Hoping we're all over the visions of Karl in his undies by now.

TV Week this week reports (nothing that wasn't already snarked about...)

Not so grown-up

Determined to prove she’s not a kid anymore, Serena Bishop ventured into very adult territory when she arranged a secret meeting with photographer Chris Cousens at a hotel.

When Neighbours returns this week, we see that Serena’s night ends disastrously when she runs from the hotel suite.

“Serena had been so excited about this supposedly adult adventure, but she wasn’t really thinking about the consequences,” explains Lara Sacher, who plays Serena.

“As Serena walks into the hotel room, Chris tries to kiss her and then she sees the bed and the wine. She can’t handle it.

“But no matter what anyone had said to her, Serena has been set on believing that Chris is a good guy.”

When Chris (Simon Mallory) later sends the impressionable Serena a dozen red roses, all is forgiven once more.

Refusing to listen to the concerns of her cousin Sky (Stephanie McIntosh), Serena agrees to pose for a bikini shoot.

Lara believes her alter ego has fallen in love with the sleazy Chris.

“She’s infatuated with him,” she says. “He can be very charming, so I do sympathise with her.”

And so the Serena Smackdown Fest continues.

19/1 brings Harold's life hangs in the balance. Serena's romantic night with Chris ends disastrously. Trixie's Wedding night is not as magical as she'd hoped. Trixie catches Carmella & Connor kissing after everyone else has left the Wedding reception and she orders Carmella home to her protective father. Here's hoping that Trixie ends up being the misguided target of a mafia hit intended for Connor

Please god let Serena be raped. In the arse.

20/1 - Fallout from Harold's stroke. Serena is drawn back into Chris's web. After Connor has a run in with Trixie, he fears that Trixie will tell Rocco about his kiss with Carmella. Here's hoping that Connor discovers that Trixie is really the post-op sex change FATHER of Nina, and threatens to tell Lou.

I met Dr Karl at work today (Alan Fletcher, right?), he was on holidays with his kids and wife.

Pretty uninspiring sight - in fact, whilst shaking his hand and having a chat about any possible whorage with Izzy (he declined to tell me) i couldn't get the image of him in his daks out of my head.. Quite nasty!

It was a really hot day in the [unnamed] theme park, the sweat was dripping off him.. But he was a charming little fellow... I didn't have much time to get any goss out of him, but I tried my hardest!

If Trixie is indeed a trans-sexual, then Lou was never really married to her as the marriage isn't legal. Please let Delta return for this. I need to see a nina reaction when she finds out that Trixie is really Travis

TV Week this week:

A scary ride

Connor O’Neill’s worst nightmare is about to become a reality. After a steamy session with the gorgeous Carmella (Natalie Blair), Connor (Patrick Harvey) is caught out at her house by her underworld-figure father, Rocco.

Needless to say, Rocco (Robert Forza) is absolutely furious!

“Rocco wanted to try and catch his daughter, who up until now has been hiding out at Connor’s house,” explains Patrick.

“They go to Carmella’s house to pick up some things, thinking no one is home, and they decide to have some fun when Rocco shows up.”

Enraged, Rocco locks up the Irish lad for the night. The next day, he drives a blindfolded Connor around in the boot of his car, and drops him off at the pub.

While Connor is petrified, Patrick reveals the scenes were great fun to film.

“Robert, who plays Rocco, is such a funny guy and we laughed and laughed through the rehearsals,” he says.

Meanwhile, Rocco sends Carmella packing to Italy immediately.

“Connor really liked Carmella and thought he could make a go of things with her,” Patrick says.

Will Connor ever see Carmella again?

God I hope not. And I hope we never do either. And can't Rocco go the fuck with her. Get him the hell out of the show. As if a mob boss would live in Erinsborough. That's probably the big plan, to have everyone thinking he is, try to fool the viewers into thinking he'll get somebody hit, and then reveal that he's just joking and is actually a bank manager.

Do we know when Delta/Nina will be back?

I don't think she has even returned to shooting, so it will be more than three months before Nina Tucker returns. Maybe Delta knew that Trixie was poison and ran far far away to cancerland.

Am fighting off Dumaru and Swen viruses on the work computer tonight, so will be missing (heh) the return episode of Neighbours. Lemme know if the credits at the start or end change, and if (heaven forbid) Trixie enters the credits.

I wanted to hate Trixie when I read that she was upset about Harold's stroke affecting her wedding night, but I think that she is understandably so. She's not kicking up a fuss. But GEEZ, what's with all the hostility towards Carmella?

Serena? Is in way over her head.

Maybe she secretly wants Connor. And she only married Lou to get to him. And she had Nina kidnapped so she didn't come between them. Or maybe she has a past with Rocco. Possibly, she's just a bitch.

The credits changed again, the shots are the same but there are new graphics or something different. It went by too fast for me to pick it. No Trixie in sight.

HEE!

I missed the opening credits, due to the watching of Dr. Who (Shut it!), but the end credits are very reminiscent of HeartBreak High - The Final Years, when Danny Raco was on it.

Nothing wrong with watching Dr Who. Andrew's Gogo (grandfather) got drunk with Tom Baker in a bar in Sydney one night.

26/1 - Lyn warns Izzy on Susan's behalf. Summer's afraid of being replaced. Oh we can only hope! Replace her with a statue. Or a nice wall hanging. Trixie plays the part of the perfect wife. Lou's threatened by Stuart's after-hours garage business.

27/1 - Max and Steph get Summer excited about babies again. Mal's worst suspicions about his Dad and Izzy seem to be confirmed. Lou wonders which Trixie he has married. Woo! Here comes the tranny storyline!!! Hee Lou's anger with Stuart's enterprise grows.

I was really interested to see how they would do the sort of sunken half face that stroke patients have, but from the shots of Ian Bishop in the hospital bed last night, it seems he's doing an OK job of portraying the physical aspect of having a stroke.

Most of you guys here also post on the H&A board as well and we've been talking about which is the better soap over there. One of the things I liked last night was the little touches of realism that Neighbours put in, like David or whoever it was telling Skye to get a taxi to the hospital and that they would give her the money for the taxi when she go to the hospital. They didn't assume that she has this unlimited supply of cash. H&A would never do that sort of thing or let kids have the circumstances, financial or otherwise, that kids normally have.

In the majority of aspects Neighbours is completely more realistic than H&A, for reasons I posted over on the other board. Real families instead of beach bimbos. I'm not saing that Neighbours hasn't been through its' unrealistic phases (the Mafia in Erinsborough is one) but at least there's not earthquakes, landslides, and locust attacks even 5 minutes.

And there's no Tammin Sursok!

I think the different ways the shows ended the year speak mountains about their reality. Neighbours ended with an elder man who only had one kidney having a stroke, which could have happened. H&A ends with four people getting trapped in an abandoned mineshaft. Whatever. Plus, it seems someones life is in danger every night on H&A while Neighbours looks at things that might actually happen.
After watching both last night I realised how much I missed Neighbours.

Plus relationships are way more realistic. Example: compare Sky and Boyd to Kane and Kirsty. Sky and Boyd make out sometimes and hang out together. Kane and Kirsty have sex with each other and have gotten engaged.

ETA GO CONNOR! Good on you mate! Finally SOMEONE told Trixie off! But yeah, that's gonna bite you on the arse.

While we're doing the whole compare and contrast thing all you really need to see are the performances of Harold post stroke vs Buckbutt post getting hit with a million pounds of dirt (descriptions already warrant a valid point) In one scene Ian Bishop conveyed a stroke victims wounds, both physical and emotional, I felt very realistically. Whereas all Duckbutt can muster is a full stop at the end of every word and a limp that continues to change feet. As a teenager (don't be alarmed, no teeny-bopper here) I really hate the portrayal of teens in H&A, not only does it make others think that's all teenagers do but it also makes kids feel that's what they should be.

Loving the new snarky Harold, and the whole stealing the blanket from some other poor codger last night! Sure he'll eventually turn back into his old doormat self, but he snarks at Summer tonight. Should be worth watching!

Hating stupid Serena. She should leave for Summer Bay. Pronto.

28/1 - Karl admits to Mal he no longer loves Susan. Harold goes missing. Stuart's still haunted by the past. Lou's upset about Stuart's job. Still! I'd be more upset about that bitchy tranny you're married to! Summer continues her quest for the perfect kiss - try one from Liverpool!!

WORD. H&A Writers? Meet subtlety. It's all the rage these days. Duckbutt? Meet acting. I think you'll find it quite useful in your job.

I am impressed with the way Neighbours is really going into the consequences of having a stroke. Not only are the family upset, but so are Harold's friends, like Lou. Great to see them exploring the simple difficulties that come from having a stroke, like not even being able to ask for a drink. I missed him stealing a blanket, but it looks like they are also going to explore the personality changes that also come with these sorts of conditions.

The only annoying thing is that Serena's annoying storyline was interspersed in with Harold's, grrrr. She really needs that smackdown soon!

Trixie is becoming a middle aged Dani. Harold's in hospital recovering from a stroke, but It's All.About.Trixie. Getting the shits 'cos your new hubby wants to stay and be a loyal friend is just plain stupid.

I also loved the smackdown Connor gave her yesterday.

That was good, in fact great, but what I loved more was the change in tonight's episode. No Harold and his Horsebutt's. No Serena, Sky, Boyd or Trixie. So far this year all it had been was them, Lou and Karl. I was wondering if all the rest had been eaten by bears or something. Not that I'd care.

Re: The credits. Taj and Nina are both missing from the opening credits, but still listed in the closing, in amongst the other regulars.

I hope Harold stays like this for a while, and isn't over it in three days like Duckbutt, but I don't want a Susan-long injury. One months will probably be enough for some good laughs, and actually be more realistic than three days or six months.

I agree that Harold and his stroke are getting towards realistic. Brain injury can affect people in different ways. (Or in DuckButts' case, not at all apparently, since he didn't have one to start with) Some remain paralysed, or only remain so temporarily (Andrew's Grand-Nana had one 13 yrs ago, and apart from very slightly slurred speech, recovered fully).

But if part of Harolds' brain that affects rational behaviour is affected, it could lead to a personality change. Thus blanket snatching, possessiveness (including lashing out at someone who may take what is yours), etc. Possibly a relative of a monkey has gone thru a similar experience.

BTW Joe didn't get cooked by a bushfire, any guesses how they'll write him out?

Where was Jack? Wasn't he supposed to come back with Joe?

I missed the Summer smackdown by Harold - what exactly did he do?

He just smacked her hand away when she tried to nick his chocolates. I would've done the same thing, greedy little fuck.

Considering how popular the character of Harold is in the UK, I doubt they'd change his personality permenantly. It's just another retrograde amnesia-esque "we tackle SERIOUS things, too" storyline. Hopefully it doesn't drag out as long as that shit did, though.

Well, Taj was always leaving because Jamie Reyne said he wanted to persue other oppurtunities, but I will be interested to see if they can lure Delta back. I am sure they are desperate to have her back.

I just assumed that if Taj is already gone, they might have decided to mention it, perhaps even show where he's gone to. I really want them to get Delta back, but I think her contract is finishing mid-year anyway.

Jack was mentioned in a throw-away line by Joe, he said that Jack would be back in two weeks or so, and was having fun with his cousins. Or some such nonsense. I guess he decided to turn around because when Joe called Lyn last year, he said "WE are on our way back."

Nooo... my little sister is watching this movie called 'Now & Then' and wouldn't let me watch Neighbours tonight - did I miss anything substantial?

Well, Taj was angsting over his decision to not go to film school. But, it's all going to be good for some reason because some hot shot is staying at Lassiters.

They also mentioned Chloe today. Nice bit of continuity.

Chloe?

Chloe is the owner of Lassiters. She had a love affair with Darcy, her daughter tried to kill Darcy and her son was engaged to Steph, while chewing flick's lips.

I thoroughly enjoyed the Trixie cooking scenes tonight. I still hate her, but gravy that comes out like jelly is good comedy in my book.

And finally, somebody else (two people no less) is onto Izzy's bitchiness.

This will totally jinx us, and everyone will hate me, but I can't believe there's been no Horsebutt family for about a week. Yay!

But you are all aware that no Izzy smackdown will occur, 'cos Mal is only here for a visit, and whilst the whole Susan/Karl thing may be resolved, she'll still be injecting her bitchiness into the House of Hoyland.

But anyhoo, I'm totally for Steph and Max breaking up, 'cos Max is a cranky old whinger, and Steph can do much better. Even a Curry brother is 110% better!

I know! Even if Mal is more interested in a bit of Karl smackdown, great to see that Boyd is onto Bitchzzy, and he's making sure that Steph is not getting hurt. Please, please let Bitchzzy get what's coming to her.

What's the deal with Malcolm coming back anyway? Was he back in the '03 finale? And is just me, or was Mal always such a wooden, shite actor? Seriously Dude, dial down the aussie block method acting already!! Watching him have to carry a scene on his own (when he was on the phone to Susan) just goes to show how bad an actor he was. I was cringing for him!

Mal only just showed up (AGAIN!!) last night or the night before. But seriously, he's popping up every two weeks or so. Go the fuck away. So, to answer your other question, yes Mal was always a terrible actor, but now he is much worse.

Come on previews chick, do you seriously expect us to believe there's a possibility Harold was kidnapped from a fully staffed hospital in the few seconds Lou said he'd be gone? The only question remaining is has he run away, or is he simply in the toilet/having tests/at physio and not missing at all? Not that it matters since he will probably be found before the first ad break, and definitely by the end of the episode.

What was with the camera zoom towards Mal as he saw Izzy and Karl talking? I mean, overdramatic much?

I don't think Izzy has done enough for a smackdown. First of all, she has only ever been Karl's friend. Susan is just a suspicious bitch and Mal is fucking moron. Izzy has not come on to Karl with the intention of breaking up his marriage. Susan infers this because she percieves Izzy to be Sarah 2.0 and Mal is just insecure because o fhis parents failing marriage.

As for the Steph Vs. Izzy thing, she interfered no more than other people, less than other people. And, as she is working against Sax, I don't really see the problem. Root for her, people. If she wins Sax is no more!

I don't think Bitchzzzy deserves the smackdown so much for her deal with Karl, although she could have recognised that she was causing issues and backed off a bit. It's more her selfish behaviour with Max, convincing him to lend her all that money to buy into the coffee shop and her self-centred ways with Steph, either complaining that she doesn't get enough attention, or doing mean things to her. Basically I think Bitchzzy needs a smackdown because she is completely incapable of taking others into consideration and she only really gives a damn about herself.


Who's Sax?

Sax = Steph and Sad Sack Max

Bitchzzy is clever at turning everything into "poor Izzy". In fact, she truly is the Dani of Neighbours. It's.All.About.Bitchzzy.

She'll tell Karl that she's feeling unwelcome at home, but most of it is because she won't pay Sad Sack Max back the loan, she's planting wrong ideas in the kids heads about Steph, and lets whatever issues she had growing up affect how she interacts with other people.

As for Karl, I haven't decided whether Bitchzzy wanted what she can't have, and now Karl is "aingle" she doesn't want him anymore, or whether it's all part of her grand scheme, or even it all has to do with her "happy family" issues and she's just a homewrecker.

Wow. A Lori mention, and even a subtle reference to Harold's earlier disappearance where everyone thought he had been lost at sea. Go, continuity.

Poor Harold.

Foreshadowin for an imminent Lori return of course. No way would her or her baby with Connor ever be mentioned if she didn't come back.

I still like Izzy. And I still think Serena is more of a Dani than Izzy. She's a bitch, but has no blame in the Kennedy break-up or whatever it is. It's all Karl. And Mal is just too much of a dropkick to realise it.

In other news, Sky's going blonde. Which is actually the actresses original hair colour, she looks totally different though, a lot like our good friend Michelle Scully really.

Yes, because we really needed two of those.

So when is Munchelle, oops, I mean Michelle returning to disgrace our screens?

Have decided to anoint Lilijana at "Clueless". Your daughter and niece are having a ferocious bitchfight, however when told it was nothing, thought no more of it. Plus the whole HorseButt ™ financial loss deception.

Am looking forward to the Serena bikini photo smackdown though!

2/2 - David and Liljana clash over Serena's punishment. Lou witnesses the extent of Trixie's pain. Summer begins to appreciate Sky's point of view.

3/2 - Serena is humiliated when Liljana vents her anger publicly at Chris. Izzy helps David realise Harold's behaviour isn't normal. Lou makes a surprise commitment for Trixie. Fear turns to opportunity when Stuart gets a visit from the law.

4/2 - Karl continues to keep the truth from Susan. Lyn tells Susan about Karl and Izzy. Audrey suffers a terrible accident. Harold is not happy with Lou & Trixie's news. Reality TV beckons Joe and Lyn.

5/2 - Karl needs more time apart from Susan. Stuart considers life as a cop. Joe cuts Jack down to size. Sky and Boyd prepare for a sleepover. Mal announces he is selling the Hoyland House.

6/2 - Susan insists that Karl undertake couples therapy. Steph, Max and Izzy misunderstand the house situation. Sky and Boyd struggle with intimacy. Joe avoids asking Jack to help him on-site. Summer takes Sky's advice with Declan.

Sky and Boyd struggle with intimacy

This? Is Why Neighbours is the superior show when it comes to portraying teenagers. H&A writers should be spending 6:30pm weeknights checking out their competition.

9/2 - Karl's failure to reveal his true feelings gives Susan false hope. I wish they'd quit with this stupid storyline. Just send them both off to Cambodia or some other 3rd world country. She can teach, he can doctor, everyone ends up happy Summer survives her first day at high school.Hopefully the head flushing comes on day 2 Max offers Connor a trainee management position at the Pub - despite there being still no proper explaination that he's now a resident, or did I fall asleep during that episode[/i]

And now, the Serena Smackdown Update:

Lights, camera, Serena

Serena Bishop is humiliated when she finds out the shocking truth about the man she has fallen for, photographer Chris Cousens.

In dramatic scenes, Serena (Lara Sacher) goes to see Chris (Simon Mallory), who has promised to launch her modelling career, and is stunned when she finds a hidden camera he had set up to record their intimate encounters.Gee, we never saw this coming

“Serena is about to sleep with Chris when the phone rings,” Lara reveals.
While Chris answers the phone, Serena makes the awful discovery.

An angry Serena “refuses to give Chris the satisfaction of crying”. “She breaks down afterwards when she’s outside by herself,” Lara explains.

Lara, who joined the cast of Neighbours halfway through last year, admits this has been a challenging storyline for her to film.

“It was quite confronting,” she says. “I think this is a big coming-of-age for Serena. She will always be very sheltered, but this teaches her a lot.”

This is combined with Ch10 advertising that tonights' episode is one that they tried to ban (yeah right). They probably only tried to ban it 'cos tonight might actually be entertaining!

Tonight was actually pretty boring. Except for the unexpected moment of brilliance that was the Serena smackdown. I was going to say that I wish Harold would just get back to normal already, but if he keeps this up, and aimed at Serena and Trixie, (what did he say to/about her anyways, I missed it?) I might grow to enjoy it.

What reality TV are Joe and Lyn going on? Maybe they're the 14th Hothouse couple. I sense a terribly ridiculous storyline approaching. And maybe the craptacularness of it all is what kills Joe?

Thanks for the garden shears Serena, it's nice that you bought them for me. This is despite that Syke has always been my favourite, and pretty well much my opinion of you is that you're a spendthrift airhead who don't give a crap about anyone 'cept yourself.

I love that Harold has blown his decency and tact chip!

Mebbe Joe and Lyn go to "the resort", and Joe runs off with a nubile young babe.

I saw that and i loved it. I actually meant, and i should have been more clear that I missed what he said about Trixie or to her that got Lou so upset. Of course, soon Lou will be hating her just as much when his latest utterly predictable storyline has played out.

WOO-HOOO!!! Harold's smackdown was the best thing last night, not only because it was so bloody brilliant, it was so unexpected. Another "we love Harold" moment.