» Beaver created the Bird Flu! The other Dastardly Deeds of Cassidy Casablancas. Options

[Blueberry]

He crashed a bus. He killed Curly. He raped Veronica. Yeah, the kid's really evil. But you think that's it? You think those are Beaver's only crimes? You fool! You ignorant fool!

We've found the root of all evil, folks, and it isn't money--it's Beaver. From the death of the dinosaurs to the Muslim Cartoon Riots, all the world tragedies can be traced back to that sixteen year old boy. For instance, did you know that:

Beaver smashed Veronica's headlights in the pilot. Sure, it looked like Logan, but it was Beaver in his Logan suit.

Beaver volunteers at the veterinarian clinic, but only to drown newborn kittens.

Beaver pronounces it "nuculer." Oh, and he caused the Chernobyl disaster too.

After Oprah gave everyone a car, Beaver had the cars towed.

Beaver sprays Aqua Net directly towards the sky, just to speed up Global Warming.

Beaver shot both 2Pac AND Biggie Smalls.

Beaver forced everyone to drink the Kool-Aid. At gun point.

Beaver invented Anthrax.

Beaver, not Butters, is Professor Choas.

Beaver's only been in hell for less an hour, yet he's already managed to overthrow Satan and become the New Evil Overlord.

Beaver sat in Baby Bear's chair, ate his porridge and slept in his bed. That's right--Beaver is Goldilocks.

Beaver convinced Arnold to run for Governor, and then fixed the election to have him win by a landslide.

Beaver got Limp Bizkit a album deal.

Beaver hired Micheal Brown to head FEMA.

Beaver dissed "Pride and Prejudice." Sure, it looked like Jackie, but it was Beaver in his Jackie suit.

Despite what the Springfield Stonecutters say, it was actually Beaver who made Steve Guttenberg a star!

Beaver launched Sputnik.

Beaver crashed the stock market in 1929.

Beaver says "irregardless" all the time, even though he knows it's not a real word.

Beaver wears white after Labor Day.

Beaver convinced Adam and Eve to eat the apple.

Beaver is Xenu!

If you'd like to know what else Evil Beaver has been up to, check out the "Speculation with Spoilers" thread, starting at about page 400.

What ohter evilness is Cassidy Casablancas is responsible for?

[Skyrocket]

Beaver got Angel cancelled but kept Seven Heaven on the air.

[Spud14]

Beaver spilt up Pangea.

He also made me miss the Daily Show and the Colbert Report.

(he actually did that one)

This post has been edited by Spud14: May 10, 2006 @ 7:35 am.

[Crazyrach]

Beaver impregnated Britney Spears.

Beaver killed Kenny.

Beaver is the reason I am going to fail all my finals. (actually true)

[laciet]

This is effing hilarious, so on the topic of his "suits", I say:

Beaver killed Lilly, yeah we thought it was Aaron, but it was just Beaver in his Aaron suit.
And
Beaver also burned down Logan's house and the community pool.
Beaver is the BTK killer.

This post has been edited by laciet: May 10, 2006 @ 8:52 am.

[Peg Amy]

Beaver will soon replace Hitler in Godwin's Law

Beaver is responsible for the deterioration of the level of political discourse in this country.

Beaver is your mother-in-law.

[Drake]

Beaver hates freedom.

[Spud14]

Beaver abducted Tom Cruise.

Beaver started MySpace.

[musetta]

Aww, these make the saddness of Beaver's SL a little easier to take.

Beaver is the King in the Burger King commericals.

Beaver told Kevin Federline to make a record.

Beaver created the CW.

but kept Seven Heaven on the air.

And the only reason it got cancelled this year was that Beaver was to busy blowing up a bus to renew it again.

[maryBK]

Beaver introduced Tom Cruise to Katie Homles.

Beaver told Bush not to worry about New Orleans.

Beaver created Scientology.

Beaver shot JR.

Beaver told Jessica Simpson she could act.

Beaver is the reason gas prices are going up.

Beaver encouraged Mariah Carey to make "Glitter"

Beaver created Dunkin Donut's new slogan, "The world runs on Dunkin" *cringes*

[Porceilain Skin]

Beaver has all the weapons of mass destruction
Beaver killed Felix.
Beaver told Britney Spears to make Crossroads.
Beaver broke up Brad and Jen.
Beaver named Gwen's kid Apple.
Beaver caused WWII.

[i am unoriginal]

Beaver is the devil.
O.K., I really can't top that one.
Wait!
Beaver got Dubya elected. Twice.

This post has been edited by i am unoriginal: May 10, 2006 @ 2:34 pm.

[para]

Beaver wrote the series finale of St. Elsewhere.

Beaver replaced Duncan with an animatronic dummy in Season Two.

Beaver blew up the Challenger.

Beaver founded the IRA, ETA and the Barney Fanclub

Beaver makes the programming decisions over at FOX.

The root of Beaver is 666,666.666 which makes Beaver the root of all evil.

This post has been edited by para: May 10, 2006 @ 3:09 pm.

[kaylasue685]

Beaver sunk the Titanic, I know it seems like the iceberg did it, but that was just Beaver in his iceberg suit.

It was Beaver's idea to wiretap U.S. citizens, not the NSA.

Beaver funded the production of Brown Bunny.

Beaver corresponds with Charles Manson, and has proposed to him twice.

Beaver was the real person that was seen throwing exploding tennis balls at stray cats.

Beaver stole the Lindbergh baby.

According to Kanye West, Beaver also doesn't care about black people.

Beaver's been writing for Desperate Housewives all season.

[Atony]

Beaver stole Christmas and framed the Grinch.

Beaver told George Bush that God wanted him to be president.

Beaver greenlighted Gigli