Oh, those scamps at DrPhil.com! They've come up with some truly hilarious "Be on the Show" topics in honor of April Fool's Day!






Yeah, like we're supposed to believe there are Dr. Phil fans in Slovenia. What a riot!!!

I knew once Phil was spotted bidding at Morton Downey, Jr's estate sale all hell would eventually break loose.

Funny, I first read about the Scott groupie round-up on a trials message board. The posts denouncing Phil were nearly as septic as those denouncing Scott. Of course, we're more creative here. We use "asshole" as a garnish, not the whole description.

This is posted at the website, in the description for Thursday's show:




I know its not everyone's favorite housewife the perfect, precious Robin. Alas, it still made me giggle inside, because if it was Kitty, my answer would be...Yes, immediatly.

Word Parsleysage. It is so obvious that she's just using these poor doofs so everyone will say, "Wow, she got six guys! She must be as purty as that there Julia Roberts!" She was a legend in her own mind even before she got to be on TV. Phil lost my last tiny drop of respect, sitting there inventing deep psychological reasons for why she might be doing this. The preening girl couldn't quit smirking and Phil couldn't quit drooling. He even said something about how she "sure can pull." I was embarassed for him.

Oh percolata, if you start feeling embarrassed for Phil you simply won't have time for anything else.

Remember, too, that if you teach a mule to stand upright and sing Italian arias,the rooster still won't sleep past sun-up. Or something.

The misogyny on Dr. Phil, which was rather subtle in the beginning, is growing by leaps and bounds, as is the drooling over thin, pretty young girls. As he becomes richer, more famous and more arrogant, he gets closer to the edge. I'm just waiting for the day when one of the women he's banging on the side (probably a young, low-level female staffer) goes public and the saintly image comes crashing down.

It happened to Jerry Falwell, it happened to Jim Bakker, it happened to Bill O'Reilly and Phil, old boy, it will happen to you.

And I for one can't wait. If there is anyone deserving of a good old sex-scandal take down, it's "Dr." Phil, the Arrogant Gasbag of Asshattery.

What kills me is that the women who comprise his studio audience don't seem to see what kind of misogynist, classist, and, dare I say, possibly racist (ever noticed that the black men on his show are just straight up stereotypes--like the Black Man Who's Wife's Ass Was Too Small) sinkhole of a human this fucktard is. To say he's a homophobe is too easy--in Philworld (aka, The Phantom Zone or, simply, Hell), queers don't exist and transgendered people are beyond even his limited ken to comprehend.

Personally, I'd probably chuckle more if one of his boys ended up in rehab or solicited a hooker. Family First and all that. But he's due for a scandal.

There was talk that he was unfaithful to his first wife, but it hasn't been discussed on a grand scale. Probably just a he-said, she-said kind of thing. But I believe she has publicly said that it happened.

"Publicly" and on her website...for some interesting reading,Esser, visit the website the1stmrsphil. This will give you her side of the story, including the "screwing around".

Thanks for the link, Tunia - verrry interesting. Ex-Mrs. Phil seems like kind of a mother earth new age type. Phil, as we know is very grounded in the plastic world of anything to make-a-buck!

The poor messed up (and very squinty)13 year old, made me laugh (If she gets preggers she will get a job at the zoo...WTF?!) and also want to cry. To bad she doesn't have a role model thats better than her slutty big sis.

I wonder what town they lived in (#30 in the nation for STDS...yikes!)?

This is my first time even visiting this thread, but today's episode and that poor misguided, screwed up 13 year old warranted my visit. I Tivo this show everyday (?) and she has to be one of the most clueless guests he has ever had on. What was wrong with her? I know teens usually seem out of it, but that girl looks like she is on drugs or just smoked out before she got there. Work at the zoo? If she is old enough to have sex and raise a child, isn't she old enough to buy her own condoms? I don't know why I felt I needed to post, but she just bugged me. Also, not to put anyone down here or anyone else, but did it seem to anyone else that the girl was sort of talking "black"? Not southern, but she sounded like some of my black friends. If the mother is that concerned with the girl then she needs to make some changes to her life in order to be a more present parent. The job is important, of course, but the well-being of your child us too. A line needs to be drawn somewhere. OK, off my soapbox.

What really struck me about that girl was the lack of eye contact. Never once looked at Shill when he was talking to her. She's really hurting on some level, and really working hard to maintain her tough exterior.

And poor Mom -- she just sounded like she was at the end of her rope after raising four kids as a single parent. I understand that she has to make some concessions (like adjust her work schedule) to deal with the girl but I felt for her. She's the only breadwinner.

There was no need for Shill to bully her about the situation the way he did. Oops, I forgot, if you're a woman and not mommying right, he'll set you straight. Yuck.

ETA: me no write clearly.

Yeah, what was the poor woman supposed to do? Quit her job and stay home 24 hours a day to be sure her daughter never has sex? I couldn't believe the way Dr Phil was laying into her. I mean, I could believe it but it seemed so stupid and out of line.


Oh yeah, I think you really hit the nail on the head here. She had a lot more going on that just a typical surly teenage slouch.

There is no magic age when sex is ok but anyone who says "I like to have sex because it makes boys like you better and then you're more popular." has clearly not yet reached a level of maturity where they're able to make proper choices about sex. I wish this had been addressed more. Perhaps if Dr Phil spent less time blaming mom he could have spent some time addressing this girl's massive self-esteem issues.

I think that Dr. Phil should have dug more into the girl's interests and had his staff look into after school programs or groups that she could get involved with to keep her focused and help her to socialize. I have to admit that I didn't pay 100% attention during this segment, but did the subject of her grades come up at all or was it just about her unrealistic views of sex and boys?

From some of the downtown shots during the filmed piece, it looked like Omaha. This building was clearly visible in the background at one point. Who knew Nebraska was such a hotbed of STDs, not to mention...

Mr. loudfan and I noticed this too.

It was mentioned that she had been suspended several times, so I doubt she's a straight A student. Sadly, she'll probably get pregnant and drop out before she's 16. If I were the mom, I would drag her to the doctor and get her on Depo-Provera or some other form of semi-permanent birth control. That girl must not be allowed to breed at her age. The fact that one of her five (!) sex partners is now in jail shows that she lacks good judgment. Very sad.

I did a google search for Zoe Howard (the HIV specialist on today's show) and I got 2 hits including her picture. The town is Omaha, Nebraska or it is a town close by.

Her name is Maria Zoe Cacho-Howard. Scroll down and you will see her name at the end of the announcement for the red ribbon demonstration for AIDS.

http://wcvb-tvhealth.ip2m.com/forum/index....FTOKEN=94174024

The second link shows her full name and photo which I recognized.

http://www.omaha.com/toolbox/story_printer.php?u_id=1224428

Omaha is a hotbed of STDs?!!!

I grew up there but haven't lived there for several years. I worked at the bank in the building too. Nowadays I visit family back there and the town seems like many others--lots of different sections, good and bad.

Nebraska is predominantly conservative, judgmental, Christian-claiming, Republican though, so I can understand the repressed sexuality which breaks out into unprotected illicit behavior. Going to the store to buy condoms might be difficult for a girl.

No excuses though. I went to Planned Parenthood when I was a teen and 20 years later took an exchange student there (by her request) who was staying in my house for the semester.

I would love to see Shill skewered on class differences here or in the news similarly to the wonderful essay on his views on women found here a fews days earlier. Right on target and I loved it.

Don't watch the ol' gasbag Phil any longer, but can't resist the snark here.

Ex-Dr. Phil's site is interesting. She has a page of information and links "about divorce." She rather ambiguously links all of these topics with Dr. Phil and her divorce from him:
--getting training in assertiveness and assertive communication
--how to tell if a person is lying
--how to think independently
--how to survive infidelity
--profile of a con-artist
--living with a narcissist
--toxic people
--messianic complex
--dealing with bullies
hmm.

That really says it all doesn't it. I can't watch Phil anymore. He's like an overbearing father telling his timid kids what to do.

That 13 year-old girl bugged the hell out of me. It looked like she had two lazy eyes, or maybe she rolled her eyes so much that they froze that way. And her speech...initially, I thought it was southern accent, but I think she was just trying to sound cool.

Nice to see her beginning her career on the talk show circuit here. In a year or two, she can have her baby's daddy DNA-tested on Maury. And then a few years after that, Jerry Springer can help her and her lesbian lover confront her boyfriend.

I felt sorry for the mom in the beginning, but towards the end, she came across as cold and unfeeling. She seemed too focused on the fact that her sons turned out all right, and it didn't seem like she was willing to change anything (i.e. attitude, parenting style) to save her daughters. I didn't like her, and I can imagine that growing up with her as a mother would be a nightmare. I'd bet her older sister is more of a mother to her.

I think the Ex-Dr. Phil has him down COLD. He's a sadistic, narcissistic, self-important bullying asshole who exerts his domineering, preening "personality" for all the world to see. I tend to wonder if the people who think he's hot shit in a wine glass aren't the type of people who generally let themselves be run over by a bully like Shill.

They're the same type of people who phone in to be shamed and bullied by his female counterpart "Dr. Laura".

Excellent point, Albanyguy. These are people who also tend to run straight-no-chaser to extremely destructive people and then hang themselves up on a cross while doing the Nancy Kerrigan "Why Meeee??" song.

OK the blonde woman (forgot her name) who wants to know if bringing a convicted, violent, felon ,she married in prison, home to her four year old daughter, is way past being the queen of denial.She is the most blindinly stupid woman on earth.I had to laugh when she tried to say editing just made him look bad and then confirmed every issue.I don't think Dr. Phulofit got through to her and I think he was pretty striaght forward for the most part.There should be a way to stop her from endangering her daughter this way.

Well, I see that Phulofit is f****** with us once again in his promos - something that I've noticed in the past, but it is becoming more and more prevalent. If you saw the promo for the brother/sister marrieds, there was a huge audience reaction when it was disclosed that they were not yet divorced, yet during the actual airing of the show, that reaction was absent. Guilty, guilty, guilty, Phulofit, for beefing up your promos as much as your ego to pull us in to watch the show. Further shame on you.....

This lady is a sick and twisted individual if she is even ASKING about whether or not this is OK. To her, 'denial' is merely a river in Africa and nothing else!!

As for the brother-sister marriage thing, there is just no excusing it. I also watch That 70s Show. Rarely can pearls of wisdom from there be applied to the Dr. Phil Show, but I think I can now break that barrier. Red Foreman put it so eloquently when he walked in on his son and his niece making out (you gotta see the show), and said, "I don't want no Flipper grandkids!!!" Nuf said.

Re: today's show. If my 70 year old father left my mother for some 20-something he met on a business trip, I'd never see him or talk to him again. Same goes for my mother if she ran off with the poolboy. The only exception I would make is if the wronged party was happy about the split-up.

I have a story that was told to me by an ex-neighbor of Dr. Shill's from 20+ years ago (I believe he was married to wife #1). The person who told it to me is a very straight up guy who has absolutely no beef with the Doc. I, on the other hand, can't stand the man.

Dr. Phil was a neighbor of his in a suburb of Dallas. Apparently, the McGraw's were quite well known in the neighborhood for their parties. One Halloween, they hosted a large party at their house and Dr. Phil showed up in blackface . This was a loonnnnggg time before Ted Danson. There has got to be pictures of this out there somewhere.

I wonder what "O" would think?

Today's show was a laughter.

My favorite was the fat redneck mom who didn't like that her Lohan-wannabe daughter was acting up. It's always the child coming out of the womb evil and never the mom (no father, by the way, which is shocking... but there is a stepdad!) who has raised her child like a feral dog.

Objection, Your Honour.

MaSpy is one of the more confident women I know and she loves his "take-charge, no bull" attitude. Can't say totally I agree with her, but I don't think it's fair to paint all of the good doctor's fans as whiney push-overs looking for someone to tell them how to live their lives.

Of course not, CanSpy. But those of us who love to draw a bead on Phil, his guests and his broad-stroked family, take liberal license with snark. Otherwise, we'd have to lather our posts with politically correct terminology so that we aren't accused of harpooning the bald, the fatuous, Texans, hypocrites, heavily-Botoxed women, bulimics, people who will serve their guests something called "Faux Nanner Pie" with a completely straight face, young men with unfortunate gluteal girth issues, vapid drones, power-hungry psychologists who damn Frankl and Freud with bravura, those who use dated and colorful folk expressions to describe human agony, and of course, woman-hating slugs in pricey, pricey suits.

Of course there are intelligent, informed people who mine the McGraw south forty for whatever they can find beneath the slag. Some watch because they are laboring over their own construct, that may parlay a hellacious marriage, two criminal step-children and a gambling addiction into an all inclusive at Breezes Bahamas. Then there are, admittedly, those of us history buffs too young to have witnessed the Hindenburg and know a disaster in the making as it hoves over the horizon. To quote SCTV, "He gonna blow up real good."

Holy crap Gemmadoll, that's the greatest thing I've ever read!

Bravo!

Another one for my Gemmadoll's Gems collection.

Thanks for the insider scoop Busterbrown. Two years ago I wouldn't have believed it. Now, sadly, I find the whole sordid thing very easy to picture.

Hee! All Hail Gemmadoll!

And you're perfectly right. It's so hard to know where to turn these days. Do I follow the Way of the Snark or the Way of the Shill? Ah, the choices facing young people today.

Kitty managed her menopause so that Phil would not be inconvenienced by her uncomfortable physical symptoms and unpredictable emotional pain. Kitty wept when faced with the spectre of Jordan moving out of the west wing and no longer leaving (along with his stinky friends) a trail of cereal bowls and used jocks for Kitty to sort out. I'm all torn up.

Kitty began dating Phil when she was barely legal and knoweth no other man. Kitty enjoys going to the gyno for fine tunings and as an outlet for her rambling hypochondria, and because she kneweth no other man. When the stirrups are high and the speculum's warm, Kitty is in a zen-like state. Again, I'm all torn up.

When Kitty broke down in the wee hours and bawled at the sorry condition of her soon-to-be-empty-gilded-nest, Phil scooped her up and cuddled her on his padded lap and rocked her and sang a Texas lullaby.All was well. But suddenly, Kitty stiffened,leapt from his manly arms and berated Phil for not offering comforting wisdom.She told him he had, in fact, "Gone STUPID!" Wow. How exasperated Kitty must have been to launch a full-frontal on feckless Phil. GONE STUPID! she said. Quoting wives of every generation. Quoting us.

But she didn't, you know, pound the living hell out of him with the clock radio. As would be befitting a moral tale such as that. So I'm all torn up.

God, does today's episode sucked. This idiot who is scared to go to doctor is a bastard. Why do people ask Mr. & Mrs. Shill such stupid questions?

Since Jordan is going to college in the fall, hopefully he will make Dr. Shill & Robin proud by getting somebody pregnant.

Do I really need to hear Shill talk about menopause?! God, what a moron. What is he going to talk about next?

Girls getting their first period?

His first sexual experience?

His first wet dream?

How to go through puberty?

Can't wait for the 50-car pile-up of an episode 2 wks from now.

Dear Lord and Taylor! I thought I was the only person who had one of those. I only started taping the show because of Gemmadoll's posts.

Hey, I've got a collection too! Some of you anti-Philists kick ass and record testimony. Look at what we have to work with though...

I was hoping someone would weigh in on the Guilt Mom who dealt with her daughter's college acceptance by warning her that 99.6 of all college freshman women gain, on average,a whopping one hundred and fifty four pounds. Freshman women also join gangs, counterfeit tuition money, get abducted by Republicans, vegan cults and astronauts, and often sell their used textbooks for morphine. Finally, she explained that hoardes of good-looking, oily-voiced freshman boys would flutter all around her very green young daughter and ply her with compliments, all the while readying to debauch her person, steal her debit card, and force enough ethyl alcohol down her throat so they could tattoo their frat initials on her coochie. And then there's Spring Break...

And Guilt Mom says she doesn't watch TV. Where else did she get Girls Gone Wild meets America's Most Wanted as an apt description of college life? You are not fooling us, Guilt Mom. And hey, show us your remotes! Woo-ha!

If Gult Mom was on yesterday's show, I missed the first part of it. But when I finally tuned in I got blinded by the sight of Robotox in a white suit with a black lace top. With sparklies. Worn during daytime. Trasheeeee!

How about Get Your Picky Ass Married Already Mom? Pure poison, coated in saccharin. Mom doesn't want her daughter to be happy, as she is; she wants her daughter to be her. I think that old misery is uncomfortable being around anyone who isn't just like her. Shill didn't take her to task about her nagging, though, because it's so noble, in aid of getting her daughter married, the ultimate goal for women as we all know. If she had any other motive for her pesky nagging, he'd've read her the riot act.

I love the way the old bag said that she sees "nice men" on trains all the time; did daughter talk to any men when she was on the train? Jeeeeeez. Maybe mom worked the rails herself in the old days, as a kind of "hostess" if you know what I mean. Nudge nudge.

I've never claimed to understand Kitty, but I have to admit that yesterday was an all-time puzzler. She LOVES to go to the doctor?! Now, my doc is an extremely sweet, friendly woman, but I have to say that despite the fact I enjoy chatting with her about our dogs, I can't imagine how anyone could claim to enjoy the whole speculum/peeing in a cup/having blood drawn/boob-prodding thing that comes with the territory. At the end, instead of feeling empowered, my main feeling is one of relief that I'm off the hook for another year. And dammit, I'm already more than 10 years older than Kitty was when she began "managing her hormones" to prepare for menopause. I guess my hormones will just need to remain unmanaged.

It wouldn't surprise me at all if Kitty eventually "wrote" a book about women's health. After all, as someone on yesterday's show said, she is SUCH a great role model for all women!

I wish she had explained what the hell she meant by "managing her hormones". I have no idea what this means. Did she start taking estrogen supplements in her twenties? I'm so confused and, frankly, scared by the medical advice this idiot spews out.

I think she meant that at the times she suffered night sweats she slept in the cabana. Philip needs his sleep.

The thinnest I was ever in my LIFE was when I was in college.

Why?

Because you had to walk everywhere on campus because there was no place to park a car. And it was a big campus.

I decided to save money by not buying a ticket to eat at the dining hall, which meant I was cooking for myself for the first time (and no more home cooking).
I wasn't a great cook - unless you like turkey loaf.

After I had a baby - that's an entirely different story.

Now, y'all know that if Jordan gets some girl pregnant, there will be an "Immaculate Deconception" (known in other parts as an abortion).

Gemmadoll, your entire post about Guilt Mom was fuckin' hilarious!

Kitty is scary. I mean, what is she on? God, all that crap about how she was sooooo distraught over her sons going to college--to the point that they bought her that fucktastic talking frame? Lord Jesus. I really want for Kitty (if that's really her first name) to get. a fuckin. hobby. Or start shagging the pool boy. Certainly, Shill karmically deserves that.

One of our brilliant Twopers (come forth, ye) christened Robin "Kitty Surprise." Somehow it is much more suitable than Robin. Hell, no offense to others with the name because it is lovely and I have a dear friend named Robin, but Robin sounds like an eighteen year old girl still living at home and ready to map her future and really impressionable and hence a divorced, mid-twenties college graduate might choose to marry because he might mold her into his ideal...What?... Really?... Oh... Sorry.

Heh, my name's Robin too... Gemmadoll, will you be my friend?

Yesterday's pageant/stage moms- a repeat, right? I couldn't stop laughing @ the idea of a dead cat w/a crown on its head on the front porch of the pageant mom's house- that musta been a teeny weeny crown (or a fat ass cat).

What really gave me the red ass was the mom who was CONVINCED her 4 year old was going to be a star- despite NO ONE hiring her for any job... EVER. Enough is enough, lady. The fact that some dude came up to you @ the mall & wanted you to pay $$$ so she could start her 'career' doesn't make her the next super star. I also found her reasoning truly moronic- "but she LOVES IT!" Yeah, well kids love candy too, does that mean you let them eat it all day? Kids don't want to go to school, does that mean they don't have to?

Phil arranged for others to donate very much needed and appreciated help for the wounded ex-cop. Good job, old bean. Addressed the financial, emotional, psychological, marital and occupational needs without once suggesting that the whole situation should just be papered over by a two-week bender under the Jamaican sun.

Sometimes Phil earns his twenty mil, no? Helps us mere mortals remember that he really does get up a half hour before the rest of us and turns on the radioactive swamp gas. Phil? I love you man.

On the show about jealousy - jealous wife, jealous twin, whole world is jealous of wonderful me - we learned that Robin has a twin! Does anyone know if it's a sister and if they are identical? Imagine two Kitties - it boggles the mind!

You mean there's more of her? Oh, God, kill me now... It sounds like something out of The Stepford Wives (the original - not the crappy remake.)