I'm amazed that I haven't seen any mention of the 7-Up commercial yet. (Now that I've said that, someone's gonna link me to an extensive, 14 page discussion of it and I'll feel like a tool.) The 7-Up machines that go to the customers? Crack me up. Exploding machine rolling into the ocean? Hah! 7-Up machine pelting the poor guy with cans of cool, refreshing 7-Up? Love it!!

There's a commercial for some peanut butter (Skippy? Jiff?) where the Dad is making a peanut butter sandwich and the little girl skips up to him and ask what he's doing. Does anyone else think that little girl has an unusually large head like Little Big Head (Giada De Laurentiis from the Food Network)? And something about her voice just bothers me. It reminds me of one of the girls from the old Brady Bunch show. Marcia or Jan. Sometimes the littlest things can set my teeth on edge!

Well, they are HALF-siblings, but it's still weird when Artimis would have made much more sense. (For those of you who don't know mythology: Apollo and Artimis are twins. Their father is Zeus and Leto is their mother. Artimis is the first daughter of Zeus by Metis.) And it's not like they have anything to do with what the gods represent (not like they wanted to say something about… day time owls), so it's beyond me.

I love the dancing sock theif!

Oh, great, all the Mother's Day jewelry commercials from last season are starting to pop back up again.

Please tell me this has nothing to do with the dancing penis.

The slam dunk ad was mentioned about 200 pages back. It still makes me laugh when the guy tries to slam dunk while still holding his coffee. I like the one in the convenience store too.

This ad doesn't do much for me. I don't really find a car that the cops follow everywhere all that appealing. And the ambulance, pumper and tow truck? Make me think the car is going to burst into flames any second. And if it isn't, the incredibly bored firefighters, EMTs, etc, are fervently wishing it would. Oh, and so am I. That would be cool. Maybe that will be the next ad in the series.

As I like to say, if I've succeeded in making one person laugh - well, that's one more than usual.


That line is the funniest thing about the commercial, particularly because it takes a few seconds for it to register. I think that's an ad for Quakes, which is an unfortunate name for a snack food, but what do I know? Anyway, does that "tentacles" line remind any other oldtimers out there of the following exchange from Better Off Dead with John Cusack:

French exchange student: He had heez . . . how do you say . . . heez testicles all over me!
John Cusack: He had his WHAT?!
French exchange student (waving her arms around): Heez testicles. You know; like zee octopus?

Just me then? Oh well.

Have you seen the one from Kay Jewelers with the little girl and her jar of change and the hidious ring that says "MOM" that she wants to give her mother and her "Is this enough?" and her stupid indulgent father who LIES to her and her mother who doesn't set the little girl straight and her mother's seductive look to her father? That one?? HATE.

If someone had told me that Volvo was going to re-invent itself as a car for the hip-hop generation, I would have rolled my eyes, but the "music video" commercial is kind of cool.

It's here if anyone wants to see it.

And thusly, the porn industry continues to thrive.

I read in EW today that Roseanne Cash (or whatever Johnny Cash's daughter's name is) vetoed a project that was going to let "Ring of Fire" be used for a Preperation-H commercial. She said the song was about the intensity of love and to use it to shill hemmroid cream would be "moronic." God bless her.

I think she owns the catalog to Johnny's music, unlike Marvin Gaye's daughter, Nona (from the Matrix movies and Ali). Berry Gordy owns those masters, I think. Nona mentioned once that she saw "Let's Get It On" on an Energizer commerical (and using kids, no less), and she had to fight the urge to kick the television screen in (which is something I'm sure she would've done during her "pick a drug any drug" days).

DITTO on the hate. There's another one I saw with a tennis bracelet, same little girl. The worst part is when the daughter gives her mother the gift, she says, "I bought it all myself" (or something like it). As if a four-year bought a tacky $99 tennis bracelet...and not only that, but she's lying to her mom. Grrr....

And YEA! for Roseanne Cash. As much as my inner 12yo would love that song in a Prep H ad, it's SO very wrong.

Last night I was watching TV with a friend and saw one of those CD compilation ads. Totally made me feel old- they're trying to capture the nostalgia market with songs all from 1995-1999 (my years in h.s.). It's like they know that we're already getting barraged with shit in the mail about our 5 year reunion (yes, FIVE year. Like I want to attend an afternoon tea with people who are just barely graduating from college.), so they know we're thinking about all those WONDERFUL [/sarcasm] times in high school. Closing Time by Semisonic? Check. One Week by Barenaked Ladies? Check. Lump by Pres of the USA? Check. Sigh.

And one of my non-snarking friends pointed out the advert for the Highlander Season 3 dvds that says something like "The best DVD ever produced". Um, best? Ever? Highlander? Sorry, but I'm not buying it. The pitch or the DVDs.

Heh.

Speaking of that dreadful "Spiiiiceeey!" BK ad, I saw a new varient which features the co-workers doing their take on it. The girl's was sexy and the other guy's was, well, in his cow-worker's words, "spooky".

Non-incompetent Ad Dad Alert! I think this one's for Gerber, promoting their lightweight packaging, and the guy's feeding his baby applesauce. No, that's it. The kid's in a high chair, getting his grub on, and Dad's happy too. No household disasters, no "Where is your mother?!" I think I may have shed a tear.

Oh, crap. That little girl who thinks she bought her mom's gift with the roughly 18 cents in her change jar? And the dad who lets her think that? Yeah, I hate them both.

Heh. Mr. F and I looked at each other and kind of went, "Highlander? Really?"

It arises due to the changes in the Greek language since the days of the ancients. The letter we all know as beta is pronounced in Modern Greek as veta. The oi diphthong (Latinized as oe) also was monophthongized to a long ee sound.* The ph of Anc. Greek was not the fricative f sound it is today, but was an aspirated p sound (say a p with a strong puff of breath afterwards to approximate it in English), even though uses the same letterform. And, of course, the -us ending is the Latin equivalent of the original -os of Greek. Thus, Anc. Gr. Phoibos > Mod. Gr. Phevos.

Damn, that Classics degree was good for something after all!

And I agree with Ilikegrayarrows that they should have used Artemis instead of Athena.

* I think. I'm much more familiar with ancient Greek than modern. But from what I recall, I believe this explanation of oi > e is correct.



Made me think of this.

I kind of like the BK office ads. I especially like the new Crispy Tender one where the guy says he's like the sandwich: crispy on the outside, but tender on the inside. When his co-workers laugh at this, he threatens to go crispy on them. (And did anyone else notice that the creepy guy who sniffs the female co-worker's burger wrapper is also Glen on Gilmore Girls?)

She's probably going to have the worst time getting anything outta her parents as she get's older: "But Daaaa-aad! I NEED that new car! I'll even put down the down payment for it! Here's $1.28...that's EVERYTHING my piggy was holding!" And of course, daddy will just have to cave in and accept ;)

Worst idea EVER for a Mother Day's gift that I saw in a commercial: this stupid hanging "thing" from Hallmark (perpetual makers of useless themed gifts). It's basically a heart that says "Mom" on it, and you hang flimsy little charms off it. The heart also comes with a "stand" (it looks like those equally useless banana stands that I sometimes see at the store) so that you can proudly display the Mother's Day equivalent of a Christmas Tree. Whoopie.

Dumb. Permission to buy one's mother crappy, useless, 'sentimental' gifts should be revoked upon one's 10th birthday or so. After that, just ask mommy what she really needs... until you're grown up enough to make educated guesses. Like my educated guess that's getting my mommy a one-hour spa pedicure, something that her desperately rough and cracked feet need.

Whenever I have mini-mes, I'll appreciate any thought they put into it, but I'll pray that I have taught them better than to buy useless crap like that. I wouldn't have the heart to do to those gifts what I do to the influx of votive candles I've gotten over the years (god, why did those have to become so bloody popular?). Hallmark, as far as I'm concerned, can shove their lucky charms up their ass.

Am I the first to mention the stooooopid new McDonald's ad with the guy going out, partying hard all night long, and heading home at dawn with a good ole McGriddle as his "bedtime snack". Boy, is that dumb. I know you are all shocked that a McDonald's ad is annoying.

Also, who has seen the Ball Park(?) hot dogs ad with the guy from According to Jim? He goes on about what he believes in (America, backyard picnics- whatever, I really didn't catch all that) and the announcer tells us to "Be strong, Be true.....Be frank." And guess what? The guy says his name is FRANK! What does that mean?! I don't want to be the guy from According to Jim.

P.S. from several pages back: MacGyver is the best, will never be "out" (IMHO), and is indeed the favorite show of Patty and Selma. McGonagle is more of a Homer thing.

"All" laundry detergent is still doing those ads with the snooty English butler who works for a supermodel. For the longest time the supermodel was never seen, but not long ago they brought her into the ads. In the first ad she was just some bland, blonde actress with nary an ounce of charisma. In the last two ads I've seen, though, she's been replaced by a brunette who is a dead ringer for (a young) Janice Dickinson. She even has Dickinson's "crazy eyes," so everything she does and says has an edge of ego-driven psychosis. Honestly, she looks like she could knife the butler in the nads at any moment and without batting an eyelash. Bravo, "All!"

[edited to put quotes around "All" so it wouldn't sound like "All laundry detergent, no matter what the brand, is doing the same commercial."]

I believe the brunette in the butler ads is also playing a new character on One Life to Live - the new female FBI agent. And if it's her, yes she has crazy eyes and a huge mouth. The people on one OLTL board call her "werewolf" (to Michael Easton's vampire).

What surprises me most about the All commercial is the "supermodel" wearing the same shirt twice. Or maybe it's the part where she doesn't get arrested for beating whoever spilled that crap all over her with her cell phone.

I've noticed a trend in selling vacumn cleaners over the last couple of years or so...used to be (for years and years) the things were the domain of Generic Housewife Spokespeople and the features touted revolved around cleaning up after messy kids and pets. Then came the Fast and the Furious/Fight Club-like "underground vacumn racing circuit" ads (huh?) and Mr. Dyson whining about the "lousy suction" of his old Hoover and showing off his hyper-expensive bagless miracle vacumn solution. Now it seems that every vacumn cleaner is more complex and high-tech than the next -- they have steam cleaners, complicated filter mechanisms, detachable whatsits, more sucking power than a jet engine, will free you from the slavery of renting a Rug Doctor...hell, they seem to do everything but make snarky comments about your taste in carpets these days. The robotic vacumns apparently have the ability to suck the jeans right off of your houseguests' bodies, even. Is this some kind of watershed moment in vacumn technology, and I just missed the memo? Are vacumns really that exciting? Or have vacumn cleaners become some sort of new status tool, the overpriced SUV of the household maintenance world? What gives?

And who is that wingnut with the pornstache on the Yahoo commercials who talks about using Yahoo to research his book about finger snapping, all the while snapping his fingers maniacally? (This is one of those suddenly ubiquitous split-screen ads and Snappy McPornstache is intercut with a woman signing her message in ASL.) The Hell? Is this the kind of thing literary agents are looking for these days? A book about finger snapping?? Yeah, can't count the number of people I've run into who bemoan the lack of such a book. Because there aren't any.

Shoutout?

Sunday, 4/25, Bigtop

Man, you know when cartoon poodles hate your ads, it's probably time to rethink your strategy.

On an OT note, I have a friend who puts ketchup on his McGriddle. Is that not completely sick, or what? The concept of the McGriddle makes me sick enough without having to douse it in something sour.

And let's not forget the million other brilliant ideas that Hallmark bestows upon its victims over the holidays - "Buy 15 cards, and get this keepsake ornament that's sure to be a treasure in your family FOREVER!"

Vacationland, I share your pain about Snappy McPornstache. I hate all the Yahoo ads. Girl Governor and Gray Davis, Franken and Stein, finger snapping and hand signals, I see a connection. But Aerospace Job Woman and Fantasy League Boy? WTF? And even when I get the connection, I hate the ads. Shut up! Take your split screen and split, already.

Don't know about the hemi-powered vaccuum breakthrough, but I had the same feeling about faucets a while ago. Suddenly, the Art of Faucetry was everywhere. Design a house around this tap, use paper plates at a fancy dinner to avoid using the new sink, blind guy in a bathroom, etc. I had no idea that competition was so hot among faucet artistes. Why, if Picasso was alive today, he'd be designing plumbing fixtures. Of course, you wouldn't be able to use them, but they'd be stunning.

I can't help laughing at the Lavitra commercials that feature Bob and his maniacal smile. What I get out of it: "Use Lavitra! It'll give you a huge...smile!"

Also, if you stuck a pipe in his mouth he'd look an awful lot like another Bob who doesn't need Lavitra.

Hey, maybe it's Snapper Carr. He always struck me as the type of guy who'd grow a pornstache. Hell, in his early appearances in the Justice League of America comic, he was wearing what amounted to a magenta "Members Only" jacket.

The thing that bothers me the most about the Burger King spicy ad is that the guy on the left (I think) looks disturbingly like a much younger Michael Moriarty, who played ADA Ben Stone in the first few years of Law & Order.

Damn, Roosterboy, I want a Koolio now.

I hate those "All" commercials. But mainly because I know it makes my daughter break out in rashes.

I was watching that stupid toothpaste commercial where the woman is washing her hair in the shower and brushing her teeth at the same time and I noticed something. At the end, you see her showing her teeth and she's running her tongue across her upper teeth. How the hell do they do that without making weird, Jessica Simpson-esque faces?

The worst part about the "All" commercials is that she wants him to use an "expensive" stain remover. WHY does it have to be "expensive"? Are they insinuating that only the expensive brands are thought to effectively remove stains, and "All" is the exception to that rule? And what is considered "expensive" laundry detergent? Stupid commercial.

How did I not make that connection?

On a slightly off-topic note, we're finally getting Season Three of "Coupling" in my neck of the woods. (And it's part of the PBS lineup that my parents and I watch together. I have no idea how it manages to not be an awkward situation.) Last night Jeff confessed that he occasionally swallows his girlfriend's jewelry because when confronted with a naked woman he has a tendency to "hoover." Fortunately whenever Jeff's onscreen we're all falling off the couch laughing anyway, so I didn't have to try and explain why that earned an extra snerk.

If I look into the mystery of the Vaccuum Breakthrough and the Art of the Faucet, can someone find out for me why my toilet brush is suddenly obsolete? I could understand if there was one successful redo and a bunch of companies following that lead, but it seems like in a 24 hour period, 17 new toilet brushes hit the market.

There's foam in the handle! It's no muss! Throw the head away! Flush the head! If you own a toilet brush dating back to March, how can you live with yourself and that disgusting, germy thing?!? What, you don't have a separate toilet brush for every room that self-combusts after use? You pig. You clearly don't love your family or have any respect for yourself (as if that wasn't clear from the pedestrian faucets and boring vacuum). Coming soon, disposable single-use toilets.

Are you referring to the disposable toilets from the Saturday Night Live "commercial" a few years back? Anyone else remember that?

Make that TWO of us. Teehee. I actually really like the Yahoo ads, particularly the one with Franken because of the way he says "And large boats". It makes me chuckle, especially since my friend's father is the Republican blowhard poster boy and he recently purchased a new houseboat (as the old one didn't have enough space for a dining set, le sigh, if only my problems were so dire...) after searching on Yahoo.


TEEHEE! I really don't understand how everything is friggin disposable anymore. Those little premoistened wipe deals, the detachable toilet brushes, just give me an old sock (what? They make perfect cleaning rags) and a bottle of bleach ANY DAY!

I'm so glad to see a mention here of that McGriddles commercial. It'd be one thing if the song had any semblance of a melody, or decent lyrics, or etc., but to hear that commercial over and over again while watching the NBA playoffs! Eergh.

That's not for Lavitra, it's for Evindrel. Oh gawd, why do I know that?


She's allergic to tv ads? :-D

I just saw an ad featuring alleged singer Jessica Simpson for some sort of buffalo chicken pizza. At the end, someone teases her about thinking buffalos have wings to which she's like "I do not!" and we cut to a winged beast and her staring in disbelief. Ha ha, funny, but not really. Gawd I'm sick of that woman.

Don't feel bad... It's actually for Enzyte.

There was one successful redo - the disposable Comet brush has been out for several months now (I've got one). I can see the point of disposable brush heads - just flush the nasty thing away - but the one where the cleaner is automatically dispensed does not have a disposable brush. Eww.

As for disposable anything else, I agree with Miki - old socks work fine.

Edited because "not reusable" is not eww; "not disposable" is

Okay -- I give up. I tried doing a search for the individual info, and for a web site that tells you the name of songs used in ads, but no dice.

I am seeking the titles/info about two songs used in two car ads these days...one is a Hummer ad which has a bunch of kids camping on a beach or something -- I get the sense it's some sort of Scout troop or something -- and they make little hot-air balloons out of birthday candles and paper bags. (Which I also want to do, but that's as may be.) And there's a really pretty song and I want to know what it is.

And then there's the minivan ad that has strummy guitar music and a bunch of different shots of women putting cool things in it -- a cello, a kayak, saddles, etc.; and then the slogan says, "Moms have changed -- the minivan should too." I just want to know what the strummy la-la song is.

(ETA: Never mind, found the Hummer ad one -- it's by a band called Mojave 3, and after downloading a full-length version of it I've decided to buy myself a little present...)

If you mean the Lysol gadget, it has an even better trick--to dispense the cleaner, you have to shake the brush and its canister of aerosol powered cleaner up like, I don't know, mousse or whipped topping in a can. So...do that and the frickin' brush head falls into the toilet! It's enough to make you want to scream. Plus it's heavy and awkward and you can't carry it from bathroom to bathroom easily...

So I threw that one away and <commercial testimonial> I use the Scrubbing Bubbles one--it works great. Tried the Scotch Brite--not so much </end commercial testimonial>

This?
Cracked me the hell up! I remember that stupid mascot, but I had never seen the star 'roids version before.

TOPIC? I'm empty.

This has been driving me nuts for weeks. For those of you in Texas, the new Ford commercials play a woman singing that sounds just like Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks. If its not her, give her a prize of some kind. I've done some googles and found nothing. Anybody out there know if its her?

Shelwood, that was beautiful. You perfectly captured my porcine shame.

About Phevus and Athena, who I have yet to see in an ad, maybe they went with Athena instead of Artemis because the games are in Athens? I thought Athena and Poseidon would've been better, what with the mythic contest for the city and all, but maybe they didn't have phallic dolls for that pair.

There's a new country singer out that sounds like Natalie Maines (she sings a song about being a Redneck Girl). That could be her instead.

Thanks jw7579! I'll have to check that out a little more.

Man, I miss one weekend of TCT and see what happens? Had I responded to everything that caught my eye, this would be a full page post. Alas, I'm averse to impending doom of size nines and will be judicious.


Your inner 12 year old? aurora, you're just lucky I was able to stifle my nearly out-loud BWAH!, as I don't think my co-workers would have enjoyed (or gotten) the joke as much as I did.


Word, Shelwood. I mean, I have one where the brush has it's own case that matches all the other stuff in my bathroom and unless guests are whipping out the brush, I'm the only who knows how clean or dirty it is. Those products are just another way to create use, so you have to buy another thing on an ongoing basis. Not happening here.


Miki the Brain, you've got to be kidding. Because, if not, that is too, too funny.

It sounds like we should invite this judge to join us; he'd fit right in here.

Just saw the Flamethrower burger ad (Dairy Queen) this morning. At first I thought it was stupid when his desk caught fire, but when he tried to explain what happened and the flames are still shooting from his mouth, that scream he does just cracks me up.

In other news, if you buy Totally Hits 2004, it includes Justin Timberlake's I'm Loving It. A whole song, y'all. 'Cause it was one of the 'hits' of 2004.