healing fish
Mar 17, 2004 @ 1:56 am
never mind
skittl3862
Mar 17, 2004 @ 1:59 am
It seems you can order their Market Fresh Sandwich in a carbo-friendly fashion. They serve it in a bowl without the bread (as all the trendy places are doing.)
Hmm, I wonder how much money I'd make with the "carb-friendly" peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
moppet
Mar 17, 2004 @ 2:49 am
I feel like that Outer Limits episode. ("I finally translated it. 'To Serve Man'......it's a cookbook!!!!!!!!!!!!.............")
Outer Limits? I thought that was classic Twilight Zone.
I have often thought about how brief my visits are with my doctors, and how I'm supposed to squeeze in time to ask them about my own maladies AND random drug products. "Um, Dr. Busch? I was just wondering...could we talk about the Purple Pill? Um, and Lipitor? And, Cialis?" Actually, I shouldn't include Cialis since the effects and side effects of that drug are made crystal-effing-clear in the commercial. The idea of a four hour erection requiring an emergency hospital visit is making ME cringe, and I have a hoo-hoo!
screamapiller
Mar 17, 2004 @ 2:19 pm
It seems you can order their Market Fresh Sandwich in a carbo-friendly fashion. They serve it in a bowl without the bread (as all the trendy places are doing.)
Hey, I think someone already invented that. It's called a
SALAD...
Hmm, I wonder how much money I'd make with the "carb-friendly" peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
skittl3862, let's get cracking on this idea... a pile of peanut butter and jelly (sugar free, of course), on a bed of greens. I am especially anti low-carb right now because not only does every freaking food commercial talk about how their stuff is low carb, and everyone in my office is talking about how they're on Atkins of South Beach or whatever carb nonsense they're doing, but one of the best bakeries here in Hoboken shut down because the landlord got someone who would pay more money for the space.... and is opening a LOW CARB SPECIALTY STORE in its place. What I wouldn't give to sit across the street on opening day, whipping cupcakes at everyone who shops there.
Another commerical thought? Working wacky hours these days, I see a lot of crappy commericals late at night. And I cannot BELIEVE that Matthew Lesko is still on my TV, shouting at the top of his lungs and wearing that ridiculous suit covered with dollar signs.
ChinkyGirl
Mar 17, 2004 @ 2:29 pm
Everytime I see Matthew Lesko, I imagine that he's trying out for the part of The Riddler from Batman. Helps especially if you put him on mute.
puckish
Mar 17, 2004 @ 2:47 pm
Yes, ChinkyGirl, exactly! But the OLD Batman, with all the bams and pows, not the newer, non-Adam West Batman.
I noticed the other day that the creepy half-faces uriney yellow AT&T commercial isn't running here anymore. Instead, it's that stupid one with all the people finishing their deliberately quirky sentences following the word "and" - which, as dumb as it is, is worlds better than the half-faces one. I wonder if AT&T bought a clue and realized how unnerving their half-faces spot was, and yanked it.
screamapiller
Mar 17, 2004 @ 2:54 pm
Riddle me this, ChinkyGirl and Puckish: why on earth to they even let that guy on TV? He makes me want to put my foot thru the screen.
Matthew Lesko isn't even a zillionth as cool as Frank Gorshin and John Astin!
ubi
Mar 17, 2004 @ 2:57 pm
I just watched the newest Arby's commercial, something about going to "Arby's for Carbys".
I saw a new Arby's ad last night in which oven mitt was in a subway station blabbing about how you can't good sandwhiches there (ha ha, a sneaky clever reference to the competition! Not.) and how they're better because they slice their meat fresh blab blah blah Ovenmitt-cakes.
Hmm, I wonder how much money I'd make with the "carb-friendly" peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Hand 'em a jar of that peanut butter and jelly glop.
Everytime I see Matthew Lesko, I imagine that he's trying out for the part of The Riddler from Batman. Helps especially if you put him on mute.
I'm not sure what pisses me off more; the way he dresses in those silly ads or the fact that the gubberment takes so much of our money that it has plenty to waste on these stupid give-a-ways.
phxchic
Mar 17, 2004 @ 3:00 pm
Goober Grape? Ew! I can't believe they make that stuff anymore!
ChinkyGirl
Mar 17, 2004 @ 3:12 pm
Riddle me this, ChinkyGirl and Puckish: why on earth to they even let that guy on TV? He makes me want to put my foot thru the screen.
Holy government scams,
screamapiller! Maybe by screaming at you nonstop, and forcing you to really put your foot through the screen, he's hoping you have nothing else left to do but
read his crappy con-artist book. Save yourself the shipping - the book is sold at Barnes & Nobles of all places!
Matthew Lesko isn't even a zillionth as cool as Frank Gorshin and John Astin!
WORD!! Matthew Lesko is like the guy they got to play The Riddler for
one episode back in the 60's and has no other claim to fame. So he dressed like that
forever...
Shelwood
Mar 17, 2004 @ 3:13 pm
Instead, it's that stupid one with all the people finishing their deliberately quirky sentences following the word "and"
Ugh, HATE. Not only annoying with the audio, but they flash that ampersand (&) so often that by 15 seconds in, I'm questioning it. It starts to look... wrong. Weird. Off. Who the hell came up with the ampersand anyway? No one uses it in handwriting... I just make that backwards "E" with a line through it... Or you can just use a +... It's silly looking, the ampersand...
Yeah, that's probably not the thought train AT&T wanted me on, huh? Not a phone in there anywhere, not even close. (Also, I find myself avoiding the word "and". Harder than you'd think. Much harder than never using "I'm lovin it".) Perhaps they need another do over.
PostToastie
Mar 17, 2004 @ 3:24 pm
Another commerical thought? Working wacky hours these days, I see a lot of crappy commericals late at night.
My husband loves the outdoor channel so we've seen gems like the 'Potty Putter' and almost every 'call the whores on the screen for a good time' ad in existence. (900-Hot-Gurlz is the best). There's even one for guys where these incredible buff guys are working out all shiny and sweaty or they are doing construction - everything 'manly'. 800-male. It's like bad porn.
I noticed the other day that the creepy half-faces uriney yellow AT&T commercial isn't running here anymore. Instead, it's that stupid one with all the people finishing their deliberately quirky sentences following the word "and"
At least that's not as bad as the T-mobile one where the husband puts the cellular bill on the table and it breaks and that crazy old lady goes to her mailbox and screams the scream of the dead when she reads her bill. Now they only play that one late at night. You start to fall asleep and......
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA'
Putli Bai
Mar 17, 2004 @ 3:26 pm
It seems you can order their Market Fresh Sandwich in a carbo-friendly fashion. They serve it in a bowl without the bread (as all the trendy places are doing.)
Hey, I think someone already invented that. It's called a SALAD...
Which brings me to my giganamous and competely off-topic pet peeve -- why every freakin' salad in every freakin' restaurant puts meat in the salad? Why can't I just get a bowl of freakin' vegetables? Well - I can -- if I want to have them leave the meat off and pay $8.99 for a bowl of iceberg lettuce. Bastages....
Topic? Whoever licensed "We Are the Champions" to the penis pill people needs a good hard slap. That's just all kinds of wrong.
And finally -- Goober Grape rocks!
DramaQueenLite
Mar 17, 2004 @ 3:41 pm
Save yourself the shipping - the book is sold at Barnes & Nobles of all places!
Borders, where I work, sells Matthew Lesko's books too. Not only do they sell them, but they feature all of his books prominently. And what non-fiction books do you think I sell more than anything else (besides Atkins Diet)? One guess.
Speaking of which, I'm so sick of low-carb stuff. It is absolutely wonderful that people can lose weight by cutting out bad carbohydrates, but when I go looking for a Power Bar at the supermarket, I want to find a goddamn Power Bar- and there are none left. They've all been replaced by an entire arsenal of Low-Carb bars. Which really defeats the purpose of getting
energy from them. Also, I'm tired of people looking at me like I have three heads when I eat a muffin at work. Atkins, I'd kick your ass but you're already dead.
Happy St Paddy's day to all- and especially those lucky enough to be having a Shamrock Shake!
bmills
Mar 17, 2004 @ 3:47 pm
You know that commercial where shopping carts, balls, baseball bats, and other things keep hitting the cars? That thing makes me shriek and cringe. I can't watch it. The problem is that I bought a brand new car about 1.5 years ago, and it already has FIVE door dings! How does that even happen? I've bumped the car next to me from time to time, but never hard enough to leave a mark, let alone a dent. What do people do? Drive to a place, pull into a parking space, turn off the car, and OHMYGODI'VEGOTTOGETOUTGETOUTNOWBAM! Five times on my poor little car. So, um, yeah. I hate that commercial.
vegasusa555
Mar 17, 2004 @ 3:53 pm
I am getting so sick of the new FRESH CRop Gap ads. Mostly because the girls looks like praying mantises (sp?) in pastels. As a girl who has ass for days and thighs for weeks (size 18 thank you very much :)), I am waiting for the day that they put someone who eats in a major campaign.
It's official, I am McDonald's bitch as of today! I tasted the creamy goodness that is the Shamrock shake!! It was good as hell!
*edited to add that I have no hatred against thin/skinny women, I just wish they showed the whole spectrum of sizes of women.
etain
Mar 17, 2004 @ 3:54 pm
So, there's a new scratch-off lottery ticket game in the NYC area now, called "Panda-monium". The scratch ticket features little pictures of pandas on it. So, the accompanying ad promoting it features a bunch of guys in panda suits with briefcases full of cash running around New York City, hailing cabs, sprinting through the UN, riding the Staten Island ferry, etc.
Which is all really surreal if the first time you ever see this ad is while your TV is on mute and you're in the middle of a phone call to your boyfriend, and you're just talking away and suddenly you look up at your television and without any explanation there's all these freakin' pandas running around.
vegasusa555
Mar 17, 2004 @ 3:59 pm
I'm back to announce that i'm getting a group of TWOPers together to go find John Basedow and beat him down!!!! If I see him and his fucking tapes on my TV one more time, i'm going to beat his ass and shave off his bad "Sean Penn in 'Fast Times at Ridgemont High' " bleach blond surfer hair!
TheCustomOfLife
Mar 17, 2004 @ 4:03 pm
Matthew Lesko is like Matthew from NewsRadio, except without the funny.
Cleo256
Mar 17, 2004 @ 4:13 pm
The problem is that I bought a brand new car about 1.5 years ago, and it already has FIVE door dings! How does that even happen?
bmills, it's all children doing it. Small children who don't understand. At least, that's the only explanation I can live with.
My local station has taken to actually changing the volume during shows. I was watching the Simpsons, and suddenly the volume dropped, so I turned it up. But was the commercial volume affected? No. So they came on louder than ever. The Mute button only works if you haven't stepped away from the remote at the time.
Stupid loud commercials. It doesn't make me pay more attention. It just makes me turn the volume down.
Blucasbabe
Mar 17, 2004 @ 4:17 pm
Mr. Blucasbabe and I are of the opinion that John Basedow has his head placed on someone else's body in those ads. His body is arranged in such an unnatural way!
And, a few pages back, it was discussed that It was nice that VW acknowledged that women might be interested in more than the vanity mirrors when they are shopping for a car. WORD to that. Several years ago, while pregnant with twins, I test-drove an SUV with a manual transmission, and the salesman was SHOCKED that I could drive a stick-shift. As if pregnancy took away my ability to move my hands and feet independently of one another. Tool.
screamapiller
Mar 17, 2004 @ 4:27 pm
I'm back to announce that i'm getting a group of TWOPers together to go find John Basedow and beat him down!!!! If I see him and his fucking tapes on my TV one more time, i'm going to beat his ass and shave off his bad "Sean Penn in 'Fast Times at Ridgemont High' " bleach blond surfer hair!
Vegasusa555, I'd gladly give my pummeling abilities a test on John Basedow's face (I'm with you on the size 18 train, and with the help of my trainer I'm putting about 135-140 up on the bench press these days...). I haven't beaten anyone up since grade school, but I would come out of retirement just so I could punch him in the face - and what is the deal with his hair? Simon LeBon called, using his wayback machine, from 1983. He wants his hair back.
Atkins, I'd kick your ass but you're already dead.
DramaQueenLite, I've got a better idea. Let's host a softball game on his gravesite, using baguettes as bats and stale kaiser rolls as the softballs. And when we're done, we can whip some stale cupcakes at his headstone.
But back to some more commercial annoyance: WORD,
TheCustomOfLife, on Matthew Lesko being Matthew Brock of NewsRadio, but without the funny ("Are you Doobie Keebler?")
roosterboy
Mar 17, 2004 @ 4:37 pm
The problem is that I bought a brand new car about 1.5 years ago, and it already has FIVE door dings! How does that even happen?
I once knew a guy who would deliberately smash the doors of people he felt didn't know how to park properly. I was never quite able to figure out his definition of "properly" and sometimes I was convinced he'd just do it to be an asshole.
I finally saw an ad for the Shamrock Shake while walking past a local McDonald's! It wasn't quite enough to offset my long-standing antipathy towards that establishment, but I was tempted for a moment.
skittl3862
Mar 17, 2004 @ 4:38 pm
but one of the best bakeries here in Hoboken shut down because the landlord got someone who would pay more money for the space.... and is opening a LOW CARB SPECIALTY STORE in its place.
That is just all kinds of wrong. Cupcakes across the street? Hell, I'd walk through there eating a whole loaf of French bread.
Has anyone else seen that LA Weight Loss commercial with the women ordering lunch, then whispering the name of the diet they're on? Wow, if all your friends are on some stupid trend-diet, then maybe you shouldn't be going out to lunch together. Maybe you should be hanging out at the gym!
There's even one for guys where these incredible buff guys are working out all shiny and sweaty or they are doing construction - everything 'manly'. 800-male. It's like bad porn.
Haha, like the Interactive Male commercial, with all the naked sweaty guys in the gym locker room.
TraceyBee
Mar 17, 2004 @ 4:50 pm
Can I sign up for the Basedow Beating? That guy really bugs. And his head looks completely out of proportion to the rest of his body, somehow.
puckish
Mar 17, 2004 @ 5:02 pm
Several years ago, while pregnant with twins, I test-drove an SUV with a manual transmission, and the salesman was SHOCKED that I could drive a stick-shift. As if pregnancy took away my ability to move my hands and feet independently of one another. Tool.
Oh no, it's not because you were pregnant. It was because you are
female. I went car shopping a few years ago and was trying to tell the salesman what I wanted. He interrupted me every two seconds to try to
tell me what I wanted, instead of listening to me tell him what I definitively wanted. And I definitively wanted a stick-shift. When I finally managed to squeeze in that little fact, he was absolutely floored that I - a lil' ol' woman - not only was
able to drive a car with manual transmission, but that it was what I wanted.
Ugh. Not enough hate in the world.
Count me in on the John Basedow smackdown. Can we then go after Matthew Lesko, Billy Mays, and that dreadful guy who pimps the bags that compress with vaccuuming?
healing fish
Mar 17, 2004 @ 5:11 pm
'Potty Putter'
What the HELL is that?
ubi
Mar 17, 2004 @ 6:02 pm
Which brings me to my giganamous and competely off-topic pet peeve -- why every freakin' salad in every freakin' restaurant puts meat in the salad?
Salads put meat in themselves? :-)
I haven't seen any Shamrock Shake ads, but thanks for reminding me to get one.
PostToastie
Mar 17, 2004 @ 6:34 pm
It's official, I am McDonald's bitch as of today! I tasted the creamy goodness that is the Shamrock shake!! It was good as hell!
Please contact Kelly Ripa and let her know that they are making this for St. Patrick's Day. I left the tv on while I got in the shower and she went on for five minutes about the fabulous green shake. It is
yummy, but obsess much?
'Potty Putter'
What the HELL is that?
I thought it was a joke when I saw it, but it's a real thing.
There is this little green that goes in front of the toilet (like a regular toilet rug), and a small putter. Supposedly, while you are 'doing your business', you can practice your golf game.
Potty Putter http://www.as-seenontv-product.com/images/...ottyputter2.jpg
PixelPusher
Mar 17, 2004 @ 7:19 pm
Dear Sweet Lord! The photo of the guy on the Potty Putter made me bust a gut. I've never heard of it, but thats damned funny. Er... and not a little bit scary.
And when you go out golfing with your boss, and he asks you how you improved your game - do you tell?
Heeheee. I would so love to hear that conversation!
PostToastie
Mar 17, 2004 @ 7:22 pm
Definitely not putting that on my resume -
"Featured on toilet in ad for potty putter'
ETA: Wouldn't it break your 'concentration'? And when you go out golfing with your boss, and he asks you how you improved your game - do you tell?
Jeebus Cripes
Mar 17, 2004 @ 7:43 pm
Riddle me this, ChinkyGirl and Puckish: why on earth to they even let that guy on TV? He makes me want to put my foot thru the screen.
Yeah, but just imagine Batman kicking the holy crap out of him. Imagine Christian Bale as Batman doing it, and it's even better.
Potty Putter. I just don't even have the words...
Vermicious Knid
Mar 17, 2004 @ 7:49 pm
My eyes!
Quick, somebody use the Potty Putter ad in the current Pixel Challenge. Maybe the toilet should be doing the talking?
Sleestak Hunter
Mar 17, 2004 @ 8:09 pm
re the 'Potty Putter'...
'Do Not Disturb' signs are all well & good- but what if someone wants to play through?
PostToastie
Mar 17, 2004 @ 8:14 pm
what if someone wants to play through?
Play through! BWAH!
Sleestak Hunter
Mar 17, 2004 @ 8:14 pm
FORE!
phxchic
Mar 17, 2004 @ 8:28 pm
What is the par for that course, anyway?
And if you play with Potty Putter, and get a hole in one, please, don't tell me. I don't need that mental image.
hagreene80
Mar 17, 2004 @ 8:45 pm
Hole in one doesn't scare me half as much as the rough or the water hazard does.
Ernos
Mar 17, 2004 @ 8:50 pm
Most golf courses have a ball washer, don't they?
healing fish
Mar 17, 2004 @ 8:57 pm
Holy God...this may be even weirder than the Washlet.
ajra
Mar 17, 2004 @ 9:14 pm
The power of TWoP (and this thread) is now known by the senior set (at least around these parts): My mom was watching TV with a few friends. The Swiffer commercial came on and at the end, instead of saying "Stop cleaning; start swiffering" the voiceover now says, "Stop cleaning, get Swiffer." One of mom's friends wondered aloud why they changed the slogan; my mom looked at me and said, "Your twat people did that, didn't they?"
OK, I said known, not heard correctly. Also, they didn't understand how we could have a whole website just to "rag on stupid stuff on TV," but they're all for it if it rids television of stupidity. If only.
Poodle Hat
Mar 17, 2004 @ 9:19 pm
So, there's a new scratch-off lottery ticket game in the NYC area now, called "Panda-monium". The scratch ticket features little pictures of pandas on it. So, the accompanying ad promoting it features a bunch of guys in panda suits with briefcases full of cash running around New York City, hailing cabs, sprinting through the UN, riding the Staten Island ferry, etc.
One hesitates to ask what a Panda Scratch & Sniff smells like...
Jamoche
Mar 17, 2004 @ 9:31 pm
The salesguy where I bought my Mini Cooper was great - helped me justify all the sport options ("sure, the regular tires are better in the rain, but really, how often does it rain?"). He didn't even mention the vanity mirrors.
Mangetical Anji
Mar 17, 2004 @ 9:36 pm
One hesitates to ask what a Panda Scratch & Sniff smells like...
Homer Simpson would know the answer to that.
ChinkyGirl
Mar 17, 2004 @ 9:38 pm
I'm back to announce that i'm getting a group of TWOPers together to go find John Basedow and beat him down!!!! If I see him and his fucking tapes on my TV one more time, i'm going to beat his ass and shave off his bad "Sean Penn in 'Fast Times at Ridgemont High' " bleach blond surfer hair!
Can I sign up for the Basedow Beating? That guy really bugs. And his head looks completely out of proportion to the rest of his body, somehow.
Let me be the first to point you in his direction...it seems that you can speak to John Basedow personally by calling a number here in Queens. Let the beatings begin!
What do people do? Drive to a place, pull into a parking space, turn off the car, and OHMYGODI'VEGOTTOGETOUTGETOUTNOWBAM!
This? Cracked my shit up! I feel your pain with tons of dings on my door. Maybe I should get a Ding King, hehe.
I had a boss once who kept a Potty Putter in his private bathroom. Yeah, it was creepy.
puckish
Mar 17, 2004 @ 9:48 pm
OK, between the golf jokes and being known as a twat person (brings added dimension to "glittery hoo-hoo"), I'm dyin' ovah heah.
So I wonder if they make a glittery potty putter (try typing THAT three times fast) for the glittery hoo-hoo set.
senor coconut
Mar 17, 2004 @ 10:26 pm
I have a cafepress account and a kick ass design tool and I am not afraid to use it. I would be willing to make hoo-hoo apparel for everyone. Shirts? Yeah! Hoo-Hoo Thongs? Hell Yeah!
wdejesus79
Mar 17, 2004 @ 10:28 pm
So I wonder if they make a glittery potty putter (try typing THAT three times fast) for the glittery hoo-hoo set.
I want that to go with my sparkly ta-tas.
cronox5
Mar 17, 2004 @ 10:34 pm
My local station has taken to actually changing the volume during shows. I was watching the Simpsons, and suddenly the volume dropped, so I turned it up. But was the commercial volume affected? No. So they came on louder than ever. The Mute button only works if you haven't stepped away from the remote at the time.
They explained this on
The Screen Savers a while back. TV Shows usually are uncompressed so there's a lot more dynamic range in the audio, but the commercials are compressed so there's less dynamic range in the audio, ergo, louder commercials than the shows. Anyone ever notice though that local stations (NBC,CBS,FOX,ABC) always sound louder than the other channels though?
Hmm, I wonder how much money I'd make with the "carb-friendly" peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
better get to work QUICK. Low Carb Peanut Butter is already on it's way:
http://www.carboptions.com/prod_PeanutSpread.asp
skittl3862
Mar 17, 2004 @ 10:38 pm
This creamy spread is something you and the whole family will love for your vegetables and fruit wedges.
Because the obvious answer of putting peanut butter on bread I guess defeats the purpose of the product.
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