Dear McDonald's,
Please retire "Ronald McDonald".
I hate clowns, especially Ronald. Even if you toned down his perm, clowns are still scary.
Thank you.
I mean, seriously (monkey), can't they have a better way to sell Happy Meals? I used to have nightmares about Ronald McDonald and his deathlair in the woods.

You know, I have always hated clowns. Wasn't exactly scared of them, for the most part (I do think they're creepy). But I have never ever been scared of or bothered by the Ronald. I wonder why.

It might have to do with the fact that he doesn't act like most clowns in my experience, who always, ALWAYS tried to MAKE me laugh when I just didn't feel like it. I was too young to roll my eyes and say, "Dude, move along to the next kid, you're going nowhere here," so clowns were always waving rubber chickens in my face, doing goofy shit that I didn't find funny, etc.

All Ronald ever did was magic tricks, pretty much, right? I mean, he doesn't do typical clown-schtick: pies in the face, stupid rubber chickens, horn honking, you know, your average pain-in-the-ass "You WILL laugh at my antics!" stuff.

I've been meaning to ask this for a while. I know what the glittery hoo hoo is. I know about the fire of a thousand nuns. I know about "for God's sack." But I missed seriously (monkey) at some point. Where does it come from? I looked in the FAQ but didn't see it.

On topic? I like the Dinty Moore spot, too. I like how the mom grabs her purse at the end, and how she has to correct "job" with "gig." I did NOT know she was the same chick on the VH-1 commentary, though. Nifty!

Edited to add: does ANYBODY really like clowns? I don't think I've ever spoken to a single person who does.

I hated the McDonalds ads when I was growing up. Ronald was cool enough, but the Hamburglar was terrorizing everyone, going "Robble robble robble." All Grimace did was run away while flailing his arms. What a pussy.

Birdie knew what to do, though. Rock on, Birdie.

Am I the only one who notices in the original ad, where he loses his shorts in the pool, that in the group reaction shot to his enhanced manhood, the wife has this look of dread not at all unlike of Peggy Bundy when she didn't want to have sex or the townsfolk in the "Good Life" ep of The Twilight Zone? "It's good that your dick is of Biblical proportions, VERY good..."


Didn't there used to be a pirate in those ads?

I think that was later. There may very well have been, but I guess I blocked him out.

That's because they haven't found the bodies yet.
Okay, I'm just kidding!

The McDonalds ads, creepy as they are, have nothing on the 70's Burger King ads. Those featured the equally poofy-haired and redheaded Burger King (distinquished from Ronald mainly by his crown, grandiose beard, and healthier complexion) and the King's archnemesis, the Duke of Doubt. The Duke's face was grotesque, resembling the worried mom's face in the Twilight Zone episode, "The Masks," but with a long, pointy nose. I don't recall that he ever did anything to thwart the Burger King's plans. He mainly was just doubtful. His catchphrase: "I doubt it!" I hated him. But now I just feel sorry for him. The poor man was plainly anhedonic, and tried to disguise his nihlistic despair with an attitude of contempt. I just hope he finally found the help he so desperately needed.

When I was at Pizza Hut, I saw this one placemat which said that PH did their first TV commercial in 1965. It's this guy on a tricycle riding down the street, saying "Putt-putt to Pizza Hut." Has anyone seen this? It sounds dumb, but not as dumb as Miss Piggy yelling into a bullhorn, "Gather round the good stuff!"

Holy shit, I thought I was the only one left who remembered there used to be an actual, factual Burger King. With crown. Neato.

Although I don't remember the Duke of Doubt. I must not have been watching enough TV in the 70s (the Burger King as I remember him was in the early 80s, and seemed to primarily focus his attentions on youngsters in soccer fields).

Oh, and "Seriously (monkey)" was not borne of a Pixel Challenge. Nay, it was borne of the Great Banner Wars of last year or so, wherein TWoP posters could pay to have their very own homemade ad banners displayed on TWoP, and discussion thereafter was fiery. Yea, it was a heady tyme.

I don't know why, but this? Made me laugh my ass off.

I think everyone finds clowns scary. Why else would the Sims use them to show that the little character is depressed? I hate those fucking clown paintings!!

Topic: I need new M&M commercials! I love those things.

You're not alone, Ernos - I had a Burger King doll when I was young!!!! (I think the thing might be in my mom's attic, along with the Jolly Green Giant and Little Green Sprout dolls)!





BWAH! That was back in the day when Hamburglar was actually somewhat "scary", now he's just all happy and cheerful. He's about as scary as the Chicken McNuggets (the little puppet characters, that is - the actual ones are pretty scary).

satisfactual....

With all the chatter about Shamrock shakes I went to get one (just naturally assuming...yeah, dumbass thing to do at McDs) and not only are we not getting them, the kid didn't even know what they are. Damn it. Now, there are plenty of McDs around, but I am not going to all fifty of them in the metro area to find one. So, thanks for making me go elsewhere to find a mint milkshake, McDs.

WHAT!? It's not compulsory to have Shamrock shakes at St. Paddy's time? Shame, McD's, shame.

TBH, I've never seen any advertisement of any kind, EVER, for the Shamrock Shake! I think I vaguely remember hearing about it, but have never seen a store in NY offer them!

I have made a mental note never to move to an area that does not have Shamrock Shakes available on March 1. This is the only time of year I even go to McD's. I think I hate McD's so much because their commercials are driving me crazy. And Ronald creeps me out.

I'm just going to list some of my most scarring commercial moments.

"1 for you, 1 for you, 1 for you, ten for meeeeeeeh!"

I think it was Danny Devito, for direct TV.

The flowers crawling up the wall in the lysol commercials. Plug it in, plug it in.

MuchMusic, the ads with Swearboy in them. First time I saw it, I thought I was watching a TV show, and.. it was baaaaad.

Annd.. I'll add more later.

TEN FOR MEEEEEEH.

Oh, and anyone remember the kung-fu fighting Mott's Clamato commercials? I can't seem to find anyone that does. I loved those.

I'm hating the El-i-DEL guy.

Anyone else seen the latest annoying "cute" kid? It's an ad for Chef Boyardee - mom & brat in a grocery store, mom says "no, we've had Chef all week" and kid says pathetically "but I love Chef". There's just something about her delivery that grates. And then a can follows them home - down a freeway, down a suburban street, and about 5 other quick takes of bouncing can.

Now, who calls it "Chef", especially a kid? And they sure travel a *long* way for their groceries.

puckish

It's actually not from a pixel challenge, but from a time long ago during the great banner wars (like, a year or so ago). Back then, users could pay to put up their own banner ads on the site. It became a fun back-and-forth, show pimping, humorous exercise. One ad dramatically declared the creators' love for dead Tara and Willow from Buffy, and said they wanted them reunited.

Another TWoPer replied in ad form saying something like, 'get over it, seriously,' with an absolutely hilariously ludicrous photo of a monkey wearing glasses. Hence, people adopted...I think the monkey was even put on shirts by someone, but I don't know where or if a pic still exists.

Topic? What is with the battle of the air fresheners that swear they kill the scourge of free-floating, airborne bacteria? If this actually a problem? Does it actually exist? I just don't think the reason you can smell like, fish, is because of floating killer bacteria.

see, I hear "Chef", and all I can think of is the kids on South Park walking into the cafeteria. "Hey Chef!" "Hello, Children! For lunch today, we have salisbury steak, buttered noodles, and vegetable medeley!"




"LIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEES!"

Everyone seems to hate these bits, but I like them - especially the one with Laurence Fishburne (I heart him) and the one with Robert Duvall is hilarous reading the bit about how if DirectTV was a woman the customer would marry it... but that's just me.




I don't love him, but I'm sure hating him less than that evil, undead Snuggle I've been seeing too much of lately (shudders, hops into bed, pulls covers over her head.)

Yeah, seriously. That shit bugs me almost as much as the wankers who keep repeating "kitchen fresh chicken" over and over.

All 3 of the lost Mastercard dog ads are up at AdAge

I live in Northern Virginia, a major market, and not one of the many McDonald's in the area has the Shamrock Shake. I remember seeing it in Charlotte, but here? Nada. No double-decker Filet O' Fish, either, which is a damn shame considering I'm pregnant and craving the double Filet O' Fish like nobody's business. Stupid McDonald's.

Calling Chef Boyardee "Chef" is almost - not quite, but almost - as bad as calling UPS "Brown."

And thanks to everyone who enlightened me about seriously (monkey). Even though I don't watch Buffy, I do remember the ads, and I remember that little George Burns-looking monkey. Now I know, and knowing is half the battle. (And now I can, in good conscience, use "seriously (monkey)" since I know its origins.)

Yeah, I remember them as well, but they weren't very long-lived from what I recall; Perhaps Ronald killed him and stuffed the body into a dumpster somewhere?

He's the fabulous Burger King
He can do most anything
With a twist of my magic ring --
Wow! We're at Burger King!

*sputtering* I double-doubt it!

Dammit, how'd I remember that?

How about calling Sunny Delight "Sunny D!"

*sigh*Still no sign of the elusive Shamrock shake and double filet-o-fish in Tallahassee.

This is the face of depression.

I am happy to report that I've retained absolutely no memories of the Wizard of Fries or Sir Shake-A-Lot, however. As to the fate of the Burger Kingdom, I suspect that it was "annexed" by McDonald Land, and that the tyrannical Mayor McCheese installed Grimace as a puppet dictator.

I have to wonder if they're trying to start a meme. It's most annoying in the Robitussin ads:
Child: "You say bless you when you sneeze, what do you say when you cough?"
Mother: "Robitussin."

Followed by ads with kids saying "Robitussin" when someone coughs and then one wacky adult has to explain it to another. "It's like bless you for coughs".

Ack.

It's kind of sad that McDonalds commercials are so crappy now, since their one from the early '70s (You Deserve a Break Today) is often voted the greatest commercial of all time. I've never found it that hot, but you can't argue with success.

Funny 'cause it's true. And the foosball guy does look like Andy Richter.

Hee! Wish it into the cornfield! Along with Ronald and his scary-ass perm!

Good: DirectTV ads. My favorite's the one where Danny DeVito asks, "Did I capture the guy's angah?"

Bad: The apparent unavailability of Shamrock Shakes in some portions of the country. What's up with that? Also, the fact that I have never seen the Duke of Doubt in action.

Ugly: That fucking "who let the pigs out" ad. I finally saw it, and it is literally about three minutes long. And the song plays the whole time, complete with "hilarious" oinking. Between this and the "Swoops" jingle, I'm sensing a disturbing trend.

Actually, in most cases, it probably is. I mean I won't/can't say for certain on fish, but using an example where I do know what I'm talking about, human urine is initally sterile and it only develops a smell after bacteria start to grow in it. I imagine something similiar can be applied to other smells, too. But, I've been way wrong way too many times, so who knows....


Absolutely, ChinkyGirl. I recently wanted to add local channels and of course, I'm in one of the markets that needs the SuperDish (an ellipitcal, larger dish than normal than can receive a signal from 3 satellites). Now, I understand you can't stuff all the programming plus local feeds for 100+ markets on one satellite, so I don't have a problem. But, what does the customer rep tell me? Normally, the dish is $200-something, but if you agree to one year of basic programming, we'll only charge $24.95 (and found out on the DISH website that it's free with credit card autopay). Uggh. So, your technical limitations require ME to get a different dish and you want ME to pay for it unless I jump through hoops? Yes, and of course, I'll do it. Even better? Installation appts NOW are being set up for early May. Geesh.

Saw an ad for Bass Beer that has the Grim Reaper in it and this is my new favorite ad (although I know it's been around a while). "I'm giving up the sickle, my pasty friend!" Hee.

Then there's this absolutely grating ad that must be only in our area for a home builder named Miracle Homes. Ok, fine, whatever. But, the owner ends every ad with "Miracle Homes. A Christian-based company." Wha?? It's Vatican-approved? It's been around since Christianity's inception? I mean, I know what he's getting at...but still. My next question is, does that mean every house gets a free Bible or a crucifix on the bedroom wall? Seriously, though, the thing I don't get is what the POINT of telling us this is? Is he marketing to Christians that don't want to give money to big, bad, corporate atheists? Somehow, I expect ads for a local church to tell me they're Christian-based, but I want the companies I use to be nothing at all. I don't want to know, either way. Personally, it's a big turn-off.

Another nomination for the Most Annoying Kid award, the little brat in the commercial for the (I think) Arm & Hammer fridge box, who drinks milk out of the fridge without the box, "Yuck!" and then drinks the milk out of the fridge with the box, "Yum!"

HATE.

Me! I do, I do, Melted Rubber! Using the coasters as ninja death stars (whatever) and everybody was kung fu fightiiing. Wonderful ads.

Sweat. But we digress...

I hate the little "yuck/yum" kid too.

Tornado25 - I'm moving this convo to the satellite/cable satisfaction thread where we can rant some more, lol. Oh, and blocking out tons of my favorite channels this morning? I fuckin' HATE you Dish Network! (that's currently being talked about there too)

Back on topic: Finally saw the Swoops commercial and I feel so bad for the idiots that have to "act" in that, what with the swaying and "swooping". I'm blushing for them!

Amen to that. I need a damned Shamrock Shake, stat! And these double filet-o-fish everyone keeps talking about? Where are they??????

I guarantee Uncle O'Grimacey is giving the Wizard of Fries a major beatdown right about now...





What the hell?

Of course, I'm still trying to get people to adopt the Seinfeld response to sneezing of "you are soooo good-looking!" instead of "bless you"....

Does anyone else get ads for Chico's. These are possibly the most annoying ads for anything ever. The stupid music and everything, just ugh!

Here in Clarksville, TN, there is no such thing as the Shamrock Shake. I knew this town was seriously fucked up, but this...this is a travesty. There is also no such thing as the filet-o-fish. Mostly, I think, because they don't believe in Catholics here.
Fortunately, one thing they do believe in here is Barbecue, so the McRib is living large.
From a few pages back, re: Victoria's Secret's size-ist bras- I found out they just put out a bra that goes ALL THE WAY UP TO DD! Oh wait...that still leaves out three sizes. Anyway, I went in, all excited, to try the bra on...and guess what? It doesn't fit worth a doodly boob. So to all those ladies who were getting all hepped up about it, I hope you have better luck than I.
Also- I laugh hysterically at the ads for Chico's. The clothing is so terrible, but the models are all young and pretty, and they look so miserable that they have to wear stuff that belongs on Great-Grandma-on-Vacation-to-the-Jersey-Seashore.

Hate the "Yum/Yuck" kid. HATE the Silhouette mousse/whipped yogurt ad with the "What a Feeling" spoof. Why do ad execs think that every time a woman enjoys something she has to immediately orgasm?

I wouldn't say that I like them, in that I don't seek them out as a form of entertainment, but I don't dislike them either. Nor do I fear them. I guess I can take them or leave them. I wouldn't turn away if I were to see them in a circus act.



Woo hoo! I'm not alone in the fight for "you are sooooooo good looking!" Yea! Keep it up, screamapiller, we'll get it going if we just keep at it!

The Lord blesses only Catholics with the Shamrock Shake. Father Grimace absolves you of your sins.

Chico's! Seriously, who are they trying to kid? No matter how stunning the models are, we can still see that the clothes are muumuus. It also cracks me up when the v/o is "I like Chicos!" in this really surprised, upbeat way. Yeah, it surprises me that you like Chico's too.

BWAH! Funny shit! Though I see the Hamburglar as more of a priest than Grimace, for some reason. But, technically, I guess it can't work, since supposedly he's a convicted felon.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's hamburgers.

What's a doodly boob worth? More than a glittery hoo-hoo? Less?


We don't? Whew - I thought there was something wrong with me.

Oh, DramaQueenLite, I'd give my eyeteeth for a McRib! Can you direct me to a market where they're available?

(And please, nobody stone me or anything for craving a McRib. It's the fetus's doing.)

Meanwhile, here in Northern Virginia where we have all flavors of people, many of whom are Catholic, no double filet o' fish. No Shamrock Shake. Bah. Stupid McDonald's.

Stone you? Heck, naw! I'm going with you.

Same here! (minus fetus)

Mmmmm. McRib. So hideous in the concept of re-formed meat that looks like rib. So delicious in its re-formed meaty goodness. I'll take a ticket for the McRib road trip, please!





This? Is absolutely HILARIOUS. I just spit soda all over my desk. Thank god my office mate doesn't think I'm insane.





Strawberryblonde, you've made so me happy that someone else is still on board with me. I feel like Springfield Milhouse when he met Shelbyville Milhouse ("so this is what it sounds... like when doves cry. waaaaah!")

OK, now that other people have professed their love for the McRib, I can admit that it isn't the baby doing it. I loved McRibs long before I got knocked up.

I believe in Ron the father almighty,
creator of fries and McRibs,
and in Grimace and Birdie and the Fry Guys, his minions.

Who conceived of the white meat McNugget,
gave us the Shamrock Shake,
suffered under the all-seeing eyes of health nuts
was crucified by Fast Food Nation and people who hate Supersizing.

He's scary as hell.

The third day he arose again from the dead.

He ascended into fast food heaven
and we who love fast food sit at his right hand.

I believe in the Filet O' Fish, the holy triple thick shake.
The communion of Coke,
the forgiveness of calories,
the resurrection of my Big Mac-bloated body
and in McDonald's everlasting.

Re Robitussin ad: it has taken a long time to convince my younger daughter that the word for sneeze is "sneeze," and not "bless you."


Yes! Thank you, puckish. I hate hate hate the "What Can Brown Do For You?" slogan. UPS, you're a delivery service. You cannot. be. a. color!

Tornado25, my guess about the "Christian-based company" is that they're trying to say they're about upholding Christian values rather than being strictly profit-driven. You know, they put more importance on honesty, doing a certain amount of charity work, not foreclosing on people in need, not overcharging. It suggests that they're claiming to hold themselves "to a higher standard" (as the Hebrew National hot dog ads used to put it).
Doesn't mean they actually are.


Because they are sad, sick little men.

No, thank YOU, ladyDonna! I've had my knickers in a knot over the stupidity of stupid Brown (stupid) ever since they started that nonsense, and I seem to be the only person in the world who's annoyed over it. It warms the cockles of my heart to know I'm not alone.

I think one reason I hate it so much - besides your observation that this company cannot be a color - is that "Brown" doesn't connote pleasant things to me. All I can think of when I hear them calling themselves "Brown" is a big smear of brown, which is almost always something distressing, even if it's a smear of chocolate.

I know. I'm 12.

I've never been able to even LOOK at a Shamrock Shake ever since I saw Linda Blair throwing them up in The Exorcist.

I actually went to the website for Enzyte because I was trying to figure out what exactly the product was supposed to do. There are no known ingestibles that can increase the size of the you-know-what and if it's a Viagra copy I'd think you'd need a prescription. Turns out Enzyte is supposed to make your stiffy even stiffer, cuz apparently when you get older your stiffy's not so stiff.

This would suggest that Smilin' Bob in the commercial is sporting some major wood when he gets out of the pool - I guess swimming really turns him on. And business meetings with Japanese men.