» Intervention Options

[zesparkplug]

I could not feel bad for Gabe. I tried. I know he is a desperate, overwhelmed man, but god he was an asshole. How does a grown man get to the point where he genuinely believes it's his parents obligation to bankrupt themselves for him? I honestly wonder what his motives were for agreeing to be on the show. I can't imagine 3 weeks could have helped him that much, and I don't think he would continue therapy. I'm sure he didn't want to have people telling him he had to change his life, so he left. It's sad.

Vanessa, on the other hand, wanted help badly. I was surprised that she left because of insurance, I assumed the cost was being taken care of. I hope at least she is still receiving counseling.

[chitowngirl]

The thing that is most striking to me watching this show (although it's not surprising) is the extent to which the family has enabled the addict. Not caused, but enabled it to continue by supplying them with money, a place to live, drugs (as in the father last week who gave his daughter some pills as she was leaving), etc. I recognize it in my own parents' dealings with a sibling - they have totally supported him for 30 years because they fear what would happen to him if they didn't (like Gabe's parents being afraid that if they cut him off he would kill himself). The addict's sense of entitlement knows no bounds (Gabe) and an addict can manipulate those who care for him to the point where they think it's their fault and start to believe that they aren't good parents if they don't continue to give him vast amounts of money to continue his self-destruction. The parents are almost as addicted to enabling as the addict is to his/her addiction.

I really wonder if his parents were able to cut him off - somehow I don't think so. It's very sad.

This post has been edited by chitowngirl: Mar 13, 2005 @ 11:24 pm.

[Worldyfan]

This show tonight made me want to cry. (I hadn't seen it before.) The pain was so palpable.
Even Gabe broke my heart, although I didn't want to feel that way. There's just something so very tragic that no one could get through to him at all that people can love you AND say no, you can't take me/us down with you.

[nique]

Gabe? Wow. Someone out there feels sorry for this POS? If it wasn't gambling it would probably be something else with this guy. What was up with him and the cell phone ear piece? Like he is someone of importance. Most people try to avoid their creditors when it gets to this point. This guy wants to talk to them. Who was he calling in the middle of the intervention?

I really do not understand why his parents would get themselves to the point of losing their home and $80,000 in debt for this asshole.

Vanessa, such a sweetie. Where to begin. I hope she gets it together. Sort of OT but was that residual talent check for $45k from ER? If she gets that I wonder what the major players are getting.

[Ryanne]

When Gabe was going on and on about how when one decided to have children, it meant supporting them for their entire lives, even if it meant mortgaging the family home, I contemplated having my tubes tied. What a whiny little asshole. How can someone so allegedly intelligent not see the line between taking care of one's children and enabling them. Gah.

[Sea]

I haven't watched the show, just seen the promos, and it looks so depressing. How tough is it to watch?

[lispunk]

I have never felt such incredible hate for someone as I did, tonight, watching Gabe justify his behavior. He thinks that parents should support their children for as long as they are alive? What a deluded freak. I'm thinking his parents made some mistakes raising him that most kids would have been able to overcome, but some wiring in Gabe's brain just is not connected right. I do hope that his parents got the restraining order. He was physically intimidating his mother while she was in her car, and he seemed ready to strike her during the intervention. Scary. Oh, and Gabe, honey? The fees associated with a $2,300 overdraft mean nothing when you already owe $200,000.

This post has been edited by lispunk: Mar 13, 2005 @ 11:28 pm.

[nique]

Had it just been his parents alone doing the intervention I have no doubt that he would have physically attacked both of them. Look at how he pushed up on his mother when he tried to prevent her from driving away.

[chitowngirl]

It is tough to watch - hard to see people so out of touch with reality that they truly believe that they are entitled to have other people save them, just so that they can continue to self-destruct. Gabe's delusional entitlement is more common than one would think, and well meaning families get caught up in it at the beginning and think "well, we'll just loan him a little more money till he gets on his feet," then "well just a little more..." and pretty soon they are hooked - the addict has no plans to get on his feet - he's too happy to have the enabler take that burden from him.

It's a devastating and sad cycle.

[ChocolateCherry]

He thinks that parents should support their children for as long as they are alive?

What really pissed me off was when he blamed his parents for warning his relatives not to give him money. The fact that he wanted to go beyond his immediate family to ask for more money was just mind boggling. When he started talking he made it sound as if he wanted to talk to his family and his parents had made it diffucult, but then he said
"I can't go to them for financial help" or something, At that moment he stepped across the line of redeemable behavior.

[nique]

He said his parents had "poisoned" his relationship with other family members.

One thing the show never really discussed was exactly how he got addicted to gambling.

[jase-bot]

Yes, I missed the first couple of minutes -- did they explain how he got into it after such a promising start?

What really shocked me was the raw look at the way he treated his mother on the street, when she was trying to get into the car. I couldn't believe it. For a grown man to treat his mother that way is truly sad. I couldn't feel sorry for him either. I can only pray they've cut him off, unrealistic as that probably is.

I think someone already mentioned that Vanessa, the other addict, spent a number of years as Nurse Wendy on ER. I referenced it in my first post.

[Scorpio Moon]

I could not feel bad for Gabe. I tried. I know he is a desperate, overwhelmed man, but god he was an asshole.

Word, word, WORD!

I don't feel sorry for his parents either. I suspect Gabe caught on at an early age that being obnoxious and loud would get him whatever he wanted from his parents. They chose to be doormats.

And what makes Gabe look even worse is having his story being told next to Vanessa's who, obviously, has a true chemical imbalance/psychological problem that she just can't control on her own.

[mielikki]

I find it very difficult to feel sorry for Gabe. I don't know if he has "bottomed" yet. I do hope that his parents get help, though. There is help for them, and they need it. They are as sick as he is, and I think they have a chance. I found myself unable to work up much sympathy for Gabe - but if the folks get into whatever program Gambler's Anonymous has that mirrors Alanon - they will be able to break free from the poisonous enabling and maybe help him bottom out. Even if he doesn't, then maybe their life can be less out-of-control. When they say addiction is a family disease, they aren't kidding.

I have been watching the first eps with a bit of a jaded eye, but they have been pretty much spot on, without too much embellishment. I have never been to an actual intervention or treatment centre, but know lots of folks that have. Let's just say that I haven't drank for the last 10 years for some damn good reasons.

Oh, and Angry Candy? If you like BNL's "What a Good Boy", download "Call and Answer".

[mulberry]

Holy hell, Gabe is just insane. But big ups to his friend who said he wanted his shirt and socks back. Hee. Gabe is like a petulant 8 year old. I think being a child genius really just stunted his emotional growth. I want to feel badly for him but mostly I think I'd just hand him a gun and tell him to get it over with. Or at least have him thrown in jail. Jail might do better for him than treatment.

Vanessa was very sympathetic. I did wonder why, after leaving the treatment center, she couldn't set up some kind of trust fund for her money where they paid her bills and just sent her small amounts. Sure it doesn't solve the problem but maybe it gives her enough time to get her other stuff sorted out.