My god! That Potty Putter is scary.

I don't remember seeing this mentioned before on the thread, but I saw this ad for some kind of Bissell vacuum cleaner tonight. There were these three women who were experts in using the vacuum, and they came to a guy's really messy apartment. They asked, "Do you ever clean in here?" and then started to show him how to use all the special features on the vacuum. The women acted vaguely like the crew from Queer Eye as they kept criticizing the place and throwing stuff out. I liked it that the man was doing all the cleaning while the women told him what to do.

Crap on a crutch. I have at least eight kinds of hate for the low-carb fad bullshit. You know the "experts" are bound to find out in five years or so that the whole Atkins/low carb craze was actually hazardous to your health and now too many people have high cholesterol and rare forms of cancer and birth defects and law firms are going to start class action suits against the estate of Dr. Atkins. Gads I hate this fad. I'll be seated in the window booth of the low carb store, munching on a loaf of French bread and a giant bowl of caramel popcorn.

Fuckin' word! How can eating all that meat and fat and shit be healthy?! I'll be eating my peanut butter sandwich (no jelly, I'm diabetic, though I saw a commerical for sugar-free jelly from Smuckers. Yum.)

Black barred for sensitive TWOP members....

Remember the KFC Wingmaster commerical? I pointed out the disgustingness of it to my friends, and now they call me the "Wingmaster." >_<. And when we watch pornography, and the money shot moments comes, someone is bound to say "Get the taste on your face!" Ugh, Ugh, Ugh...

screampiller, TraceyBee, puckish, and Chinkygirl, I would be happy to have you all join me in the collective ass whooping of John Basedow!

And WORD to all the low-carb haters out there. I was barely tolerating it for a while, but when people at my school (i'm a senior in high school) started talking about the Atkin's diet, I had officially had it! I also don't get "Low Carb Bread". If you are on the diet, you shouldn't want to be eating bread anyway (fake or otherwise!). That's like asking for "diet crack" so that you can get the high but not the tweakage!

vegasusa555, you get the snacks, I'll gas up the car. Let's roll.

I'm ready to get cruisn' to give that Basedow guy a bruisin'!!!!!


ETA you think low carb bread is bad? people in my office drink low carb milk. UGH!

Maybe if we could somehow combine the Washlet and the Potty Putter, you could even wash your clubs.

Oh, fuck it, let's just move every damn thing in the world into the bathroom. Seriously, how much time can people possibly be spen.. ok, nevermind, forget I asked.

John Basedow looks bizarre because he's concave, and people don't normally come like that.

That 'there she goes, there she goes again' birth control pill always makes me think they're implying, 'there she goes again, that whore, she'd better be taking this.' Like, what is with that song with that product? Am I missing a deep, empowering message?

I don't know if it's my inner Beavis speaking, or that I wish someone would torch my crap in the street, but I love, love, love that new Public Storage commercial.

Because I am old enough to remember the first time Atkins was a fad, it was considered dangerous way back then. People died from it. Of course, since I was just a child at the time, I don't recall exactly why.

Between this: and the Potty Putter, I have tears running down my face from laughing. Thank you all....

And seriously- Atkins? Made me a food whore. I was eating all the time but eating "good things": lots of dairy and meat. Lemme tell you- I seriously went a little nutso from the change and it really wasn't very pretty. Plus- it annoys me that Subway is selling a "lowcarb" sandwich for like $5 and it's 1/3 the size of a normal sandwich. Bastards....

Just saw this Verizon commercial for the cellular service. It's in a dorm, and one guy is trying to fall asleep, but the other guy is IM'ing his girlfriend:

Guy: I luv u.
GF: I luv u more.
Guy: No, I luv u more.

And so on and so forth, all the while with that godawful AOL blip sound. First guy comes off the bunk, and takes a bat to the computer. That was great. But then the second guy pulls out his Verizon cell phone and continues to IM his girlfriend through that. Then the next shot is of second guy taped to a tree, still IM'ing his girlfriend on his cell phone. Dude, get a life!

i have friends like that. same age group too.

and, welcome to what it used to be like when I shared my office with a guy who spent ALL DAY sending IM's like that back and forth with his wife from the minute he got to work until he left for the day.... Bloopedy Bleep, Bleepedy Bloop. Bloopedy Bleep, Bleepedy Bloop. Bloopedy Bleep, Bleepedy Bloop. Bloopedy Bleep, Bleepedy Bloop. Yargh!

Finally one day I told him that if he didn't cut it out, the ER vomit comet would make an appearance all over his desk. Thank god he quit and moved far, far away.

Damn it. Matthew Lesko is shouting on my TV again. God, that makes me sound like some nut job... "he's shouting on my TV! and the mustard is consipiring against me!"

I feel for you, screamapillar.

I use AOL IM, and I always have that stupid blippity blip thing on mute. I can't stand it!

I also caught the undulating waves of M&Ms commercials. God, I want a bag so badly.

screamapillar, do you prefer cheetos, doritos, or chilli cheese fritos? :)

I just saw the weirdest commercial for United airlines. A pencil drawing of a woman comes up and she's asleep or something when a lightbulb appears above her head. Then as the commercial goes on, all these random pencil people walking in a crowd get bulbs over their heads. The Fuck? What does this have to do with an airline?

For the life of me I do not understand why they just don't push their salads as "Atkins friendly". Morons.

That puts me in mind of those creepy animated PeoplePC ads where a crowd of angry stick figures is slowly transformed into happy stick figures through "infection." One stick figure -- Patient Zero, if you will -- spontaneously transforms, and it transforms another by getting near it, and so on. It's just too reminiscent of Robotron. I don't trust those smiley stick figures. (Which might explain my aversion to Shandi on "America's Next Top Model." Although she hasn't been smiling much lately...)

Vermicious Knid- I put a Potty Putter Pixel Challenge up today for you!
PostToastie's picture was too inspiring to pass it up!

We're the twat people with the glittery hoo-hoos! Yay, us!

Any Office Space (the movie, not an actual space of an office) groupies here? Notice Lawrence the neighbor "You know what I'd do with a million dollars? 2 chicks at the same time!" in a JC Penney ad? Funny, he almost plays the same horndog on the commercial. Imagine the mullet and chop burns gone, and this clean cut guy is in an elevator is there when like 3 girls, obviously in JC Penney clothes, walks in and he's a wee bit excited. Then three more St. John's Bay-clad gals come in and he's even getting more excited. Next thing you know, it's him and a whole elevator full of Penney girls and he's feeling like da man, until they all get off. Doesn't even look like him except that tell-tale smile, we had to rewind it several times. Awww...I lurve Lawrence. Fuckin A.

All right. I could stand the occasional ad trying to get nitwits to fund "internet kiosks" at airports. It doesn't play that often. But now there's an ad trying to get people to put up ATMs in fast food joints. What's next? Pay to install pay phones and rake in the bucks? Who actually believes this crap?

ETA: It's not that I think ATMs in food joints are a bad idea, it's just that I think this ad is trying to lure people into a "get rich quick" scam. Minimal investment, someone else does all the work, you just watch the money roll in. Sounds like a scam to me.

I have to say, setting aside the clearly disturbing nature of the Potty Putter itself, you have to give them credit--the Do Not Disturb is included free. It's like you could have your own Master's, uhh---private country club--to get the Martha Burke of the world off your course.


Ooh, word. I've always told people I'll continue eating fast food and other bad things because I've known or heard of too many people eating nothing but salads and vegetables, running 5 miles a day and other such nonsense, only to drop dead of a heart attack at 50.


What? screamapillar, what exactly is "low-carb" milk. (Yes, ha ha, milk with low carbs). I mean, how do you reduce the carbs in milk?


Miki, my boss and I were talking about this because I was thinking the wrap looked good, but when I got there, I discovered it was so tiny, I'd have to eat 2. Needless to say, health did not win out over tasty and filling.


I don't know, Avery. It seems kind of intriguing. I think those Internet kiosks are a scam. Most airlines have internet access in their lounges in airports, Starbucks has hotspots all over the place, etc. ATMs, on the other hand, have a proven market and need. The problem is, they are pretty much everywhere they need to be. They also act like not having the money in it (you get the cash from the store itself) is wondrous. The thing is, most ATMs are stocked by the place where it's located, so there's little risk or inconvenince anyway. The last problem is convincing fast food places to let you put them in--you probably have to jump through corporate hoops, etc.

I just saw the greatest Corona commercial: (and please don't kill me if it's been mentioned- I read back 15 pages/15 days, but have no cookies at work so I may have missed a post or two)...

Anyhoo, it's their usual shot of the ocean, and a couple is sitting on the beach with their backs to us watching it. In between them on a table are two full Corona's with fresh lime wedges sticking out the neck. Suddenly, a hot blonde woman in a white bikini walks by in front of them. The guy's head cranes to follow her as she walks away, then goes back to looking at the ocean. The girlfriend/wife calmly reaches over to his Corona, pulls out the lime, and squirts it at his head. He calmly reaches up and wipes his face off. And that's it! And it's silent except for the sound of waves crashing! I love it.

Seems to me that more and more fast food joints are starting to accept credit cards nowadays (Wendy's and Arby's come to mind), so ATMs will actually be less necessary for them.

AAAAAAA!!! The toe fungus creature is back! AAA!! Run away!

I haven't seen this ad, but I actually think this is a wonderful idea. There should be ATMs in any restaurant. How often have you and your friends been out to eat and someone needs to stop at the ATM or pay someone back because they don't have enough cash? There also needs to be a change machine, so we can all stop playing the $20 game.

You know the elevator guy in the JC Penny's commercials as Lawrence from Office Space? I know him better as Oswald from The Drew Carey Show.

And remember What Happens in Las Vegas ... Stays in Las Vegas?

Besides the hilarious parodies on last week's Affleck-hosted SNL (What Happens in Bangkok...., with a drag-queen Ben and a hatchet-wielding Kelly Ripa), now the "call-the-whores" ads are using it!

What Happens on HotGirlz... Stays on HotGirlz!

I have two responses: New Catchphrase Sweeping the Nation!
And Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Not to mention that you'd get good at putting SITTING DOWN, so how does that benefit you on the golf course?

"Hang on guys, I need to get my potty so I can make this putt"

I KNOW! But then Subway couldn't perpetuate the myth that "Atkins" automatically means "Cheese and Bacon". When and if I go to Subway, I always get a grilled chicken breast salad and put provide my own fancy brown mustard because the geniuses at our Subways (ironically enough, the very Subways that were frequented by King Jared the Formerly Fat) only carry fat-free dressing that has lots of added sugar.

In other news, I want a potty putter, because I have ADD and like to be occupied at all times, and playing fetch with my cat is getting old.

I wanted to point out two commercials that I've been enjoying. The first is the Sprint doll ad campaign. I love when they move the doll in all sorts of positions.

I also like the gnome traveler commercials. I know it's a rip off of Amelie, but darn if they don't give that gnome some funny lines. "A ghastly, stinky cheese!" and "I feel, dare I say? Sexy."

vegas- That reminds me of something Jon Stewart once said: "You know what else has zero carbs? Heroin!"
So true, so true ;-)
And I also hate the AOL commercial with the computer-smashing roommate. I want to yell, "Your computer has a volume control! Use it, you idiot!"
Actually, I do yell that, but nobody hears me...

"Low in carbs, but high in heroin...it's a trade-off."

Oh god, that toe fungus commerical reminds me of that commerical where the fungus would lift open the toenail and dive inside. Ick.

"Hey, I've got two words for you: Jim Fixx. Remember Jim Fixx? He did a jogging book, did a jogging video, and dropped dead of a massive heart attack when? When he was fuckin' jogging, that's when! Whaddya wanna bet it was two smokers who found the body? 'Hey, that's Jim Fixx, isn't it?' 'Wow, what a fuckin' tragedy.C'mon, let's go buy some butts.'"

Ahhh, Denis. So funny.

Veering back on topic, I agree that this massive influx of Atkins-friendly everything is unbelievably annoying. Now, it used to piss me off mightily, but now I'm just anxiously await the ads for the class-action lawsuit against the Atkins empire for killing so many people with this unhealthy diet.

formergr, I was disappointed by that Corona commercial. I was fully expecting some sort of "My eyes! My eyes! Oh, it burns!" outburst from the guy who got squirted. Not just a calm wiping off of the juice.

I was at a Barnes & Noble last night and on the shelf where they put special order books, I saw one of Matthew Lesko's! I nearly busted out laughing but luckily managed to just grin kinda goofily.

bring 'em all along, and grab a bag of BBQ Corn Nuts, vegas!





Tornado, here is a link that explains how the Hood Corporation makes their "Carb Countdown Reduced Carb Dairy Beverage" - notice they don't actually call it milk...

Dairy Beverage?? Is that like calling Tang an Orange Drink?

I feel so good--I had a 6 oz steak sandwich on a great big bun with french fries for lunch. My last cholesterol? 137. So, pffft to the health food fiends.

I suppose... but I still have a soft spot in my heart for Tang, I couldn't get enough of it when I was a kid. But, in this week's sign of the coming Atkins apocalypse, the low carb craze has taken my beloved Tang hostage!

I'm right there with you on the "Don't Tell Me What To Eat, my cholesterol is 141 and my blood pressure is 116/60" train, Tornado - having just scarfed down a big pastrami sandwich and some chips, the gauge on my junk-o-meter is now at full, and I will continue to defy the (insert name of popular diet) craze! They invented this great thing, called EXERCISE, that helps you lose weight, when paired with just eating sensibly (which means eat a steak sandwich and fries if you want, but don't eat them three times a day!)

My kingdom for a Shamrock Shake! Anyone in Manhattan/North Jersey spotted them? I'd knock my own mother over for one of those gooey green delights!

I hate these ads, especially the one that says: "It's not cheating if it's on the phone..." Uh, yeah, but it's still weird and creepy and not cool.

And weighing in on the Atkins issue, my dad was on Atkins for a few months, and lost like 20 lbs or whatever, and my family has always eaten healthy, and his cholesterol has always been low. And this time, my dad goes to the doctor, and his cholesterol is through the roof now. I wonder how that happened to a guy that went from eating baked chicken and spaghetti, and started eating bacon and other high fat, cholesterol laden foods? And, for the record, my dad only went on Atkins to lose 10-20 lbs, so he was never overweight, he just wanted to trim down a little. When that class action lawsuit comes around, I'm going to push his ass on that train.

See, all this is just so stupid! Low-carb diet, fine--just reduce your intake of carb-laden food. But, why why why do people feel the need to reduce the carbs in foods that ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE CARBS? Arrgh. Forget it. Back to March Madness.


Wait! That sounds like a great diet! Yes, I want eating sensibly to include common sense--that is, the benefits of milk outweigh any problems due to fat content, etc. I can't stand people telling me milk is bad for me!

Edited in response to screamapillar's edit.

I'm really getting tired of the Swiffer ads with all the TV maids and servants lounging around the pool. It was cute at first but the way it starts off with a ginormous, bouncing Ann B. Davis head in slo-mo is creepy.

Woohoo! Bring on the Basedow hate train! You guys can feel free to camp out in my backyard until we find this asshat!

I have a soft spot for Tang too - it's my last name, hee! Oddly enough, I've never tried the stuff!

We hear you and we feel your pain!



This commercial makes me hurt. Look kids, the weird yellowness of daddy's toenails is really a cute little monster like Elmo. So....NOT!

I'm on a form of Atkins, as are both my parents, and all of us have been turning in stellar check-ups- especially as far as cholestorol is concerned. There's a huge difference between those who eat 3-egg sausage omelets with a side of bacon-fried steak and those who substitute fries with steamed-vegetables and cake with fresh berries. I could (and have) lost weight with the former, but I go with the latter now. I'm just as fed up with "Atkins, Atkins, ATKINS!" as everyone else, but I also know that there are proven benefits to cutting "white food" out of your diet.



Most reduced carb foods are getting rid of added sugar and refined flour, which is good if you have to watch your blood-sugar levels.

Anyway, I've decided that if I ever need a spokesperson, I'm going to hire Samuel L. Jackson. I saw a few of his March Madness ads last night and he had my total attention. He's so charismatic. It didn't hurt that he mentioned French Lick Indiana, less than an hour away from my hometown and owner of one of the most bizarre town names in the country.

A big WORD to all the Atkins hate out there.. when I diet, I eat the Subway salads- I tried one of the new wraps and was disgusted by the sheer grossness of cheese and bacon and ranch- blech!

Topic? Can Old Navy please come out with a commercial that doesn't make me want to punch the kids in it? The new one with the trying-to-be-MTV-but-failing-miserably chick in the hat at the beginning makes my skin crawl. I think it's because of the incredibly bad, fake "acting"- moving pictures, indeed.

My newest commercial hate goes to that "Celebrity Gossip" commercial I keep seeing on the satellite. This overacting bimbo comes out and asks a stupid question, like "What gender does Tom Cruise prefer to bone?"

A) Males

B) More Males?

If you win, you get a...

*male announcer* ...genuine ruby ring!

*flashing above the screen* Appraised at $69.00 Retail

All you have to pay is "Processing and Handling," which is probably $500, no doubt, for something that came out of a Cracker Jack tin.

Yes...I believe French Lick is the HQ of the Hoo Hoo Hoover and Potty Putter (now with glitter action and hemi) Corps.

Oh, I know the max volume is usually the same. I'm just saying that I'll be watching a show, and suddenly the volume will drop low, right in the middle of a sentence sometimes. The only time the volume comes up is when the commercials start, and then it cycle repeats: show in normal, volume drops low, I turn up the volume, commercials make my ears explode.

Two things bug me about Atkins. 1) The people who preach about how great it is. (Actual quote from a coworker: "You should do this diet. It's amazing the things you get to eat." My response: "I'm not on a diet, so I can eat whatever I want.") 2) All the commercials hyper-promoting it. I have to figure places like Subway found it easy to make a buck off this, which is the only reason they're into it. Charging that much for that tiny Atkins-friendly wrap thing is a pretty obvious way to make that buck.

The worst are the T.G.I.Friday's commercials for their low-carb menu. The hipster goofiness quotient in those is off the froggin' charts.

This Basedow beating adventure is cracking me up. Every time I see that stupid commercial now I laugh for no apparent reason. Well, besides the fact that the man's head is about three times too small for his body.

Amen to that. It's like the ad - which, I happen to hate - for the Mentos Extreme Mints (I think, could be another brand), where the guy ends up getting macked by his date's bull mastiff, and then the annoucer comments that the mints are low carb.

Boy, if there's one thing I need to do, it's watch my carbs and get it on with a dog at the same time.