Oh my gosh! The imagery! *washes eyes*

Alternately, the ladies could sing "Red Rain" by Peter Gabriel. Or "Sunday Bloody Sunday" by U2. And I think that a more appropriate song for the guys would be "Get Up (I Feel Like Being A) Sex Machine" by James Brown.


I definitely can see folks in such a situation singing "Black Water" by the Doobie Brothers.

You are all sick, sick people. And I love it!

Maybe for the period/Tampax lurve commercials, we could have dancing hemi-powered glittery hoo-hoos?

gives a whole new meaning to the line "Mississippi moon, won't you keep on shining on me", eh Sideshow Al?








I see my work here is done.

If The Commercial Thread ever got its own FAQ, this would so be in the top 10. Say it with me people: Beaks and assholes! (tm someone brilliant)

The Eclipse breath mint commercial with the two scientist breathing all over each other is really really creepy.

Now, I just thought that this was one in a series of basketball related Cingular ads, since they are a sponsor of the Tournament. There is another one with a white guy making a fool out of himself saying things like "I will get down on my knees and pray for a three-pointer from long range!" while gesturing wildly. And this ad seemed to be a basketball version of an earlier ad that showed someone talking about not being able to see the network.

Yes, it is. But it's not worse than this other breath mint commercial, with the guy getting kissed by the dog. That's just too disgusting.

Yeah, Miki, maybe they could form the world's most glittery kick line. [/pause to form mental image] Oh, dear God! Eww!

Continuing slightly off topic, I was thinking of the discussion way, way, way upthread in which the question arose as to what would be the male slang equivalent of "hoo hoo." I thought that "he hoo" might fit the bill; but later I thought that it might be kind of fun for a guy to refer to his package as a "hemi."

Which brings me to the following mental exercise:

Whenever you see a commercial that features the prominent use of the word "hemi," mentally remove the word "hemi" and substitute the word "penis" or the penis euphemism of your choice.

Try it. Let me know what you think. I think that it's fun; but that might just be the insomnia talking.

Um, no. They're not. Although they're using this particular ad for their "no roaming network" campaign, it's using basketball metaphors because A LOT of their ads run in the month of March are based around basketball (what with the Madness, and all.)





That is correct, dzdzsty.

In fact, if you watch the games, you'll see the little Cingular logo everywhere. The halftime show is actually called Cingular at the Half.

Yeah, I still miss Cowboy Bob and Sheila the Wonder Horse.

Oh, let me join the club of twelve-year-olds, because I can't see the commercial tagline: "Hummer: Like Nothing Else" without giggling.


I assume they're celebrating not the erection, but the sex they've just had. So presumably, there's an entire neighborhood of women they've all left behind in their beds so the guys can all celebrate. Real sensitive, guys, leaving right afterward to go celebrate with friends.

Either that, or they really are celebrating the erection itself, and so are therefore an entire neighborhood of men "standing at attention" and high-fiving each other at the same time. Which would be quite possibly the gayest thing I've ever seen on TV.

I finally saw the Verizon family! Woo-hoo for casual diversity! Also? Hee to the dorky dad going, "You gotta imbed it."

Holy moly. They're like the old Mentos ads, only with less irony.

Thank God. Okay then I guess I'll just be disproportionately irritated by the fact that the dumbass has a sweatband over his eyes. Maybe it's the fact that I still have a hate on for Cingular. Maybe they should start showing some of the other basketball-themed ads.

I've always wondered why Shout didn't buy the rights to "Shout"

Shout, shout
Get the stains out
These are the stains I can do without

See- it's a natural!

I think the problem, FfrauleinN, is that this is their newest basketball-themed ad, so it's the one getting the most rotation. The others? Trust me, if you've been glued to your TV as much as I have for the past 2 weeks (and will be until the final buzzer sounds on April 5th), you've seen enough of them to make you never want to see another Cingular ad for the rest of the year.

Too bad it's not Pennzoil anymore. Nothing made me laugh more than the announcer with the crazy southern drawl proclaiming "Pennzoil at the Half - brought to you by - Pennzoil." Have to admit I haven't been paying much attention this year, do this still make this marvelously moronic announcement for Cingular?

Yay! Me too! My favorite was the little boy clad only in underwear and a tool belt who crashes into things, because that really happens. ("Yeah, really cute, Dad.")
That's one cool thing about this thread--I would have never paid attention to that commercial if not for folks here pointing it out.


Bite your tongue! I keep hoping that Tears for Fears still owns the rights and is refusing to sell to an ad agency.

ladyDonna
I was kidding. I can't stand the song - it was bad enough to hear it constantly when it first came out. Damn it, now it's stuck in my head again.

I've been trying to think of heartburn's theme song (instead of working) but I can't think of anything right now.

Well, would you rather eat chicken beaks and assholes that have no taste or chicken breast with no taste? I know how my GI tract votes.

This


gave us this



I always thought Shout did have an ad campaign using a Shout song--not the Tears for Fears one (which I had completely forgotten about) but the "throw your hands up and shout" one. I figure that song, however, has some title that if someone said it, I would have no idea that was the song, which I totally love, btw.

You know you make me wanna shout!
Throw my hands up and shout!
Kick my feet up and shout!
C'mon now, shout!


And no, I don't know what it's called either.

I believe it is also called "Shout" and I'm embarrassed that I had forgotten that one.

I used to have a White Castle down the block from me, and I can't tell you how many of those little burgers I had in my childhood. I sometimes get a craving for them to this day...I'm sick, I know!

Anyone remember their equivalent of Ronald McDonald and his friends at White Castle - they were like some king, princess, a dragon, etc.? But the one thing that really bugs me about WC is that "Crave Case" they have. It's a cardboard suitcase. Stuffed with burgers.

I ain't feeling the new Trident commercial, where the 5th dentist falls out of the "rollercoaster." Partly becuz I keep expecting him to splat on the floor at the end of the commercial, but never does.
I love their whole play on the famous "4 out of 5 dentists" slogan, but c'mon. Are they really gonna let the coaster go without all the harnesses being down?

I much prefer the one where the 5th dentist has a squirrel crawl up his pants and samples the nuts. "Nooooooooo!!!"

Really. What bugs me is that at some point you can see the 5th dentist clearly looking as though he's enjoying the ride, even though he's not strapped in.

The Spongemonkeys are gone? Nooo!!! I really love the Spongemonkeys.

Cause they are goood tooo us!

Sigh.

Due to all of the recent posting of "The Fantanas", I have decided that they should be the lucky recipients of this week's "Group TWOP ass whooping of annoying ass TV commercial characters". How about it people?

Sorry, I think the ass-whooping of the week still belongs to John Basedow and the tabby cat that lays upon his head.

Man, I brought this up a while ago, but nobody even batted an eye... or a keyboard. I'm so glad I'm not the only close-breather hater in the thread. I CAN'T STAND THAT!!! Bleh. Gives me the heebies!

Re: Tears for Fears' "Shout." Loved the song then, love it now, so. There. ;P

Re: "Twist & Shout" on the Shout commercials: yes, I remember that now! Those ads ran at the same time as the "Raise your hands if you're Sure" anti-perspirant ads. The similarity of "Raise your hands up and Shout!" to the Sure jingle always seemed... odd. (Maybe if your Sure! left pit stains, you could Shout! them out.)

Only had White Castle "hamburgers" once, when (as someone said earlier) I was young, stupid, in college, late at night. Good thing I had to stay up to study, because the Sliders sure lived up to their name [TMI alert ahead]in my GI tract.[/TMI alert] Ick ick ick.


Aw, that reminds me of an old, old commercial written by Stan Freberg for Chun King. In portentous voice-over, Freberg intones something like, "4 out of 5 doctors recommend Chun King Chow Mein for dinner." The camera pulls back to reveal 5 doctors, dressed in scrubs, sitting in a solemn group. 4 of them are Asian.
Not PC by a long shot, but for the 60s, that was pretty radical.


BWAH!

Nomination for Quickest Sell-Out of Song for Commercial Purposes: "Intuition" by Jewel. Not only is the song itself used for plug purposes, the product (a razor designed for women) is called.... Intuition. Grief!

However, Garth Brooks' "Wrapped Up in You" has got to be the fastest sell-out song ever. The damn song was still in regular rotation when it got revamped as a plug song for Dr. Pepper. Like GB needed some more dollars.

Word, chinkygirl, I still think John Basedow deserves an ass whooping, but he's on the Top Ten "Kick his ass whenever I feel like it" list.

Personally, I think commercials were a lot more fun when they weren't so PC.
That immediately brings to mind the old Isuzu car commercials (before "Joe Isuzu"), where the Asian guy is trying to get the American to pronounce "Isuzu" properly. At the end, the Asian dude says, "That's OK. I can't say 'Sher-ro-ray' (Chevrolet)."
I always got a big "Hee!" out of that commercial. But then, I'm not Asian, so don't know how offensive it was to them.


In other news:


Word. However, I recall MadTV doing a skit last season, talking about how Jewel had sold out. It was called "Prostitution." Sing these lyrics as the chorus:

"The music biiiiz-ness, is prosti-tuuu-tion..."

Indeed.

No, I don't think I've ever had one sober. Actually, some of my friends were half-way passed out in the back of a Jeep after a bachelor party, when the driver, Dan, heard this from the back: DAAAAAANNN!! A WHITE CASTLE! {Dan: No, we're not stopping, it's 4 AM.} Friends: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP!

Maybe it's an alcohol-induced craving. Maybe their next commercial could capitalize on this. Well, it's either that, or your judgement is so screwed by being drunk you actually think eating one sounds like a good idea.



No joke. I think I heard the song for the very first time only a week before I saw this commercial. Has anyone noticed that when it first came out, they didn't use the lyrics at all, but now that it's on it's second run, they've added some near the end?

Maybe the heartburn song could be Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love?


So much for the afterglow.

Re: the hemi--

"Mommy, how did I get here?"

"Well, honey, when a man and a woman love each other, the man will put his hemi into the woman's glittery hoo-hoo. Sometimes after that, the woman's love stops flowing and her tummy gets really big. For a few months, the woman throws up like she's eating White Castle burgers. For a few months, she makes black water. And toward the very end she has an irrational hate of Fantanas. Then when the time comes, the woman gives birth to a beautiful baby and pumps her fist in the air. Woo-hoo for the hoo-hoo! And that, darling, is how you got here."

These are horrible! Everytime I go anywhere, I hear these at least five times each, it seems. I can't stand most radio commercials. Although, I do admit the ones about lubbockhelpwanted.com make me laugh. The odd thing is, the actors sound like they're from New Jersey. Not too many folks around Lubbock talking like that.

Topic: Umm.....Kinda like the Six Flags guy. Love, love, love the guy getting maced after feeling up the lady. Infinity times infinity on the hate for anything Jack In The Box. Had a nightmare about him chasing me once, and I haven't been the same since.

That's because it's the same ads for a national "chain" of websites. Here in Austin they have austinhelpwanted.com, and when I lived in Delaware, it was delmarvahelpwanted.com. Same commercials.


I hate the one about the chicken breast strips, but I've loved almost all the other ones. Though I do get annoyed by the fact that I see them a dozen times per night.

So true! I love this Verizon ad not only for it's multicultural casting , but because the vignettes (dorky Dad showing off his mad email skillz, bored kids, dog in inappropriate place, Mom doing a bunch of things at once, and especially the little vortex of chaos working his superhero mojo) seem like things you'd actually see going on in a real house -- as opposed to the stilted, cliched, catchphrase-spewing people who live in Advertising World.

Another nominee for inappropriate/missing-the-point use of song for ad: The Las There She Goes for Ortho Tri-Cyclen (low-dose birth control). Sure, they only use the chorus, but this is a song about heroin addiction, people! Yes, it's a lovely and extremely catchy tune, and it sounds even more bubbly and sweet as sung by the wispy, Lilith Fair-ish female cover artist, but check out the lyrics. The song is autobiographical, it's author was a big ol' junkie, and he wasn't writing a tribute to his really awesome girlfriend. This one annoys me almost as much as the Carnival Cruise ad that cuts out the inconvenient parts of the song where we learn about Johnny Yen's penchant for "liquor and drugs" in Lust For Life (yeah, I know, I've already ranted about that one, sorry).

I like the Six Flags ad a lot more when I pretend that the dancin' geezer is Junior Soprano and that Tony Soprano is hallucinating the whole thing.

Oh. Wow. I laughed a whole lot when I read that. A LOT. I'm glad I wasn't smoking a cigarette or consuming a beverage when I read that, because I probably would have choked and died. But at least I would have died laughing.

Speaking of tampon and feminine hygiene product commercials, how about that Kotex commercial that's COMPLETELY SILENT? I hate it. I normally don't watch the screen during commercials if it's a show I'm not emotionally invested in, so I always think my cable's gone out or something when that commercial comes on. I hate it. Plus, the tag line? "Kotex fits. Period." Can't stand it.

Any objet d'art of feminine hygiene products should, ideally, be blue. Since all bodily fluids on TV ads are blue. Also, I love the idea of the lasso and feel left out because I prefer pads to tampons. I'm thinking that my woo hoo for hoo hoo, high fiving, riding the cotton pony celebration will be a smart little chapeau. Turn a Danish sugar cookie tin upside down, stick the pads to it and voila! A pillbox Coco Chanel would die for. Or did. Whatever.

The 6 Flags "old" guy's resemblance to Uncle June is why I enjoy it. I'm glad they never show a close-up because it would destroy the illusion.

http://irev.net/sleestakhunter/math.jpg

Oh. My. God. I'm seriously thinking that they mated.

My friend and I hate that dancing geezer. There's something about him that is unsettling and a bit menacing. That commercial and the one where the dog makes out with the guy because of his breath always creep me out.

I saw this commercial for the first time yesterday, and I love it too! I just love seeing everyone all over the house, all doing their own things, and of course, the little boy. What a cutie.

Also jsut saw the Panda-monium commercial, in Spanish, which I thought made it even funnier.

I think it's the smile on the old guy's face as he's dancing. There's something very serial-killer about it, to me.

Pixel challenge, anyone?

I thought heartburn, or stomach problems, used Heartbreak (/burn) Hotel...? I seem to remember a stomach in a seedy motel?


I have to express my total and utter hatred for the CompUSA commercial. Where the announcer sounds like he's talking to a dog the entire fucking time. Either that or he's really trying to get all the consonants out. But I think it's more the condescending owner to stupid pet tone.

And CompUSA sucks anyway. They never know what they're doing, at least all the ones I and my friends/family have dealt with.

When I started to think of a heartburn-related song, my mind turned immediately to Robin Williams as Elmer Fudd singing Bruce Springsteen's "Fire."

'Cause when I eat...ooooh! Fiiiii-wuh.

They just played this commercial again during Waterfalls. If I have to watch this commercial all summer I may have to kill myself.

Very common in Asia and increasingly so in the US, starting in Asian supermarkets and food courts. There's one of these machines about three blocks from my house.

Of course, I have Netflix, so screw the machine. But it's not unheard of.

Word. They treated my best friend's mom like shit when she worked for them. Didn't even fire her...just never scheduled her to work.

On topic? I still think the Fanta girls are hot.

And a really great Prilosec commercial would utilize all relevant parts of Jimi Hendrix's "Fire". "I've only one burning desire, let me stand next to your fire."

You actually get to see videos when you watch VH-1 early in the morning. Who knew? But it just so happens that I've heard several songs in a row that are currently in commercials, so maybe Norah Jones IS making a stand. ("Hey Mama" by the Black Eyed Peas, "Light and Day" by Polyphonic Spree, whatever that song is about pictures by whoever that group is that pimped themselves to Hewlett-Packard, and that "one two three c'mon and go with me 'cause you look so fine and I really wanna make you mine" song by Jet. Hey, it's early, who cares about details at this hour.)

ETA: I just saw the diversity-is-good Verizon commercial! Love. Love. LOVE! I think the mom is definitely supposed to be Hispanic; she's speaking Spanish to someone on the phone at the beginning of the commercial. I love the way their house is completely out of control while Dad dorks around on the computer; some images transcend race. Though he does fall into the dopey-guy-with-inexplicably-hot-wife cliche.