morecowbell, maybe that was just a special treat for the Packer backers (me included). We always love to hear about Bears who can't get it up.

But, if there are any retired sports celebrities out there, listen up: Be ashamed. We don't want to know the status of your function, okay? I know your agent is telling you it will destigmatize ED, and you get paid, and you get free drugs, but don't be fooled. We will think less of you. Not because of your dysfunction but because of your Sharing. Too. Much. Seriously, just pay for your own damn meds and shut up about it. Real men don't cuddle and tell.

I don't know if it's a Southern thing, hopefully the whole country isn't suffering from the crap that exists in the form of Daisy Sour Cream commercials. The most annoyingly catchy jingle about how fun starts with a dollop of Daisy.
Then they show people dipping tortilla chips into a bowl of sour cream topped with red and green mystery flakes. Wha? How is that tempting?

lola, sadly, it's not just a Southern thing. I see those Daisy commercials all the time here in the Detroit area. The jingle always gets stuck in my head .. "a dollop, a dollop, a dollop, of Daisy." Grr. And at first I thought they were saying "a dollar" instead of dollop, and that REALLY didn't make any sense.

[Second-Generation Chevy-Owning Terminator]The 'Vette is a sports car for those who can handle a REAL sports car. It's also the best off-the-dealer's lot sports car since the Shelby Cobra. You will be assimilated. Continue talking trash about Ford.[/SGC-OT]

Why is the state of Texas bombarding me with ads? It's like a whole 'nother country. Yippee. Should I update my shots?

At least South Dakota is minding it's own business. Call me an evil East Coast city-dweller but I cannot imagine saying, "Y'know, they're right! South Dakota looks so exciting this time of year!"

Re: the Daisy dollop mess...previously when that came on, I used to break my neck to find the remote to mute it. But strangely, when it came on today, the jingle singer seemed to have been toned down to a nearly tolerable level.

before: (accusing screech) LOOK what you've DONE with a DAHLLAP!! A DAHLLAP!!
after: (apologetic whisper) look what you've done...etc.

It's still a crap commercial, but maybe they responded to some feedback about how tremendously annoying it is.

eta: wooo, I'm a channel surfer now!

Oh God, I thought the Daisy commercials had finally died and gone to the spot they've earned in advertising hell...they've been torturing me for some time up in Maine, too, so, somehow, a sour cream company has managed to afford national exposure.

It must be January. Along with the barrage of commercials for fitness centers my town doesn't even have, I just saw a Special K commerical.
Breaking it down, a digital scale against a plain background. Slabs of marbled beef pile up on it, while a jazzy/big band song plays, the singer scatting and singing "Oink, Oink,oink, moo!!", as the total reaches 6 pounds.
"Special K, you can lose this much in just two weeks."
I've also already seen ads touting the non-ephedra based super speeders. I have to change it when that wonky-eyed blonde chick talks about a OTC remedy so effective, it's worth $153 a bottle. I look at her and think she must enjoy skiing, you know, cutting a line in the fresh white powder, it's always a rush for her. (Yes, I'm kidding.)

Omigod, you just reminded me of the other commercial I currently loathe. Prilosec OTC, with the married couple that love the product so much, they painted their RV purple and now drive around the country convincing others to try it! Aaargh! I really, really want to see a version where the Prilo-mobile takes a header off a tall cliff, crashing in a fiery explosion, Toonces-style.

I would like to see the Prilosec® camper crash into one of those giant Zelnorm® bellies. Probably the chronic flatulence from the nearby Gas-X commercial filming will choke everyone, and causing the driver to run right into something concrete.
Cripes, wait until they approve Prozac® over the counter. It'll show a fat guy, in his underwear, watching Eliza Dushku movies.
"Hate your life? Lonely?"
He goes to the store, in his underwear, buys some Prozac. In a few weeks, he's happy and smiling, still watching "Bring it on" and eating from a giant bowl of spaghetti.
"Now you can feel good about life!"
You know it's coming.

The thing that bugs me about the Prilosec OTC ads is that they make it sound like 'OTC' is some sort of amazing new reformulation, instead of just being a new source.

I hate having to admit that I like an AOL ad, but I think the 'swimsuit-supermodel' ad with the dad and the baby is really cute.

Teehee....I saw the Special K ad during Friends on Thursday night and was so appalled by the raw meat, it almost made me change the channel. But that song is absolutely adorable....Oink, Oink, Moo, Moo!

Wow, I’m disturbed just reading about them. Also, I will not be buying any gray m&ms. That shit ain't right.

[OT: Dude, are you my nose twin? Because that is me. How do you feel about the smell of hot tar?]

Is that the one where the guy goes all Hulk on a poor pack of cigarettes? What kills me is that they cut off the chiropractor mid-testimony: "It’s safe, it's effective –" I keep thinking, "But ?"

Can we change that to God, why? Why? Ladies and gentlemen, the Honey of 2004! And "Mommy, it burns!" is the new "This is whaddeye do!" Dammit.

Bwah! TwoP will get me fired yet! See, it's soulful because "somebody killed my dog, and I miss my Uncle Charles, y'all." Or maybe I just wanted an excuse to quote that line.

Heck, no. That damn throwaway jingle has infiltrated the East Coast. It’s like they blew all their money on national exposure and couldn’t afford a real song.

My commercial wishlist for 2004: no more ba da ba ba (whatever it is) "I'm Lovin' It" McDonald's commercials, no more DiTech guy, no more sexual dysfunction commercials, no grown-acting kids and especially no more celebrities shillng products. I hope your ears are burning Emeril, James Carville (remember those awful Infone commercials?), Patricia Heaton and whoever is going to be in the next Old Navy ad.



This commercial grosses me out so much! It doesn't make me want to eat wings at all.



Thank you for mentioning this commercial! The part that makes me crack up is when the one lady says "I had fallen and couldn't reach the phone." Then the caption under her picture says "Fallen--Couldn't Reach Phone" as if that's her name and as if she hadn't just said that. The other part (and I'm going to hell for this--I know it) is the shot of an old lady on the floor trying to reach for her phone. There's just something about it that makes me cackle like Bob Guiney.

The jingle for Daisy Sour Cream is horrible! It's almost as bad as the "Hoover Power" jingle that was out last year.



Thanks. I'll be singing that line all day.

Heh. My work here is done.

I saw an ad last night on A&E that cracked me up. An "as seen on TV" ad for a hairdryer stand! So you can blow dry your hair in HALF the time using TWO hands! Yes! Sore arms of the world unite!

The best part is the "arthritic" lady who makes the funniest painful face as she drops her too-heavy blowdrier. Hee! It's particularly funny because she's in the commercial twice, and the first time she is happily styling using two hands.

devajd, I mentioned the blow-dryer stand a few pages ago. It also cracks me up when they say "Get an $89 value for only $19.99!"

$89??? It's 2 $1.99 hair brushes, a $9.99 hair dryer, and a cheap plastic stand, for God's sake!


Anyone else skeeved out by the Triaminic ad? The little boy (who's actually pretty cute, for a child actor) starts off saying how he woke up coughing and sneezing and didn't know what to do. What kills me is towards the end, they show him in bed and he wipes his nose with his hand, and then.....wipes his hand through his hair! Eeeeeeeew! Reason #3,476 why I don't have kids.

[small voice] I know someone who has ordered the hairdryer stand.

But, to be fair, and in her defense, she is under medication that gives her seriously painful joints, and seeing what happens to her I can see that yeah, it's something that would be helpful.

[/small voice]

Ah, it's great to be back amongst my people.

My new favorite commercial is for Southwest Airlines. There's a male and female co-worker sitting next to each other at a conference table. The male co-worker says "I don't know if this is the right time to say this, but I think you're beautiful." The female co-worker responds, "Well Paul, I've always been attracted to you." As the male co-worker turns to face her, you see he's wearing an earpiece for his cellphone and he was actually saying those sweet nothings over the phone to his SO. Very cringeworthy, but funny as hell.

Whenever I see just the doctor, missing the beginning of the ad, I think it's for some new hair-growth technique that doesn't work very well. Then I see the old people and remember what's going on.

Seriously, that is one messed up hairline that guy's got up there.

How is the "$89 value" blowdryer stand going to help someone with bad joints? You're going to have to bob, weave, and do the damned hokey-pokey to get the air to flow all over your head! I would love it if the commercial showed people doing that.

Has anyone else seen the new HBO watercooler ads. Its starts with 2 women walking down the hall. "I watched a really good television show last night." "Really, I would like to hear more about that" "Why don't we get a cup of water" all of this is very deadpan. Then, there is a guy doing the "As people started watching more HBO, they started drinking more water." Cut to a factory, "Our factory was about to shut down, now we can process water fast enough. Thank you HBO" Finally, their slogan is even changed "It's not TV, it's H2O."

Yes! I saw that this weekend. Seriously cracked me up.

Anybody seen the commercial with the guys in the mens room talking about trucks? There's another guy sitting in one of the stalls & they make it appear as if the guys are comparing....ahem...their tools. It should be a nice HoYay! moment, but for me it somehow doesn't work.

Hee,VaVaVoom!!

I can't WAIT to see this one now.

Hell, I kinda want one, too. I just don't need more crap in my bathroom, no pun intended.

Love to Sing - the "you aren't tone deaf - even you can sing" instructional video - is that for real? So, so bad, from the concept itself, to the people "singing" in the spot, to the guy promoting his ability to teach anyone to sing. Uy.

Let me guess... It's Carmen Rasmusen's former vocal coach.

No, no. No, I don't think so. Said he was the vocal coach to the stars. That definitely doesn't describe our favorite bleater/ass slapper.

Ads with the following should be banned:

- Someone jumps into a pool to urinate
- Someone can't do something cool because they have diarrhea
- Someone in a room with bad lighting surfs the Net for a new car
- Someone uses the word "drama" to describe a channel more than twice
- Someone gets food all over their face
- Someone cavorts around joyfully while a voiceover explains he/she died at the hands of a drunk driver
- A voiceover implies that as long as you asks your teens questions, they'll tell you the truth and won't do drugs/drive drunk

But emace, who would we snark on?

I mean, I might actually have to **shudder** do some work or something!

Or constipation, or herpes, or a headache this big.

I hate commercials that feature close-ups of people eating and/or have food on their faces. And I'm usually immune to commercials that feature babies...

But, that lil tomato-stained guy sittin' in a highchair scarfin' down his Prego sauce while his Mom calls out his name? Cute. Cute as can be.

Okay, one last time: while constipation may prevent you from being cool, these other afflictions do not. It's just that, you know, I don't have time for a headache or herpes. I gotta go whitewater rafting right now!

I saw the tail end of an ad for Secret this morning where a girl was being accused of borrowing her roommate's or sister's dress, but denied it because the proof was not apparent because she wore clear deodorant. At the very end of the commercial, Voiceover Man reminded the audience that Secret has two new kinds of deodorant out, with glitter. Oh yeah! That's what I've got to have! Glitter in my freakin' armpits!

Shiny happy armpits--just what I always wanted! Thank you, Secret! I shall raise my arms proudly so all can see what a glowing idiot I am!

Maybe it's for the teenagers.

Ugh just when I started to feel better, you had to remind me of this, emace. It's just disgusting.

Glitter pits? What the hell???


I saw this last night at the movie theater. Much as I hate movie preview commercials, this one made me giggle. "It's 7 inches longer, you know." What did it for me is the uninformed guy in the stall who hears the conversation and assumes the worst, and the way he pops out to stare at the last line: "You should come over this weekend -- I'm waxing it." Hee!

Yes, I'm a woman with two graduate degrees and I think dick jokes are funny. You got a problem with that?

How 'bout the bubbling bed of "body soil"? Don't get me wrong. I'm all for clean sheets. But jeez, this is a little OCD, isn't it? "You could be sleeping in body soil!"

I also love the baby/supermodel/AOL ad. I think it's really cute. I've been meaning to ask, Who is the mom?

Elle Macpherson. She had her second child in Feb of 2003. So, I guess it's art imitating life. Or something.

I was totally prepared to hate that AOL ad, but when it turned out the baby was looking at his mama and not just going prematurely gaga over a supermodel, that made it better.

One commercial that bugs me every freaking time I see it is for E-loan. Bad enough that it suggests that you should get a second mortgage on your house to pay for Christmas presents (what will you do next year?) but the ad says "Christmas bills are already arriving..." I noted this ad started immediately after Christmas. Even the fastest billing isn't going to arrive till mid-January or so. It just cheeses me off.

The AOL ad skeeves me out. I know it's the baby's mom but damn--it's the baby's mom frolicking in a swim suit. No one should like seeing their mom prance around in a swim suit. It's unhealthy.

That commercial, with the bubbling body soil in the bed, how did they break into my last apartment and film that, anyways?
In all those remedy commercials they get to go hiking, fishing, camping, etc. And that one lady grinning like a loon over her birth control patch on her tummy area.
I see those Herpes commercials constantly during shows like "Elimidate" and the "5th wheel." I just don't get the connection though. What does Herpes have to do with these dating shows? :)~

The commercial I most hate these days is the one with the guy and girl in the row boat and it springs a leak and the guy is freaking out trying to figure out what to do. Lucky for us chicky poo has a box of tampons with her and plugs that baby right up! Ew, ew, ew! Gah! That has got to be the lamest thing ever.

[OT] Last ditch effort here:
Attn: Philly TWoP's: This is my final attempt at a TWoPcon. So far we've managed to agree upon Jan 1th after 2p. (recapper)Alex has expressed an interest, so if we could pick a place this might happen. Once again the places mentioned were;

Standard Tap
D & B
Jillian's

If you are interested, send me a private email & please pick a place. Personally I'd like Standard Tap since, in view of the Eagles football game D & B's and Jillian's are likely to be crazed. If I can get enough responses by Thursday 5pm, I'll post it in the permanent TWoPcon thread.[/OT]

now back to your favorite commercials....

holding haaaaa-Aaaahnds...

Remember all those MCI commercials starring Michael McDonald awhile ago? There's a new one with James Taylor. Now I know he's not hard up for the money. Has anybody watched these with closed captioning on? It's a totally different freakin' commercial. Instead of MCI the closed captioning is talking about making phone calls over the internet using IP-Replay.com. Does MCI own this service? They've figured out a way to get two commercials for the price of one.

Speaking of, the James Taylor telephone commercials fill me with kind of a disgusting, cheap feeling. I know many stars shill for products, but somehow hearing JT sing "Shower the People" for MCI makes me ill. It's like my childhood has been soiled.

I haven't seen the closed captioning version. Interesting.

Okay, I hate myself for this, but my new favourite commercial is the latest 10-10-987 or whatever the hell commercial it is where John Stamos is dancing with all the women at a wedding (don't worry, I'm sure I'll hate it soon). Maybe it's just the lingering 'Uncle Jesse' crush of my youth coming back to me, but John Stamos could dance with me any day, thank you. Yes, I'm a sucker for Greek men, shut up.

My current ad hatred, though, goes to the one for the Crest(?) tooth whitening paint-on stuff that talks about how you 'can't control your dreams, but you can control whitening your teeth at night blahblahblah', and actually shows a woman sitting on a bench field-side, cheering as teams of badly CGIed gorillas and teddy bears play soccer. Complete with gorilla sound effects. And I say to myself: What the HELL were the creators of this ad smoking?.

The same thing Britney was before she decided, hey, let's get married?

At that age, babies are happy to see Mama any way, any how, any time. Besides, maybe she's breast feeding.

I love this commercial. The look on the woman's face just cracks me up. I know the hair trimmer thing was a few pages back but seriously? What was up with that? It was this year's Pasta Pot of Christmas commercials. The one I really hate is where you see the chick's rash on her bikini line seriously close up. And I'm not sure if it's the same one but they show a guy shoving a freaking huge pair of scissors up his nose. They were like the killer scissors from Dead Again. Seriously creepy. On the opposite end of the spectrum, has anyone seen the ads for the new Serenity pads? They're touting how they're all thin and discreet while they show women walking around in sexy underwear. Hey you can have bladder control problems and still be sexy! Something I just don't want to think about. And you know what bugs me about that AOL commercial? He just types in Swimsuit supermodel and she pops up. Is she the only one? And they also neglect to show the millions of porn sites that would pop up after searching for something like that. I'm just saying.