One can safely parachute with a pressurized flamethrower attached to ones midsection.

Never trust VW minibuses.

Plane flights from LA to NV take most of an episode.

Severed hands don't decay fast

Alias would cop a page from Aliens 4 (yes I actually saw it in the theaters)

Cell phones work in planes at cruising altitude

Regurgitated chili looks a lot like normal chili

White parachutes are invisible next to a night sky.

It takes nine months to grieve your SOULMATE and move on to a stupid, ugly, evil, stupid COW.

Tracking devices ROCK.

Strutting is only allowed when it's to a No Doubt song. Anything else is unacceptable.

ETA: I don't think Melissa George is ugly, I'm just bitter.

I've learned that:

There's only ever one guard on a very important Covenant building.

I can fly overtop of a terrorist's institution at parachuting altitude, and not get noticed at all.

I can always wait till later to find out extremely important information. Nothing could ever happen.

Yes, and he paces around with a big, invisible 'shoot me' sign hanging around his neck. *laughs* I thought the was stupid, too... why weren't their any guards in the hallways, either?

I can also wait until after transporting said guy to an airport and fly from Patagonia to LA before reassuring him that he'll be okay.

I've learned that I'll never get reprogrammed, thanks to all that handy psych programming I underwent as a kid. Julia who? Thank God for Gifted Child Prgrams, eh?

I've learned, that unless you are Marshal or Will, you are not allowed to smile more than once per episode, and if you are a SpyDaddy, you never, ever do anything more than smirk.

Also, watching S/1 and S/2 bloopers, I now know how badly I want to guest star on that show...Who knew everyone was so darn funny??!!

Oh, and maybe it's not so bad to get a quiz back which reads, '1 out of 5.'

I've learned that one shouldn't starve themself of the TWoP Forums.
I've also learned that I waited WAY too long to watch Season 1. I got it for Christmas and within 2 days I'd finished them all.
From the last episode, I've learned that...
-Jennifer Garner looks good blonde.
-Jack can't even cry at his daughter's funeral.
-One becomes happy when seeing an UGLI go bad. Go for the gold, Melissa.

I've learned that someone will go pilot/copilot a plane after being struck by a damned Dart! Seriously. I now know that a pilot would ignore the pain from being hit by something shot out of a rifle.

Why question a little dart when you're ferrying around two spies. People never die in the spy business, and planes never go down!

Jersey! Long time, no post. What's up with that?

Yeah, there's a topic around here somewhere. Just give me a minute to find it.

Aha!

I learned that:

- confessing to ill-advised friend boinkage is a great conversation starter [/sarcasm]
- the Korean military is incredibly hospitiple to guests and their transportation needs
- sassing pissed off military types will only get me rifle-whipped
- Mr. Kwan has completely regained his smoothness
- Imhotep rocks my world
- Katya rocks my universe
- levelling a knife at someone's crotch can actually be erotic, under certain circumstances...(I am not a Haremite! I am not a Haremite!)
- I not only have to be aware of exploding lint but disease-spreading lint now too.
- the next time I have to set up a meeting, it's 3 sugar cubes all the way, baby

• If your child is in a life-or-death situation, the best way for a parent to unwind is with a copy of Alice in Wonderland
• Keep your hands off the table when meeting with any Derevko sister

*dropping nudie Sark pics in a trail to the Harem tent* Come, CanSpy. We have fine wines and cheese...

Um, topic?

I have learned that to be evil, I must pout my lips out eerily at all times, and glance around shiftily at everyone and everything. I also learned that the best place to make clandestine phone calls to my evil, sinister employers is inside CIA offices where anyone can hear my nefarious plans.

Oh, and I learned that a knife to the groin works just as well as "So, you come here often?".

Heh.

* When someone asks you to kill Arvine Sloane, they usually don't want you to follow through on it.
* Two white people driving in North Korea is not conspicuous.
* Four white people meeting in a twenty foot long village at a cafe in *North Korea* with four tables doesn't raise eyebrows.
* The competition for the Worst.Spy.Ever. award has now heated up
* Taking a taxi in LA is not conspicuous.

I haven't posted in a while.
Because I've been busy with band and busy fending off the American Pie jokes.
Ahem. Here's something apparently Victor learned...

Amen to that.
I've learned that ABC and the NFL have really shitty timing in comparison to my schedule. I definitely have next Monday off, which does me no good because there's no new episode to stay up for. Last year, Alias didn't come on until 11 PM on Superbowl Sunday and I had to get up the next day at 6. And I couldn't just sleep and tape it; i didn't know when it was coming on. I was wired the next day, but that's not the point.
Not to mention the fact that right as Vaughn and Syd were about to be shot this past Sunday (not at the beginning, when it actually happened), Action News interrupted with the following message:
The Eagles Lost.
And I couldn't escape it! IT WAS ON EVERY FREAKIN' CHANNEL!
What I wouldn't give to get the Eagles fans out of my tristate area. Oy.
Edited because I have crappy grammar.

*hip-checks the thread, as per her promise*

Have we become so mind-numbed from this season that we have learned nothing? Or has it just been the hiatus. And the COW. And the shitty plots.

So yeah! Back to the topic, I learned recently that Sydney is actually an amazing spy. Canada? Yeah. There's a reason Russia loves us so much...

I have learned that I can watch the DVD enough times that I can hear the commentary during certain scenes without turning it on.

I have learned that the people who post to these boards actually scare my co-worker. Heh. Nice quiet people who keep to themselves mainly. I share what we discuss on these boards with her.

I have also learned that people who get shot never have the bullets hit the bone and can cover up the wound with a band-aid. <g>

to dagny's coworker: Mwahahaha! The power of Rambaldi compells us!!! [/CanSpy's crazy antics for the night]

I've learned that whenever I'm feeling to burnt out to continue and am considering just telling this worth-47%-of-my-grade assignment to fuck off, I can pull up my No Doubt, do a crazy little strutty dance around my room, and I'm back on track!

I remember the last 2 years and I've never been kidnapped and tortured. I think I'm doing ok. *strut strut strut*

I've learned that Poker night at the Bristow's house with the Sloanes is a good time to stay home and wash your hair.

I've also leaned that when there is only 12 hours left before the end of the world, the clock stops to allow the players to fly around the world to save us.

ETA: Emily is still wondering why she always was the first one to lose all her money on those poker nights.

Oh, thank God. I thought I was the only one. I actually send my friends Quotes of the Day from that commentary (first season, people. Not second. Jersey don't have no SpyMommy on DVD yet).

I've learned that Alias fans have a breaking point and might start with JJ's leg.

I've learned the best way to get Sark hot and bothered is by killing someone by hand in front of him.

And lastly I've learned that SpyDaddys bearing Chinese food is a lot better than what I have in the freezer.

Bwahhaha! Seriously, they did have some weird ass games there, who knows what their long term plans were?

Topic? Leather coats make everybody look hotter, even when they start off scalding /Jack/.

Yay!! I'm not alone! I wish I had SpyMommy on DVD too!! I though I was the only person who didn't rush out to buy it the second it came out.


Things I learned from Alias:
Irina will always kick butt and be mysterious.
JJ Abrams is crazy.
Kissing your non-dead girlfriend before you get shot is OK even though you're still married.

That's all I can think of now.

I've learned that even if a FORD F-150 is fishtailing all over the parking garage, it can still keep up with a speeding Mustang.

I've learned that a guy can be garrotted in two seconds without much of a struggle.

I've learned that drivers of Honda Accords can teleport themselved out of their car before its T-boned.

I've learned that cars that are going to be blown up by a bomb that was implanted in a guy's chest don't have an engine (S1.2) - check it out before it does the flip, the engine is missing. Heh

I've learned that having what borders on a speech impediment is oddly alluring, reducing even the coolest and most mysterious internationally wanted criminals to drooling, fawning puddles of goo.

I've learned that the Ford F-150 is the car of choice for America's best spies, particularly when it comes time to give chase.

I've also learned that JJ is not long for this earth, unless he promptly returns Sark to the Harem, where he will sit in his favorite black silk robe having his wounds dressed, being fed grapes while he recovers from his injuries and is nursed back to health.

After rewatching my tape last night, I've learned the following:

1. Sark = Spiderman!
2. The Ford Fuckus is still the tool of Satan. Stupid Fuckus! You let Lauren get away and maul poor Sark!
3. Bomb-diffusion is the sexiest activity a man can engage in outside of the bedroom.
4. When JJ's away, the writers will smoke crack and fuck up the storyline. Or possibly get it back on track while VG shoots JJ up in the back room. I haven't decided yet.
5. Calling your lover up while she's with her husband can earn you half a testicle back. Blowing her up in a collaboration with her husband will get you the full set. *looks meaningfully at Sark, Vaughn, SpyDaddy's explosives dealer*
6. The fact that you need to get hammered before seeing your wife is a sign that you're in a loveless marriage. Dumbass.

I've learned that:

• You can fit 3 Ford™ cars (The Focus, the Mustang, and the F-150) into one 3 minute car-chase sequence.
• That Melissa George looks hotter and oddly akin to Kate Windslet in that red wig (or maybe that was just me...).
• That space cadets wear miniskirts and heels.
• That a watch can bring back good memories and bad.
• That the music department can use a kick-ass song for the car-chase in Lark's half of the story, and yet use two arrangements from season 2 in S/V's (the bit entering Vancouver was from the SpyDaddy/SpyDaughter hospital "rich southerners" thing, the music from Lisbon was from something else that I can't remember right now because I'm not watching it.

Corrected Post: something happened to my computer. Sorry. This are the things I have learned so far from Alias:

1. Carl Lumbly looks hysterically funny running away from an exploding building.

2. Victor Garber is a totally cool spydaddy. I want a spydaddy to kick major ass for me. I think every girl needs one.

3. Jennifer Garner needs to cry and scream to get Vaughn's attention away from the CoW.

4. Recycled plotlines used from major motion pictures: Speed, The Matrix, and Lara Croft: Tomb Raider translate badly on the small screen.

I've learned that:

* Big-A$$ airplanes land using autopilot.
* Virtuosity (family kidnapped by dude with bombs) can be referenced in Alias
* Don't ever be alone with Dixon in a prison cell
* Never leave home without your Leatherman. You never know when you need to de-arm a cynide choker.

YES! I actually felt sorry for Sloane. Geez. Incriminated by the wife, ditched by the shrink, beat up by Dixon, all in one episode. Poor Arvie.

I learned that the only scars that have to be consistent are plot points. The scar on Syd's stomach? Consistent.
The scar and soreness that should've accompanied Vaughn's stab in the shoulder and/or chest? NOWHERE TO BE FOUND.
Although I'm willing to look for them.

I learned that if your evil and you want to kill your father, you don't have to! You're mommy will be perfectly happy to shoot daddy in the head for you!

I've learned that:

* SuperSpies don't get the bends.
* The Good Guys don't notice the black leather and mascara.
* Photo slide shows can be enjoyable. It still gets me that surveillance dude took pics of his own death.
* SpyMommies don't need to wear the black leather to be cool.

- Jennifer Garner is awesome and can pull off any hair color.
- Melissa George didn't fall off the face of Earth after Home & Away, although she should have stayed there.
- There is something called TWoP.

I've Learned That...

• Jennifer Garner can work bangs. Seriously.
• Peggy Lipton isn't as good as SpyMommy, but for all of her 5 minutes on screen, she gained my respect. Go Mrs. Reed.
• I missed Djimon Honsou more than I wanted to admit. Come back to me, Djimon!
• Sark needs to be in a wetsuit showing off the muscles. And what was with Vaughn's wetsuit? It was a bag compared to DH's. Come on! If not shirtless, throw me a bone here!

Hey there, LemonLime! Welcome aboard! It's always nice to have another obsessed maniac around here.

I've learned that:

- like baldness, evil is inherited from the mother's side
- senators can actually be nice people when they're nowhere near a rotunda or a spotlight
- Djimon? Would so be my baby's daddy if I weren't madly in love with my Vaughn guy
- patricide is a marital aid
- Alias is actually capable of mentioning "passengers" and not running us over 2 seconds later with a Fuckus or a....nother product placement.

Jennifer Garner reminds us that you can be skinny and buff.
Jennifer Garner and Scarlett Johansson have convinced me that bangs are not evil
Jennifer Garner looks better in the red hair than anything else!

One thing I've learned from rewatching season one recently, is that The Vatican is super easy to break into!

-If your finger is needed somewhere but you happen to be occupied at the time, just cut it off and everything will be fine.

I have learned from Alias that:

1. by listening to SpyDaddy's advice one can finally catch their very own spy wifey.

2. CoW's don't do Goth well.

3. Worst. Spy. Ever. (Lauren) actually can been in three different places at once in one day.

4. Sark is so evil playing Lauren like he really cares. We all know he is probably nursing the Francinator back to life as we speak.

5. Syd can rock the bangs as well as any SpyBarbie can.

6. Syd does accents very well. Need to utilize this skill in more episodes.

7. Vaughn cannot hotwire anything open. Needs to go to back to spyschool to brush up on his skilzzzz!!!! He also needs to wait 20 seconds longer before going through the CoW's things.

What I've Learned

• Jennifer Garner can use the southern belle accent. I thought it was funny in the sorority girl escape last year, I thought it was funny last night.
• Vaughn looks really good in goth, which I thought would be impossible.

These are from my page. I haven't got season 3 up yet.
What I've Learned From...Alias Season 1
What I've Learned From...Alias Season 2

I've learned that Lauren needs to work on her accents.

This is from a while back, but I thought it was worth reposting.

Oh yeah? I remember the last 2 years and I've never been kidnapped and tortured either! And I haven't gotten any boyfriends killed yet!
Oh...right.
I learned that both Laura and Lauren are not only derivatives of the same name (I think), but they mean "crowned with laurel, honor, victory." Kinda creepy.
Edited to add this link. It's not finished yet (I'm still working on it), but it'll do.
What I've Learned From...Alias Season 3

I have learned that:

1. SpyDaddy can and will resuscitate anyone he damn well pleases because he "needs them". That's my SpyDaddy that I love.

2. SpyDaddy looks hot in black leather!!!!!!!! (Secretly panting) OK, I'm back.

3. I always need to go to my happy place whenever there is a reference to Sloane getting it on with anybody. It's that hairy chest that screams Chewbaka that gets to me.

4. VG and RR scenes are totally the best thing on Alias as of late.

5. Vaughn will totally get bitchslapped by SpyDaddy at a moment's notice.

6. ALIAS IS BACK, BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've learned that the best way to express your love for your long lost daughter is to kidnap her and shoot her up with mysterious green Rambaldi juice.

I've learned that guest stars on Alias always get rubbed out before the plot line actually develops.

I've learned that adding a baby sis to the mix is actually a good thing.

I've learned that Sloane is a badddd baby's daddy.

I've learned that Rambaldi green goo will create a bad reaction to those who take it. They turn into evil SLOANE.

I've learned that:

• Rambaldi will turn even the most devoted SpyParents eeeeeeeeeevil (again)
• The only antidote to Rambaldi obsession is raising Sydney. And possibly Nadia.
• The best way to show your displeasure with someone is to have them die and then bring them back.
• Ken Olin is an eeeevil truck driver who rocks my socks
• A girl can always count on her SpyDaddy, but he needs to be an experienced SpyDaddy. Newcomers and Sloanes need not apply
• MommyReed is good, but SpyMomski could kick her ass blindfolded and hogtied.
• Mocking Sark is bad but oh so satisfying.

I've learned I hate ABC for ruining Alias even more by making us wait three weeks for the season finale to show freakin' Harry Potter and Mega Millionaire.
Who the hell wants to see this lame movie and overused game show???

This totally sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't really mind Harry Potter. But MegaMillionare is completely ridiculous. Hey, it makes the span between the finale and the premiere of the next (and hopefully better written) season closer (I hope).
Oh, right.
I learned that random lines really do help. I remember during "Phase One" Kendall name-dropped the Shin Bet (Israeli Intelligence). And now we're studying the Middle East, and, it makes a lot more sense now!
I also just found out that I'm gonna really have to push for those season 2 DVDs over the prolonged hiatus.

I’ve learned that:

• Super Spies don’t keep a round in the chamber.
• Super Spies can’t tell the difference in weight when a fully loaded magazine has been removed from the weapon.
• Spies with punctured lungs travel well overseas.
  
• The CIA trains their agents to shoot people in the arms and shoulder for their “KILL” shot.
• Marshall would require a booster chair to get his eyes in line with the scanner. Did you see how high the damn thing was!!!
• Spy Daddies are enigmas.
• Regina was right. Spy Apples barely get off the branch. I really want MM back next year as a regular.
• Alias writers have GOT to stop watching MI.

You mean travel instantaneously overseas.

And are able to climb down a fire hose mere hours after being stabbed in the back so badly, blood comes pouring out of your mouth.

I should modify that to include all spies travel instantaneously overseas without jet lag.

IIRC, in all three seasons, the gang traveled back and forth between Europe & LA in the same day. Amazing!!!