Hey gang! New to this board, but not new to TWoP nor to boards in general.

May I just say that you people are a HOOT?? Mah lord. Hilarious. Gemmadoll (who really should be writing comedy) and many others made me laugh out loud tonight as I read the board. Whenever I join a board I try to read several of the beginning pages and about 20 or so of the most recent pages to get a feel for the board. While I was reading, I laughed so hard that I couldn't tell you how many times I almost spewed my martini out of my nose.

I started out really liking Dr. Phil originally, as I think many here did. But his show is becoming such a freak show that it's almost physically painful to watch. The FUF's are incredibly and yet horribly fascinating, as was RRR with Giant Donna and the little doofus. I do not judge people on their looks, but what a mismatched couple - not just physically but in every other way. They need to put some daylight between each other and each get a good attorney.

I ADORE the name Kitty Surprise. I too wondered about Robin's eyes. That perpetually surprised look. I like a well groomed brow as much as anyone, and endure considerable pain to keep mine that way, but honestly.

I missed the cooking show the other day, and would have loved to see the fake pie. Bummer!

I couldn't agree more about the sugar debate here. Was the phrase "white devil" actually directed at a black woman? I think that is so incredibly offensive, and I'm white. I can't believe it was even said, let alone passed editing. If I were black, I'd be livid. I agree with the posters who said that sugar is in almost everything in some form, our bodies need a bit of it, and you don't have to eat an entire pie but moderate your portions and you will be just fine. Maple syrup on vegetables? I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around that. Enlighten me?

And all the best to the newest little Borokat! Many, many congratulations! I read the board avidly from the point where you all wondered if the new one was a boy or a girl, to Mom's birth announcement, and beyond. Wonderful news. Just keep the little guy away from DP and he should grow up just fine.

I am glad to be here and look forward to reading more posts, and hopefully adding a thought or two of my own! I hope my expectancies of this board will be fulfilled, and you all will be my soft place to land - that is, after I get done castorating my last boyfriend.

My local station just swapped their weekday schedule around so that Dr. Phil is now on when I get home from work -- I hadn't seen his show in ages because it used to be on at 3, and I was surprised to see how horrible it had become. I was sort of hoping I was imagining things, but after reading all the other opinions here, apparently not. Sigh....as bad as it is, I don't think it would bother me so much if I didn't know he actually was capable of doing a good job.

However, I am compelled to admit that I have used maple syrup in the preparation of both carrots and brussell sprouts. Kind of along the same lines as the "baked yams with marshmallows" dish that I loved at childhood Thanksgivings (although I know many people who abhor that as well). So it's not totally insane, really! Real maple syrup is a must, though, not sugar-free pancake syrup. And there's definitely a limited range of vegetables that would work for that -- I would never try it with broccolli or bell peppers.

"Consequate" is a perfectly cromulent word...

Usually just a lurker here, but big belated congrats to borokat!

Welcome, GGM...a splendid time is guaranteed for all, so hang on for the ride.

I NEVER missed a "Dr. Phil Tuesday" on Oprah. NEVER. I would also make mr.maggiegault sit with me and watch the episodes. Damn, Shill was just so GOOD back then. Remember the retreat where the people had to decided which of them would get to live, and which would have to die? And then they tackled the reasons for their choices and prejudices? That was powerful stuff.

Now we have Santa Shill, along with Mrs. Santa Shill (no cookies for her, though!), and their happy little elves, BigButtJay and Jorthro. Everyday is a sleigh ride when Shill is dispensing gifts instead of life-changing advice.

Here's a thought: do you think there has been an increased emphasis on the gift grabbing to underscore the "it's entertainment!" idea? The less Shill opens his mouth with his little platitudes, the less chance there is for getting sued?

[Here's a thought: do you think there has been an increased emphasis on the gift grabbing to underscore the "it's entertainment!" idea? The less Shill opens his mouth with his little platitudes, the less chance there is for getting sued?]

I think the gift giving are paid advertisements by the the companies providing the "free gifts". Do you remember the show he had to promote his new cookbook? Everyone in the audience got a free gift of plastic wrap to keep food fresh! What was that all about? More ads!
Many of Dr Phil's shows are basically infomercials for his new books.

On one hand, it's too stupid to really pay attention to. In fact, I get the feel that both Dr. Phil and Robin are too stupid to pay attention to ("Consequate"). On the other hand, it's offensive that Robin felt the need to "break it down" for us "black folk." Gee, Robin, you pay attention during Black History Month once and that's all you got from it?

By the way, Gemmadoll, I'm still giggling over the mental picture of Robin playing with a ball of yarn.

See, me neither. But I was wondering if he has gotten appreciably worse or if he's just like a therapist one has been seeing for a long time who hasn't managed to make anything better.

In other words, has Dr.Philtered-tip changed, or have we? Are we just on to him now?

I think it's more of a matter of him becoming a pale imitation of who he used to be, as opposed to being onto him. He has taken a turn for the truly craptacular; that was obviously HIS choice and his show sucks because of it. It's almost like he has nothing worthwhile to say any longer; whereas when he was on Oprah, he was a constant voice of consistent reason and quality advice.

I've been with my therapist, Dan, for four years this month, and I have never once felt like we have stalled in our therapeutic relationship.

BWAH HA HA HA!

Seriously, his show has gone down the tubes almost from the get-go. I too, used to watch the Dr. Phil Tuesdays on Oprah. I watch his show now not for personal edification but more as a bystander mesmerized by the ongoing trainwreck - kind of along the lines of "What WILL he do today?". And some of the people he drags on the stage.... At least Jerry Springer doesn't take himself seriously.

And the business of excluding three members of the Weight Loss Challenge from the final show? I think it was downright abusive and sends the message that the weight loss those three accomplished wasn't worthy of acknowledgment. Great encouragement, eh? His message of super-rapid weight loss reminds me of all those quack diet centers back in the seventies and eighties where they put you on starvation rations and then berated you when you didn't lose fast enough. You end up hating your body for not performing as "expected". I think Dr. Phil does a serious disservice to those honestly trying to lose weight in a healthy manner at a healthy rate.

He'd be another harmless modern-day snake oil salesman if so many people didn't take him so seriously.

Wordy McWord.
People like Ann-Marie should be considered "winners" for the amazing progress she made. This gal had a SERIOUS crisis in her background that led to her weight. She also has an amazing attitude and made sincere steps in her progress (telling her dad about the rapes).
Meanwhile, some goober like Jim who OBVIOUSLY was doing something like Atkins gets the "Price is Right" treatment. From what I saw, this guys biggest problem in his past was he was the "goofy fat guy" on the radio with a less-than-charming ball-and-chain back home. I totally agree that DrP chose him just to get back at Mrs. Jim. Plus, this guy's dream is to live in LA and become an actor while Ann-Marie is going back to school to fulfill her education and help others.

Who sounds like the REAL winner here??

You're spot on, Drummouse. Hopefully karma will help even things out, and Ann Marie will further her education, help lots of people, lead a happy and fulfilled life with a purpose, surrounded by people who love her and see the beauty within.

Jim, on the other hand, will be homeless in a year when Dr. Shill stops paying his rent. His "acting" career will never get off ther ground, his shallow wife will leave him for a younger, thinner man, and he will be forced to become a used car salesman in Boise, Idaho, where he will fight back the tears every time a customer says, "hey! Didn't you used to be somebody?".

ETA: To top it all off, I hope Jim gains every pound back, and then some. HATE!

Dr Phil must feel affinity for him as a soul brother.

Remember that there were three stages of the Phil:First, the mute, hulking gorilla who silently scowled during Oprah's meat trial, followed by the Phil who speaketh the no nonsense on O's Tuesday show. Here is where it went off into a ditch for the Phil.
Once he inked the contract for his own show, he didn't know who he was supposed to be. The meat-trial Phil had no pizzazz. The Tuesday Phil was as flexible as a tenured law professor and Phil knew he couldn't hold an audience for a full hour with that dour mug, so he reinvented himself. Much to our detriment, he reinvented himself.

I guess he picked Junior Samples as his framing point, because he went on Jay Leno's show and you all'ed and boy howdy'd so much that Jay called him on it. (He had been doing bits about the prices on Rodeo drive--purposely mispronouncing it the chaps and saddle way--as if Dallas, Atlanta and every other big city in the US hadn't caught up to the market for Judith Leiber bags and $200 haircuts).

Suddenly he peppered his speech with so many farmisms and quaint meaningless homilies that everyone sat entranced until they realized that they were instead totally confused. PhD's usually do not say things like," I seen that dog under the porch and lemme tell ya, that dog won't hunt! Not in possum season when there's fatback in the skillet, he won't." Ok...

But Phil is as country as Diana Vreeland, so this ole boy charade will collapse eventually. I think his big nemesis is the fact that his ego, enormous sense of self-righteousness AND his narcissism, which shimmers more brilliantly than the knob of his head in sunlight, will out him. What'll it take? Maybe--God forbid--a huge quake to rock his studio. Evacuation siren peals and Phil is on his feet, leading the pack stampeding to safety, all asses and elbows to the parking lot. Phil would be as solicitous of everyone else's safety as he would Robo-Kitty's, which to say would be not at all. Poor Kitty would end up buried under a mass of studio audience members who don't wear a size six or smaller, while Phil makes for the helipad, every man for himself.

I hate the fact that to bring about Phil's undoing we must lose the Kitty, but sometimes there are sacrifices to be made.

Maybe Jim can get Chris (Mr. Stacy)'s old job at the car dealership!

Gemmadoll, you slay me! I can't get the image of everyone running for the helipad out of my mind. Oh, and thanks for mentioning Diana Vreeland too.

My husband, sister and I all play "Dr. Phil" on roadtrips now. One of us invents some psychological problem and the other two try to come up with the folksiest, most cornpone, meaningless, fuckwitted response.

Dr. Phil's all cheesy hucksterism, Springer-sideshow now. I think we'll be saying buh-bye soon.

I think it will be bye-bye for Dr.Phull-of-it soon too. I did think he had some good sense years ago on Oprah,but now,it is getting awful.A repeat of the 1st FUF is on now here, so I came to the boards to vent because I never want to see Marty's foolish face or any of them again.
I just saw a repeat of parents with little kids who scream, bite etc. He is right in saying the parents are handling them wrong, but does not get specific enough with how to retrain the kids and parents

I'm a lurker who has enjoyed all of your posts, but never felt fired up enough to join the fun. However, today I watched (for the first time) the repeat of the premier episode of FUF1 and I realize how horrific Dr. Shill is and that he must be stopped!!!
I'm sure you all have been through this debate before, so I don't want to open up a can of worms - BUT - could he have been more biased toward her keeping the baby? Every family needs to make its own decisions, and I'll respect any family in this situation who makes a decision like this thoughtfully. HOWEVER, this family obviously has major issues and this CHILD is 15! I give this poor little baby (and teenage mom) 10 years to total self-destruction. If she gave this baby up, she could potentially regain some of her self (which is obviously not in the picture) and this child would likely go to a home where it is very much wanted and loved (and can be financially taken care of by responsible parents).
I can't even concieve of why Dr. Shill wants her to keep the baby other than if she gives the baby up he'll have way less to talk about "over the year that he'll be following them." Its like he sees the potential for a great trainwreck and he's hell-bent on achieving it.
Again, I'm sorry that this is probably a rehash of what happened months ago when this thing first aired, but I am completely bewildered and astonished.

You know, supie, I think that's the central flaw of the whole show. He was a hit on Oprah precisely because he did give people specific tips to take away with them. We could actually picture them making improvements in their lives. Sometimes it was even information we could use ourselves. Without those specifics there's very little chance for change, we at home learn nothing and it's all just been a pointless airing of dirty laundry.
----
Ewww. FUF deja vu. Speaking of public shame - I just remembered when I actually felt sorry for poor little Katherine and said something about loving her on this very board.

Stay tuned to the end to hear Dr. Phil say, "What we're doing here is the highest and best use of television." snort

You've obviously given this a lot of thought, gemmadoll, but remember, dreams without a timeline are just dreams. When you apply a timeline, it becomes a goal.

I picture Kitty's shock and hurt when she realizes he's not coming back for her (and it looks just like her normal expression, but. you can. just. tell...). And she realizes that, of all the women in the room, she is the luckiest, because she'll never have to bend and scrape and step and fetch for that big lunk ever. again. As the welcoming darkness covers her, she snuggles herself into her Juicy couture and thinks her girlie pretty pony girlie girl thoughts.

The music swells, a soulful rendition of either "I Enjoy Being a Girl" or "But He's My Man, and I Love Him". Fade to black.

This is a joke, right? Did he actually say that? Jeez. Looks like I'm going to have to leave work early again to catch the repeat.

I'm amazed he bothered to say "we're" instead of "I'm".

OMG -- I've just figured it out! We all know that Dr. Phil is going to be focusing on parenting next season, and coming out with a book on the subject. Since DP is the master of the spin-off, he'll have BBJ write a book on "Parenting 101 for teens," and since BBJ has had so much experience "helping" Alex, he'll be perfectly equipped to be the spokesman for teen parents everywhere!!

Seriously, after The Ultimate Weight Solution spawned TUWS for Teens, the Food Guide, and now the cookbook, we all know that DP can't stop at just one book... every concept has to have possibilities for "brand extension." I'm sort of surprised that Kitty hasn't been tapped to write a book -- it could be "The Total Woman" for the '00s.

Good call! I was stymied at the part of the dream where the beleagured style mistress begins to call out in her rusty lever-and-pulley voice,"Help! Phillip! Come back for Kitty! The fat ladies are crushing Kitty!"

I somehow missed the FUF1 early episodes last fall (came in somewhere just after the non-adoption fiasco) but what is that on Erin's head? I know someone upthread mentioned the only positive consequence of FUF1 was that Erin got a better hairdo. But O.M.G. -- Erin's hair was just shocking...

As was how young Katherine & Alex seemed at the beginning of this disaster. BUT the most horrifying part was how pervy it was to see PP befriending Katherine... (This is obviously before she started beating up boys, blowing off her homework, and sassing everyone the way she does her parents.) But do we see a pattern here? Pervy Patriarch Phil gets all cozy with the 14yo "so much smarter than her parents" daughter... At least Katherine didn't get to sing on the show... Maybe that will be for a reunion show...

I think the combo of FUF & WLC did the season in. I'm just sorry we have to see all the horrors again. I mean it's not like he didn't spend half of every FUF episode doing summary or anything...

Loudfan you are so right about the book we will probably see from little phill.
I don't know why I did not think of that!
Stinkylulu the endless recaps of everything on every show has been a pet peeve for a long time.Bad enough to go through it all once let alone skeety-eight million times.

Cripes, I'm so sick of Marty and Erin. Couldn't Dr. Philenstein have given us a Fucked Up Filler Family for the summer...

Don't you mean Phil-er family?

Welcome, Talonius! Sorry if it seeemed like I had ignored your first post today, we had just cross posted because it takes me ages to type, particularly when I stop in the middle to do my own "girlie pretty pony girlie girl" stuff (Hexele - hee), er, actually, clean up cat vomit.
Never fear - these shows are worth at least two rounds of ridicule. I have a feeling some of our funniest TWoPers are just warming up.

My friend and I always call the Friday episodes "Philler"- when he collects random problem people and loosely ties them together with some theme like "People with Problems".

Credit where credit is due. I scanned back through the thread...back to page 70-something, whew, and found this gem by Freshly Ground Coffee. It is so spot on that is has stuck in my mind and I paraphrase it a lot:



There is Kitty life, orbiting around Shill and the Shilldren, and then there is real life, where there is cat vomit. Funny how I would prefer the latter.

To Percalata: Re cleaning up cat vomit

I have 3 cats and they used to vomit fairly often during the spring and summer. They were often sick because they were trying to get rid of furballs. (They are short-haired cats). I give them a cat laxative (a treatment for hairballs) and it has really helped. You can get it from your vet or from a pet food store. They don't like the treatment-they usually stomp off and won't look at me but it sure helps stop the throwing up.

Shock and horror at Robin's continuing influence on America...

I was visiting family last week and while visiting an aunt, we talked about working out. She asked me what I do and I told her I do weight training and some cardio work (eliptical glider). Well, she said "Robin from Dr. Phil says the only thing you need to do to get a complete workout is use that rubber-band thingy so you don't need to do all the rest you're doing". I thought I was going to throw up.

Now she's a damn exercise expert....I guess pretty soon she'll be God at the rate she's going.

Oh BibiBella, how depressing. People quoting Robin as though she has any credentials about anything. Ugh.

MyraA - thank you! I need to do something. We've got a viscious cylce going on here with the cat throwing up behind the couch -the dog finding it and eating it- the dog getting diarrhea. It's almost as disgusting as people quoting Robin.

I have an original line that I will share with you: "Who would have thought that married life was just one long trip to Walmart to buy a 24-pack of toilet paper?"

Because married life, and life itself, you know, is really made up of the humdrum and mundane. No matter how many tofu and grape nut pies a girl gets it into her pretty widdle head to make.

Regarding the cat vomit, our beloved cat, the late great Hecubus, had a problem with puking. He was a cat from the streets and used to gorging on garbage. He never lost that mentality, even when he had a warm home and regular eats. On a weekly basis, he was a Pukeubus. We really worried that something was wrong; Hec was fine. He was just a glutton. I hope you kitties are okay.

Aw man, the Reagan funeral pre-empted my local networks early-morning Shill episode. At this point I'm never gonna get to see that baby-voice talkin' woman. There's no justice in this world.

percolata, the worst thing about my aunt quoting Robin as an expert was that I could tell she has sooo bought into the whole Dr. Phil/Robin thing which is completely scary. My aunt spoke of Robin and DP with such reverent terms, it was really sickening.

Yes, these kind of folks are the reason DP has good ratings....yikes!

Cat puke stories mixing with accounts of relatives quoting Robotoxin...it's like a virtual hairball with felines/family spitting up their own bit'o Kitty Surprise across this great land... eew.

On a much more appetizing note, tho: I just ate a most delicious bowl of Macaroni & Cheese and thought of y'all, especially YOU percolata...

I wonder if Kitty has a macaroni & cheese recipe in the new Dr. Phil Cookbook? I can just imagine...

1 container fat-free cottage cheese
1/2 cup fat-free cheddar cheese
1 cube extra-firm tofu, cut into macaroni shapes
1/2 cup Grape Nuts
1 Tbsp sugar-free maple syrup

That recipe actually sounds fairly tasty until you get to the maple syrup. I will mail a crisp clean $1.00 bill to anyone who cooks this and eats it (with syrup).

Bwah!

And I'll mail two crisp clean $1 bills to anyone who wears an "I love Dr. Phil" custom-made apron while doing it.

And you forgot to add "One standard issue airline barf bag."

Hmm, perhaps w/I love Dr Phil printed on it.

I'm surprised that Kitty didn't have I Heart Dr. Phil Oven Mitts too - heck, maybe she even has a special set of I Heart Dr. Phil dishes that she eats from as just another way to stand by her man.

Maybe Kitty will have her own line of kitchen utensils soon, including one that cuts out the little tofuroni shapes. And about that nasty fauxnana cream pie - I personally don't like banana cream pie (one of the few kinds of pies I don't like), but c'mon how bad for you is it really, assuming that you have a normal sized serving and not the whole pie and that you don't have it every day? I love sweets as much as anyone and they are definitely my weakness, but given the choice between, say a couple of Snackwells or other diet dessert every day and a real dessert a couple of times a week, even I would hold out for the real dessert. Have the Shills no will power or is it simply that Kitty refuses to have anything to do with the White Devil?

Oh, the joys of Erin and her big ass mushroom head. I'd forgotten all about the Mario Bros. haircut.

My boss' wife shared a maternity ward room with Robin (BBJ and BW's son were born a few hours apart). She says Robin was swearing up and down that she was gonna divorce Phil. Guess the whistle of the gravy train was too tempting.

percolata- RE: Cat barf

We have 5 cats, so I know that makes me a Veterinarian in Shillworld.
If we don't brush our cats a lot when the seasons change, they inevitably huck up fur balls from shedding their pre-season coats.

Hmm, I wonder if Kitty Surprise does this every Memorial Day and Labor Day weekend?

Either that or she realized that pushing that enormous headed spawn through her loins ruined her for other men's lovin'.

As for Robin's advice, the plot thickens here. Maybe she is positioning herself as an "expert" so that when Phil ceremoniously dumps her she is in a better bargaining place. So what if it's her nail technician that advises her about heart health, or her pool boy who selects her wardrobe. When Phil's eye roams toward another, or his public discovers his advice is nothing but snouts and tails, Kitty can swoop in and snatch a pay day before the bankruptcy or divorce lawyers start circling.

I say, bravo and bravo Kitty. Tell us how your exterminator thinks is the best way to achieve a smooth, flawless bikini wax. It really is fascinating.

I went to weigh in at my weekly weight watchers meeting (4 weeks on the program and I'm already down 9.8 lbs!) and our group leader mentioned the Fauxana Cream-food pie that Robin made. She said that if you can't have a piece of real pie now and again you will never sucessfully loose weight becuase making weight loss about will power is a sure guarantee of failure. She said if anyone had the DP WLC book to thow it out, its mess-with-your-head garabage.

Poor Kitty Surprise... you know, she could be an actress hired to play the role of Shill's devoted Adam's Rib; like on My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancee, except its My Big Fat Obnoxious Lying Cheating Sanctimoious Asshat.

Hooray for Pissy Missy! That's awesome! I think Weight Watchers is great. My mother lost 50 lbs. and she looks and feels better than she ever has.

I'm so glad that legitimate weight loss counselors are speaking out about the foolhardy "advice" of Shill's Ultimate Weight (and Money) Loss Scam. This notion that weight loss is all about will power is what has gotten so many people into trouble in the first place. That mentality sets us up to use food as a tool, a reward, a punishment, a lover...instead of nourishment for our bodies. I finally got my head screwed on straight about food and my weight when I realized that I was maintained a very slim figure by will power: I never ate real food, subsisting instead on SlimFast shakes, Diet Coke, and cigarettes (two packs a day). If I did eat a "real" bit of food, I would berate myself internally for days afterward, shaming myself for "having no will power." I would call myself Fat and Failure and Fuckup and even worse.

Sound familiar? It's just that I had an obnoxious bald Texan with half-baked notions in my head, instead of in my face.

I had a bar of gourmet dark chocolate yesterday with my morning coffee (Ethel M. chocolates are wonderful.). I savored every delicious bite, letting it melt in my mouth. It was nothing short of sinful. AND IT WAS REAL FOOD. AND IT WAS A TREAT. AND TREATS NOW AND THEN ARE WHAT MAKE EATING WORTHWHILE. No, it wasn't creme brulee made from tofu, maple syrup, and crushed Grape Nuts. It was the real thing, and I enjoyed every mouthful. I can't understand this fascination of Shill and Kitty Surprise, substituting real food for these pale imitations that are supposedly better. Do you think it's telling that Shill seemingly cannot practice portion control with the real thing, and therefore has to have Kitty whip up a big old batch of Fake Food?

Where Kitty Surprise gets her recipe ideas.

Holy cow, SnowDog, I was seriously laughing so hard I was convulsing. MrJean came in with a look of concern, then looked at the screen and said, "...the hell???"

I never thought I'd be defending Kitty on this board, but I've heard that it's not uncommon for women to trash-talk their husbands while they're delivering children. This was dealt with in some advice column (maybe Dear Abby?) a couple of years back... a man was so upset about what his wife had said in the delivery room that he couldn't get over it, despite the fact that she barely remembered it and in any case, insisted she didn't mean it. I guess in the midst of all that pain, you want to lash out against the one who is partly responsible for the li'l one getting in there in the first place. Plus this was way before Phil was rich & famous. I just see Kitty as a Nancy Reagan type... she'll stand by her man and make goo-goo eyes while doing it. Remember, Nancy married Ronnie when he was a has-been actor.



Phil did tell the WLC folks that "his" diet wasn't about will power... because they could eat all they wanted, as long as it was from his list of approved high-cost, high-response foods. Thus, the Grape Nuts & tofu pie, etc. You're supposed to say, "oh, this is so delicious that I don't miss REAL pie at all!" Uh-uh. That's why I prefer the WW approach, which is about portion control, not designating foods as good or bad (which is essentially what DP does with his elaborate food lists).

I call that TEN lbs, Pissy Missy! Well done!

SnowDog: Oh man, I think that "de-liver us from evil" dish really could replace the old garlic necklace.

Freshly Ground Coffee: I read your tip and went straight outside to brush, Mickey. When I got done it looked like he had had kittens! I know you're all thinking, "Well, duh," but I'm new to the cat business - wouldn't have this one if the dog hadn't begged for it - and besides, if Robin hasn't done a segment on it, how am I to know?

Congrats Pissy Missy! That's a big accomplishment and I hope you are as proud of yourself as we are!

You should email Phil and tell him that you did it by doing everything he said... according to George Costanza. That is to say, the complete OPPOSITE!


ETA: Big thanks to SnowDog for the funniest link I have ever seen in my life. Ever.