» 3-27: 2004.04.14 Options

[schmanda42]

Did anyone else laugh their ass off when George inhaled the essence of Herbal Essences?

Yeah, but only because it brought to mind Tracy Morgan in an old-ish SNL faux-mercial, for a similarly named bath product, and wherein he keeps rising out of people's bathtubs and piles of fruit.

So It Was Just Me, I take it?

[scotchguard]

The Herbel Essences made me feel like I was committing some sort of crime by watching it. It was two sixteen year olds and a seventeen year old in a bath tub/shower: doesn't that count as some sort of kiddie porn or something?

I enjoyed both John and Jon. Latoya, too. Fantasia did awesome and Jennifer was pretty good too.

I did not particularly like George, which is sad because he rocked so hard last week. Jasmine was very meh and Diana...well...Diana can sing very well but I think a rodent ate her soul or something. Creepy.

My bottom three would be George, Jasmine and Diana. And Diana would get the boot.

Oh, and I appreciated the whole "Ryan-sitting-in-Simon's-lap" fiasco. But that might just be me.

[statichaos]

George: His worst performance, and yet still better than others tonight. Interesting. Oh, and Quentin...I also hated that song until he sang it.

Jennifer: Sister Act II? Okay, maybe one, but two? At any rate, you are the diva all young divas aspire to. Utterly insane, on the verge of a breakdown, and you put it into every performance. Bravo.

JPL: Nice to know he's back. Entertained.

Diana: You know...I was ready to cut her some slack if she chose not to smile through a sad song. Not only did she sing a song I HATE (tm Shack), but she nearly made me long for the original.

Fantasia: Wow, when did I get off this train? Brilliant. True feeling. Awesome interpretation. I didn't get the "yeah, sure" sense when she told Ryan that she was crying because she felt the song. Please stop disrespecting the judges when they critique you; I would love to vote for you with a clear conscience.

Jasmine: You reign as the undisputed queen of this season's meh-ness.

JSIV: Dammit, I enjoyed it. Disclaimer: I have never been able to hear any version of this song without tears welling up in my eyes.

LaToya: That technical side is good. I know you have a personality. Please make me love you.

Quentin Tarantino: Can we combine Randy and Paula's salaries, fire them, and hire him?

Pimpmercial: I would tsk tsk about the women who were all hot and bothered by the underage boy, but found myself strangely drawn to the underage women who I usually HATE (tm Shack again). Bath...mmmm....

[rosaluck]

Do these kids have the lamest taste in movies or what?

Obviously, they don't have me for a mother since I am a film snob and forced my entire family to watch foreign art house films from age five. That is why my grandson is majoring in film at a university right now. What would have been my choice of favorite movie? Broken Blossom because it's a silent movie.

Okay, I liked Fantasia and LaToya. I also liked JPL, not because he's a good Elvis impersonator, but because I miss r & r. This show is pop heavy. I get tired of all the big emotion diva bull, too. I'm with Quentin. Bring on the funk, but not just Fantasia. Everyone.

Poor Teen Martin. He really just doesn't have the chops to pull of the lounge singer bit. But he can't tan. He's a redhead. I can feel for him. I have little melanin, too, and I spent my teen years being asked. "Why are you so white?" As if I deliberately chose skin cancer as a likely future disease.

Anyway, I think the bottom three will be Goerge (whom I usually adore), Jasmine and Diana. I think John Stevens should be in the bottom, but he has the luck of the Irish.

[SusanahDean]

I like "Against All Odds" that being said, I agree this was George's weakest performance but I think it was okay and it ended very well.

I would buy Fantasia's performance as a single and I don't even buy singles. I was in the middle of shoveling pastry into my maw while watching and I literally paused with a piece in my hand after making the trip half way to my mouth. I was frozen in this deer caught in headlights pose for the duration of her performance. All that could be heard was my heart breaking afterward. Bravo!

I would have shitted if I were Jasmine having to follow up after that.

Like many of you have said QT is fugly but he and Simon were so spot on tonight I could forgive his ghastly mug on my teevee set.

Ryan likes to ride Simon's lap. heh

Please Dianna go.

If George goes I will scream bloody murder.

I will just accept that JPL is in this competition and there is nothing I can do about it. The kicker is that I could see myself gettig into him if he had a kick ass band to back him but since he doesn't I dont' want to listen to caterwaul and watch him prance any longer.

If Diana stays, Jasmine should do me the favor of leaving.

The bathtub orgy pornmercial was a bit unsettling.

[SnarklePuss]

Whoever made the comment about George "blowing the other two guys out of the water" last week must've had a psychic vision of this week's pimpmercial!

[statichaos]

I would have shitted if I were Jasmine having to follow up after that.

Heh. Stop stealing my thoughts [tinfoil fedora adjusment]. The moment she was offstage, I thought "Wow, I'd hate to be the poor sunuvabitch who follows that". Then I heard it was Jasmine and laughed and laughed...

[Queen B]

I hate that this is on tonight because I had to wait until The OC was over to post.

First, let me preface this by saying that the telenovela I was watching during commercials was far more entertaining.

What was up with that weird cackle Paula was busting out with when Ryan was intro-ing the judges? Yikes, that was freaky.

Has Randy always been missing that tooth?

So QT used to have significantly less hair. Matty RoseBowl would've been his buuuuuud, then.

Fox had a fucking extra 24 hours and the video still did that weird thing where it basically freezes? Cheap-ass fuckers.

Jennifer's last note sucked.

Were my eyes deceiving me, or did I see Shandi in the audience?

Sadly, neither Jennifer or QT won the crazy eye showdown - JPL took that crown away from both. I guess the dark horse really can win something.

How come "old soul" is an insult towards Diana, but a compliment towards Yawnie?

Why did Fantasia get bang extensions?

Ew, Ryan on Simon's lap. Seriously, what they do in their private time is their business, but please don't drag me in.

That pornmercial was just sick and wrong in so many ways, the least of which none of those guys have enough sex appeal to walk around shirtless. The only good thing about it is that if any of them ever wear mesh shirts, we'll just be thanking [deity] that they have ANY coverage.

Wow, really, that telenovela (Mariana de la Noche), while cheesy as all get out, and me not understanding much of it, was wayyyyyy better than this crapfest.

[Jeebus Shuttlesw...]

Quentin Tarantino is one ugly mofo with an ugly shirt. And all his ideas are ripped off of Hong Kong cinema and blaxpoitation movies.

George: QT says, "You made me forget I hate that song." That's the way I feel. I guess Randy and Paula like George to dip and smile all the time. Bad George, get back in your box! I thought it was great, personally.

Jennifer: Going to the Whitney, I see. Well, she pooed it awf!

JPL: Ugh, I hates the hobbit, but I have to admit this was his best performance ever. Goddamit, he even likes Dead Poets Society. I love that movie. Am I turning into Smeagol? I lovess the hobbit, but I hatesss him because he stole the Precious!

Diana: First of all, Bowfinger? WTF? Second strike was singing that horrible song from the Titanic movie. Third strike was singing it badly. I think this is the end of the line for Dibot.

Fantasia: Excellent, moving performance from her, but best in any season of AI? 5 words for you Randy: Stuff. Like. That. There. Bitch. (not Fantasia, Randy.)

Jasmine: C'mon, did anyone NOT think her favorite movie wouldn't be Lilo and Stitch? Boring rendition of a boring song, just like Dibot. Simon's criticism of the young'uns tonight just proves we need to raise the age limit.

Yawn Stevens: Aw fuck, he finally gets a song in his "box" to sing. He did ok with it. This was his best performance ever, by far, but I still don't think he's deserving of the title. Still, I won't complain if he makes it to next week.

LaToya: QT's criticism of Diana could go here. You hit all the notes but so what? Zzzzzzzz. I want to love Latoya, but she is so deadly dull.

Pornmercial: Please someone kill me. I saw JPL and Stevenzzzzz half naked.

[WanderingSnark]

I have to say that for me this was a pretty damn good night, though I do usually groove on movie night and we have the shit tornados of previous weeks still on our radars so things may be a bit wacky yet.

Since I'm clockin' in late (sorry, had to wait for double OT in the hockey game) just a few quickies in random order cause I'm feelin random today:

I never want to see Jawwwnnn shirtless again *cringe* and also... 16 year olds in simulated bubble baths? Squicked my ass right out...

Quentin = best. guest judge. evar. The first I've seen that wasn't just an echo of another judge and actually had things to say that meant something. Word to the " 'cause asian chicks are hott" comment to Jasmine, that's exactly what I was thinking. I also loved his starting Jawwnnn's comments with "I'm not one of your fans but..." can we please put the dawg to sleep and keep Quentin for the rest of the year? He could even just video-phone in his comments via satellite especially since Randy's been phoning it in since, well, always.

Diana's creators apparently need to work on the volume modulation; it seems once she reaches a certain volume her voice just "snaps in" at the top range and she just wails at that level for the duration of the song. This was the first time ever that I've been so physically affected by a performace. I was so stunned by the prolonged peak volume I couldn't even put together the thought of reaching for my remote. For their own protection my ears overrode my brain and enlisted the involuntary help of my hands. And through my hands even? Still too fucking LOUD!!! Maybe they can upgrade her to D.I.A.N.A. v1.34 before the next show because I think that had to rattle free at least a few circuits. Again thankyou Quentin. And Bowfinger?!?!?! WTF?!?!

George was fighting it hard, and didn't totally accomplish it, but he did do a serious song without being Rubensmiley for the duration. Paula is an idiot and was again seeing colors in people's voices and lights around their heads. She really was a bit hard on poor George. I did love though that George connected with a song because it meant something to him and carried that through in his performance. I think it will land him in the bottom three, but I did like it.

Fantasia HOLY SHIT!! What in THE hell was that?!?!? I mean it was awesome but I still felt a little woozy after it trying to wrap my head around what I just heard. Girl takes giant chances; she's really distancing herself from the field I think. I am truly scared that she looked kinda hawt today; especially in the *shudder* pornmercial with the Bride of Frankenstein streaks in her hair. Hold me mommy; I askeered.

Jennifer Gawwwwdamnnnn... that was really hot, in any other week a show-stopper but not this week with Fanta's performance. Also distancing herself from the pack after a shakey start; she seems to be taking the Kim Locke development program.

Lashundra London Is at best a poor-man's Jennifer or a homeless man's Fantasia or a heroin junkie's Trenyce. She also seems to be showign herself to be nothing more than a more accomplished/polished/mature Jasmine/Diana; she just does zero for me. She really would be ideal for an animated voice over though. Then they can draw her a 'presence' and it wouldn't be like "why the hell does that fish sound like Woody Allen?" It uses her lack of a "style" to her advantage. Oddly enough tonight she seemed to have assimilated Jennifer's ScaryEyes. She also takes over the mantle as the year's Reach toothbrush candidate. Maybe she can be in an animated ad for them 'cause she sure did have that FlipTopHead look to rival Lashundra last year.

ETA:

Diana and Jasmine are boring and quickly growing tiresome.

Add LaToya to that group along with Jawwwn Stevenzz, put on your black turtleneck, and say "Your singing has grown tiresome. Now is the time on Sprokets ven ve daance!" Touch my monkey!!! Love him!!! Thanks for reminding me I wanted to make a Dieter reference.

Diana, LaToya, Jasmine hit the bottom three and D.I.A.N.A. goes back to the shop for repairs.

This post has been edited by WanderingSnark: Apr 15, 2004 @ 12:25 am.

[AgentX]

I was a bit puzzled by all the weird choices of movie favourites, but then thinking about it I was wondering maybe FOX wasn't able to secure the rights to show clips of some movies. Making the contestants choose from an already approved list, and making them seem like they don't get out much. I mean seriously...Sister Act 2???

[boomersmommy]

It looked like Simon was copping a feel between Paula's legs when Ryan introduced the judges. Did anybody else notice that?

I was late starting to watch tonight, so I missed this. Did he come back out with cobwebs on his hand? Please tell me there were cobwebs.

I really liked Fantasia tonight. I was worried that there would be a big emphasis on SHummertime, but her SH sound was not as noticeable as the night she sang
"Shumpin to Talk About." I think she picked a perfect song for her voice and it was nice to see her without so much attitude but not completely boring.

George is still my man, especially after doing the song me and my ex-sweetie danced to back in the 1980s. Damn, I'm old. Did somebody say cobwebs?

JPL needs to go now, as do the PPPs. JSIV was quite good, voice went with the song, but he just doesn't seem to fit here either.

[nowrite2000]

That pornmercial needs its own thread. Seriously, that was unbelievable.

I loved George sniffing the shampoo as if it were a steaming bowl of jambalaya, and the image of John Peter Lewis frosting Jasmine’s hair with a cheap, plastic spaghetti fork will remain burned in my retinas until the day I die.

I swear to you I thought the censors had applied a gaussian blur to John Stevens’ chest. It was so colorless and amorphous that I was searching desperately for a nipple to reorient my vision, but alas, the pale light was too great--it was like looking for a pair of pennies in a snowstorm.

How low will these things go? I suggest a group coffee enema for next week, brought to you by Folgers.

[pablito]

I have been reluctantly backing Fantasia since her semifinal (attitude grates but the voice gets me on her side) performance and while many think that Summertime was an amazing performance, I wasn't completely wowed. Summertime is one of my favorite songs when sung well but it is so perfectly suited for Fantasia that I feel that she actually sang a "safe" song this week. Her whole hand gesture thing was just too damn distracting. And wow I agree that Latoya is channeling Trenyce after seeing Latoya tonight.

[bialystock]

So I watched the show, wrote a brief post, had dinner with a friend, read all the accumulated posts for tonight, and it's not quite midnight. Gotta love the central time zone.

Overall, I think tonight was the best final show (of this season) so far. No ear splittingly bad moments, no horrible discomfort on the part of the performers. Of course, it helps that Leah and Camile are both gone. But still.

Call me a fool but I liked George's performance. I missed last season -- make that, I didn't watch last season -- so I never saw Corey Clark's rendition, or knew it existed. But I pretty much hate this song, and hate Phil Collins's version (yes, I know he wrote it, but I can still hate his version), and I didn't hate George's version. I agree with Simon? Quentin? who said, You made me forget how much I hate this song.

Wasn't really taken with Quentin Tarantino. I didn't expect him to really critique anything, despite his image, so I wasn't surprised. But the only negative comments he gave were to Diana, and they were simply a retread of what Simon's been saying for the past few weeks. To paraphrase, You said the words, but so what? I mean, he liked Jasmine and told John his performance was terrific. I agree he was more erudite than Ashhole and Simpleton, and since I didn't see last season, I haven't seen many guest judges. But if you're gonna be a bad boy, be bad, boy.

I'm not on the Fantasia train tonight. I've liked her in the past -- my favorite performance is probably You Were Always On My Mind -- but this one was pretty predictable to me. I've seen it a million times. After you've heard Dinah Washington sing the song, why bother with anyone else" I guess I'm just bitter because she didn't sing Goldfinger, which she could have worked the hell out of. But I guess there's difficulty getting the rights to Bond themes. Or so I've read.

jaaason sez:

I have a question for all you anti-Fantasiac's out there: What don't you like about her? I mean, she reminds me of Stephanie Mills. She's slightly shrill, but she's OK.

As I said, I'm no anti-Fantasiac, but he's summed up my point perfectly. 1) Been listening to much Stephanie Mills lately? Me neither. 2) She's OK.

After tonight, JPL (who QT also liked) and JSIV ain't going anywhere. Their People were mad for their performances.

What the heck was with all the Disney Animated movie choices?

This has already been discussed, but this is what happens when you have a bunch of 12 year olds on the show. Was The Wiz the oldest movie mentioned?

The pornmercial made me once again regret the demise of Matt Metzger. I mean, he can't sing, but at least he has hair on his chest. But isn't as creepy as Matt Rogers. Who could be related to purported guest judge Ron Jeremy.

I finally figured out what went down with George Bush's "press conference" last night. It was specifically scheduled to conflict with American Idol, in a deal brokered by Rupert Murdoch, so that the result show would be bumped back to tomorrow night, as a lead-in for Tamyra's appearance on Tru Calling. Simply brilliant.