People, people, Michelle is tearing us apart! I say we all try to remember that Michelle is the common enemy here; we're all allies in the fight against pure and unbridled evil (I still haven't forgiven that utterly spoiled urchin for making Stephanie think Mr. Bear was given away by Joey), lol.

OK, I have to voice this thought. I'm sorry, but I think the Olsen twins are kind of strange in Real Life. Did you notice that when they're photographed, they look almost like they're Siamese twins? They're practically entwined; they're standing next to each other like they're joined from the shoulder to the hip. A little breathing space would be good.

And while I still think they looked like troll babies, I do think when they were toddlers, they were much cuter, face wise.

What bothers me about this is that they now want to be known as "two separate people", and not "MaryKateandAshley". They should go to some events alone or something, and stop hanging on to each other like that. It's kind of hard to think of them separately when they can't be pulled apart from each other.

Plus, duck lips.

A couple things I've noticed about the Olsen twins in pictures:

1. Why can't they ever smile with their mouths open? It's always the duck lips!
2. Twincest! They need to stop hanging all over each other.

Agreed on the toddler faces though. That's the only time they ever were kinda cute.

3. They need to stop dressing like homeless people.

I also agree that, while they were ugly troll babies and are weird-looking now, they were kinda cute when they were toddlers. But that was it.

So, uh... Nick at Nite is showing an episode where Kimmy, DJ, Stephanie, and Michelle are driving around in Kimmy's brother's car, "Wild Thing." They see several "nerds" from the "chess team" (oh brother) walking on foot, and to show how cool they are since they have a car, they get out and play "ring around the Chevy." Apparently, this game consists of running circles around the car.

What the hell? What the hell?

Yeah, that was a very stupid story. You'd think if they were going to play such a "cool" game, they'd need a cool car to begin with. Definitely not one called "Wild Thing." And how do four people not realize that their door is locked? Granted, only one of them was intelligent, but still.

I was shocked that Danny made Michelle walk the two miles with the rest of them. I half expected him to strap her ass to the bike and peddle her home. So, I guess he had some balls this episode.

For those keeping score:

Michelle: 188
Danny's Balls: 1

I walked in on an episode today. DJ & Stephanie were debating on a prize to choose (I believe they returned a missing bird). They both wanted something different so Danny said Michelle is the tie breaker vote. DJ & Stephanie were like WTF?!?

So I believe Michelle is up to 189.

Was that the one where Michelle picked the fuckin' cardboard cutout when they had their pick of anything in the electronics store?
Seriously, who leaves that kind of decision up to a little kid?

A Tanner parent, that's who. It makes you wonder what things would've been like if Pam were still there.

Joey is such a tool. Today I saw the ep where he was dating that stand up comic who used the Tanners in her act and totally ragged on them. The family told Joey they didn't like it, and Joey responded with something like "If you don't want to be around her, you're basically saying you don't want to be around me." WTF? How long had he been dating her, a matter of days? He was acting like they were married and that the family HAD to accept her. Idiot.

I blame Joey for the whole fiasco with that poor squeaky girl. He kept telling her how to act, then telling the family how to act, then going back to her because she had offended them, back and forth, blah, blah, f-ing blah. Why couldn't they all just be themselves. And honestly, they've lived with a so-called comedian all those years, were they that thin-skinned? What she said wasn't even that bad, just saying the girls had catfights, talking about Jesse's hair, big whoop.

However, if Joey had pulled that "If you don't want to be around her..." crap if I happened to be that thin-skinned, I would tell him to go sponge off her and leave me and my dysfunctional, overly sensitive family alone.

(small voice) My friends and I do this sometimes. Especially when we were in college (just a few years ago). We thought it was fun to get out of the car at a light, run around the car, then jump in when the light turned. We were never stupid enough to lock the keys in, though. And, yes, we did get the idea from this episode of Full House. :)

Hee. Wouldn't that be a Chinese fire drill and not ring-around-the-Chevy? I swear, those Tanners (and Gibbler) were at that light for about ten minutes. With no other cars on the street. The hell?

No, seriously...we should keep an actual tally of Michelle vs. Danny's Balls. But that would require us watching every episode...again.

How about an easier way: How many episodes were there? Take that number and subtract one, from when Michelle had to walk home. There's your total.

Yeah... but couldn't we cut out some of the episodes where she was a baby? She was too young in a lot of those episodes to have already become the Brat Queen.

Make that 2, she did have to stare at the wall (no fun, no fun... staring at the w-a-l-l) after that shoe in the pool incident. Of coarse, she got about 15 runs on the board before that happened so that episode brought the Michelle tally up by 15 and the Danny tally up by 1.

Michelle: 204
Danny: 2

Speaking of this, does anyone remember the episode where Danny surprises DJ with a car, but holds her hostage while Uncle Jesse and Joey get the car ready by strumming a guitar and singing some lame song: "Beep, beep. Beep, beep. The car goes beep, beep, beep!" (I can't believe I remember this shit...)

I don't know if anyone has seen the Aristocrats, but my friend and yours, Mr. Bob Saget, is one of the dirtiest comic minds of our day. In my mind, I just can't reconcile Daniel Ernest Tanner to some of Bob's comedy. Granted, the joke in question which he had to perform (with his own unique twist, of course) was by its very nature twisted, but he made me violently laugh in my seat, more than any of the other approximately 100 commedians in the film, including Gilbert Gottfried and George Carlin. Then at the end of the joke, he made a comment that he should send a copy of it to the girls from Full House, lol. I knew he was joking, but it still made me laugh without a modicum of control over myself.

I saw that coming a mile away, when whoever it was said that there must be a fair way to decide. Of course it must always & forever be Michelle who gets the final say-so.

I've heard Bob Saget is quite raunchy in his stand-up acts, which is so unexpected from such a Wonder-bread type guy.

That stupid museum episode was on tonight on nick, the one where Michelle breaks the dinosaur. I hated the fact she got away with it, but Jesse had to do work off the debts of the dinosaur. Moreover, Danny didnt even punish the little shit!

Which one? You can rule out Gibbler and Michelle so that leaves Stephanie and DJ..who's the intelligent one, I really don't know.

The question that begs to be asked is: How did the kids of the people who wrote this crap turn out?

Crap. That's hard. I would say Stephanie was the smart one. I only say that because it seemed to me that DJ really liked Michelle and always dragged her aound by the hand. Stephanie at least had enough sense to try and get away from Michelle whenever she could.

Hilarious!

Stephanie actually tried to be nice to Michelle, which is a whole lot more than I would've done.

I don't understand why DJ liked Michelle either. Watching some older episodes, she was pretty mean to Stephanie overall. I do like how they teamed up on "Crimes and Michelle's Mideamenor" though.

The whole family was mean to Stephanie though. At least for all of his creepy, creepy faults in the later seasons, Joey was the kindest to her. Knowing him though, he was probably just trying to lure her down to the basement to play "pull the Bullwinkle."

I just saw the episde with DJ petitioning to get her own room. Even though I probably preferred Stephanie to DJ and Michelle, I had a "WTF" moment when, in response to Stephanie's semi-hissy fit (so she didn't scream and yell...but she yanked all her stuff and moved into the frickin' bathroom), Danny was all, "Maybe we should rethink this whole moving business." I mean, what parent DOES that?

Then again, maybe it was just a surreptitious way for Danny in attempting to let his darling Michelle keep her own room.

I think it was that more than the "we should rethink this moving businness." Michelle always seemed to get her own room, while Stephanie was stuck with at least one person.

You know, I was thinking DJ was the smart one, but this argument here is making me reconsider. They always tried to play DJ off as the smart one (the ep dedicated to her SAT, and I think she wanted to go to Stanford or something?), but by avoiding Michelle, Stephanie is showing her vast intelligence and awesomeness.

God. I hated all those little ditties the men would do in three-part harmony...there's nothing more awkward than seeing three grown-ass men singing and snapping their fingers and doing that embarassing white-guy upper-body-sway while earnestly singing "Loving Teddybear" to a four-year-old.

I do think, though, that there was something a bit Manchurian Candidate-ish going on with those songs...I still remember every word, right down to Danny's finish to that Chain Gang song during the episode where Jesse and Joey came down with chicken pox:

Here's some tuna fish and soup
It's delicious and nutritious
and it's great to fight infection
for the family that I love

Help me.

Like when Tom, Ted & Howie sang "Good Night Sweetheart" to baby Mary in "Three Men & a Baby"? I kind of liked how they sang that, but the singing Tanner Trio has got to go.

Now I was probably one of the dumbest teenagers ever and my friends and I still managed to realize that the driver stays in the car while everyone else runs around it.



I wonder if I am the only person who did this, but after I saw that episode I totally moved my stuff into the bathroom. I didn't even have to share a bedroom, I just thought there was something so cool about seeing Stephanie in the bathtub with her pillow and comforter. I don't know, people. I was dumb.

Yeah, I agree, I think the family secretly hated her, except for Joey. I know Uncle Jesse's Stephanie-hate started when she accidently cut his hair.

This is probably a stupid question, but today I was watching one of those episodes where Jesse and his band sings. Is that really John Stamos singing or some other guy's voice? I have no idea why I want or care to know.

I thought it was really cool, too. I mean, a tub as a waterbed? I thought it was genius, man, totally genius.

And word on the Stephanie hate. Jesse should have gotten down and his knees and thanked the girl, because after she cut his hair, he got a million times hotter. And you just know Becky never would have went for pre-haircut Jesse.

When Jesse drove off in a post-Samson rage and broke both his arms, did the next episode just start with him perfectly healed again? I don't remember ever seeing him in casts after that. I guess they hugged it out (bitch) to the twinkly end music, as usual.

Yeah, really, Jesse had the scariest mullet this side of MacGyver. Stephanie did him a favor. Also...he does realize that hair grows back, right?
I wonder if that stupid episode came about because John Stamos wanted a change.

While Jessie's mullet indeed have a life of its own, I think the redeeming qualities of the character were cut off with it. His personality changed dramatically beginning with season two (along with his last name), and he slowly evolved into a mouth-breathing moron by the end of the show's run. The power of the cut mullet even went back in time and retroactively stole his high school diploma.

I never saw him as a moron. I thought he was often portrayed as the deepest of the three guys.

Hee!



Yeah, but queenfrostine, in my book that would have been a good thing. I liked Becky in her first few seasons, but after that she was too much for me. And the brassy hair!

ETA that if we didn't have Becky, we wouldn't have had the bruddahs...and the creepy attic family.

I really liked the character of Becky, until she went super redhead on us. In my mind, I associate the red hair with that episode where she does the go-cart thing with Michelle and gives us the speech on female empowerment (or something). The addition of Becky did end up hurting the character of Jesse, because he went all soft and family-obsessed, and he was so much cooler when he would swear and have random sexual encounters.

Yeah, God forbid he miss ONE stupid family reunion picnic to work on his career...not like he's a complete (or even near-complete) absentee uncle, Tanners!

Sorry, I still want to smack Michelle for all the whining she did in that episode. Maybe Jesse did promise--I don't remember his actually saying that he promised, but I'll take their word for it--but Michelle going, "Uncle Jesse YELLED at me!" in this shocked, OMFG!butI'mMichelle!!eleventy-one! voice made me want to feed her to Comet. Michelle, people are going to yell at you. It doesn't mean that they're mean. In fact, it probably means that they have more brains than most people. Or more balls.

I think it's him. He has actually been in a couple of Broadway shows after Full House. "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying" and "Cabaret". So he has the chops for it.

I keep thinking about the episode where Joey meets the queen of England (no, I can't remember why, nor do I care), and Michelle demands that he take a picture for her. She is, like, five years old, and Joey gets tackled by the British equivalent of the Secret Service because of her.

Eeep! My very first double post!

The thing I find most annoying about that episode is that Michelle wins because the rose sticking about a foot in front of her cart crosses the finish line before the other kid's. No way in hell is that fair. That's always bothered me.

I can't believe I'm admitting this, but...when I was a very small child, and I watched Full House with the enthusiasm of the criminally insane, I thought...I thought that "Forever" was the best song in the world. At the wedding, when the gospel choir does the "impromptu" background vocals and the montage is shown? I cried. That candle-lit video Jesse ended up making? I thought it was so awesome. If they had ever put this out as a single, I totally would have bought it and built a sticker and magic-marker decorated Stamos shrine around it.

(Please, don't tell me that this was ever an actual recorded and released song. Because then I would have to buy it. And then kill myself from the shame.)

I know the Beach Boys originally recorded it, but you can get the mp3 of John Stamos singing it. Sadly, I have it, and sometimes I even listen to it.