Yeah, I know all about book/common sense. But he demonstrated a complete inability to learn! That's what I didn't understand. After two years, he still couldn't understand how to use a basic function in php.

Oh, and we gave him the job of coming up with the site architecture for our Intranet - thinking that would be right up his alley. He couldn't even do that!

I have a coworker who is truly gifted when it comes to WordPerfect (the software of choice in many legal offices); I thought I was good at it, but she's teaching me things I never even thought of doing, and is a good teacher besides.

Yet get her to any other program, and she is beyond clueless. Today she was working in the attorney time program and called me over to her desk because she couldn't figure out why she couldn't print a time report. When I looked at it, she had the report beneath it highlighted, so all she had to do was highlight the report she wanted to print and it would work fine.

WTF???

Apparently basic computer literacy doesn't come with being proficient in one particular software. Sigh.

I certainly wouldn't tell anyone if I had used nail polish for mascara. That's the kind of story that gets passed around immediately, leading to people snickering and staring at your makeup for weeks.


Those people are just cruel. And inconsiderate! Don't they realize that some of us need to know the air date so that travel plans can be made without conflicting with TAR? Why is it so hard to make up their minds?

My porn star name is not exciting at all: Benji Heights. However my Smurf name is a thing of beauty. I am...Hootchie Smurf! And you thought Smurfette had a reputation.

My Smurf name is . . . . . Slowly Evaporating Smurf?!? Huh? God, that sounds disgusting--kind of like I'll end up as a puddle of bright blue goo.

Ah hah! I'm the all powerful Megatron Smurf! Bow down before me!

Help Me! I'm Critically Ill Smurf! [Jar Jar Binks]Meesa gonna die?[/JJB]

WTF? I got Cleft Palate Smurf. Where the hell did that come from?

well, hell, I'm screwed all around...if I use my TWoP name, I get Fatass Smurf.

insatiable smurf here

Hey, I am Fidel Smurf, how did that happen?
[Billy Bragg]Just because I dress like this, doesn't mean I'm a communist[/BB]

My TWOP name isLitigious Smurf. I think I will stick with Fidel.

Not to bring the conversation down, but how can it rain for an entire long weekend? That is against the rules of summer.

My smurf name? "The Smurf"

What kind of lame-ass smurf name is that? Can I complain to the management?

It claims I'm Chesty Smurf. *checks down shirt* Ha! Not likely.

I'm Stalker Smurf. WTF? Wouldn't someone see a little blue thing three apples high darting in and out of bushes behind you?

Following in the grand tradition of pop culture baby naming, I'm named after a character on Peyton Place and a tourguide my parents met on vacation.

It seems to be continuing too, I know several little girls named "Chandler" that would've been born right around the time baby girl Chandler was born on Friends.

Ah, I feel like I'm breathing again. I went 15 hours without internet or cable TV last night. This is much better.

If I use my full name, I'm Lydia Smurf, and my first name isn't Lydia. If I use just my first name, I'm Meshugana Smurf. If I use my TWoP name, I'm Squanto Smurf. I also tried Empress without the 1 on the end and came up with As-Seen-on-TV Smurf!

I've never had a pet except for fish and they didn't last long enough for me to remember their names, so I don't have a porn name. Sniff! If I use my middle name, it's Paulette Anderson, which is close to the name of a certain Baywatch babe. I look nothing like her, though (most obvious difference being I'm Black, with brown hair and eyes).

I decided to try Empress1's approach to the Smurf names because I really didn't want to be Slowly Evaporating Smurf. Using just my first name, I got Stews in His Own Gravy Smurf. Using my TWoP name gave me Fatass Smurf. (Does that make me and swimmerboy twins?) I give up. I think I'll stick with my delightful porn name of Princess Petunia Pussycat Bates.

WTF? If I use my full name, I'm Cuddly Smurf, which is wrong on so many levels. I'm a New Englander--anti-cuddling genes are built into my DNA! My family doesn't hug! I don't even like the handshake of peace at church!
However, if I use my TWoP name I'm Talk to the Hand Smurf.
Ah. Much better.

Ok, this is gross. I'm Phlegmy Smurf.

I was hungry, but now? Not so much.

I'm Deadly Smurf - I'm a Smurf hitman!

Heh. I'm Quantum Smurf. Mmmmm...Scott Bakula!


I like it! It's like "The Donald". (And for those who really care, The Donald would be Slappy Smurf.)

Heh, everybody better watch out - I'm Hannibal Smurf. Unless I use my screen name - then I'm Futzy Smurf.

OK, so if I use my full name, I'm Doctor Smurf. If I use the name I go by, I'm Groupie Smurf. And if I use my TWoP name, I'm Talk To The Hand Smurf. So apparently I'm a diva-esque hanger-on with a PhD.

Awesome. I'm "The Real Slim Smurfy" with my maiden name and "Conrad Smurf" with my married name. I new I shouldn't have done the name change! The Real Slim Smurfy is much cooler.

I'm Boozy Smurf, which is so insanely accurate (as witnessed at TARCon), that it's a little scary.

With my current name, I'm Fundamentalist Smurf, and when I get married in September my new name yields Pimpin' Smurf. Hah! I love it.

I haven't made it over to the TAR forums in a while - been busy w/Apprentice and Survivor. I'm intrigued to see that there are several here with their master's in library science. I'm actually submitting applications to go to grad school for mine now - after getting rejected (boo!) by Univ. of IL I'm hoping that I can land a spot in FSU's distance learning program. I've got 4 or 5 other schools on my list so hopefully at least one will pan out. Anyone got any advice for me? Since I know my current job is doing nothing to build my resume for my intended goal (youth services/school media specialist), I'm trying to figure out what sort of job to shoot for that will look good to libraries/schools while I'm getting my degree.

Wow, sorry for the 'all about me' post here. Yay TAR! *does Miss Alli-approved chair dance*

Apparently I'm Doctor Smurf.

What does that make Kanuck! then?

I'm Stalker Smurf under my real name, which is kind of ironic in that last weekend, after 11 years on the Internet, I picked up my first cyberstalker. That went on for all of 3 days before I successfully scared him off.

Elsewhere in cyberspace, a pregnant woman with other kids signed off from a message board a few months ago, presumably having the baby in the winter. Someone tried to contact her recently and received a reply, allegedly from her husband, saying "we lost her and the baby." So the board was in an understandable uproar as people tried to find out what was going on. And today, someone who seems to be an awful lot like the woman came on the board under her screen name and said it was not true, she's very much alive, one of her kids had sent that reply, and once she found out which kid it was, she would ground him for life. It was a very funny post, except everyone was so upset. And now, everyone's all "is that really her?" and the poor woman has to prove she's herself. (Obviously, I believe she's alive.)

My real name yields Cuddly Smurf and my TWoP screen name yields Lydia Smurf. Please. I am sticking with my pimp alter-ego, Mack Master Sorcha Skilz.

OK, I cave. I was resisting the Smurf name thing, but just can't anymore.

My married name gets Erectile Dysfunction Smurf. My maiden name gets Cuddly Smurf. They are equally inaccurate. My TWoP screen name gets ibn al' Smurf if I separate it into two words (aunt and lada), but Litigious Smurf if I use it as just the first name, although in that case I have to put a space in the last name spot or it doesn't do anything.

My real name gives me Conrad Smurf, my TWOP name gives me Futzy Smurf, and just my first name gives me Igneous Smurf. We must all be from a rather odd tribe of smurfs, you know?

I was on a BBS back in the days before the Internet had pictures, and there was one troubled soul there who eventually posted that she was going to commit suicide. Now, no one had ever met her, but several people had exchanged snail mail with her, and she'd been around for years. As you might imagine, the whole group was pretty upset by her announcement. Several years passed, and she posted again, saying that she'd been in prison and therapy in the meantime. One of our cleverer members got Columbo-esque and discovered she was imaginary, a rather sadistic psych experiment done by one of the other folks on the board just to see what would happen. The repercussions of that are still being felt occasionally.

Amazing -- Papa Tiger comes out as Odoriferous Smurf (under his real name) -- and although my real name yields Megatron Smurf, my TWOP name also yields Odoriferous Smurf! Even stranger, under my maiden name I'm Yahweh Smurf -- isn't that sacriligeous or something? In any case, apparently I really AM all-powerful!

There was a guy I knew IRL as well as online who actually did send out a suicide note to a group I was in; two people in the group elsewhere in the country called his local police, who came and broke down his door and found him passed out OD'd on a drug/alcohol cocktail. Saved his life. And he even cleaned up his act after that, got sober and off the drugs and as far as I know is to this day -- that kind of made an impression on him, that people who'd never met him cared enough to follow up on him!

Hi everyone! I found TWoP while applying for TAR6 and am so enamored with this site! People who love TAR as much as I do. Yeah! People who are interesting, literate, and compulsively searching for new nicknames.

One thing that has impressed me, reading this thread, is how many people here have advanced degrees, or at least a lot of student loans. Could CBS use this to promote TAR to advertisers? The Weather Channel doesn't have the greatest 18-36 demographic, but you'd never notice for all the upscale car and invesment ads. On the other hand, I always get disappointed when ads on shows I like seemed to be geared at people much less hip than I would imagine myself to be.

We moved from DC to Central Pennsylvania 3 years ago. Although I really miss Ethiopian food (or Mexican food, or any type of food that isn't just meat and starch) I love most of our lives here. Things have simplified and slowed down, yet the germans here still leave you alone. So the city part of me doesn't get too annoyed with small town life.

So Bubbacat anyone else from this area? Are there TAR watching parties at any local bars? Although hubby and I are very content to just collapse on the couch, it might be fun to spend at least one Sat. night this fall out.

My smurf name? Phil!!! That's right I'm Phill the Smurf.

What kind of crap is that? Everyone else gets to be a Doctor or a Fatass or Cuddly or even Litigious and who am I? The boring ass Smurf who sits at the end of the bar nursing a beer every night for years and then when he dies everyone is like "Phil? Who's Phil? Ohhhh, the guy at the end of the bar. Yeah, I knew him, nice guy that Phil."

Hi, nck! It's great to find another TARfly in Central PA. I was starting to think I was the only one. (I'm so lonely.) I don't know of any watching parties in the area, but I'd love to find one. Anyone else out there? One nice thing about living around here and being a TAR fan is that we're not too far from NYC (a couple of hours to drive and, well, there's always the bus). Hopefully, that means I'll actually get to a TARCon someday.

I know what you mean about living in this area. Hey, I love the PA Germans (and the food), and it's a great place to live. After all, as they say around here, "If you ain't Dutch, you ain't much." But every now and then I get a craving for the kind of Greek food I could get in Detroit. If you're looking for good Mexican food, come to Reading sometime. We have a very strong Hispanic population and some really fantastic restaurants. We also have Vietnamese and Thai places as well as a couple of terrific microbreweries. I'm still looking for a good Greek place.

Hee! Now I'm picturing our own Phil with a white beard, covered in blue makeup and wearing a red hat and pants.

That is super creepy europa1057.

miri, do you work in healthcare? Because I have totally had the same "stupid boy" mail order pharmacy copay conversation with a few of the dimwits that I work with here at my health insurance company.

My smurf name is Raspy Smurf. And I don't even smoke...


ETA: Welcome nck!

Hey, MDarcy, I too am Hannibal Smurf. I wish. Then maybe I'd get some respect in this damn office. At least they'd be afraid of me.

Hee. I never do this, but this one time I couldn't help it - I'm Q*Bert Smurf! I got an asterisk.

If I use my nickname, I'm Litigious Smurf as well, which somehow suits me just fine (really, i didn't mean to get all punny there - I'm a lawyer!).

Hey - we're twins. We have to apply for TAR7 now saying that our relationship is that we have the same Smurf name. Phil - Hannibal and Hannibal you would have been eliminated but where are the other racers?

This is not a comment on you, auntlada - but that makes a funny kind of sense, when you think about it.

Hee. Hee hee hee. I hadn't made that connection, but it is logical.

Meet Market regulars, head over the Dennis and Andew's thread, they could use some help.

ETA: I had a Smurfette costume one Halloween. My best costume EVER!

Hi folks- long time lurker here.

The smurf thing flushed me out - I used to love those smurfs. I even had a smurf costume one Halloween. Yeah. I was an awkward child. My real name came up as Slowly Evaporating Smurf. I have no idea what that means. It can't be good. But my TWOP name gives Trusty Smurf. I suppose that's better.

DuchessKitty - nope, I work at a Credit Union. Sorry you had to suffer through that as well.

My Smurf name is very appropriate: Disgruntled Smurf.

Erotic Smurf?

Um, okay. *Shrug*

You're right, pseudostudent. I hadn't thought of that. Still not me, though. I'm jealous of miri. I want to be Disgruntled Smurf.

heck I am Waspinator smurf with my twoP name. And if that's not bad enough, my real name yields: Smurf Smurf Smurf. Huh, Pretty weird word once you type it three times.

Ricci, that's just so smurfy!

Sorry. couldn't help myself.

Even as a smurf, "shirtless Phil" still brings the mmmmmmmmm.

Hey M.Darcy, I thought I was your hypothetical TWoP TAR partner! Some people are so fickle.

Is anybody here besides me a Vern Yip fan? I'm all atwitter b/c I just found out that he's going to have his own show on NBC this fall called "Design Intervention." He gets two weeks to make over an entire house and grounds. I have great hopes that we'll actually see good, thoughtful design here, and plus, my cableless self is all excited about actually being able to watch regularly.
Forgive me if this is old moldy news that's already been discussed, I'm frequently behind the times.
Oh, and if you were wondering, his smurf name is Cleft Palate Smurf.

Man-Eating Smurf

[rudy]But not in a homosexual way...[/rudy]

In other news, time for a brief rant. I ride my bicycle to work. Yes, even in the rain. And while I am used to having morons on two feet or four wheels make my ride interesting (door prizes, four abreast on the bike path, dogs at the end of eighty-seven-yard-long leashes, etc.) I am rarely screwed over by a fellow cyclist.

But today? Oy. Some genius parked next to me in the bike rack. And when I say "parked", I mean "jammed his bike in so freaking tight that I was unable to extract my own without taking off the front wheel, and bending my front brake in the process." The only way he could have immobilized me more effectively would be to have attached his lock to my bike.

If I hadn't been on a busy street right in front of my office building, with plenty of witnesses to my impotent rage, I would have let the air out of his tires.

And? I did all this in the rain. Crap. Bartender! Tequila, stat!

Oh hell, witnesses wouldn't have stopped me! He would have come out to find both tires slit and a note that said: "Have a good day, asswipe!".