» Letters to the Supernatural Characters: Text Me Options

[Godmother]

"Ask Dr. Kripkeeeper". Hee!

[ittybit]

efh, you are awesome! This was a good way to start my day. Soooo, can anyone subscribe to Hell's newsletter?

[Anthrophile]

What, do these people want my boys naked all of the time? Humans can be so weird. What else can you find out about these fangirls?

Dear Metallicar,

I think the reason you're somewhat confused is a fundamental difference in our species.

See, when you were just a brand new, shiny little car, you came from a happy place called a factory, where there was a thing called an assembly line where shiny, strong, humming friendly caretakers called robots shaped you, put you together, buffed you up nice. And when you were finished, you were sent to a place called a showroom at a dealership, with all the other new young cars. And then Daddy Winchester saw you, and he loved you so much that he picked you out especially from all the other cars, and he took you home, and you became part of the family.

Now, as for the the fangirls -- well, human people are made very, very differently. And the fangirls who wish to strip your boys naked as the day they were born are having a very natural and beautiful reaction, and without this reaction, well, no one would GET "born," and there would be no more little people things on the planet to drive you around and feed you and wax you up nice and bright. See, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very very much.... er. Well. Hmm. How can I put this?

Scrubs, you're sort of medically inclined, why don't you take it from here.

--A

[TeleRaven]

efh, that was wonderful, glad to give you something to theft! You should re-post that in the fan art section, too.

[Godmother]

Dear Anthrophile,

Thank you for the breakdown. First of all, John wasn't my first owner. He came along a few years after I had left the factory. But I digress.

Honey, I'm owned by Dean Winchester. This means that I know more than I will ever need to know, and more than I want to know, about human hormones and how humans reproduce. Trust me. I'm practically an expert.

And hey, cars get it on, too! It's fun and relaxing. So I hear you sister and I don't fault you!

It's just the whole flailing and gushing and mixing business with pleasure part that I don't get. Plus denying people their coats when it's almost December is just not very good behavior, IMO.

Best regards,

Metallicar

[Anthrophile]

It's just the whole flailing and gushing and mixing business with pleasure part that I don't get.

Metallicar hon,

Mixing...?? I'm confused as to where you're getting the "business" part from?

Oh, you mean YOU GUYS. Oh, okay, I guess I can see how from your point of view this would be "business." Aw. That's freakin adorable, dude.

Glad you're out there,
--A
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Dear Metallicar,

Oh my word. You mean to tell me -- pardon, I... I just... I -- you mean to tell me that Dean, my Dean,... scr... scr.. I can't say it... he... oh, aveverumcorpusnatumdeMariavirgine--

Dean... fornicates... in cars?!

Tackaaaaaay.


Yours prayerfully,
--Dean's Wooden Rosary

P.S. If I weren't already a string of beads I would clutch myself.

[CarsonMcKay]

Rosary,

Dean... fornicates... in cars?!

Hellz yeah!

Dean's Necklace

-------------------------

Rosary,

Where have you been? Hanging out with Dreamcatcher? Our boy Dean isn't as innocent as he looks. What girl wouldn't want to screw Dean in Metallicar?

Guns

-------------------------

Guns,

After creating flow (Alexias was first) and pie charts for each of the boys, a mere .1% of fangirls wouldn't do the boys in Metallicar. You should check out these fangirls, they "squee" over "teh gun porn!!!!11!!!!" Spell checker is going insane over here. Yeah, I know squee isn't a word!

Laptop

[Anthrophile]

Dear Guns,

Yes, but...in a car? A backseat? WIth... with laundry and fast-food wrappers?

Not, indoors? In say, a bed of silken sweetness?

Maybe candle or two? Doesn't have to be a votive, just something nice and scented?

Yours hopefully,
Rosary
------------------------


Dear Necklace,
I think we can prob'ly assume that Rosary is one of them fangirls.
--Rifle

[CarsonMcKay]

Rosary,

I agree! There should also be some Van Morrison playing (My god you two!-Guns). That voice could get me all untied! Well, his and John's voice do that. No one does it in a car anymore, people are more classy than that!

Dreamcatcher

----------------------
Rifle,

Rosary has to be. And, hey! I am sure Metallicar keeps a clean backseat. Laundry get put in with us, believe us, we know. I think I am choking on Dean's Non-Holey Jeans right now.

Guns

-------------------------
Dreamcatcher,

We are classy! Why do you think Rock Salt likes us? Just pop in AC/DC, and get close while riding in the trunk. We enjoy spending time with our girl. That's right, we like spending time. Don't judge or we'll totally rat you out to Metallicar. And, she might just might "full-on Swayze" you to the front of the car, and you don't want grease on your beads.

Guns

[jerslix]

Rosary, dude:

Hey, dude, the back of a vehicle is the natural place for gettin' it on. Granted, it's a little more convenient when your person has plenty of room to stretch out and move around, like in the back of a particularly bitchin' van, but I'm thinking the Metallicar has plenty of room for gettin' it on in her back seat.

You need to relax, dude. Mellow out. You're way too uptight.

Moby Dick's Bong/Dong

[Godmother]

Rosary,

I have bench seats. Humans like that. Plus judging from the sounds they make, my upholstery feels kind of good under their skin.

What are Sam's indecent viewing materials? You mean his Wonder Woman -comics? The ones he keeps behind the left side of my backseat with the Kleenex? Yeah, I can see how those can be viewed as indecent. At least he uses Kleenex, because...human bodily fluids...ew. *stifles gag reflex*

--Metallicar
_______________________________________________

Dreamcatcher,

People don't do it in cars anymore you say? You want to see The List? It's color-coded and everything.

--Metallicar
_________________________________________________

Metallicar,

Oh, The List! Do you still use the gold stars?

-- Holy Water
_________________________________________________

HW,

I ran out. Had to use silver ones instead.

--Metallicar

[Anthrophile]

Dear Holy Water,

I am telling on you.

--Rosary

[Godmother]

Rosary,

To who? About what? Just loosen up will you?

--HW

[Anthrophile]

Dear Somewhat Holyish Water,

I confess I do wonder at your nomenclature, sir. Were I to simply loosen up, as you say, I would come undone. If one stands for nothing, one falls for anything.

Yours Prayerfully,
Rosary

-----------------------
Dear Bong,
Hi! You know... um... some of my best friends are facilitators of illegal substance abuse!

I am trying, really, but this is rather difficult for me. I had a very sheltered life before all this on-the-road business. I grew up surrounded by chaste postcards. Iconography. And grannies. And certain ideas of the way things are supposed to be! And yet the demon banishing and the mini scything -- none of this bothers me! It's just... the squelchy bits... *shudder* I don't get it. All this touching! And threats of touching! And graphic visualization of touching! Of my Dean!

I mean, the last person/shameless creature I saw behaving that way? We exorcised her... bottom.

And we saw that it was good.

Very good.

Oh, I am so confused...

Yours distressedly,
Rosary

-----------------------------


Psst, Holy Water,

I think we've moved away from Fangirl and into full-on Denial.

This oughta be real fun.

--Rifle

[Godmother]

Rosary,

It's ma'am. But I get your point. Should have chosen my words better.

--HW
_____________________________________________________

Rosary,

Hey now, come here. You know you can rest on my mirror anytime. I understand that travleing with us lot can be testing, but it can also be rewarding. We need you to show those demons who's the boss, right? Couldn't do it without you.

I've been doing this for so long that I can hardly remember what it was like not hunting, salting, and burning. I like having you around to remind us that there are still those out there who don't know the things we know. If things get rough, you can count on us to help you through.

As for Dean, it's just best if you accept straight off the bat that the boy ain't no eagle scout. None of the Winchesters are. When John and Mary first got married...damn! I tell you, I had to sit through whole double features at the drive-in more than once....

--Metallicar