disease every time I die.
Doggett: [returning from HoP mailbox] What's this from the hospital imaging center... [opening envelope] Monica! Says here you've got some sort of lame-ass ret-con brain disease!
Mulder:[girlish scream] Yikes! Wait, I mean, Ha ha!

Monica: Damn! Is it a Mulder-style brain disease, with no symptoms whatsoever, or a Scully-style brain tumor, in which I just get a nosebleed now and then?
Mulder: Or is it a Pusher-style brain disease, which grants you psychic powers?
Dogget: Neither. It says here it's a CSM-style brain disease, in which you just get cranky and look tired. Oh, hang on. The hospital accidentally switched the files, as hospitals are so wont to do. The person who actually has the brain disease is...

(Beats on thread's chest. Live dammit, live! Don't let the bastard win!)

Doggett: Krycek!

Krycek: [girlish scream] Yikes! my brain!
Doggett: Wait, did I say brain disease? I meant arm disease. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but... you have arm cancer. I'm afraid our only course of action is amputation.
Krycek: Which arm?
Doggett: Says here the left.
Krycek: Whoopee! I already cut that one off!
Doggett You're cured!

Krycek: I'd be really happy about that if it wasn't for this bullet-hole in my forehead.

Skinner: Stop your whining! It's not like I didn't warn you, boy!

Krycek: What whining, you did that on purpose!

Skinner: *mutters defensively* "I just got distracted..."

Dogget:Waltah! I knew you were cheating on me! *Turns to face Krycek* And you--*slaps him a la 'Dynasty'*

Mulder:Alex!! Alex--*coddles head*-- are you okay?!

Krycek:Oh, yes, my love, now that I see your face. Please, when you thiink of me-- and I know you won't-- please... be kind... *faints*

Mulder:Nooooooo!!

Scully:This is... akward...

Meanwhile, CSM is at Blockbuster returning some movies...
CSM: I tell you I'm not paying for this rental. It was in the wrong case. I wanted For the Love of Benji. This is Benji the Hunted.
Teenage Clerk: What's the difference?
CSM: What's the difference?? What's the difference?!? Listen, you little bastard, I've watched presidents die. I could cause you more pain than you've ever imagined. I want to see For the Love of Benji, dammit!!
Teenage Clerk: I'll get the manager.

The clerk leaves to get the manager. As CSM waits, Jeffrey Spender walks up to him.

Spender: Dad!!
CSM: Jeffrey! What are you doing here?
Spender: Just returning some movies. Damn idiots gave me some stupid Benji movie instead of the one I wanted. Who the hell watches Benji movies?
CSM: Um, yeah... who indeed? [sees something on the ground, picks it up] Is this yours?
Spender: Oh, yeah, thanks. Keeps falling off. [Spender replaces his nose. There is an awkward silence] So, how's the world domination going?
CSM: Same old, same old. How are you doing as.... as.....
Spender: As a severely deformed freak who causes children to run screaming?
CSM: Yeah. How's that working out for you?
Spender: Eh. Okay.
CSM: Sorry about all the torture.
Spender: It's okay, dad. It's all in the past. Hey, you wanna get something to eat?
CSM: That's a great idea, son. There's a great House of Pies just around the corner. Let's go.

I must be crazy to try and follow that post, LVS - friggin' hilarious!!!

CSM and Jeffrey leave Blockbuster and begin walking down the street.
CSM: "I think I'll have the blueberry pie, Jeff...um, is it okay if I call you "Jeff"?"
Jeffrey: "Is it all right if I call you "face-shooter"?
CSM: "I see, well, I suppose we'll just go get some pie then, Jeffrey." (awkward silence follows as our pair walks down the street)
CSM: "There it is! The House of Pies I was telling you about! God! I can smell those delicious pies from here, can't you, Jeffrey?"
Jeffrey: (Nothing but an icy stare as he nervously checks his prosthetic nose, making sure the edges hadn't started to curl up again)
CSM: (long awkward silence followed by an even more awkward apology smile) "Sorry about that - well then, here we are!" (opens door to House of Pies)

Skinner: Good evening Sir. Here's where you pucker up and kiss my ass!

Doggett: Waltah! That's a customer you're speakin' to!

Suddenly, everyone in the House of Pies realizes who's just entered the room...
Mulder: Cancer man!!
CSM: Mulder!
Scully: Spender!
Skinner: That cigarette smoking son of a bitch!
Spender: Scully!
CSM: Fox!
Mulder: Spen... wait a minute, who just called me Fox?!?
Doggett: Krycek!
Krycek: What? Oh, uh, Spender!
CSM: [points to Monica] Uh, you!
Monica: [whale noise]

Spender decides to take that little needle thing (you know that supposedly kills the aliens by jabbing it in the neck) and stabs Monica in the neck.

Monica: Hey!!! That hurts.

Mulder: Why did you do that little bro? She isn't an alien. Unless...

Scully: Mulder, you do realize there isn't an explanation to everything.

Krychek motions Spender to step aside. Krychek takes out a stun gun to zap Moronica. Moronica continues to make whale noises. Krychek sighs.

Mulder starts giggling like schoolgirl and Scully looks at him bewildered. Mulder proceeds to grab Scully by the shoulders and shake her until a mysterious stranger walks in.

*Everybody gasps* It's Mulder's Mommy!!! Mulder looks blankly at her and then decides to continue shaking Scully.

CSM: Holy crap!!! I thought you killed yourself by doing that oven thing!!!

Mulder's mom slaps CSM.

MommyDearest: You are just bitter because I...

MommyDearest:...threw out all of your wire hangers.

CSM: (lighting a cigarette) Well, Ms. Mulder, you gotta admit we had some fun and was pretty damn good doing it in that trailer park!!!

Mulder stopped shaking Scully and looks at his mom. Scully raises an eyebrow. Krychek, Skinner, and the rest just stood there stunned. This was the biggest thing to happen since Mulder decided to defy all logic and come back from the dead in Season Eight.

Monica makes more whale sounds and shakes her booty in Krychek's face. Krychek runs into the men's restroom to puke and a mysterious oily lady follows him into the restroom.

Mulder: (turning to look at CSM and grabs him by the neck) Where's that wire hanger!!! Where!!! I need the truth!!!

CSM: It was very pretty and stiff. I (stutters) had to throw it out but the aliens decided to abduct it along with Scully's dog (remember earlier season, qwue whatever (the one that got lost in the lake) !!! The look on your face when you found out about it, I waited years to see that look. By the way, you need a breath mint.

Mulder looks at Scully. Scully nods.

Monica: I wanna a doggie!!!

Skinner: Well you can't have Doggett!!! He is mine. Get your own.

X: Yo, wassup dog!!!

Everybody: X? We thought you were dead!!!

X: Nah, just on vacation with Marita for years in Russia.

Just then Spender grabbed the cigarette from CSM's puny hands.

Spender: You knew about this too!!! I wanted Marita!!!

X just sits down and laughs. Mulder goes up to X and...

...kisses him full on the mouth, tongue and all.

Mulder: Why don't they ever write fan-fiction about the sweet love between us? And where have you been? I had to sell my ass to keep up the repayments on the dungeon!

First off, that is gross. If there is any foreplay it would be between Krychek and Mulder. But that whole thing is funny.

Scully rolls her eyes at Mulder. Her cellphone rings and she answers.

Scully: Miss Dana Katherine Scully speaking.

Man: (In creepy voice) Do you like scary movies?

Scully: Cut the crap. I know who you are, I can see your name on the id. It is Jeremiah Smith.

Jeremiah Smith: Dang. Well it worked for Drew Barrymore. Anyways, I got hard core information. We need to meet at Mulder's apartment right away. Remember TRUST NO ONE. (Hangs Up)

Scully: Everybody!!! Let us go to Mulder's apartment!!! We got some major intel coming in.

Everybody leaves to go into the hippie van and Deep Throat (wearing a suit again) appears out of nowhere and drives them all to Mulder's digs. Krychek comes back from the restroom, all hot and sweaty.

Krychek: Where did everybody go? I feel so lonely.

Monica: I'm still here!!! (Makes whale noises)

Krychek shakes head.

Meanwhile, the gang arrives at Mulder's apartment. Mulder decides to...

...make everyone eggs. "Who wants sunflower seed omelets?" he asks the room. As he puts on his apron that says, "Kiss The Cook", X starts to do just that, as he's all giddy and excited from Mulder's surprising declaration of lusty curiosity. Suddenly, the door to Mulder's apartment slams open and there she is, Ruby Trample of Woody End! And she's got a gun! And it's huge! Everyone stops and stares, openmouthed, each of them asking themselves the same question, "Is this how it ends? Not by alien, government or monster, but by Ruby?"

Ruby cocks her gun, then cocks her eyebrow, drawing her first bead on the man who's haunted her dreams for so long now. "I told you before, X...if anyone's going to be "tripping on X", it's me! Not Marita! And NOT Mulder! Got it? I've admired your shadowy ass for years and I'm not letting it go that easy!"

Scully: (exasperated, shoving X towards the door) "Hey, take him and go, with my blessings!" (glares at Mulder) "Y'know, we're gonna have to talk about this thing with you and every Tom, Dick, and Alex (adds Krycek to the glare) that comes along. If you want an open relationship that's fine, but there's got to be rules!"

Mulder: (embarrassed) "Hey, I can't help it. He's just so...elfin and cute. And morally ambiguous. And you should see the way he..."

Scully: "There's NO TIME!!! We have to go to..."

Mulder: [excitedly] The Store?!?! The Sheboygan Outlet Mall is having their once-a-year sale. Everything is 70% off. Do you hear me?? 70%!!!!!
Krycek: Well, I could use some new shirts to go with my new arm...
Doggett: To the outlet mall!!!
Ruby: All of you, stay where you are! Nobody's going anywhere until you answer some questions. You! [points to Monica] Why are you so annoying?
Monica: [quietly] I just want to be loved.
Ruby: Okaaaay. You! [points to Scully] Where did you get that sweater? It's fabulous.
Scully: Do you really think so? It doesn't make me look fat?
Ruby: Fat?? You wear a size 1. Don't make me pistol whip you. You! [points to Mulder] Why are you.... so damn sexy? I know I put up a brave front, but it's all a cover. I love you. Kiss me!
Mulder: I love you too, Ruby. Let's run away together and raise lots of little Mulders and Rubys in New Rochelle...

And somewhere in Manhattan, a distraught Ruby wakes up screaming from the worst nightmare ever....

Ruby: Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, back at Mulder's Apartment of Hot Love:

Mulder: Who wants some water, now with extra LSD for those sleep deprived philes?

Monica raises her hand eagerly. Mulder hands her a glass of water. Monica drinks it fast and falls asleep in Krychek's lap. Krychek's makes a disgusting face.

Scully: Okay, there are more pressing issues than Krychek's denial of Monica's love. We need to find those wire hangers errrrrr I mean how do I look in this cute outfit!!!!

Everybody nods. Suddenly, gunshots ring out from the window. Everybody draws their guns. Mulder aims at the window, realizing that he was aiming his belt not his gun.

Flashes appear, and people in biohazard suits barge in. Doggett makes a girlish scream and hides behind Skinner's hot bod.

Scully: Who are you people?

Mulder grabs one of the biohazard people and sneaks a peek into one of the glass masks. He gasps and...

...yanks the mask off to reveal Frohicke.

Mulder: You guys and your damn dramatic entrances!

But at that moment, it is a commercial on the tv in the background which catches everyone's attention.

Woman's Voice: Do you or someone you love suffer from a lame-ass retcon brain disease? If so, we can help.
It is a woman in a lab coat, walking through a room with a lot of medical equipment.
Woman: Hello, I'm Dr. Sally Kendrick, founder of The New England Institute for Lame-Ass Retcon Brain Diseases. I and my team of psychotic genius clone-sisters are here for you.
She pauses by a table where a young redheaded man is standing.
Man: And I'm Kurt Crawford #57. As an unholy hybrid of alien and human DNA, I bring a unique understanding to ailments like yours. Here at NEILARBD, we'll use radically advanced medical procedures from, uh, France. Yes, it is from France that our advanced medical techniques come. Anyway, we'll use them to diagnose your brain disease, cure your brain disease, and then hunt down and kill the enemies who afflicted you with it, all for one reasonable fee.
Dr. Kendrick: And for those of you who don't believe in the Western paradigm of scientific medicine, we have a couple of those Indian spirit things that eat you and barf you up healed again, which I personally think is a disgusting concept, but whatever floats your boat. Let this be our promise to you. When you leave here, your brain will be healthy, you'll still have at least some of your original ova, and I can almost guarantee that none of us will have bitten into any of your eyeballs as a sign of affection.
They smile at the camera.
Announcer: Paid for by The New England Institute for Lame-Ass Retcon Brain Diseases. Not affiliated with any nefarious, clandestine government agencies. No, really. Okay, maybe a little bit. But not much.

Scully: Sigh. That's where my dad wanted me to work. Now who had the brain disease? And was Ruby really here or not?

Heh. Hello, Eve. Was she number six or seven? *ahem*

Skinner: Well, I don't know anything about this Ruby person, but the last I understood it (which was a while ago) Mulder was the one who had the brain disease. *glances at his watch* Unless that's changed in the last five minutes...

Mulder: Hey, don't ask me to make sense of it, I lost track a long time ago. It's all these death experiences I keep having. *points at the CSM* Maybe we ought to ask *him* instead.

CSM: Didn't your mother ever tell you it's rude to point, Fox?

Moronica, waking up in Krycek's lap: Hey, how come he called you 'Fox'? He's not your dad, is he?

Mulder: [slowly, as the wheels in his head start to turn] Hey, wait a minute..... I had a lame-ass retcon brain disease!!!
Skinner: That was real? I thought you were making that up.
Doggett: Yeah. To tell the truth, I thought you were being kind of a drama queen hypochondriac.
Mulder: No, it was real. The official diagnosis was... what was the name, Scully?
Scully: A brain cloud.
Mulder: Yeah, a brain cloud. See, I told you!
Doggett: Oh, sure, you told us. [rolls eyes]

Monica wakes up, holding her head.

Monica: What happened? I dreamed I was drifting down a tangerine river with marmalade skies.
Scully: I'll get you some more water.

Scully heads into the kitchen. She opens the freezer to get some ice and sees....

Scully: Hey!! Is this a vial full of ova?!? My ova?!?!?
Muder: Oh, yeah. I was meaning to tell you about that. Remember when you were abducted? And there was that whole thing with the hyperovulation and whatnot? Well, funny story....
Monica: Oh, like you're one to talk, Scully. I've looked inside your freezer. You have a tupperware container full of Mulder's.......

I'll let someone else finish this. Bwahahahahaha!

Monica: . . . fabulous beef stew! Mulder, you must give me the recipe.
Mulder: Well you see, the secret is in the vegetables. I roast them before adding them to the meat. It adds so much flavor.


squeaky voices are heard from below Mulder's feet: We like it best the next day!

Scully: Oh crap, I thought we ditched the action figures. So anyway Mulder, what is this about my ova?
Mulder: Whaddaya mean? I already explained this to you in two episodes. Don't make us go through that dialogue again. So yeah, this brain cloud. I think we need to go to New England.
Skinner: We're already in New England Mulder. In Vermont, at the fabulous House of Pies.
Mulder: Sniff, I flunked geography. There's my shameful secret!
Mulder starts to sob and bite Scully's hand.


Doggett: Well I say let's caravan to the Institute. Everyone, hop in the magic van!

Everyone prepares to leave, when all of a sudden CSM says . . .

This is a commercial interruption sponsored by the letter H for Hardy Har Har.

And thanks for getting me out of that horrible predicament (and putting me into the same predicament) darling Lili

Carry on.

CSM: What happened to Deep Throat!!! I hope we didn't leave him at Area 51 again with that nutty pilot!!!

Everybody was like meh. Everybody left the room to go downstairs to the minivan. Mulder realizes he left his gun in the bathroom again. As he walked through his living room to the bathroom, the vent part suddenly opened. Out pops out Tooms. Mulder screams like a little girl.

Meanwhile back at the minivan, CSM and Frohike fight for the front seat. Scully rolls her eyes. Somebody taps on her back, Scully slowly turns around. It is Cassandra!!!

She goes up to CSM and slaps him on the face.

Meanwhile back at Mulder's apartment, Tooms chases Mulder around the room. Mulder finds a knife and decides to cut himself some of that sweet potato pie that Ruby sent him through the mail the previous day.

Back in the minivan, Cassandra continues to stare down CSM. She says in a raspy voice

Cassandra: You fool!!! Why on earth did you let me get burned by those stitched eyed freaks!!! And what ever happened to that FBI Agent...what was her name again Diane...something. My memory is lapsed. Must be all that hybrid surgery!!!

CSM mutters some swear words and continues to smoke cigarettes. Just then Mulder comes out of the apartment with pie at hand while Tooms runs after him.

Mulder: (panting) Give me that cigarette!!! I want some...remember the tobacco bugs!!! I want some.

Moronica, who is tied to the top of the minivan's roof, makes whale noises. Tooms freaks out and runs into the alley. Scully sighs.

X decides to end this insanity and....

...grabs Mulder by the collar, pulling him off his feet.

X: Get your ass here, white boy! You have a dungeon to clean!

Mulder (on his knees): Yes master. At once master.

Me: Yikes.

X: (slaps Mulder on the face) Quit dreaming man. Did you step on some mushrooms or something? I said we need to go to where everything started. The House of Pies.

Then suddenly X falls over and mutters. "Trust No One". Mulder squints and sees Deep Throat who had stabbed him in the back. Moronica makes some squawking noises.

Deep Throat: Man he stole my line.

Skinner: Man I am bored. Hey Dawg, let us get a going. We got some decorating to do.

Doggett: What? How many times must we change the look of our bedroom errrrr I mean living room!!! Why don't we give Muldah's apartment a makeover.

Skinner: Doggett you don't have position to make decisions here. Remember Mexico?

Mexico, remember where Doggett woke up with amnesia?

Doggett: I don't remember.

Morris: Hey wait a minute. I decorated this man's bedroom. Almost seduced Scully.

Scully: Yeah, almost. Wait a minute, where did you come from?

Morris: I was in the drunk tank at the local police station but a friend of mine bailed me out. (Winks at Deep Throat.)

Something flies past Scully's cherry red hair. It is the action figures.

AFScully and AFMulder together: We want frosty chocolate milkshakes!!!!

...

There is a lapse in time, as tends to happen on this thread, and then everyone arrives at NEILARBD.

Mulder: Check it out, Scully! The last post was on September 1st! We lost three days! Wooo!
He spray paints a red x on the parking lot pavement.
Scully: How many times must I say it, Mulder? Einstein was full of shit. Time is a Newtonian universal invariant. It can't just disappear. Relativity shmelativity.

Dr. Kendrick emerges from the marble-colonaded entrance.
Kendrick: Hello. Welcome to the 'Tute. Now who has the brain disease?
Mulder: Me.
Scully: Me.
CSM: Me.
Krycek: Me.
Monica: Me.
Mulder: What am I thinking? That was a couple of lives ago. Sorry.
Scully: Oh yeah, I'm immortal. Never mind.
CSM: Actually, I think I am, currently, dead.
Krycek: Wait. Did I ever have one, or was that the mixed files thing?
Monica: Or was that me?
Scully: Maybe you'd better check all of us. You know how these things tend to crop up without warning.
Kendrick: Very well. But in order to perform the test, I'll need a sample from each of you. A sample of your...

...cut to crowd with dropped jaws

Mulder:Aww man, I thought that time with those ice worms would be the last time. Well, anyone have a copy of the New York Times?