dawsnzchck, I totally don't get this. My profile shows I joined in October 2001. And you introduced me to this site back in the mightybigtv days. And you were here before then when it was a Dawson site.

Anyway, welcome to the TAR boards. I think the best and brightest TWoPpers hang out here.

DariaG, thanks for the Surprise dog name story. I think I laughed for 3 solid days when you first told that one. It still is funny...

I have the worst. porn name. ever. Senor Tranquill.

Slow down ladies, there's enough of this tranquillity for everybody.

ETA: I forgot about this girl I knew in college. Her porn name? Stinky Greenbush.

The only advice I've ever given in terms of baby names is not to name your child something that rhymes with any non-language sound that comes from the human body. Unless you want your child to grow up with thick skin that comes from constant teasing at around fourth grade.

A friend of mine ruled out naming his son anything that didn't have a one-syllable nickname. It's a lot easier to yell "Mike" to someone you're passing a soccer ball to, rather than yelling "Yojeval".

[homer]"Bart? Hmmm... Aart, Cart, Dart, Eart... Yeah, that's okay."[/homer]

My nephew, Little A, we referred to as "the peach" when he was in the womb, as a result of reading whichever book it is that constantly tells you what fruit or vegetable the growing fetus currently resembles in size as you go along.

http://www.frolicanddetour.com/photoblog/a...ives/000202.php

Your nephew is ADORABLE, Miss Alli! I bet he gets lots of spoiling from a certain moderator auntie!

Mothers are so helpful! Thanks (unwittingly) to mine, I now know my porn name, and it's not too bad: Princess Catherine.

I have a friend who's a teacher in Miami, and she has some good ones to tell. Including a coworker whose first name is Female -- pronounced Fem'-a-lee -- because supposedly when her mom got the birth certificate, it already had that pretty name filled in. Uh.....right. She claims there were two sisters named Syphillis and Gonorrhea (accents on the second syllable of each, no clue about the spelling) because they were pretty names her mom got off a sign. That one has the ring of an urban legend to me.

But then there are the names that just stick with you. For some reason, when I was about 10 years old, I took a several-hour train trip and met another little girl whose name has stuck with me all these years: Rhonda Burnthorn. I'm not quite sure why, but I've never heard of anyone else with that surname. Or the college professor I had whose surname was Stoneburner. Where do these names come from, anyway?

OMG, Babalu, maybe we're the same person in some kind of weird alternate universe. I almost forgot that you're also a card-carrying member of the "Lex the Tatooed Freak is Hot Club". And I picked my screen name after my cat, Bubba. Spooky! No, I'm not moving to Hawaii, but was just thinking of taking a trip there. Oooooooh.

Putting in my two cents about names, one of my father's closest friends was named Starkey Hoot (a great guy, by the way). That name was odd enough, but then he had a son and named him Robin Hoot. I always thought that was nice and evil.

And I used to babysit (a very long time ago) for a family whose last name was Berry. They had a son named Bret (perfectly normal, named after his father), but then there were also two daughters named Mary Berry and Sherry Berry. When they moved out of the neighborhood, Mrs. Berry was pregnant, and there was much speculation about what they would name the next one. Terry? Carrie? Larry? Harry? Harry Carrie (my personal favorite)? Or maybe they could come up with something like Blue, Straw, or Boysen.

ETA: My porn name would be Princess Petunia Pussycat Bates. I didn't come up with that name for the cat. My sister did (she was about 8 or 9), and I don't think the cat ever forgave her. But it does make a great porn name.

Extremely cute nephews, Miss Alli. No wonder you never tire of posting their photos!

When the little Hildys were percolating, we just referred to the fetus in question as The Small Person. Not very original, but we knew what we meant.
On the subject of strange names, my dad was friends with two guys, one of whom was named Giffy Wigglesworth; the other's name was Joe Sidebottom. Oh, and then there was the source I once quoted for a story I wrote named Dr. Hilarious Fuchs.

In the "Why did my day start this way" department, I awoke to find that my cat had horked up a giant chunk of hair and grass onto my bed this morning. On top of my legs, might I add. I arose with alacrity after that discovery.

Jermaine Jackson's son is named Jermajesty. I kid you not, although I'm not sure about the spelling.

edited to correct the spelling of this most bizarre name

While pregnant with her second daughter, a friend referred to her as "the emergency back-up child."

And ick Hildy, about the cat barf. At least my cats have the decency to leave gross bodily secretions on the basement carpet, which no one else ever sees. Otherwise, there's a pinhole tear in one of my living room chairs, but it needs to be reupholstered eventually anyway. And cat hair. Everything I own is covered with cat hair.

Hubby's last name is Putz, which rules out whole rafts of potential kid names. No Rose, no Bob, no Harry, and even all the vaguely Yiddish names just call a little too much attention to the etymology of the last name. (He insists his last name is German, not Yiddish.) Note that at college, his roommates had the last names of Stone and Johnson. And his staff sponsor was named Gay. I think someone in charge of making those assignments was having fun.

When I was telemarketing (before I found enlightenment), I had to call a listing for "Magnolia Thunderpussy." No one answered, but I always figured it had to be a drag-queen.

A good friend of mine from college married a guy named Andy Apple. Andy. Not Andrew, Andy. I met his folks at the wedding and all I could think is "They look so normal. How did that happen?"

My favorite outrageous name? Growing up I new a boy who's name was Everlasting. Everybody called him Ever. Now that's a name to live up to.

Scroll down to see the timely top ten list and Dishonorable Mentions.

Growing up in this urrea (you have to say it like that, pseudo), I've come across so many jacked up, made up names that it only makes me twitch a little now. I still twitch though. Poor chirr'un.

My biggest name pet peeve is accents. I CAN'T TAKE IT!(?!) <--that cracked me up yesterday

Ok, here's the thing. Every "e" in your child's name does not deserve an accent. An accent aigu is meant to give the "long a" sound. If your child's name is "Monique", why are you spelling it Monique'?

That brings up the next lesson. An apostrophe is not an accent. Really. If you do decide to use the accent mark, and maybe even strive to use it properly, please take the time to learn how type it. The Alt key is your friend.

I have no problem with Renée or Renae. None. My issue is with Renae' or Renayé.
[/rant]

Almost forgot...they are always asking for something at my job. You should see the looks I get when I say "no thank you" when asked to contribute to the "Third Week of May Municipal Campaign". I'll say no again next week too. I make plenty of my own charitable contributions so I don't need to be pressured to do what you want me to do. Ugh.

I will purchase your fundraiser bagels though. Those are good.

I overheard this one lady say that since she did "all the work" raising (harassing) money for her child's fundraiser that she was keeping the $50 prize. She said her daughter asked if she could at least keep half, but she said no. I will never buy anything from that mom again. I do love GS Cookie dad though. He placed a nice, subtle sign-up sheet on the bulletin board.

And Max Pineville sounds more Private Eye than Porn.

Chrystonsia? Um. Well, I can't be too upset. I get so much grief for having an "h" in my name that I'm glad to see someone else have it too. If Chris can have one, why can't I? I do agree that the "sia" gives it a one-way ticket to the land of contagia though.

1) A woman I worked with in Durham, NC had a niece named Chrystonsia. We all agreed it sounded like a disease.

Also, a girl in my high school (who was Swedish) had the name Torun Rekdal. Say it out loud.

OUCH.

2) I am SO FREAKING PSYCHED-- I just read that despite depressingly crappy ratings, FOX has renewed my favorite new show of this past season:



I suddenly LOVE FOX!!!



Or maybe not so much. Ew. Thank Jeebus for Permanent Hiatus, eh, Shack ?

3) My porn name? Is Doodles Notre Dame. Oh, yeah...

We just had the state Special Olympics in our town and one of our reporters had to interview a guy on the volunteer steering committee whose name was Strippy Biggers.

There might be two or three people here who know my real surname, but my parents almost named me something that would have rhymed with the way it's often mispronounced. Fortunately, they figured out that that was a bad idea.

Here's a slightly related pet peeve. Two of my colleagues, both female, were born in India and moved here as children. They look nothing alike (height, body type, skin tone, hair style, entire facial structure (one is pointy, the other more rounded)), have very different personalities, and even have different voices. And people who don't work with them get them confused all the time. Why? It would be like confusing Soccer Mom Gina and Flo, to put together an example out of thin air. The inattentiveness to basic physical characteristics boggles my mind. "But they're both from India" doesn't cut it. Especially with these two. Oh, and as an added bonus, they're not particularly fond of each other. So the mistakes really rankle for that reason, too.

I actually know a woman named Anita Koch and yes it's pronounced the funny way.

I think the only weird celebrity baby name that I actually like is David Boreanaz's son's name of Jaden Rayne. Don't ask me why, usually I'm against horrid spellings.

My porn name is either Brownie Hightrail or Snowball Hightrail. They were hamsters that were bought at the same time.

Seriously, Rob Morrow named his kid TU? Tu Morrow? That's just dumb. It's not even clever. I would have expected better of him.

And what, could Tea Leoni and David Duchovny not think of anything, so they just applied the replace-all-vowels-with-y rule and ended up with Kyd? It's like naming your fish, Fysh. Or your parrot Byrd. Stupyd.

Yes, JenEx, I agree with you about the stupidity of naming your kid Kyd. But I did have a parakeet named Admiral. You know, as in Admiral Byrd. Yeah, I know, but it was funny when I got the parakeet at age 13. But if you think that's bad, my cousin got a parakeet for Christmas one year and she named it Harold--for "Hark, the Harold Angels Sing." Yes, I know the spelling's wrong, but it still makes me laugh every time I think of it.

Prenatal names - my eldest was Endar. Mostly cause a good family friend said, "Why don't people name their kids cool sci-fi names like Endar? That way the kid could go around saying, "I'm am called Endar." I dunno, cause people would think your'e a freak? Sadly, the kid thought his name really was Endar for quite a while.

My porn name - Smokey Fair, not too bad.

I have a bad habit of giving pets pun names. I stole the first one from Rita May Brown, and lived with a cat named Louisa May Allcat. And then during the years when people boycotted Nestle products in order to protest their activities in developing countries with respect to baby formula, I ended with a cat named Nestle Boycat.

My co-worker's porn name cracks me up: Loganberry Martin Luther King.

I resist stupid names, but I have a hard time putting Demi Moore's kids' names in that category, since they are all literary references.

Best idiot name I ever heard: Heather Erica Heath. (You may need to know that the botanical family to which the heath, aka heather, plant belongs is Ericaceae.) I hated that kid until I learned her full name, and then I just pitied her.

I got one of those Build-a-Bears a few years back. For those that don't know, they come with birth certificates and you can pick out clothes for them. I'm not exactly their target demographic, but filling it with cotton - all by myself, like a big girl! - just looked like fun to me.

Anyway, I bought him dainty spectacles, tied a bow around his neck, and named him Kenya.

Last name: Standit.

Har dee har har.

I think corniness is fine with pets and (self) stuffed animals. With children, not so much.

Hee! I'm somewhat surprised at myself that I never went to a Build A Bear place. I still love stuffed animals. I recently started collecting the Starbucks bears.

The reason for the name Kyd:

His daughter? Madelaine West...and they call her West. So, just kinda odd all around. (Miller is his mom's maiden name.)

Let's see...my porn name would be Trixie Azalea.

In my father's family, calling people by their middle names is the norm. My dad listed himself in the phone book under his first name and middle initial, and then could instantly tell the phone sales people apart from people who actually knew him because they asked for him by his first name.

For whatever reason, he did not continue the tradition of calling us by our middle names, although his siblings all did, so I have a raft of cousins who go by their second names instead of their first.

I was shocked at the wedding of my friends Lloyd and Nadine to find the minister saying "Do you Frederick take this woman Norita to by your wife". I had not even known that both of them went by their middle names until then.

Well, even if you're going to call the kid by his middle name, that doesn't mean you have permission to saddle him or her with a goofball first name, unless (my own personal rule) it's a family name. I have a friend who goes by his middle name, which is understandable since his first is Arnold, an old family name.
As for the Build A Bear places--they are like the crack for little girls in the 4-8 year range. Like a fool, I let my doting parents take Hildy girl to such a place for her birthday, where they exercised not a jot or tittle of common-sense restraint. (For example, the sort of restraint they would have practiced upon me as a child.) She returned with a pink and white sparkly unicorn that makes a 'magic' noise when you push a button on its leg. It was dressed in a princess outfit, and rested upon a pink satin and leopard skin print, tasselled, pillow.
And of course, she adores this object.

Hildy, I have a bulimic cat (no, really) and even she has never thrown up on the bed. Ick. She usually waits until she's standing on the one thing of value I own, an old, old, old Karastan rug that is now shoved up under a desk because there's no point in getting it cleaned every week just so Ally can throw up on it again.

eta: Porn name is first pet and street you grew up on, right? I'm King Gordon, then.

Ok, if anyone is planning on buying me a birthday present, that is what I want.

Smokey does throw up a lot also and was in the habit of leaving other presents on my bed (yes, Smokey, you were unhappy. I get it) so as lovely as it sounds, I have a shower curtain on my bed during the day. It makes it a lot easier to clean up the messes (just wiping it up as opposed to lots of laundry).

I used to work in a photo lab, so I saw many, many, MANY crazy names (we had to take down the first and last name of every customer who came in just in case they skipped out on us.) But one will stick with me the rest of my life, just for the sheer WTF? factor.

The man in possession of such a name entered the photo lab and dropped off a roll of film for one-hour processing. I proceeded to take down his name, which, hand to God, I swear on a stack of Bibles, was Dick Smalley. Now, I thought this was a gag, but oh, no. Noooo, no, no. The man actually gave me his business card just to make sure that I got the name right and sure enough, bigger'n Texas, there it was: Dick Smalley, licensed real estate agent.

I also saw a wedding announcement once where the groom's surname was Dick and the bride's was Kuntz. Oh, yeah- the Dick-Kuntz wedding party.

Veering off topic here for a second, can I just say once again how much I despise people? I swear to God, if there's a moron on the face of this planet, they find me! I deal with 100 stupid people every day but every once in a while, one of them makes me want to magically leap through the phone and kick the crap out of them. Here's this afternoon's gem:

Moron: Hi, can you tell me if Simon is there?

Me: No, he *just* left about 2 minutes ago.

Moron: He's left?

Me: Yes, about 2 minutes ago.

Moron: So, he's not there?

Me: No, he left about 2 minutes ago.

Moron: Ok, can you tell him I'm here waiting for him?

Me: No sir, I can't tell him anything, HE LEFT ABOUT 2 MINUTES AGO.

Moron: Oh, he left. . .ok. No need to be rude about it.

Me: (head explodes)

So, was Simon there? I actually love hearing your stories about dealing with problem people. So while its bad for you, its good for me :-)

Oy, believe me, I could entertain you for hours with the stupid conversations I have with people.

Well, thankfully, this is the first time either of my kitties have deposited anything unwarranted on the bed. Most of the time it's just their own lovely, purry selves.
So I feel for you, M.Darcy; a shower curtain on a bed indicates to me that you are a very kind pet owner. And for those shopping for the aforementioned birthday present, here's what we have.

I spent a couple of years living in Cedar Falls, Iowa. The Ford dealer? Dick Witham.

At least he's honest.

When I was in high school my boyfriend was in a band with Phil Collins and Bryan Adams. Really. They were just old enough that the names had no 'rock star' meaning when they were born. You should have seen the flyers they'd use to attract people to their gigs. Wha? Phil Collins is playing at my highschool battle of the bands? Against Bryan Adams? Huh?

My porn name kicks ass from here to Albequerque: Reisling Hearthside

I had to cheat - all of my pets were male until the recent rabbit which was named after the variety of wine its fur color resembles. My sister (who works at a winery) named her.

Last year, as my bribe to myself for getting my annual mammogram, I got a beautiful jungle print bed-in-a-bag that came with an oblong pillow close to what's described here. On one side, it's leopard skin print (as are the sheets in the set), on the flip side it's velvet with an inset of the jungle design (most gorgeous jungle design I've seen), and on the short ends there are tassles. Mmm, pillow. You can't have it, M. Darcy, but you might find it at Bed Bath and Beyond. Or Linens N Things, but I think it's BBBY. You can't have my pillow, but I'm buying you a drink at TARCon. Because you are a saint.


When my previous two cats were elderly, they began leaving various substances around the place more often. I covered my bed with an old comforter. One night, Hilary didn't make it to the litter box (12 feet away) and lost control on that comforter. She was so distressed it broke my heart, and she deteriorated so quickly I had to put her to sleep within the week. ::sniff!::

Hildy just described my Saturday night outfit, right down to the pillow & the sound I make when you push my leg (or Nadine, who is hurting today. Gah).

Once upon a time I used to do phone support for an accounting software package for farmers and nurserymen. This was in the mid-1980s, when only very techie people even had a 286 chip, and most of our customers did not even have hard disks. Naturally, for most of these people, the computer they used was the first one they had ever laid eyes upon, let alone used.

They also tended to be a bit more freaked out if something went wrong while they were trying to print payroll checks; since they often had migrant work forces, they often printed payroll checks on a daily basis. Good times.

So one day, I get this phone call from a woman who is freaking out because the payroll stopped printing In The Middle. I swear this dialog is verbatim:

Customer: Oh good golly, what AM I going to do? Why did it stop running, can you tell me that?

Sorch: Ma'am, could you look at the computer screen and tell me what is showing on it right now, please.

Customer: Sure, just a second. [Turns to talk to someone else in the background.] Ralph, can you bring that flashlight over here so I can see what's on the computer screen?

Sorch: Uh. Ma'am. Is your power out?

Customer: Why yes, honey, it is.

From Rachel, a couple of pages back:



You're not 1/2 Irish, are you?

Also, please tell Simon to call me ASAP. The tests are back from the lab.

[ETA: You know, I think I've seen that outfit on Skagirl. [Blaine from "Pretty In Pink"] It's hot. White hot.[/B.f."P.I.P."]]

Well, we can only hope that like the Duchovneys, Gwyneth is going to call her kid by one of its middle names.

Also, named after the playwright Kyd? Please. I know Duchovney is ABD in English lit or something, but hey, so am I, and I don't plan on naming any of my kids Wordsworth, Marlowe, or Lord-fucking-Byron, just so I can give pretentious explanations about it when asked. Oy.

As a history majorette, my friends & I would pick fierce names from history for friends & loved ones. To this day, one of friends is still referred to as "Stenka Razin" and I know our friend who's in his wedding is going to scream "Stenka" in the church. God help us.

My first daughter, Madonna Bjork Cher, will hopefully be joined later by Francine Pascal. Hee. Actually, when I was wee, my Barbies were renamed Jessica & Elizabeth (my mother should have censored what I got from the bookmobile).

(and I've seen whereverthfk in less than that! hee!)

Miss Alli:

Hee. I still say a prayer every day for "lima bean," my sister's unborn baby (had a miscarriage when she was about 3 months pregnant, so the baby is still "lima bean" to me).

Bubbacat:
You don't have to move to Hawai'i because now you have a sister you can visit! See - you timed finding your long-lost relative impeccably!

Hey, skagirl - sorry to hear that Nadine is still around.

Porn name? Bootsy Maureen. Heh.

Stupid people stories? Not that many from personal experience, but a pile of them from my aunt, who is a tax lawyer and had to do some entry-level phone answering for Revenue Canada before she could take her current position. The best one I remember:

Aisling's Aunt: Hello, sir, how may I help you?
Stupid Man: I didn't get my refund cheque this year.
Aisling's Aunt: Okay, what is your name?
Stupid Man: Randomguy Blahblahblah.
Aisling's Aunt: I don't have you in the computer as filing this year.
Stupid Man: That's because I didn't.
Aisling's Aunt: *bangs head into wall*

heeee. For some reason, when I came here today, my cpu didn't automatically log in. So I opened this thread back on page 22 or something. It was funny, because I started building a reply in response to:
kitty cat liter use (one box or two?)
dogs eating poo
band camp
some cats like 'pounce' and some don't

then I came across posts about TARCon and realized I was back in SEPTEMBER posts!!!!

I had marveled at how quickly we got off the porn name/baby name topic!!

My worst phone call was from a woman who wanted to know what to call a little girl whose mother was black and whose father was white (or vice versa, I can't remember).

I was walking through the newsroom when someone called me over and asked if I could help this woman on the phone. I took the phone and said, "Can I help you?" and she said, "What do you call a little girl who has one black parent and one white parent?"

I said, "Excuse me?" not really believing that she was asking what I thought she was asking. Turned out her son had gotten in trouble at school for calling a little girl the N word. This woman seemed to think he was in trouble not for using the word and calling the little girl names, but for using the wrong name since the little girl was only half black. I suggested that perhaps her son could call the little girl by her name. I don't remember much of the exact conversation -- the feeling of being flabbergasted is what I remember most -- but at some point I remember she said that it was hard to stop kids from being prejudiced. I was still trying to be polite so I didn't tell her that children are easy -- it's adults (like her) who are difficult.

I wish now I had been less polite and more pointed in my comments to her. I did get a column out of it once I'd had time to think. I still can't believe her, although apparently she has a reputation. I don't actually know her name (never got it), but several years later I was telling a school teacher friend about this woman and my friend said, "I think I taught her son. She's ... yeah." Or something like that. Apparently, she's not a nice woman in several ways.

Apple? Wow, the rich really are different.

I had a professor in college named Mike Hunt. Say it out loud, say it proud and you'll get it.

I have several friends from Mexico and they always talk about the bad baby names becoming popular there. Maybe NAFTA had something to do with it. Names I've heard include Britney Spears Velasquez, Usnavy (pronounced OOS-na-vi, but it comes from U.S. Navy) and, worst of all, Rosita Fresita Gomez. Strawberry Shortcake dolls were sold in Latin America as "Rosita Fresita". Really. Yikes.

a few pages back...Labral – I have a similar problem with a B too. Except that professor is my committee chairperson currently so I can’t piss her off. But I am waiting, and I am not letting that B go! I’d also like to add that there are Cicadas in Central Jersey and students bring them into the high school building (both alive and exoskeletons). Bleah.

That “Surprise” story cracked me up. My horrible name story is my own, sorry if this is someone’s name, but I was one sec away from being named “Edwina” which sort of rhymes with body parts and all. My mom happened to see some cute girl on bandstand (she claims as dad's name was ed) and wrote down Andrea instead (dodge that bullet). Or you can call me by my porn name: Max Bellis

I went to grade school with a kid named Gray Marker. At the time it seemed so stupid and horrible, but these days, that wouldn't even get an honorable mention.

My porn name is Bonnie Monroe. I guess I've gotta buy a dress (pink satin and leopard skin maybe?) and learn to walk in heels...

My porn name is Banjo Allen. Guess I'm the country cousin, overwhelmed by the big city and constantly forgetting to put my underwear on.

Does anyone remember the various places in Thailand the racers went to (I forget which season)? I'm currently visiting Thailand (Chiang Mai) and some things seems familiar, but I can't remember where they went.

Careful there, Babalu. Your new-found sister may just appear on your doorstep in Hawaii. Hee!

As I was driving into work this morning and listening to the radio, the DJs were discussing how to create your "movie star" name. Instead of the name of your first pet, you use your middle name along with the name of the street you grew up on. So my movie star name would be Ann Bates. How incredibly dull! My porn name was much more fun. I called the station and let them know how to create porn names. So the joy is spreading.