I swear I had not seen that before I posted. ......I got nothin'........

Talk about email flooding! "Does your family look all Father Knows Best but is really a hellish mix of chaos, clashing personalities, garden-variety neuroses, sexual deviance, addiction and deep, dark childhood secrets that you desperately try to keep hidden from the neighbors?" Well, crap Phil. That's America. "We're fine, but boy are the Smiths cocked up."

He's going to hear from not so phenomenal families from all fifty states, weeping about how we "look perfect" (sheesh) but the truth is we are flawed, flawed! Winnow that pack, Phillip the Conqueror.

Let's be pre-emptive: You'll pick a white family, as the numbers are on your side. You'll pick a church-going family, so we might see that the family in the next pew might not be all that they seem.Besides, the footage is always darling, especially if someone wears a hat. They will be a moderately attractive family, with some fat being ok (it sells books) but no needing to patch them up for public consumption with the attendant purchasing of false teeth. They will be a suburban family (again, numbers) with a house large enough to accomodate the cameras and sound crew. The neighborhood will be tasteful, big enough for Phil's copter to land if ratings necessitate an "intervention" and of course, safe for the producers to return to their cars unescorted.

There must be a willful child, or one who has "checked out." There must be a rebellious teen, or one who has "checked out." There must be drinking or porn use or prescription drugs by one adult, with the other "checked out." Either parent (and this is key) will have lost their father through death, divorce or attrition and said dad will be either a)a military asskickin dad, b) a perverted trenchcoat kind of dad, or c) a cattin around bring home the herpes kind of dad.

There will be a close relative dead of drink, Lou Gherig's or a random crime. There will be a pet that has lost its fur, developed a kidney problem for lack of attention,or be a blood thirsty exotic that is allowed free rein even though it chomped the dick off of Uncle Chester.

Finally, there will be a dark and loathesome secret that will take six episodes to lead up to. What IS Frank not telling Frannie? What would Frank absolutely walk out the door if he knew this about Frannie? After the sweep and swell we'll not learn that Frannie's a trannie, or that Frank is really 94 and a former member of the SS. It'll be lame, stupid but fixed completely by chapter six of Phil's new book, "I Came To Save America and Look How You Assholes Have Treated Me."

After reading that, Gemmadoll, I won't need to watch the shows. Hah!

You're right on the money, but you forgot the interfering in-law: the bossy and/or creepy MIL or FIL who sticks his/her proboscis into the running of the family, and who still strikes fear into his/her child (one of the parents). And there should be some money involved: F/MIL has loaned the family significant bucks for the down payment on the house, the grandkids' orthodonture, or maybe just to pay off excessive credit card debt.

True that. I forgot that one of the kids has to bear an uncanny resemblence to Lenny, the pool guy, who quit suddenly and fled to the Yucatan penninsula, leaving evidence of hydroponic reefer farming and a t-shirt that reads "Number One Dad." Coincidence? Oh, Phil thinks not.

Today when Doryanna (the hell?) was waxing poetic about the fairytale of marriage, I was emptying my husband's suitcase of smelly wrinkled shirts and boxers after his four day business trip. It was a Through The Looking Glass moment for damn sure.

Finally, no matter what kind of controversy Bill Cosby may find himself surrounded by, he is going to be my Superman when he hands Phil his ass on a sub roll.

Can we also have an older son who has had an illicit but totally consensual steamy torrid affair with the church choir director? Who's a guy? And is otherwise happily married? Please?


I totally looked under my chair. Not there. Damn....

Really though...we've got to start a pool for this latest FUF. "Who had 'child by pool guy, military asskickin' dad and 40K in credit card debt'??"

I'll take a piece of that FUF pool. Put me down for ten on venereal disease and a fiver on affair with the cousin. Even odds one of the kids goes to boot camp. I also want to lay some down on percodan addiction and bankruptcy. (See what you've done Phil? And I quoted* you once.)

* Yes I'm embarrassed. It was about my mother-in-law, who spent my entire wedding reception glowering and snapping in my direction while Jim Fowler held fast to her leash. Phil just got one right. I'm sure it won't happen again.

I seriously think my family needs to go on Dr. Phil. Well, at least my sister and her family.

AAAGH!!

I just imagined that. Damn my imagination for doing what it was told without asking me first.

Will one of the FUF teen daughters be Goth, or is that passé? (I know it's not passé amongst teenagers - made the mistake of hitting "random journal" on Livejournal - but are talk shows still doing makeovers on teenage Hot Topic junkies?)

I just checked the listings for next week, and everybody has to be sure to tune in on Tuesday for an update on our "favorite" adoptive mom:


This one freaked me out a little bit:

Oh -- it's not THAT Robin. OK, nevermind.

The people who hit their spouses should go to jail just as much as people that hit strangers. I do not think that men are the vast majority of abusers as most people think. I read a study done in California, where the police are required to arrest a spouse if there is evidence of abuse(marks, blood, torn clothing, witness ...) and the ratio of women to men being arrested ran a little over 45% women and a little under 55% men. This also includes cases of both being arrested. I do not understand how someone can say that they love someone and still hit them.

I also wanted to add that well educated people can be abusers. When I was in highschool the man who lived across the street was the dean of the Math department at the state college in our town. He was over six feet and his wife was five foot tall. You have to keep in mind that this was over thirty years ago and back then the police had the policy of not getting involved. My mother helped her and her kids hid at our house many times. The straw that broke the camels back was when I rode my bike home just in time to hear him cursing at my mom in the front hall and then see him slap my mom. My mother had to pull me off of him. He tried to have me arrested. I will never forget what one officer told him when he said he wanted me arrested. He said " Oh no. It's up to his mother weither you go to jail or not. He was protecting his mother. Beside, if I was you, I wouldn't want everybody to know that a fifteen year old beat the crap out of me." I still wish my mother had pressed charges. The next day Mrs. S's a##hole husband walked up to my dad in the driveway and tried to get him to side with him. My dad told him to wait there, went into the house and brought out two of his teeth that I had nocked out the day before and told him to never come back. At least Mrs S filed for divorce and stayed with us for a few months.

Phil, when you were going to commercial after the woman who had issues with Bill Cosby's message had talked, I heard you proclaim that she was,"well spoken." Please let this be more of your stone age surprise when a woman is eloquent (you know, because you live with Kitty who tends to giggle and purr at jewelry and cosmetic counters and rarely talks about anything but "shopping" and "my hips") and not a tired old cliche. Don't want to nitpick, but when you call an African American who is not your minor student "articulate," it often sounds patronizing, especially when you can hardly keep the surprise out of your voice.

Maybe Dr Cosby called you on this during the break, but we'll never know. You always look a little skittish in the presence of other men. The rest of the show, meh. I love when you award scholarships and hate when they come via commercial. Where is your interest in furthering the education of high-risk kids? I mean, sell a cufflink, buy someone a BS degree.

One more thing while my heartburn is fresh? Don't put cameras into the faces of weeping children. Don't you remember how humiliation felt when you were a kid? It wasn't fleeting embarrassment, it was a trip in a soul blender set on frappe. She isn't an out-of-control, trouble making kid. She seems shy and lonely and only guilty of acquiring her dad's habits. Be kind, you egotistical, balloon-domed fluff talker.

I read somewhere that dachshunds will gorge themselves way more than any other breed of dog. Something kooky in their breeding. My dachshund--not so slick--loves eating more than anything in the world. Dr. Shill would yell at him.

I just wanted to thank you guys for helping me to realize what a misogynistic hypocritical douche this guy really is.

aszxas, way to stand up for your mom!! This world could use more people like you in it. Usually I am against violence, but punch him in the face for me!

And again, according to Shill all that poor girl's problems were related to her weight! Now I'm 150% there that she needs to lose weight and sooner better than later, but to make it the issue with an 11 year old child on national television, made me want to give him a swift kick to the 'nads while wearing steel-toed boots (usually I just want to sucker punch him, but that deserved a nutting). I'm sure basically calling her a big fat cow on TV will do lots to boost her self-esteem and self-confidence and help her make friends - not! Why couldn't he have offered to get her lessons in dance or art or music or something she was interested in and would give her a chance to meet other kids her own age with similar interests to make friends with instead of isolating her with a home gym and a trainer - oh, wait, the fact that she's shy and maybe doesn't have a lot of interests other than TV is not her problem, her only problem is she's overweight! Geez, if her weight is the issue, couldn't he at least send her to fat camp over the summer so she could lose weight and work on the shyness/meet new people and maybe have some fun?!

I'm very glad someone gave the kid who works at Sam's a scholarship. I worked my way through school in the dark ages when you could still pay your tuition and put a roof over your head by working part time at minimum wage - my total tuition for 4 years of college wasn't even $3,000! I don't know how kids do it these days. I wish Shill would actually provide real financial help to people like that kid who want to do something lasting and important and positive in their life instead of frittering away money on trips to the Bahamas for 'hos like Stacy.

And, just in case you thought Shill wasn't at Springer depth yet, here's the synopsis for Friday's show:

Darn--I didn't watch the show becuase I thought it would be only 60 mins. of The Coz. Didn't know he would be abusing teens and giving away trips (Lemme guess-Sandals Resort--does he have stock in there or what?)

Anyway--How comes no one mentioned that Madonna-Whore Bridget Marks that was on Shill AGAAAAIIINNN the other week, replaying that same shrill videotape that accompanies her wherever she goes.

That Dr Phil, always thinking ahead. In this case, he is thinking ahead to next seasons eating disorder episode when he can have her back on to talk about how she starves herself and still hasnt found the self-confidence she deserately needs. Then he will tell her parents its all their fault.

I saw that too and was puzzled. I don't anything about the woman, but even though her story's sad (losing custody of her daughters to her ex-boyfriend), she's waaaay into the histrionics. Her mother seems a bit off too.

Can someone please give me the back story on Bridget Marks? I'd be very grateful. Post here or send me email if you think this is off-topic.

Deepred, there's a ton of info regarding Bridget Marks on the internet - might be easiest if you type her name into your search bar. You'll find it an interesting story.

Topic? Dr. Philofit as "Baby Broker" scares the shit out of me. He was so obviously sitting back on his stool waiting for Jack and Jill to bow in humble adoration and neverending thanks-be-to-Phil. Is it wrong to hope that he gets more involved in this and somewhere down the line the adoptive or biologic parents sue his stinky fat ass?

Okay, how many people were totally unconvinced with that hag Melissa's performance today? My guess: She looked back on the things that she said to Dr. Phil and realized that all of America would hate her, so she made some kissy-kissy faces with AJ for the camera, and now, all is well in Phil's world. He can wash his hands of the whole thing while poor AJ is emotionally and verbally abused.

I'm also guessing that Phil realized he fucked-up big time with Bobby and Melissa. Based on what he said about the first episode with them, you'd think he threatened to sic Children's Services on them instead of giving them a sort of stern lecture. Unfortunately, we all know better.

I still hate Bobby and Melissa. All of their happy faces and epiphanies don't convince me that poor AJ will be happy with them. How is he going to feel in ten years when he finds the tape of the show that shows his mother saying that she wanted to give "it" back? Ugh. I hate that wench.

What was up with the Big Blonde Harpie in the beginning? Was she stalking the couple who adopted her kid eighteen years ago? She freaked me out.

And, just because it can never be said enough: Fuck you, Dr. Phil.

I missed the original Bobby and Melissa ep., but after reading all the bile here, I had to check them out. What the hell? They've had this poor child for how long and can't bond with "it" (how much did I want to smack her for saying that?!) and now suddenly, what 2 weeks after the Shilling, it's all family happy fun all the time and they now lurve their wittle boy?! Gimme a break.

I agree with Sarcastic Chick - Melissa figured out that she revealed what a cold-hearted bitch from hell she is on national TV and maybe even got some less than positive feedback from family, friends and patrons at her local grocery store and nail salon and decided she'd better change her tune so she could blame the editing! Damn! Even if I thought Shill wasn't, well, a Shill, I wouldn't buy this quick turnaround. I wonder if most of it wasn't an act for the camera. Sure, if they were loving and nice to that poor child for a change (or even just treated him like a human being) he would probably respond, but I wonder if the making nice will continue without the cameras around or if that rug's going to be pulled out from under poor little AJ quicker than you can say, "Mommy Dearest." I'm not psychic - and I don't play one on TV - but something about those happy family videos didn't seem quite right - maybe the fear and apprehension in poor little AJ's beautiful big brown eyes.

Agree, totally. It would be a shame if Children's Services or the responsible adoption agency didn't investigate them just because Melissa can smile and act nice for the cameras. Bobby still looked like a total emotionless tool, though. I also feel sorry for their other two daughters. Watching parents play favorites so blatantly is extremely harmful to a child's self-esteem, even if you are the favorite(s). I see some major sibling rivalry in their future.

Overall, the episode left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I'm happy for Jack and Jill and little Jack Jr. They seem like a sweet, deserving family who in desperation turned to Dr. Phil. What bothered me about their segment was how Phil paraded them around on stage to show what a wonderful therapist and adoption liasion he is. And Robin coming up on stage to hold the baby was unnecessary. She could have done that before the show, off camera. The world does not need to see her pudgy Botoxed face cooing at a baby.

Friday sounds trashtastic. I can't wait!

Seems like a pretty quick turnaround, eh Phil? Within weeks this couple has seen the light, embraced this imperfect boy and heard angel anthems? Uh huh. Tell it to the Marines.

You were inundated with mail telling you you fumbled at the one yard line and lost the playoff game. (Oh, you want a more folksy analogy? Mkay. You, uh, cornered the pole cat a'fore he could lift his tail then pitched backward into a cow patty? How's that? ) Once you realized that you'd taken a header off of the white steed you rode in on (get the inference? gooooood!) you went into full PR mode. I'll bet the number of child advocates alone made your forehead bead. Kitty probably had to fix you an extra helping of endive with balsamic THAT night.

I'm likening this to "Parole Board." Ever watch that Phil? (Jus' the Texas episodes? Gotcha.) A parade of humorously similar tattooed fellas take a seat and attempt to explain why they are no longer the young hood who set churches on fire and stole wheelchairs. In the seven months since incarceration, they have changed. They have found God. They have gotten abs. They want to get a job and stop depending on the iffy career of jacking seniors for their pension checks. They're sorry. Sooo sorry.

There is always that one parole board member who sees right through the act and says,"Nope. See you next year." You need to hire that person, Phil, because if you believe this sudden revelation you're as gullible as a hound dog chasing a decoy. And dumb as dirt. You tried to get the heat off of yourself by tossing a little boy to the wolves. SHAME on you.

OK, Phillsey, I've caught on to your latest trick: No matter what the reason your guests are seeking your aid, make sure at least 1 of them is overweight. That way, you can hang each,every, and all difficulties on this one hook. In debt? "Well, you're fat." Isolated? "Well, you're fat." Generally all-around F'd up? "Well, you're fat."

Just because ya' think you've figgered out the "weight loss solution" doesn't mean it's the be-all and end-all for every doG-damned problem in life. But see...that's somethin' you think you know how to fix, so let's use it as the solution to whateva'.

Geez...why am I still watching this craptastic show?

ETA: The NBC Nightly News just ran a segment about a state that will now be issuing weekly "report cards" on students' weight. When I first heard the promo, the initial thought was "Betcha' it's Texas"...well, sho' 'nuff! Think the Good Doctor Phulofit had anything to do with this legislation?

That just made my head spin around. Do they think Mom and Dad and the kids haven't noticed? Are there no Nelson (ha ha) Muntz' in Texas schools? Do they want to give them eating disorders?

Here's an idea Texas -- teach the poor kids to read, write, learn to play an instrument, make a little art, maybe even play soccer -- I know those things don't have the appeal of trudging alone on a treadmill while reading Shil's depressing books -- but the kids just might get so happy and busy they forget all about what they look like.

This whole food police thing has taken a scary turn this year and Phil is leading the way. Maybe he should start wearing an arm band with the "no" circle over a piece of cake.

I'm from Texas and, percolata, truer words have never been spoken. I've lived in my house for almost 7 years and the elementary school up the street has had approx. 15 portable classrooms that whole time. They have the room on the lot to expand the school, but not the money to do so. One school had to delay opening because it was in such bad shape (mold, dripping water, etc.). We do not have near enough teachers and they are not paid anywhere near what they deserve. And forget those extracurriculars like art, band, even PE.

Wouldn't it be nice if someone like Shill decided to donate a percentage of the profits from his show and book to help kids get involved with sports, dance and other activities and help schools be able to provide more nutritious meals on a budget (although please please no Fauxnanner pie)? Yeah, like that's gonna happen.

I'm so glad I missed the bitch Melissa. I honestly would have thrown something at my television.

Phil, Jorthro is not your "youngest" son, he is your "younger son." Just like Kitty is your "second wife" and Jay is your "billboard bottom" and the studio audience are your "stooges."

I totally loved Sailor Dad. The safety issues out of the way, I think what he is effectively doing is "jerk proofing" his daughters, as in "If Daddy makes you feel like the earth's axis, you won't need a jerk in a Camaro to make you feel worthy." Mrs Sailor needs to get over the jealousy and let the three of them have at. (Yes, Sailor Dad shouldn't point out that Mom is a kill joy. They'll figure that out soon enough). Were those kids adorable? I could gobble that little one up.

Pacifier Child reminded me of when my kid was about a month old and we were approached by a truly mountainous woman clutching a Big Gulp in one hand and a lit cigarette in the other. "Honey, them pacifiers aint nothin but trouble. Babies aint gotta have somethin in their mouths all the time!" And she drew deeply on her Winston. At this point her husband peeped out from behind the undulating wall of flesh to whom he was legally wed and suggested that, at best, I might toss the Nuk and make a gosh honest "sugar tit." He smiled then, both of his teeth shining like brown dice. Another pair of lay experts in the field of parenting out to save the world.

I think Hissy Fit child seemed like an allergy sufferer. Probably allergic to the brownies her parents buy peace and quiet with. I wish she hadn't fondled the toilet seat and then stuck her little hands in her mouth. Ick. Bleh. Patooie.

GAKKKKKK! I wish I wasn't going to have that picture in head all day!!

As was mentioned upthread, this was supposed to be Friday's show:

However, according to drphil.com, it has been replaced by another show on (yawn) adoption controversies. I wonder if he's saving the Springeresque craziness for sweeps. And please, Dr. Phil, bring back the desperate housewives!

Hey, stay-at-home Dad? Have a nice heaping cup of Shut the Fuck Up topped off with some Quit Whining Cream. I'm sorry, but when did washing dishes become "estrogen-filled"?

And what's interesting is that the one time we see a guy calling Dr. Shill for "help" is when he's afraid he's being "feminized."

I love how these people need Dr. Shill to tell them some basic fucking common sense.

Well, there may be something to that. Knew a woman once who underwent a radical hysterectomy and the lost the ability to work a steam iron. Conversely, her husband forfeited a nut in a tragic cold chisel mishap and after that was totally afraid of beer commercials and Penthouse magazine. Maybe there's an upside to those starkly defined, archaic and cloying gender roles.

And on a related note, Phil came up with a folksy retort about "throwin down the hoe" and I felt like--with Kitty in attendance--that was in very, very poor taste.

Heeee, Gemmadoll.

Thank you Captain Snarky. My favorite of the estrogen-driven jobs was changing diapers. Oh my yes, when I'm feeling really girly, right after shopping for bows and then soaking in my candle lit bubble bath; I just crave poopy diapers.

[QUOTE]And what's interesting is that the one time we see a guy calling Dr. Shill for "help" is when he's afraid he's being "feminized." [QUOTE]
Also interesting: Bring-Home-The-Bacon Wife was sitting in the audience rather than sitting on stage. WTF?

Ever noticed how there are no gay families on his "show"? I guess in Philmerica, we deviant homosecshuls don't really exist.

As many times he's explored the issue of adoption, you'd think he could include one gay couple. I'm sure he has Dark Age personal thoughts about homosexuality, to go along with his other caveman blather. Since he's a windsock, motivated by ratings and profit, he has to keep testing the wind. Or maybe--even though she's working on her fear of plus size people-- gay folks still scare Kitty.

Ach...he'd probably just reduce it to The Great Bert and Ernie Controversy.

Maybe Kitty's afraid that compared to a well-put-together drag queen she would still look unnatural. Now you're making me want to see a gay couple, with at least one overweight partner, trying to adopt.

And I'm disappointed they changed Friday's show on us. I was so looking forward to seeing if there were burly Springeresque bodyguards on hand to break up any brawlin'.

Edited because "brake" and "break" are different words with different meanings.

Maybe he's worried that a gay couple would stand up to him and tell him he's fat and really shouldn't be lecturing people on losing weight. Or that his advice is just everyday common sense. It would be a good show!

I hear you and will obey!

Yes, where does he get off telling others that they need to lose weight? It looks as if he has a spare tire under his suit jacket don't you think?

Also take a look at this: Lose Money Fast with Dr. Phil's Pills

Whadaymean? He had on Richard Hatch!! ::snerkity snerk::

Missmax, I'm afraid the Dr. Phil Shape Up! diet supplements, shakes and bars have been discontinued. Yes, we are all heartbroken. Several TWoPers reported seeing them at Big Lots and dollar stores last summer.

Man, this section is really funny. I can see the hatrid of Dr. Shill, Miss Botox, & that loser son. What ever happen to his loser son? I have not seen his face lately. What's with these losers going on his show to get advice from this schmuck?!

I'm firmly of the unsubstantiated belief that $hill is fine with homosexuals but won't go anywhere near taking a publicly affirming position for queer relationships or parenting. He's never been particularly insulting to queers (like that gay husband, the tranny grampa, BigNakedHatch) but he's ALSO never done a show TELLING a parent to love their gay kid or their gay kid's partner. So it seems to me that it's totally by design...

The only place it really starts to piss me off is when he's doing a bullying show or a runaway show & he's got a big sissy or baby butch up there and doesn't talk at all about how their gender/sexuality might have something to do with the problems they're encountering.

And, to be sure, queers don't appear anywhere in Family First -- another indication that homo-tolerance won't be allowed to to touch the good Dr's Big Bottom (Line, that is...)

Here is some gossip from the National Enquirer about Shill sending a child to Provo Canyon school and recap of the show.

http://entertainment.myway.com/celebgossip...2005_63061.html

http://www.drphil.com/show/show.jhtml?cont...aidbehavior.xml

I enjoyed this rantings and ravings about D Phill.

http://www.angrymf.com/archives/mf_missile...18.php?page=all

There's word over in The Amazing Race threads that Dr. Phil will be doing a primetime "Romance Rescue" special with Jonathan and Victoria of this season's TAR. My head may explode.

Are they the ones where the husband shoved the wife on national TV and screamed names at her while she was throwing up? I don't watch TAR, but Mr. B. was telling me about them. Yeah, Dr. Phil is really going to make a difference!

Sidenote: Hi guys! I know I have been MIA for the last several months but this whole parenting deal is no walk in the park. Lil B is a healthy, bouncing 8 month old, that weighs around 23 lbs.- boy does not miss a meal! And he is a redhead! Just sprouted some hair around the holidays.

I have been keeping up with the thread- God bless Gemmadoll, she makes me laugh on a daily basis with her eloquent and hilarious posts. I watched the adoption show with MILBorokat and I am still reeling over that woman calling her son "It". WOW.

Edited because "hilarious"has no "k".

Welcome back, borokat. You've been missed, I'm sure.

8 MONTHS, borokat!?!?!?
Time does fly. Wow. Glad to hear things are good.

I just saw the promo for $hill's primetime special. I may ackcherly tune in to see that TAR couple. I'm not a TAR-phile but that couple was hard to miss. Eeps.

Oh I love a big healthy baby -- and with red hair, yet-- I'll bet he's totally adorable.
Welcome back Borokat.

I didn't see much of today's show but it seemed to be another case of Shil throwing money at a problem. I guess there's nothing like a new leather skirt for making those stacks of dirty dishes disappear.