auntlada you are in OK? I was born and raised there. Left after I graduated college. And no, I didn't go to OU....I went to the other university.

Oh, I know the pain of the underwire poking you. OUCH!

I personally love when it pops in the middle, and you're wearing a v-necked top. You look down & there's a wire trying to stick into your nose. Dead sexy, them support garments.

I had a fun one at the New Orleans airport post-9/11 but before they'd organized security. I had to fly with a bag containing a four-channel tape recorder with accompanying mikes and cables. I allowed extra time, figuring they'd check it all, but as they pulled me into the line the folks directly behind me were a couple with one very small carry-on bag who had just come off a cruise ship late into port and had 20 minutes to make their flight, whereas mine was two hours off. So, naturally, I offered to let them go ahead of me. No problem, right?

Wrong. The idiot security person kept droning, "We have to check people in the order they were pulled," (like whether a terrorist is checked before or after me makes a difference?). They then proceeded to pull every single cable and mike out of my bag and, using their little explosives-detection device, run the swab over every single end of every single cable and every single mike, then pull the swab out of the handheld unit, run it through the detector, then reinsert it into the handheld and go on to the other end of the same damn cable. Altogether, they must have performed upwards of 30 individual swabs, all at one speed: glacial.

I never did find out if the couple behind me made their flight, but the husband got sent on ahead to hold the plane while the wife stayed in line and we bitched and moaned together. Of course, it took less than 30 seconds to check her entire bag. It took nearly 45 minutes to check mine.

That's OK, Suzikins. OSU is the university of Oklahoma. Or so I'm told by T-shirts in the window of Chris' University Spirit down the street from the Hideaway.

Damn right it is! Of course since I left 7 years ago, when someone finds out I am originally from OK; the conversation goes a little like this:

Idiot person: You’re from OK? Go Sooners!!! Woo!!
Me: Umm…yeah, I didn’t go there, I went to OSU
Idiot person: OMG! Did you know that their football team sucks?
Me: Well as a matter, I did know that it used to suck but you know seeing as how I’m a short female with no athletic abilities whatsoever, I didn’t so much base my college education on the quality of the school’s football team. Geez!

So you must be in Stillwater….I am so jealous! I HATE the climate in OK with a fiery passion, in fact I refuse to visit my family after Mother’s Day because it is just too damn hot/humid there. But I LURVE Stillwater!! Awesome college town….best 6 years of my life. No, I’m not slow…I went to grad school.

To keep with the travel theme, this past Christmas I was flying out to OKC back to Denver with the ridiculous hot chocolate maker that my bro/sil got for me. Yeah, I don’t know what part of “please don’t get me bulky gifts as I have to take them on the plane” is so hard to understand. But anyway, I have this huge tote bag and I just arrange my newfound appliance in said bag and proceed to try to clear through security. Well I got the new TSA agent who apparently thought I was smuggling drugs, guns or something. So he wants to do the bomb swab thingy; fine just get on with it. Of course, he touched something that he wasn’t supposed to and contaminated the “field” which sets off buzzers and lights. Great! So a supervisor had to come clear everything, wipe the entire machine down with alcohol and make me fill out my name, address, blood type, next of kin, annual salary and mother’s maiden name for some sort of log book. And for all the trouble, do you want to know where the stupid ass gift is….sitting unopened in my basement closet.

My favorite security story is the time I got stuck for four hours in the Milwaukee airport. I was on the business trip from hell, and had 3 hours of sleep. So I'm punch drunk, and after a few hours of killing time in the airport bar, I'm the other kind of drunk as well. I go to board the plane, and get singled out for security because I'd changed all my flights at the last minute (a byproduct of sleeping in Fort Wayne International Airport - "One Flight a Day to Canada Means We Can Call It International!").

Anyways, they have me stretch out my arms, and what do I do? I reach over and touch my nose like it's a sobreity test. I then start reciting the alphabet backwards. The gate agents were laughing so hard they waved me onto the plane, and to this day I'm astounded that not only did they let me board, but I was given a glass of wine when I sat down.

The football team might not be so great, but Eddie Sutton's basketball team did pretty well this year.

Also, the weather this year has actually been pretty nice. May was fairly hot and dry, but June has mostly been in the 80s. And we had almost 8 inches of rain in June here. Tulsa had 15 and OKC had 13. I haven't had to water my lawn or plants in quite a while, but I also haven't been able to mow. Or had to mow. However you want to look at it.

Little airports are kind of amusing. When I was departing from Green Bay last April, I went to the ticket counter, and right in front of it was the TSA bag checker station. After I got my ticket, she took the bag I was checking and did the whole swabbing exercise right in front of me. She even told me where to stand so I could watch. And she did that with everyone who checked in. There was nothing random about the bag checks, unless random = 100%. But I thought it was weird that we were supposed to watch.

I have to fly again next week. Whee! (except not)

Border stories--I have a relative who was born in Canada, has an American father, and moved back to the states. I have heard many stories about her getting caught up in customs after travelling to see her family.

The stories were told to me by her husband--my grandfather. They took place prior to her death in the early 1950's.

On another note, so I had my "enhanced reality based training." And the reality part? Was just some videos from executives saying the training was important. I agree that it actually was important, but maybe not so enhanced reality based.

Okay, it's my turn to paw through your brains in search of a solution to a problem I have. This itty bitty problem has an enormous backstory that doesn't really need to be told, but I'm going to do it anyways because I'm super-excited for my little sister.

My 21 year old sister works in a winery in northern Michigan. This winery makes fantasic reislings, but they also make a cherry wine for the tourists. This town, Traverse City, has an enormous Cherry Festival every year and they crown a National Cherry Queen, and the candidates all have to be sponsored by local cherry-businesses. The winery decided they wanted to sponsor someone and asked my sister if she was interested. Why the hell not? So, now all of a sudden she's found herself in the final 5 and gets all of this lavish attention paid to her. There is a huge coronation ball and party where they crown the queen during the festival.

I live in California and decided to check last minute plane tickets. Yesterday I found a super good deal on a flight to go home and surprise her at the ball. Yay! My sister is my best friend and we usually only see each other once a year. So now I have the plane tickets, but I was faced with the next problem. Formal gown. Eep. I recently lost 30 lbs (yay) so the only formal gowns I have that fit are my old taffeta senior prom dress and my wedding dress. As much as I loved my wedding dress, I think it's a little too formal for this.

Last night I went to Macys and found the perfect dress on a clearance rack. It's beautiful. It's a long sleeveless white gown that fits better than any dress I've ever had. But, can anyone guess why it was on clearance? (this is where the backstory ends and the problem starts). Yup - lipstick smear all over the neck line.

So, I have two days to either remove a red lipstick smear from a white polyester gown, or find a different gown. I'm not sure which will be easier. I don't want to find a different gown because I already found the perfect shoes and handbag for the white one (heh, I'm such a girl). Does anyone have any good home remedies, or should I just take it to my drycleaners and beg for help?

Desperate Question before I go to Europe for a month. What day and time is TAR going to be on regularly? Tuesday is a 'special time'. Is it going to Thursday after that?? I need to set my vcr. I would hate to set it for the wrong time...

Many thanks in advance!

There are good instructions at www.howtocleananything.com, particularly on this page. Note: I've never tried this, it's just a site I've found useful in the past.

Europa, maybe you could try to find a similar gown. White House/Black Market would have some similar styles, as would Nordstrom, most likely.

If you've already bought the dress, go ahead and ask a dry cleaner if the stain is removable. It never hurts to ask.

auntlada, do you (or did you) happen to go to church with a guy named Ron Davis?

I went to OSU for grad school, but I did the Tulsa commute -- 4X a week. Not fun, but worth it.

Not here, but I did briefly when I was in college in Shawnee. He was the organist at my church there. I didn't know him well, though.

Europa, you may want to try Carbona. It has specialized stain removers that are incredible. My husband and I love this stuff. You would proabably need Stain Remover #6. Their website is here. Good luck!

I was flagged at all points on a domestic flight with one connection. Upon getting searched before boarding the final flight home I asked the screener what was the benefit of checking the same person all the way through and he said it was in case I received something from someone after the original security check at my departure point. Didn't make sense to me

Europa Supposedly rubbing toothpaste into a lipstick stain before washing works but I have never actually tried it myself.

Airport Stories - My fiance seems to get the special search a lot and he is blond and blue eyed but then again he has military hair so maybe they think he's an american extremist. He once spent 20 minutes at the tables after the carry on X-rays. An airport worker removed a spare battery from his laptop bag and kept turning it over in her hands. She was convinced it was a secret weapon.

onlyhim: It's a battery

airport work: hmmm (suspicious glare)

onlyhim: No really, it's a just a battery

Yeah, I had a huge issue with my dress sandals that had the steel plate in the sole. The screener says they need to re-screen my bag, then comes and asks if I have anything metal in my bag that is 2 inches square. Uhm...no, just my curling iron. So he goes through my make-up bag and looks at my eyeliner as if it was some poison dart pen. Runs the make-up bag through the machine and then my now-open bag to finally determine that my sandals were clearly made for spy work.

auntlada Yeah, I was in undergrad the last time Eddie took us to the Final Four. Although actually, our football team is pretty decent these days. A 9-3 record in the Big12 is really nothing to sneeze at.

No, I LOATHE humidity in all forms. Which is why I live in CO now. I was back for Mother's Day weekend to take the bf to meet the family. As we are walking to the rental car, I'm bitching about the heat and humidity. Ugh! And it was only 85 degrees or so. That night we meet my parents for dinner and practically the first words out of my dad's mouth are "so has she complained about the humidity yet?" Heh!

Geez, the new girl comes out of lurkerdom and now won't shut the hell up.

If the gown is dry cleanable, I'd just take it to the cleaners and beg for mercy to get the lipstick stain removed.

Getting on a domestic flight in Tanzania (where I lived and worked for 3 years) the security guy asked me "Are you a member of a terrorist organization?" except he didn't speak clearly and I had to ask him to repeat himself several times. I thought he asked "tourist organization", but a friend I was traveling with translated for me. I wasn't traveling with a tourist organization either, so I wouldn't have said yes, but I could see others might make that mistake. I guess there is no harm is asking outright, but he did need to work on his pronunciation.

Good Luck, suzikins, but don't expect miracles. I took a dress in to be dry cleaned once and it came back covered with lipstick marks from a random lipstick in some other garment's pocket. They cleaned that dress three more times and nothing doing. I made them pay for the dress, which really didn't help b/c I liked that dress a lot. grumble.
So who else here eats junk food when on deadline? I'm dying for something bad for me and fighting the impulse, b/c I know it's just b/c I have so much damn work to do. Hence why I am here, instead.

Thanks for the good wishes and the travel horror stories, guys. My dad is convinced that we're going to end up as political prisoners in China like in that horrid Richard Gere movie, no matter how many times I tell him I have no intention of ending up with a dead hooker in my bed. I haven't been in an airplane since 9/11, however, so the idea of a 20-hour flight to a Communist country is making me just a tad nervous. As is the revelation from someone on my China mailing list that on her return flight with her daughter there were 23 babies and toddlers. Twenty.Three.

And I have to share my whine for the day. I have this expandable file with all our paperwork and stuff and today's projected was to get the I600a (Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition) form mailed. This is is a two-page form that our home study agency sent THIRTEEN pages of instructions for. Seriously. Absolutely vital to this entire process, to convince BCIS that 2-year-old Chinese child is not a terrorist or spy and should be allowed into the country. And BCIS charges $525 to process it. So I've been a nervous wreck about it. I plan to overnight it today to the BCIS. I carefully check last night to make sure I have all the paperwork and accompanying copies of birth and marriage certificates, tax returns, etc. I get to work and realize I forgot the checkbook at home and there's no way you can send the thing without the check. I leave work EARLY to get home and grab the checkbook before the post office closes. I get home at 4:30, check all the papers again, write out the check, put everything in the folder, and take off for the post office. I arrive at said post office at ten to five and discover, as I am transferring papers from file to overnight envelope, that the check is not there. Do I have the checkbook with me to write out another one? Well, I have it, but that was the last one in the book. Turn around and go home to discover $665 (processing fee, plus $70 each for our fingerprinting) check lying on front porch, soaking wet from sprinkler.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I'm so agitated still that I've had to edit this post four freaking times. Sigh.

Every time I start to get serious about a project, I find myself running downstairs. Before changing my eating habits, it was to get cookies or junk food. Now, it's for more herbal tea, a strawberry smoothie, a handful of pistachios, etc. But I still use food as part of the procrastination ritual -- just different food now.

JenEx, my friend Guacamole Kid has a sister who also adopted a Chinese baby, and she didn't have any problems with the authorities. The worst thing she said about the officials was that they were perfunctory workers.


Guilty here. I can still go through a whole box of full-size chocolate Entemann's donuts in an evening!

Ohhh, that's impressive, pseudostudent. I'm jonesing for a six pack of these delicious homemade chocolate cupcakes with buttercream frosting that a lady down the street bakes and sells. very, very, evil.
Also, b/c I was lurking on the West WIng Meet Market (more procrastination!), something called a campfire banana boat, which sounded quite yummy.
Here's what it is:

Okay, that seals my fate. That bag of Zapp's potato chips (kettle chips, yummy beyond description) downstairs is calling to me. Calling, I tell you!

I can chew through a pack of gum on deadline. I'm sure all of my co-workers love that.

Same here. I get stopped for extra security checks all the time. I asked a Southwest Airlines flight attendant once, and she said that there are certain "red flags" that they look for, one of which includes people that could be considered easily manipulated into doing something they wouldn't normally do on their own.

So I guess that means that we blonde-haired blue-eyed females really must be the most gullible and ignorant people on the planet.

Awww, thanks for all the suggestions guys. Yes, I DID buy the dress - the lipstick stain is actually quite small and at the neckline, and I'm debating if I even need to obsess over it this much. I'm afraid that if I DO get it out I'll end up putting one right back on it. I'm going to forego the home remedies because I don't want to risk further damage to this amazingly perfect dress, and I've dropped it off with my drycleaner who has promised 'is no big deal!'

I forgot about my flying issues in my previous post. Hubby and I do a lot of outdoor stuff and especially enjoy mountaineering. Whenever we fly anywhere that we plan on being in the mountains we have to bring our steel-shank mountaineering boots. Of course these boots are heavy and enormous, so pre-9/11 we'd just wear them on the flight to avoid having to pack them in our luggage. Now this behavior raises red flags - normally dressed people with big boots that set off the detectors is a leeeetle suspicious. So now I have to carry extra luggage just to pack these stupid boots. Grrr.

(p.s. I'm a blonde haired green eyed type too, but I am rather grizzled looking from my time in the mountains and tend to blow my way through airports with the 'get out of my way or I will kick your ass from here to Albequerque' look in my eyes).

Banana Boats are even better with cinnamon and/or some almonds.

europa! I don't know anything about getting out lipstick stains, but I'm excited to hear about your sister in the cherry queen pageant. I'm here in TC and the town is already exploding with "Fudgies" and the Cherry Festival starts tomorrow. I was in town yesterday (normally avoid it like the plague) and got to see the Blue Angels practicing. Even after all these years, no matter how many times I've seen them, I'm still in awe.

Anyway, good luck to your sister and hope you get that lipstick out. I'm sure other knowledgable posters will have the answer for you.

I'll look for the candidate sponsored by a winery. Our local wineries may be overtaking the cherry industry around here (got a mini-Napa Valley here), so maybe there's more than one?

And safe travels.

I can't say I haven't had too much trouble traveling. God the lines are SO LONG these days though. I will reveal however that I have two "relatives" that have ignorantly committed traveling faux pas in the States.

One is an older bubble head woman who brought a Huge Knife in her suitcase. When asked about it in line, she explained it was for the Special Birthday Cake she was carrying.

Another relative of a relative brought a gun in his suitcase. It was his first flight ever and he subscribed to a rural Southern motto of not leaving home without it.
Please note that these "relatives" are not related by blood/brains.

And for you Friday please I present the Job Predictor. I could be a shoplifter or a bearded lady, but I think I will stick with my current job and the summers off. (Happy Holiday)

My ideal job is a Satan. Funny, I didn't know they were hiring.

Should I be worried that the Job Predictor thought my husband should be a nun?

Monkey Impressionist!

It is good to have ambition in life...

Under my TWOP name, I'm a Shoplifter. Under my real name, however, my favorite job is "Between the hours of 12 and 1pm on days with a W in them." All I can say is: Amen!!

No kidding! On my second date with my s/o, I wore a new wrap shirt and a new bra and the wire cut out and scooched around. Halfway through the movie I realized it was pointing up between my boobs and sticking out of the shirt!!!!!!! I managed to keep it relatively in place until I could get to the bathroom. I don't think he even noticed!!!

Congratulations JenEx How exciting!!! I can't wait to see pictures!

On a gleeful note...my s/o's best friend suprised him the other day by being back from Iraq!! He's been there for 9 months or so and is back for 15 days. Since I've only been dating Bill since January, I've never met this friend or his wife. We're all going for dinner tonight. I'm actually nervous even though Bill assures me that he doesn't really care what anyone else thinks.

My guilty binge eating food? Chocolate frosting. I'll eat half a container in one sitting.

Has anyone here seen "Dodgeball"?

Heee! My favorite job is "Lap Dancer"!!! go me!!!!

My ideal job is an animal therapist, which wouldn't bother me a bit. I'd kind of like that, if I could make a living at it.
Edited to add: here is my problem with underwire bras. It seems like every one I buy has a tendency for the wires to kind of bow out in front on top. Where the wires from each cup end in the middle, if that makes sense. They kind of jab out and make it look like I was the unfortunate victim of a crushing accident that left me with a permanently broken and bowed-out sternum. Am I buying a too-small cup size or something? Or too big band size? It looks horrible. I really need to wear underwire but I can't when all the bras make me look like I've got an erect penis attached to my chest (sorry, I know that is gross).

Today is my last day online until TARsday! I'm so excited about next week - MDarcy's Jeopardy and TAR on the same night - scant days away! Happy Fourth Everyone (well, all Americans).

Happy Strawberry Festival to you too, Loraxe! My home computer has a virus so I didn't know to watch for croquet yesterday. I did however see Lawn Bowlers on my way to the BBQ in the park.

My scariest border story is from 10 years ago. A cousin visiting from Scotland had gotten a US visa before she came. When we got to the New Brunswick-Maine order, no one knew what to do with the visa! The first guy we talked to wasn't sure what a visa was. The guy with the most seniority knew "there's a book somewhere where we're supposed to write the number down, but it went missing awhile back". Kind of freaked us out then, but more so now when you hear how long terrorist cells can operate before striking.

My husband and I have good friends in Canada and visit often. The last time we went over to visit was in April. Security is much tighter coming back into the States these days and the lines were really long for US Customs. There were agents roaming thru the lines of cars with drug sniffing dogs and a group of them happened to be near us. As we got closer to the agent and his dog, I noticed that the dog was getting very excited. He ran over and tried to climb into the car, dragging the agent behind him. The agent kept asking 'where's the animal?" and I had to explain that I train dogs at a local kennel and have 2 puppies of my own that are very frequently in the car. We had to open the trunk so that they could inspect my dog training stuff. I knew that the dog hadn't gone into his 'I smell drugs' stance but everyone in line was staring at us like we were totally busted. I was afraid that we'd get marked for a total search but we made it through with no more incidents.

auntlada Is the Hideaway a pizza place near you? If it is, I think I know the owner! His name is Richard and I think everyone calls him The Big Kahuna.

Oh-I'm that 'local that is always at the bar' if I use version of my name that most people use and church minister if I use my given name. Ha!!!

Well, whaddya know. My ideal job is an air steward(ess).

Nice that they gave me the steward/stewardess option.

Using my real name, my ideal job is a Prostitute.
Using my screen name, it is a Dietician.

Which makes more cash?

Peanutbuttercup I have that problem with underwire bras too - I try to avoid them but sometimes you just can't. I find that the only way to avoid the cleavage bump is to, ahem, rearrange yourself inside the bra until it is minimized. You may have to do this more than once a day, but it does work. If you still have this problem, then the cup size may be too big or the underwire could just be too long for you and you need to try a different style.

I haven't really had any trouble with airport security except for one time when I was travelling within Canada. When they did the swab of my cellphone it came back positive for explosives! Eek!
Turns out it was positive for nitroglycerine, which is one of my mothers' heart medications. Phew!
The worst part was, my flight got cancelled due to mechanical difficultites, so I had to exit security and go back through again two hours later with the contaminated cell phone.

I found the security inside the United States much more stringent than getting outside of Canada the last time I flew - in the US I had to remove my shoes and unbutton my jeans, leaving Canada they just did the usual wand scan. And driving across the border? They barely gave me and my foreign-born boyfriend a second glance besides wondering why he had a Quebec address and was driving a car with Ontario plates (it was my car).

M. Darcy's unemployed and Jenny's puppeteer.

My real name, my job is a Movie Star. My screen name: circus freak. I think the truth lies somewhere in between.

I too am very familiar with the "third boobie" syndrom (aka - the weird underwire bowing problem). I do think it's often caused by ill-fitting bras. Then again, I followed the instructions in one catalog on how to measure for the right bra size (around chest + 5 for band size and then around boobies for cup size. Subtract band size for chest size to get cup size) and it said I was an A. I think not! Obviously, my job isn't mathematician or bra-fitter.

Litter warden? My ideal job is litter warden? But yellow and orange are so not my colors!

My other airport security story involves flying home from Paris to Toronto Sept 14, 2001. First day of overseas flights - minimal security at best at De Gaulle. No questions, never looked at our bags. I guess they just wanted to move everybody out as quickly as possible due to the backlog. Also, they were only accepting passengers first who had Canadian passports to board everyone who needed to get home. Passenger lists must have been interesting to say the least.

We did, however, have our purses searched before entering a department store on Sept. 12th. Go figure.

Oh, man. My real name gets "the local always in the neighborhood bar." And "brave little toaster" is "a spinster with lots of cats."

Damn. They nailed me both times.

I worked summers during college in an upscale department store here in the city and learned the value of getting measured and fitted for bras. The lingere department was broken into two areas, the regular stuff, and the really expensive pricy designer stuff. On my side of the floor a bunch of college students who could help all the ladies read the little print on the small tags. We basically would go up to women and ask what size they were looking for and help them find it. On the other side of the floor older women who had been working the "unmentionables" counter since Jesus was a baby. You walked into their section, they'd whip out a tape measure, wrap you up in it like a Christmas gift and then fit you into a bra that looked like it had been made just for you.

Hard to find that kind of attention any more...

Job with my real name: Nun
With screename: Rear end of a Pinto Cow

AnneH - I flew back from Paris to Toronto on Sept 17th, 2001 and I found the security very tight - maybe it took them a few days to get organized? It was also the only flight I've ever been on where everyone on the flight showed up 4 hours ahead. I had my purse searched going into stores that week as well as at the Louvre. As if I would bomb Sephora!